Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“Volcano” – Episode 16
Written by Tom Wyner
Transcription by Brandon Williams

–
Kelly: Ah, what a beautiful island. Really. It’s so relaxing and peaceful. I love it here.

Kid: Let’s go in that steaming pool, mom!

Kelly: Huh?

Mom: That’s not a pool, dear. It’s a volcanic hot spring.

Kid: C’mon! Let’s go in!

Mom: Maybe after lunch, dear. Now let’s go find your sister.

Kelly: Volcanic hot spring? That’s wonderful! They say hot springs are very good for your health. The hot water will be so relaxing, I can hardly wait! Heh, heh, heh! Ahhh… Oh. It’s not hot at all. Excuse me, but I thought this was supposed to be a hot spring. This water’s only luke warm.

Hotel Worker: Really sorry.

Kelly: What’s the problem? Why don’t you just turn up the temperature? Listen, I know what a hot spring’s supposed to feel like and this one isn’t nearly hot enough. Now there’s gotta be a way to adjust the temperature in here… Or do I have to call the manager?

Worker: Honestly ma’am, I don’t know how to adjust it, but I’ll go ask at the front office.

Kelly: Good. I’m not here for a bath.

Gas Skunk: Megatron said there’s some kind of huge underground energy source on this island, but it looks like there’s nothing much down here but a bunch of smelly old rocks.

Slapper: So what kind of energy are we looking for?

Gas Skunk: I don’t know, but there must have been an awful lot of it to have shown up on this geo-scan energy detector.

Dark Scream: Yeah, but why us? Why not send the Decepticons?

Gas Skunk: Megatron never sends them out on the tough missions. You know that.

Slapper: Those good for nothin’s… They get all the easy ones.

Dark Scream: While we get all the dirty work. It just isn’t fair anyway.

Slapper: Where’s Sky-Byte? Why isn’t he here down with us?

Gas Skunk: He’s on guard duty with Scourge just incase the Autobots show up.

Slapper: What now, it’s a dead end! There must’ve been a cave-in. Those rocks are blocking the tunnel. We can’t get through.

Dark Scream: Don’t worry, my laser will blast those rocks out of the way.

Gas Skunk: Go Screamer, blast ’em into sub-atomic particles!

Dark Scream: Center laser!

Gas Skunk: Look, another tunnel.

Slapper: Way to go, Dark Scream! Maybe it’ll lead us to the energy we’re looking for. Let’s go take a look.

Gas Skunk and Dark Scream: Huh?

Slapper: What’s going on?!

Gas Skunk: Ah, go away! Get off of me!

Slapper: Get outta my face, you little pests!

Dark Scream: We won’t find anything with these things around.

Gas Skunk: Let’s scare ’em off with our attack!

Slapper: Right laser!

Gas Skunk: Left laser!

Dark Scream: Center laser!

Slapper: What’s making that rumbling sound?!

Gas Skunk: Ain’t my stomach!

[Transition]

Tourist: Does it always do that?

Hotel Worker: Not always, but there are minor eruptions from time to time. Nothing to worry about, sir. Huh?! What are they doing here?!

[Transition]

T-AI: I’ve got Predacon and Decepticon activity!

Optimus: What are they up to? What’s the location, T-AI?

T-AI: They’re on Montrose Island!

Optimus: Hmmmm, what could they want there?

T-AI: Let’s see. It’s a volcanic island and there’s nothing there but a luxury resort.

Optimus: Megatron probably thinks that he can tap into the energy inside that volcano. If he tries, it will erupt and wipe out the resort. Contact the Spychangers and have them meet me in transit.

T-AI: No problem. Spychangers, this is a battle protocol alert! Do you copy?

WARS: We’re on it, T-AI. We’ll meet Optimus at quadrant five.

T-AI: Hot Shot, do you copy?

Hot Shot: I’m all over it, and under it too.

T-AI: Crosswise?

Crosswise: Transmission received. I’m on my way.

T-AI: REV?

REV: I thought you’d never ask!

Optimus: Keep the comm line open. I’m outta here.

Spychangers: Spychangers, reporting for duty!

Optimus: T-AI, I’ve hooked up with the Spychangers. Raise the global space bridge Carribean link.

T-AI: No problem!

[Transition]

Slapper: Yeargh! I think it’s finally over.

Gas Skunk: We still haven’t found any energy.

Dark Scream: What’s that?

Gas Skunk: Something’s coming down the tunnel. What is that, molten lava?

Slapper: Let’s get outta here!

Dark Scream: It’s catching up to us!

Slapper: We can run a lot faster in beast mode!

Gas Skunk: Right!

[Commercial]

Kelly: I wish they’d turn up the temperature. It’s barely warm. Huh? Well, what do you know? They finally took care of it. It’ll get nice and hot now! Oh, this is heavenly. Now I can really relax and enjoy myself. How lovely. Thanks for turning up the temperature. It’s nice and hot.

Hotel Worker: I really didn’t do anything, but I’m glad you’re enjoying it.

Kelly: But if you didn’t turn it up, someone must have, because the water’s getting warmer by the minute. What’s going on?

Hotel Worker: I have no idea, but have a nice day!

Optimus: Optimus Prime, transform!

Sky-Byte: Good, Optimus and the Spychangers have arrived. I have a score to settle with that four-alarmed freak. Leave him to me.

Scourge: Why should I?

Sky-Byte: Why? Because I was battling Optimus while you were still in stasis.

Scourge: Not good enough, Predacon. When Optimus Prime is eliminated, it will be by my hand, not yours.

Sky-Byte: No! Optimus is mine! Welcome, Optimus. I’ve composed a Haiku especially for this occassion.

Blasted into dust Optimus Prime is destroyed Day of reckoning

Optimus: I don’t think so.

Sky-Byte: You’ve defeated me many times, but today you’re the one who’s going to lose.

Scourge: Enough talk. Barrage Attack! Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Sky-Byte: I already told you Optimus was mine, Scourge. How dare you interfere with my attack.

Scourge: I was getting bored with your babbling, Predacon. I have no time for this.

Optimus: I’ve got to put out this fire. Deploy water missiles, maximum dispursal!

Scourge: Hmmm… Not bad.

Sky-Byte: His Autobot tricks won’t save him. I’ll send him into oblivion!

Optimus: If you two insist on fighting us, name the time and the place. But not here and not now. That volcano is already unstable. If it is hit by a missile cell or a laser beam, it’s likely erupt, which would endanger the lives of everyone on this island. A battle here is too risky.

Scourge: Why should I care what happens to the humans? I am a Decepticon warrior. My only concern is defeating my enemy.

Sky-Byte: Well, we finally found something to agree on. Human suffering is of no consequence. Their lives are meaningless. This battle will take place whether you like it or not and you and your friends will be destroyed!

Optimus: We have no choice. We’ll have to fight and protect these people at the same time.

[Transition]

T-AI: Oh no… Optimus, we’ve got a problem! Something’s happening inside the volcano! The lava’s about to overflow. If you use the Blizzard Storm, you might be able to freeze it before it gets out.

Optimus: Understood, T-AI. Hot Shot, we’ve got to keep them away from that volcano. You and the Spychangers keep them busy while I try to stop that lava flow.

Hot Shot: You heard what the boss said…

WARS: Let’s do it.

Hot Shot: Transform!

WARS: Transform!

Ironhide, Crosswise and REV: Transform!

Hot Shot: Circle sneer, go!

Scourge: What’s this, more Autobot tricks?

Sky-Byte: So you want to play, do you? Very well. Shark Spike!

Scourge: Sword of Fury!

Optimus: Optimus Prime, battle mode! I’ve got to freeze that lava. Blizzard Storm! Ah!

T-AI: Optimus, what happened? Are you all right? The lava’s still rising. Use the Blizzard Storm!

Optimus: T-AI, we have an even bigger problem. The Decepticons.

Mega-Octane: You’re finished, Autobot. Twin lasers!

Hot Shot: Hot Shot, fire blaster!

Armorhide: Plasma morter!

Sky-Byte: Tsunami Blaster!

REV: Transform! REV, fire blaster!

Scourge: Laser Assault!

Crosswise: Hit ’em fast and hit ’em hard.

Rollbar: Cannon laser!

Ro-Tor: Ro-To gun!

Movor: Wing lasers!

Hot Shot: Mirage, keep Scourge away from Optimus. Transform!

Mirage: Right. I’m on it.

Scourge: You’re not the one I want.

Mirage: What the? Optimus, heads up.

Optimus: This had better work, or that lava will melt everything in its path.

T-AI: Optimus, we’re running out of time! The volcano’s gonna blow!

Optimus: Be with you in a minute, T-AI!

Scourge: Too late, Optimus. You’ll never stop it now. Barrage Attack! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. One more salvo will finish you. This island will be your grave, Optimus Prime.

WARS: Got him, Optimus. Go ahead.

Optimus: Thanks, WARS. Target: center of the lava. Targetting acquired. Blizzard Storm! Bullseye.

T-AI: The lava’s been frozen into ice! It worked, Optimus.

Optimus: Check your monitors. If there’s a pressure build up, there might be more lava on the way.

T-AI: You’re right, Optimus. We still have a problem.

Optimus: What?

T-AI: Your ice plug will stop in eight minutes, then there’ll be nothing to stop the lava from covering the island!

Optimus: Thanks for the info, T-AI.

Scourge: Out of my way! So Optimus, back for more, I see. Why did you oblige? Laser Barrage!

Optimus: Pulse cannon!

[Transition]

Gas Skunk: If we don’t go faster, my tail’s gonna melt!

Slapper: That stuff will turn us all into slag!

Dark Scream: Keep running!

[Commercial]

Mega-Octane: Transform! Armorhide, Rollbar, switch to robot mode.

Armorhide: Transform!

Rollbar: Transform!

Mega-Octane: Ro-Tor, Movor!

Ro-Tor: Ro-Tor, transform!

Movor: Movor, transform! Laser blaster!

Ro-Tor: Right!

Mirage: You’ll have to do better than that!

Mega-Octane: Twin Lasers!

REV: They’re still coming!

WARS: All right, that’s it.

Mega-Octane: Decepticons, combine!

Commandos: Yessir!

Ruination: Combiner mode completed.

WARS: I don’t like the looks of this.

Ruination: Ruination, multi-rapid fire!

Hotel Worker: We’ve got to evacuate! Keep moving!

Kelly: Wow, this is great. And it looks like I have it all to myself. How wonderful.

Sky-Byte: I’ve been inspired to write a new Haiku.

Scourge and Optimus What an opportunity Two birds with one stone

Tsunami Blaster!

T-AI: Optimus, the ice plug’s gone! The volcano is going to erupt!

Optimus: How long do we have, T-AI?

T-AI: Two minutes or less!

Sky-Byte: Actually, your time just ran out. Shark Missile! Now that’s what I call a celebrity roast!

Scourge: Nothing can stop it now.

Optimus: Take out Ruination first. Then we’ll deal with the lava.

Spychangers: Roger!

Hot Shot: Transform! You heard the man, let’s go get ’em!

Spychangers: Transform!

Hot Shot: The bigger they are…

WARS: The harder they fall.

Hot Shot: Timber! Oohh, that must’ve hurt.

WARS: That takes care of Frankenstein, now what about that lava?

REV: We’ve gotta make sure to keep the lava away from those people. We’ll use the rocks to build a blockcade.

[Transition]

Kelly: Ugh, this water’s so hot that I feel like a boiled potato! They turned the temperature up way too high. Would it be so embarassing to go ask that nice young man to turn it down? Since I was the one that asked him to turn it up in the first place. Maybe it’ll cool down…

Ruination: So the Autobots have build a blockcade to protect the humans. Anything they can build I can destroy. And then that lava will cover the entire island. Ruination, rapid fire!

Optimus: Ruination! Why did you destroy that barracade? The lava will melt you along with everything else!

Ruination: Speak for yourself, Autobot. I will survive.

Sky-Byte: In a few seconds, Optimus Prime will be prime roast. How delicious!

Scourge: Sky-Byte! You were aiming at me aswell as Optimus.

Sky-Byte: What? How can you say such a thing, Scourge? I was shooting at Optimus, not you.

Scourge: If you ever try that again you’ll regret it.

Sky-Byte: You dare threaten me!

Dark Scream: That was close!

Gas Skunk: Why is it so hot all of a sudden?

Optimus: Scourge is right. There’s no way to stop it!

Hot Shot: Optimus, we don’t have to stop it, just change where it’s headed.

Optimus: Of course, but how, Hot Shot?

Hot Shot: The Spychangers will carve a channel to the ocean with our Inferno Blast.

Optimus: Do it, and quickly.

Hot Shot: Roger!

Gas Skunk: At least we’re safe now. Aaaah!

Slapper: It’s following us almost as if…

Dark Scream: …It’s alive!

Sky-Byte: Running away again? Is that all the three of you can do? I order you to turn around and fight, you cowards!

Dark Scream: That’s easy for you to say, Sky-Byte. You can fly! My wings are only good for gliding. On the other hand, maybe if I tried really hard…

Sky-Byte: Forget about the lava! Attack the Autobots!

Slapper: Slapper, terrorize!

Gas Skunk: Gas Skunk, terrorize! Left laser!

Slapper: Right laser!

Scourge: The Spychangers are concentrating only on the Predacons. Well here’s a little surprise for them. Barrage Attack!

Hot Shot: Tighten up the formation, guys. Inferno Blast in ten seconds!

Sky-Byte: Your Barrage Attack almost hit us, Scourge.

Scourge: What goes around comes around, Sky-Byte.

Hot Shot: Crosswise, take point for Inferno Blast.

Crosswise: Roger.

Hot Shot: Energize.

Spychangers: Roger!

Hot Shot: Inferno Blast activating. Pedals to the metal, guys. That lava is right behind us and we’ve gotta cut this ditch all the way into the ocean.

Crosswise: Those mountains are gonna slow us down. I’m going around ’em.

Optimus: Gyro Strike!

Ruination: What’s happening? All… my systems… are shutting… down…

Optimus: Status report!

Hot Shot: We’re doing fine. WARS, what’s our ETA?

WARS: 19.2 seconds.

Crosswise: We’ve never used the Inferno Blast for this long before. My engine’s going red line.

Mirage: We can’t quit now, we’re almost there. On your mark, WARS.

WARS: Ten seconds to peel off. Alternating left and right peel off. Now!

Gas Skunk: We did it! We beat the lava!

Sky-Byte: Incoming! Dive! Dive!

Scourge: Have a nice swim, Predacons.

[Commercial]

Optimus: Thanks for your help, gentlemen.

Hot Shot: Optimus, the Spychangers will always be ready for action. Whenever you need us.

Optimus: I couldn’t have done it without you.

Mirage: We were happy to help. Spychangers…

Crosswise: We’re the best! Right, guys?

Spychangers: Yeah! We did it!

Kelly: Just a little bit longer. I may never get another chance to relax in a volcanic hot spring, I should make it last as long as I can. OWWWW! Okay, I think I’ve relaxed long enough.

Hotel Worker: Huh? Yow! Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! It’s boiling hot!

Kelly: Thanks for turning it up for me. Bye now.

Hotel Worker: Miss! Miss, hey… Are you all right? Is there anything I can do for you?

Kelly: Does your kitchen have a walk-in freezer?

[End]

Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“Commandos” – Episode 15
Written by Marc Handler
Transcription by Brandon Williams

–
Scourge: Megatron, we’re ready to move. Now you will be able to see the new Commandos in action.

Megatron: If they take out this target then soon we will take this planet. But these Decepticons better do the job, Scourge.

Scourge: They will strike like a fist of steel. Nothing can stop them. Mega-Octane has twin laser cannons. Ro-Tor has sting blades. Armorhide has plasma morters. Rollbar is all-terrain terror.

Rollbar: Wahhooo!

Scourge: Movor, air attack. Together they’re all action. Overwhelming power, applied with absolute and devastating precision and all to serve you, Megatron.

Megatron: Hydro-electric dams. These humans are completely dependent on the energy they produce.

Scourge: That’s why we’ll destroy their dams one at a time.

Megatron: They’ll have to surrender… on our terms… And of course you know what our terms will be now, do you? Absoulte domination of this planet!

Scourge: We will carry out your plan with unwaivering dedication. Hail Megatron!

Megatron: I like the way you operate, Scourge. As for you, Sky-Byte…

Sky-Byte: Ugh?

Megatron: There must be something you can do to keep busy while the Decepticons are reeking glorious destruction.

Sky-Byte: Ergghhh.

[Transition]

T-AI: The dam they destroyed was in a remote location. I don’t know why they chose it.

Optimus: It was a practice run. A successful one. The next target will be a damn many people are dependent on.

T-AI: I’ll do a data search for dams near population centres.

Optimus: Send patrols out to protect them. This is a powerful enemy. I’ve never seen commandos destroy a target so forcefully. Autobots, full alert!

T-AI: No problem. Calling all Autobots! Emergency alert, please respond!

[Transition]

Dark Scream: This is heavy!

Gas Skunk: Quit complaining.

Sky-Byte: Have you lost your minds? What do you think you’re doing?

Gas Skunk: What do you think? Duh! We’re here to help Scourge with his new plan.

Sky-Byte: So he gets the glory while we get the trash detail, is that it? I have a better idea…

Slapper: What? Act like Autobots?!

Gas Skunk: Autobots?! I can’t do that goodie-good junk they do, just forget it!

Sky-Byte: Good guys are overrated. It’s easy to do those things. We’ll get Scourge and the Autobots to destroy each other and we’ll be the only ones left!

Slapper: Whoa, that means we’ll be the best team.

Sky-Byte: Yes, if we’re the only team that does follow. Now don’t get overheat your little toad brain, all right? We must keep this a secret from Megatron. We’ll dress up like Autobots so no one will know.

Slapper: We’ll be in disguise? Cool!

Sky-Byte: We’ll wreck Scourge’s plan and blame the Autobots so he’ll go after them. And we’ll sit back as the bolts start flying!

Gas Skunk: That’s really sneaky, Sky-Byte, but we’ve gotta figure out what kind of costumes we’re gonna wear.

Slapper: Well, if we’re gonna dress up like Autobots, then I’m gonna look like Optimus Prime! Yeah, that’s it!

Gas Skunk: No, I’m gonna be Optimus Prime! I’ll have a red helmet and a siren…

Dark Scream: I’ll be Optimus Prime, I want him!

Sky-Byte: Stop this nonsense! If you had any brains you’d be dangerous. I, of course, shall be Optimus Prime.

Slapper: Well, ain’t that just Prime.

[Transition]

Lady: Well, this is it. The biggest dam in the whole region.

Koji: Yeah, it’s humungous!

Lady: When the water goes through, it turns the turbines and sends electric power to thousands of people. That electricity helps us to run our televisions and computers.

Koji: So the hotel that we’re staying at gets its power from here, right?

Lady: Yes, the whole city does. And lots of other cities, too. Without dams like this, we really would be in the dark.

Koji: Can we go inside?

Lady: Sure. I’ll show you the turbines and you can see how everything works.

Koji: All right!

X-Brawn: Been on patrol all day and all I’ve seen are lizards and catcus… And not too many of them. Oh well. Whoa, what have we here? X-Brawn, transform!

Scourge: Scourge, transform!

Mega-Octane: Mega-Octane, transform!

Armorhide: Armorhide, transform!

Rollbar: Rollbar, transform!

X-Brawn: Eat plasma, ya varmints!

Slapper: Aha, they’re doin’ it, Sky-Byte. Should we put our costumes on now?

Sky-Byte: Not so fast. Let them do a little damage first, then we can make our move.

Slapper: Hey, hey!

Mega-Octane: Twin Lasers!

X-Brawn: Yeehaw! Whoa there, partner. You’re gonna dent my fenders.

Scourge: Loser. You’re going for a swim.

X-Brawn: Whoa, I ain’t a lasso, y’know! Okay, I can handle this. Broadstroke… Swim, swim, swim, swim, swim, swim, swim… uh oh. Right, again. Swim, swim, swim, swim, swim! Man!

Scourge: Problem solved. I want precise execution of this operation.

Three Commandos: Yessir!

Slapper: You gotta admit, Scourge has a cool attitude.

Dark Scream: Yeah, and I like that whirling over his head thing… What do you call that?

Gas Skunk: I dunno, but I’m taking notes. I wanna learn that.

Sky-Byte: Fools, are you going to admire him or stop him?!

Rollbar: All clear. C’mon back!

Koji: Oh no! It’s the Decepticons! Man, I’ve gotta tell Optimus Prime! Optimus, listen!

Optimus: I’m here. What is it, Koji?

Koji: I’m at the Sherman Dam near the Los Bogus desert resort. There are Decepticons popping up all over!

Optimus: I’ll send the Autobots immediately. We’ll get you out of there. For now, lay low.

Koji: Uhh… right!

Optimus: But X-Brawn’s over there… How did they get past him?

T-AI: I don’t know. He’s offline. I can’t reach him.

Optimus: Send Sideburn and Prowl. Have them use the global space bridge.

T-AI: No problem.

Optimus: I’m on my way.

[Transition]

Scourge: Remember, move with maximum stealth. Strike with maximum power. Destroy the dam, now!

Mega-Octane: Understood.

Sky-Byte: You want to wreck the dam and get all the credit and I don’t think so! Autobots, attack!

Slapper: BAAAHHH! Hey, you bad guys!

Dark Scream: You won’t get past us Autobots!

Gas Skunk: We’re protecting this dam!

Mega-Octane: We’re under fire!

Ro-Tor: Look out!

Slapper: Ha! Hey, I like being a good guy, as long as I can blow things up.

[The Morons begin to yell and scream to taunt the Decepticons.]

Sky-Byte: Silence! I’m Optimus Prime, I told you that!

Slapper: Whoa, check him out. He really went all out.

Gas Skunk: We’ve got four Optimus Primes here.

Dark Scream: It’s kind of… embarassing, you know!

Mega-Octane: Autobot scum!

Scourge: No, I’ll take care of this diversion. Execute the mission.

Slapper: Whoa, we really ticked him off and he’s coming this way! On second thought, you guys can be Optimus Prime!

Sky-Byte: Exit, stage left!

Gas Skunk: Don’t leave without me! Wait up!

Sideburn: There’s the dam!

Prowl: But where are the Decepticons?

Scourge: Right here.

Prowl: You’re under arrest.

Scourge: Fools. Ambush… shoot at my Commandos? That’s a big mistake.

Sideburn: What? We didn’t fire a shot!

Scourge: Now you’re leaving. Sword of Fury!

Sideburn: Sideburn, transform!

Prowl: Prowl, transform! Fusion Flame!

Sideburn: Gotcha now!

Scourge: Barrage! You are scrap.

Sideburn: Not so rough! Dude… We gotta get back up there!

Prowl: This is the stroke they teach at the academy.

Sideburn: So much for police training, huh?

Prowl: We need to upgrade our underwater instruction.

X-Brawn: Howdy hombres!

Sideburn: What are you doing down here? I thought you were on patrol, bro.

X-Brawn: A little run-in with an extra large Decepticon. Mean sucker, too.

Prowl: We need a new underwater procedure manual.

Sideburn: Can we just drop the police routine for once?

X-Brawn: ‘Fraid we’re gonna have to wait this one out, armanos.

Sideburn: We must have some options.

X-Brawn: Sure we do! I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with ‘f.’

Sideburn: Oh, I hate that game. How about we play a round of Old Maid instead, huh?

Prowl: Don’t encourage him, X-Brawn, y’know next thing you know he’ll be down here playing Go Fish!

Sideburn (very sarcastically): HA HA HA HA HA!

Mega-Octane: Commander Scourge, mission accomplished. We’re in place. The bombs are set. Just give the order.

Scourge: Excellent. Megatron, ready to destroy the dam.

Megatron: Good. Now I will let the humans know exactly what they’re up against.

Sky-Byte: Quickly, Dark Scream. Install this transmitter on the bomb detonator.

Dark Scream: All right!

Sky-Byte: Ha, ha, ha, ha. Won’t Scourge be surprised when he finds out that I’ve taken control of all of those bombs!

Optimus: Optimus Prime, transform! Prowl… Sideburn… Where are you? Come in! T-AI, Autobot Brother status.

T-AI: They arrived at the dam, but I lost contact right afterward.

Optimus: Ugh, now I see. Dark Scream, touch this dam and you and your Predacons are history!

Dark Scream: You and your Auto-chumps are the ones who are going to get slugged! Scourge is looking for you, Optimus! Ha, ha, ha, ha!

[Transition]

Man in background: Make me a wealthy man, hooo!

Kelly: C’mon, baby needs a new pair of shoes! Now be good to mama!

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, it’s showtime!

Kelly: Hmmmm… What’s the show?

Megatron: Listen and listen carefully. You pitiful humans are entirely dependant on electrical energy. Without it, you are completely defenseless. I will destroy this dam in three minutes, then I’ll destroy every dam on Earth until you surrender totally! You enjoy the show.

Kelly: But… What about my vacation?!

T-AI: T-AI to Optimus, urgent report!

Optimus: What is it?

T-AI: The dam’s going to explode. Megatron planted pulsar bombs with a remote detonator.

Optimus: Yes, I see that. One of them is the main relay. But which one? I’ve got to get closer. Transform! No good. I can’t reach it. We need another way to stop it.

Megatron: 8… 7… 6… 5…

Kelly: This guy is out of his mind!

Megatron: 4… 3… 2… 1! Now you will witness my power. Scourge, you may destroy the dam.

Scourge: What?

Mega-Octane: Isn’t it supposed to blow up?

Scourge: Don’t even go there…

Sky-Byte: It didn’t go boom, I wonder why. Don’t you just hate it when that happens?

Megatron: Why is that dam still there?! Destroy it!

Man: Is this like a joke or something?

Kelly: Yeah, I think it really is some kind of show.

Megatron: Scourge, you fool, do you realize how bad this looks? I’m striking fear into the hearts of the humans! Now what’s going on?!

Scourge: Uhhh… Technical glitch. Sorry. Please stand by.

Sky-Byte: Or you can let me take command. I’ve got it wired, Megatron. Just say the word and I’ll blow that dam sky high!

Megatron: Now you’re talking my language. Have a blast, Sky-Byte.

Sky-Byte: Am I a genius or what? He’ll never trust Scourge again. The shark is back on top!

Megatron: As I said, that dam is mine. In five seconds it will destroyed and you humans will beg for mercy! 3… 2… 1!

Sky-Byte: Zero.

Optimus: Yaahhh!

Sky-Byte: Noooo!

Megatron: Someone will pay for this! They are all going to feel my wrath!

Kelly: I like that line. “They are all going to feel my wrath.” Who wrote this script, somebody’s finacee?

Sideburn: What is that thing?

Prowl: A remote device. What could its function be?

X-Brawn: Hmmmm… Could we use it to order some barbecue?

Sideburn: Why don’t you push the button and find out. Maybe it’ll have a cute delivery van.

Prowl: Police manual, section one. Never push a button unless you know what it does.

X-Brawn: Right…

Sideburn: Whatever.

Megatron: I can’t believe I trusted you, Sky-Byte! You made me look like an idiot! It’s terrible, people are laughing at me!

Sky-Byte: He came out of nowhere like lightning! It was Optimus Prime!

Megatron: Ah! Not Prime again! No, I can’t stand it! Ughh, I’ve got this under control. Scourge, you’re going to blow up that dam now, understand? I don’t care how. Blast it with your lasers, burn it with your flame throwers, rip it apart with your bare hands! Just make it your way!

Scourge: We can do that.

Mega-Octane: Twin Lasers!

Koji and Lady: Ah!

Optimus: I’ve got to stop them.

Koji: Power’s going out!

Kelly: C’mon, I’ve gotta win something! Let’s go baby, you can do it! Yeah! AHHHHH!

Scourge: I’ve been waiting for you, Prime.

Optimus: Then you’ve been waiting for trouble!

Scourge: Decepticons, get ready to take out the Autobot Brothers!

Commandos: Yessir!

Optimus: You’ll never pull this off.

Scourge: Ah, but we will.

X-Brawn: They’ve busted the dam!

Sideburn: Somebody throw me an inner tube!

X-Brawn: We’ve got a greeting party here, amigos. Get ready to fight.

Sideburn: Fight? I can barely stay afloat!

Optimus: Autobots, consider yourselves a wrecking crew! ] Prowl: You got it!

X-Brawn: Little bit wet for a wrecking crew, but we get the idea, Optimus.

Sideburn: If I wreck this thing we’re both gonna sink!

Prowl: You’re headed for the junk pile, buddy!

Scourge: Movor, Ro-Tor, air attack!

Movor: Yessir!

Ro-Tor: Yessir!

Sideburn: Man, they’ve got air support. We need some back up! Hello!

Midnight Express: Midnight Express, transform!

Rapid Run: Rapid Run, transform!

Railspike: Railspike, transform!

Movor: Movor, transform!

Ro-Tor: Ro-Tor, transform!

Sky-Byte: Ah, all in one place for tonight’s main event.

Gas Skunk: Yeah, ringside seats. Who’s got popcorn?

Slapper: I wonder who’s gonna win… And who’s going to be the big loser!

Sky-Byte: If they’re both losers that makes us the winners! All we have to do is fire indiscriminately [and] we’re bound to take them out! They’ll never know what hit them. Sheer poetry!

Dark Scream: I think I like it. Wipe out the Autobots and the Decepticons at the same time! Yes!

Gas Skunk: You’re really twisted, Sky-Byte. It’s inspiring.

Sky-Byte: Megatron respects power. A bold move like that is exactly what he likes. Two birds with one stone!

Gas Skunk: There’s a whole lotta birds down there and they’re all sitting ducks!

Scourge: Sword of Fury! I’ll have to take out this dam myself. Full power.

Optimus: It’ll never happen!

Rapid Run: We’re outnumbered… And these guys have got some major fire power.

Railspike: Perhaps…

Rapid Run: Link up!

Trains: Bullet Fusion Mode!

Rail Racer: Rail Racer, triple power, online!

Sideburn: All right, Rail Racer, let’s put together some major diesel power!

Scourge: Decepticons, begin the counter attack… Now.

Mega-Octane: Yessir. Combine.

Ruination: Ruination, awaken!

Sideburn: Man, those guys are able to combine!

X-Brawn: Big time.

Sideburn: Their’s is five bots but Rail Racer’s only got three.

Prowl: Three Bullet Trains are worth ten of them!

Ruination: Rage Laser!

Rail Racer: Rail Jets!

Ruination: Double Demolition! Airborne Assault!

Sideburn: Check this out.

Prowl: That bot can jump.

X-Brawn: Those are some mean lookin’ blades!

Sideburn: It looks like we better bring in a little fire power. Right?

X-Brawn: Couldn’t agree more!

Prowl: Let’s do it!

Ruination: It’s over.

X-Brawn: Not so fast, pard.

Sideburn: Have a taste.

Prowl: And double for me!

Rail Racer: All right! We’re back in action! Ultra Blast!

Scourge: Erghhh!

Megatron: Scourge, abort mission! Now!

Scourge: Yes sir.

Optimus: Well done, Rail Racer.

Rail Racer: Glad to help.

Sky-Byte: I really hate those Autobots!

Gas Skunk: Uh, I think they just heard ya.

Optimus: Thanks to your courage under fire the humans are safe. Good job, team.

Koji: Hello Optimus! Hey!

Optimus: Everything’s fine. Thanks for your help, Koji!

Kelly: I hit the jackpot! It’s not my fault if your stupid lights went out, I won! Look! Ah! That’s just wrong! Hold on, it’s a mistake. At least let me have one free try. Let’s face it. It’s hopeless. I’m living under a curse.

[Transition]

Megatron: Your great action team, they looked like rank amateurs out there and they made me look like a fool infront of the humans! I don’t like looking like a fool, Scourge.

Scourge: I have dishonoured myself, but I swear I will destroy them.

Sky-Byte (thinking): Swear all you like, Scourge. Your great reputation has just fizzled and I’m about to make planet Earth my personal domain!

[End]

Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“The Decepticons” – Episode 14
Written by Tom Wyner
Transcription by Brandon Williams

–
Koji: Throughout history, almost every civilization that kept written records reporting sightings of strange objects and lights in the sky. Today they’re generally referred to as unidentified flying objects or “UFOs.” In the past 60 years, there have been thousands of UFO sightings all over the world. My dad is one of the scientists that would investigate them, Optimus.

Optimus: It’s a fascinating subject. I find it strange that many people on Earth still refuse to believe they exist. How’s it coming, T-AI?

T-AI: It’s done, sir. I unlocked the Cybernetic seal on Dr. Onishi’s microchip, decoded the encrypted information and downloaded it.

Optimus: Well done. Now let’s take a look and see what we have.

T-AI: The indicated location is grid co-ordinates L3, Delta 5.2. It must’ve been important to Dr. Onishi, but I don’t know why. This graphic is all I can find.

Optimus: Hmmm… Perhaps it was the sight of one of his archeological expeditions.

Koji: Hey, wait a minute! That’s Castle Peak! My dad once showed me that photograph! 60 years ago there were eyewitness accounts of a UFO landing there.

Optimus: Which no one took seriously except your father. We’d better look into it. T-AI, contact the Autobot Brothers.

T-AI: They’re on their way here right now, but to speed things up, I’ll tell them to bypass headquarters and take the space bridge directly to the co-ordinates.

Optimus: I’ll join them on their way there. And one more thing… As of now we’re on alert status. If that location was important enough to encode on the microchip, then whatever we find there could be dangerous.

[Transition]

X-Brawn: C’mon slowpokes. What are you waiting for?

Prowl: Right behind you, big brother.

Sideburn: Coming through!

Optimus: Listen up, time may be a critical factor on this mission, so pedals to the metal, gentlemen!

Prowl: What’s the rush? I thought this story about a UFO was just an old legend.

X-Brawn: Maybe, but Dr. Onishi isn’t the type to believe in fairy tales.

Sideburn: If there’s a spaceship on that mountain, where do you think it came from?

Optimus: We’ll find out soon enough! Let’s move out!

[Transition]

Kelly: Wow, the view is just incredible up here. And smell that air… It’s so nice to get away from the grime and smog of the city, I can breathe again! Hey, I’m communing here! Go find your own mountain!

All Autobots: Transform!

Optimus: All right, this is the location marked on the microchip. Let’s spread out and… What’s that noise?

Slapper: Oh, my achin’ back!

X-Brawn: Looks like somebody’s digging down there.

Prowl: Maybe they’re archeologists. Could be that Dr. Onishi wasn’t the only one who thought this place was worth investigating.

Sideburn: Well, if they’re scientists, maybe they can help us out. Ummm, excuse me. My friends and I are investigating reports of a UFO landing around here and wondered if you knew anything about it.

Slapper: That depends on who wants to know. Hey, come to think of it, your voice sounds kind of familiar. Have we ever met before?

Sideburn: Huh?!

Slapper: You!

Sky-Byte: That incompetent fool must’ve gotten his tongue caught in the drill again. Hey, get back to work! Huh? …I think this is going to hurt.

Kelly: Just my luck! Another vacation down the drain! Aaaahhh!

Slapper: Just look at the size of that thing. It’s gigantic!

Sideburn: Looks like Dr. Onishi was right after all.

Optimus: Yes Sideburn, but what the doctor didn’t know was that the spacecraft that crashed here is from Cybertron.

Sky-Byte: What? A Cybertronian vessel? Interesting.

Prowl: Six Autobots were sent to Earth sixty years ago and disappeared. Maybe this is why they couldn’t make contact. This could be their ship!

Optimus: Let’s find out. There are Transformers in that ship! And it looks like their pods are still intact!

Prowl: They’ve been suspended there for quite a while, Optimus. Do you think they’re okay?

Optimus: Yes, as far as I can tell none of their seals have been broken. They’re still in proto-entity form like we were before we chose vehicles to scan, but as soon as we get to headquarters, we’ll give them a lineup to choose from.

Slapper: Guess again, Auto-clowns! You’re not taking them anywhere!

Dark Scream: We’re the ones who found that spaceship, so whatever’s in it belongs to us!

Gas Skunk: Whoever finds a derelictable vessel has the right to salvage its contents. You can look it up.

Optimus: We would never let you take them. Even if you were right.

Sky-Byte: We are right.

Optimus: The salvage law only applies when a vessel has been abandoned by its crew. We’re taking our fellow Autobots back with us.

Sky-Byte: I don’t think so, Prime. We’re taking that spacecraft, pod people and all!

Megatron: No, Sky-Byte. I’m feeling especially generous today. Optimus, you Autobots may do as you please with the spacecraft. It’s your’s for the taking. But the Autobot crew members, our part of the deal, they’re mine now!

X-Brawn: Forget it, Megatron. Those are our guys in there!

Megatron: Not for long.

Sideburn: The pods!

Megatron: Don’t worry, Autobots. Be assured you’ll be seeing your friends again very soon… At the other end of a laser beam! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Optimus: He’ll have to land eventually, and when he does, we’ll be there. Move out!

Sky-Byte: You’re not going anywhere. Shark Spike!

Slapper: Tongue Lash Attack!

Gas Skunk: Tail Blade Slash!

Dark Scream: Dark Sword Strike!

Optimus: We’ve got to get past them to follow Megatron. Flying Fist! Strafe Attack!

Dark Scream: I’ve never seen that guy so angry! He’s firing his whole arsenal at us!

Slapper: Don’t talk, run! And whatever you do, don’t slow down! We got what we were looking for, so now all we’ve gotta do is get outta here while we still can!

Optimus: Well their attack served its purpose. Megatron is gone.

Prowl: I don’t get it. We’ve got the microchip, how did Megatron know the ship was here?

X-Brawn: It’s obvious, isn’t it? He didn’t need the microchip, he’s got Dr. Onishi.

Sideburn: Of course. But the doctor only knew it was a UFO, how did Megatron know about the Cybertrons?

X-Brawn: He didn’t.

Optimus: Until the Predacons overheard me and contacted him. What have I done?

Megatron: My decision to look for that shuttle has proven more gratuitous than I could have ever imagined. As protoforms, those Autobots can be altered and used as tools for getting rid of Optimus and his friends.

Sky-Byte: But Megatron, they’re Autobot soldiers. They leave the stasis pods and they’ll attack us!

Slapper: Exactly. It’s too dangerous. We should get rid of those pods right now.

Dark Scream: Let me do it! My Freeze Beam will turn them into ice cubes.

Gas Skunk: Why should you have all of the fun? I’ll take care of those guys.

Megatron: You’ll do nothing of the sort! If I had wanted those proto-entities destroyed, I would have done it myself.

Morons: Awww!

Megatron: I have other plans for those Autobots.

Sky-Byte: They’re our enemies. What possible use could they be?

[Transition]

Kelly: Whenever I try to take a vacation something happens that ruins it. It’s not fair. On the other hand, the soldiers that rescued me after the earthquake are really cute! And I think one of them has a crush on me! This could be a very good vacation, after all.

Megatron: Can you see the entire base?

Sky-Byte: Let me widen the range. All right, now what?

Megatron: Tell me what kind of military vehicles you see.

Sky-Byte: Some tanks with self-prepared artillery and a few helicopters.

Megatron: Our protoforms will scan the most powerful vehicles, and within a few minutes, become the mightiest combat force this planet has ever known!

Sky-Byte: But Megatron, what’s to keep them from using their powers against us?

Megatron: As the Autobot protoforms begin scanning I will infuse them with code from my own spark energy and when they take form, they’ll be mine to command! By the time the configuration is completed they will be my loyal and dedicated servants. Invincible warriors!

Sky-Byte: With your spark energy, they’ll be unbeatable!

Dark Scream: Not to mention sneaky, sly and deceitful!

Gas Skunk: Underhanded, diabolical and devious!

Slapper: Let’s not forget overbearing, egotistical, arrogant, conceited and verbose! Bombastic, power hungry, vain, self-serving, greedy, maniacal and a real pain — oohh! I knew I should have kept my mouth shut. The boss just doesn’t know how to take a compliment.

Megatron: Be silent! Take the pods to the army base and begin the scanning process.

Dark Scream: I guess we can start with that one, right?

Slapper: Right. What’s going on?

Dark Scream: They’re shooting at us!

Slapper: Megatron forgot to tell us about this part of the plan!

Kelly: Aaaahhh! I should have known! From now on I’ll stay home and watch Travel Logs. I’m never gonna go on vacation again!

Megatron: Incompetent fools! That’s precisely the type of vehicle I want the Cybertrons to scan!

Sky-Byte: Dark Scream, stop running and scan that vehicle immediately! Do you understand?!

Dark Scream: That’s easy for you to say, you’re not the one they’re shooting at!

Flatbed Truck Driver: Aaahh!

T-AI: Uh oh. Megatron wouldn’t allow those protoforms to scan anything unless he figured out a way to control them.

Koji: What do you mean?

T-AI: The vehicles on that army base. They all have one thing in common.

Koji: Their weaponry!

T-AI: That must be why Megatron is scanning military vehicles! Optimus, come in. I’ve found them. They’re at the McKinley Army Base and they’re outfitting weapons there.

Optimus: Copy that, T-AI. We’re on our way!

[Transition]

Megatron: And now I shall inject my spark energy into the protoform!

Optimus: Optimus Prime, transform!

X-Brawn: Transform!

Sideburn: Transform!

Prowl: Transform!

Mega-Octane: Mega-Octane, transform!

Megatron: Ha, ha, ha. Too late, Optimus! Say hello to Mega-Octane, the first Decepticon!

Optimus: What?

Sideburn: Decepticon? But he’s an Autobot!

Prowl: What he is depends on the condition of his personality grid. If Megatron has altered it…

X-Brawn: …Then he wouldn’t think like an Autobot anymore and he’d see us as the enemy.

Optimus: There’s only one way to find out. My name is Optimus Prime. I’m the leader of our kind here on Earth. And in their name, allow me to welcome you to your new home.

Mega-Octane: No thanks.

Optimus: What has Megatron done to you!

Megatron: Ha, ha, ha! You’re wasting your breath, Optimus. He won’t listen to you. He’s a Decepticon now and loyal only to me and very soon, now, the others will join him! Their firepower combined with my leadership will make the Decepticons unstoppable!

Optimus: You fiend!

Megatron: Mega-Octane, your fellow Decepticons will soon be joining you. If the Autobots interfere, destroy them!

Mega-Octane: With pleasure, my lord! I am at your command, Megatron!

Megatron: The other Decepticons are going to start scanning now. Your mission is to make sure that the scanning process is successfully completed.

Mega-Octane: I understand, sir. Consider it done!

Sky-Byte: Take those stasis pods closer to the vehicles and begin scanning!

Optimus: It’s showtime, guys. We’ve got to stop them now, before they all become Decepticons.

Autobot Bros: Right!

Mega-Octane: Think again, Autobots!

Optimus: Get back!

Mega-Octane: I’ll hold them off. Take the pods to the vehicles and begin scanning.

Sky-Byte: Megatron’s plan is working perfectly. What are you waiting for, you fools? Don’t just stand there, get to work! Begin scanning!

Slapper: There’s a good one. The tank will make a great Decepticon.

Gas Skunk: That cannon will make scraplets out of the Autobots.

Dark Scream: We need air support. That helicopter’s perfect!

Kelly: Is anybody in there? I’ve gotta get outta here! Nevermind, I’ll find another ride.

Dark Scream: This Decepticon is going to have plenty of fire power. That helicopter is on to the team.

Megatron: Sky-Byte, why aren’t you scanning? Get with the program, find a vehicle for that protoform immediately!

Sky-Byte: At once, sir. The vehicle with the most power will make the most powerful Decepticon and so–

Optimus: Forget it, Sky-Byte! Optimus, transform! Power Stream!

Megatron: You incompetent fool! What in the world are you aiming at?!

Sky-Byte: We only want vehicles! If that bird gets scanned, they’ll have another Predacon to deal with! I can’t look!

Megatron: A space shuttle Decepticon… Well done. Under my leadership, he will become a mighty warrior!

Mega-Octane: Decepticons, transform!

Optimus: There’s only one pod left!

X-Brawn: They’ve got too much fire power, Optimus. We’d never get to it in time.

Megatron: Ha, ha, ha, ha. So true!

Sideburn: Oh no! We’re too late, guys. Megatron just grabbed the last pod!

Megatron: Yes, and soon the last of your fellow Autobots will answer only to me!

Kelly: I’m getting out of here as fast as I can. I didn’t go to truck driving school for nothing, you know!

Sideburn: Hey Prowl, what’s up with the tanker truck?

Prowl: You’ve got me. I’d better check it out. That tanker is the one they use to re-fuel the space shuttle. It’s loaded with gallons of rocket fuel.

X-Brawn: Then we’d better hope that nobody uses it for target practice. Let’s see… Yup, if that tanker gets hit, the explosion will be so massive that everything within a ten mile radius is going to be blown to smithereens.

Megatron: Then that tanker is the perfect choice as the vehicle for the last pod to scan. The energy in that rocket fuel will make him the most powerful Decepticon of them all! Behold… Your mightiest enemy is about to take form!

Kelly: Aaaaahhh!

Sideburn: We’ve gotta stop it from crashing!

X-Brawn: There’s no time. We’re too far away.

Optimus: I’m on it!

Megatron: Well done, Optimus. Thanks to you I can now begin scanning that tanker! Now witness the genesis of your destruction.

Scourge: Scourge, transform!

X-Brawn: What the? Are you guys seeing what I’m seeing?

Sideburn: Yeah, he looks an awful lot like you, Optimus.

Optimus: That’s because Megatron scanned me and the tanker at the same time!

Megatron: You are infused with my spark, but also that of Optimus. Are you Decepticon or are you Autobot? Answer me!

Scourge: I have only one purpose, to serve Megatron. I have only one desire, to destroy Megatron’s enemies. I have only one mission, to lead the Decepticons to victory!

Mega-Octane: Hold on, Scourge. Who said you were in charge? I was the first, so I should lead the Decepticons!

Scourge: Only the most fearless deserves that honour. Is that you, Mega-Octane? No, I didn’t think so.

Megatron: Well done, Scourge. From this moment on, you are commander of the Decepticons. The rest of you will follow his orders. Is that understood?

Scourge and Mega-Octane: Yessir!

Scourge: Decepticons, the Autobots are Megatron’s enemies! They must be eliminated. Decepticons, it is time to prepare for combat. Transform!

Commandos: Yessir!

Optimus: Get ready.

Prowl: Their fire power is incredible. What are we gonna do?

X-Brawn: There’s only one thing to do. Fall back and regroup. All right everybody, move out!

Sideburn: So much for that idea!

Scourge: Decepticons, switch to maximum fire power!

Optimus: Optimus Prime, battle mode! Scourge, you’re an Autobot! Fight Megatron’s infusion of evil. It’s not who you really are!

Scourge: Why should I listen to you? You are Megatron’s enemy, and the enemy must be annihilated. Decepticons, attack! Destroy them!

Optimus: Blizzard Blast!

Scourge: Your puny snow storm will not stop me!

Megatron: Scourge, that’s enough. You’ve just come online. You’re not at full strength. You can finish them off at another time.

Scourge: Understood. Optimus Prime, the next time we meet you will cease to exist, I promise you! Decepticons, follow me!

Commandos: Yessir!

Optimus: No, wait!

Scourge: Try and stop me.

Optimus: Someday, I hope they find the strength to reject Megatron’s evil and find their own true sparks, but until they do, their Earth’s most dangerous enemies.

Sky-Byte: I hope you all have your resumes ready, because we may be out of a job.

Kelly: Waaaahhh! What’s the deal? Why does this stuff always happen to me? I’m nice to everyone!

[End]

Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“Hope for the Future” – Episode 13
Written by Tom Wyner
Transcription by Brandon Williams

–

Optimus: T-AI, contact the Autobots and tell me to meet me here right away.

T-AI: I’m all over it, Optimus. No problem. Prowl, Sideburn, X-Brawn, Optimus wants you to come back to headquarters ASAP.

Sideburn: Too bad, I was planning on going to the beach.

X-Brawn: Figures, that’s the last place you saw the little red sportscar.

Prowl: The only place we’re going is headquarters. Now move out.

Sideburn and X-Brawn: Roger.

Sideburn: Seriously dude, one of these days you’ve gotta come down to the beach with me. It’s like sportscar heaven down there. Zillions of them everywhere you look!

X-Brawn: Sorry, little brother. This old hoss don’t get caught into that dance all together. I’ll take the dry heat of the desert, or a brisk mountain breeze anytime. Now get a move on!

Sideburn: Keep your paint on.

T-AI: The Spychangers are next. Hot Shot, Optimus wants everyone to come back to headquarters for a meeting right away.

Hot Shot: Give us a minute, will ya? We’ve got some Predacon butt to kick first. Hot Shot, transform! Let’s do it, guys!

REV: Roger that, Hot Shot. REV, transform!

Crosswise: Right behind you. Crosswise, transform!

WARS: You Predacons just never learn, do you? Well here’s another lesson for you… Don’t mess with the Spychangers. WARS, transform!

Ironhide: You can run, but you can’t hide! Ironhide, transform!

Mirage: Mirage, transform!

Hot Shot: Let’s play ring-around the Predacon. Spychangers, prepare to fire.

Slapper: They’re running circles around us. I’m getting dizzy.

Hot Shot: Fire blaster!

REV: Locked on.

Dark Scream: Yikes!

Crosswise: It’s all over, Gas Skunk.

Gas Skunk: Oh yeah?

Crosswise: Yeah!

WARS: Here.

Ironhide: Yeah!

Mirage: There’s plenty more where that came from.

Hot Shot: Time for a knockout punch. Initiate piggy back attack.

Ironhide, Mirage and WARS: Right!

REV: Let’s move.

Slapper: Right laser!

Dark Scream: Feel the power of my center laser!

Gas Skunk: Left laser!

Dark Scream: Slapper, Gas Skunk, let’s get out of here! Those blasted Spychangers have too much fire power!

WARS: Our work is done here. We’re coming in.

T-AI: Great. Team Bullet Train’s on their way too. What’s your ETA, Railspike?

Railspike: Two minutes!

Rapid Run: Or less.

Midnight: Hey, we were supposed to practice our single-file link-up maneuever today.

Railspike: Sounds good to me. We’ll do it on the way there. Here we go. Initiate single-file link-up.

Trains: Linked up!

Rapid Run: On my mark, seperate and jump for it. Go!

[Transition]

Optimus: The Predacons have been giving us problems ever since they got here.

Railspike: But nothing we haven’t been able to handle.

Prowl: So far, but as long as they’ve got Dr. Onishi, they have access to information that could give them a big advantage.

Koji: Do you ever think you’ll be able to find my dad?

Midnight: Our sky spies are searching for him 24/7.

Optimus: We’ll find him. I promised you that the day he was taken. The day it all began…

[“Battle Protocol!”]

Dr. Onishi: Good morning. I’d like to welcome all of you. We’re here from around the globe to share in a unique and historical event. My friends, right now the greatest danger to planet Earth is the wasteful and improper use of our resources. It’s imperative that we find a solution to this problem.

Megatron: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Guy: What’s happening?!

Megatron: I am Megatron, leader of the Predacons and future ruler of this galaxy. The Predacons are in need of energy. And there is one of amongst you who knows the location of every energy source on Earth. You, Dr. Onishi! In the transmissions we intercepted, you were described as Earth’s foremost expert.

Dr. Onishi: I’ll tell you nothing, Predacon!

Megatron: Megatron, beast mode! It’s time for us to leave, Dr. Onishi.

Optimus: Hold it right there. Get away from him, Megatron!

Megatron: Hurricane Shockwave! Megatron, jet mode! Oh yes, Optimus… But I’m not going alone! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Koji: Dad!

[End of clip]

Optimus: Not even the doctor can resist a Predacon psycho probe. He’s unwillingly become Megatron’s most dangerous weapon.

[Commercial]

Optimus: They’re holding the doctor at their secret command center. If we look at what the Predacons have done in the past, we might discover clues about its location.

T-AI: What is it, Koji? What’s up?

Koji: I was thinking about the microchip we found in the Indian ruins.

Optimus: Well, what about it, Koji?

Koji: My dad used multiple encryption codes. Maybe there’s another level that could help us fight the Predacons.

Optimus: It is possible.

Sideburn: I thought going into those ruins was going to be pleasure trip. Man, was I wrong.

[“Secret of the Ruins”]

Sideburn: You seem to know an awful lot about this place.

Koji: Yeah, I used to come here every summer… With my dad.

Sideburn: You explored it together?

Koji: Yup. I haven’t been here in a long time, but I used to know almost every inch of this place.

Sky-Byte: That tunnel bearing will soon become a trap from which they will never escape. My Shark missiles will get rid of those two once and for all.

Sideburn: Wait, Koji. If that sound is what I think it is, we gotta get out of here. Buckle up, Koji. And hold on.

Koji: Gotcha.

Sideburn: We’ve gotta stop Sky-Byte.

Sky-Byte: I’ve stolen it. Now I just have to deliver it to Megatron.

X-Brawn: Howdy Sky-Byte.

Sideburn: Hand it over, pal!

X-Brawn: That’s stolen property.

Prowl: That’s stolen property. Your delivery to Megatron has just been cancelled.

Sky-Byte: It’s not stolen, I found it!

Sideburn: Ready?

X-Brawn: Whenever you are.

Prowl: Last warning, Sky-Byte.

Sky-Byte: This box is going with me!

X-Brawn: Wrong answer.

Sky-Byte: Aaaahh!

Koji: Optimus, the box!

Optimus: Got it! So Megatron used the action in Metro City to distract us, while Sky-Byte was carrying out his mission here. Whatever’s in this box must be pretty important.

X-Brawn: Go ahead, Koji. Open it up and lets have a look.

Sideburn: What is it, Koji?

Koji: Hey!

X-Brawn: Well I’ll be switched. There was something hidden in the frame!

Koji: The question is… why?

[End of clip]

Railspike: Sky-Byte hasn’t beaten us yet, but he’s sneaky, clever and dangerous. And he’ll do just about anything to carry out a mission.

Optimus: Yes, and when he went after that device hidden in that sportscar, he almost succeeded.

[“An Explosive Situation”]

Prowl: Prowl, Jet Boosters! Halt, Predacon! Prowl, transform!

Sideburn: Sideburn, transform!

Sky-Byte: You choose to ignore my warning?

Prowl: Jet Booster Power Fist!

Sideburn: Battle Blade!

Sky-Byte: Well, it’s been fun playing with you two, but recess is over. Shark Missile! Happy Motoring! Got it!

Kelly: Aaahhh!

Sideburn: My beautiful red sportscar! Don’t worry. I’ll save ya!

Sky-Byte: Hahaha! Now that I have the device, I have to deliver it to Megatron. Hahaha! This device contains enough power to recharge all our fuel cells. I’ll convert its energy as soon as I reach the command center.

X-Brawn: Think again, hoss.

Sky-Byte: What the?!

X-Brawn: This little chunk of energy’s going with me. Yeehaw! Woohoo! Ride ’em, cowboy! Here we go! Made it.

Optimus: Hold your position, X-Brawn.

X-Brawn: Why? What’s up, Optimus?

Optimus: I think I know a way to get rid of that device. Optimus Prime, transform! Hello Sky-Byte.

Sky-Byte: There’s nothing you can do, Optimus.

Optimus: I beg to differ. Optimus Prime, battle mode! X-Brawn, switch into robot mode and throw that device as high as you can!

X-Brawn: Gotcha. X-Brawn, transform!

Sky-Byte: Now it’s mine.

Optimus: Activate Power Stream targetting mechanism. Locked on. Power stream, fire!

[End of clip]

T-AI: Using the water from your power stream worked to perfection, Optimus.

Optimus: But underwater, Sky-Byte’s more dangerous than ever. I learned that the hard way.

Sideburn: You really got in over your head that time, Optimus.

[“The Hunt for the Black Pyramid”]

Sky-Byte: How’s your backstroke?

Optimus: I can’t beat him here. Torpedoes. Lightning Lasers! As long as I’m his target, the ship is safe.

Sky-Byte: This is my domain, Optimus. Once you’re in shark infested waters, you’re finished.

Sideburn: Get away from him, Sky-Byte. Target torpedo blast!

Sky-Byte: You don’t know how to fight down here, Optimus. I’m the master of underwater combat! Let’s try the drill! Ha, ha, ha!

Optimus: Playtime’s over.

T-AI: The ship is returning to horizontal orientation.

Optimus: Where’s your poetry now, Sky-Byte?

Sky-Byte: I’ll write a special Haiku, once I finish you off.

Optimus: Didn’t I tell you to stick with limericks? Now try my fist of steel.

[End of clip]

Optimus: A few minutes later his target signature disappeared from our sensors.

Koji: Which means their base might be underwater!

Rapid Run: We’ll find it and save your dad. And then it’s bye bye, Predacons!

[Commercial]

Sideburn: If we can get a handle on the Predacons’ overall strategy, we might be able to figure out what they’ll do next.

Optimus: One of their strategies is finding out what our weaknesses are and exploiting them, like my ineffectiveness underwater.

Prowl: And like Sideburn chasing after every little red sportscar he sees.

Optimus: You’re right, that’s how they lured him into that trap and kidnapped him.

[“Sideburn’s Obsession”]

Sky-Byte: I’m afraid your friend isn’t feeling very well. If you ever want to see him again, come alone and meet on the location on the map. Otherwise…

[Transition]

Sky-Byte: Of course Optimus will come. His friend is in danger. What’s going on?

Prowl: Prowl, transform! Double Barrell Blaster!

Optimus: You’re going down, Megatron! Lightning Laser!

Megatron: Megatron, dragon mode! Twin Dragon Breath!

Sideburn: It’s payback time, fish breath! Have a blast!

Crosswise: Cross-Blaster!

Mirage: Eat laser, loser!

REV: Targetting signature, Gas Skunk! Fire!

Hot Shot: Eat photon.

Optimus: Give it up, Megatron!

Megatron: Never!

X-Brawn: Hang on, little brother, we’re going off-road!

Megatron: Come on!

Sideburn: Fire!

Optimus: Power stream, fire!

Megatron: Mega-Beast form!

[End of clip]

Optimus: Megatron’s weakness is his ego. He thinks he’s infallible and that makes him vulnerable.

Hot Shot: Yeah, like the time he planted that bug on Mirage. He thought for sure that Mirage had switched sides, and for a while there, we thought so too.

[“Mirage’s Betrayal”]

[Transition]

Sky-Byte: You said you wanted to teach the Spychangers a lesson. This is just the device to do it with. Here. That’s the remote detonator.

Mirage: Nice toy. I’ll invite those backstabbers here and then boom!

[Transition]

Mirage: Nah, it’s not a trap! The Predacons aren’t anywhere near here! There’s nothing to worry about!

Ironhide: I get it! He’s using hand signals for a countdown.

Hot Shot (thinking): 3…

REV (thinking): 2…

Ironhide (thinking): 1…

Mirage: Fire.

Sky-Byte: Double crosser!

Slapper: Why’d he do that?

Sky-Byte: Because he was only pretending to be a traitor to the Spychangers, you fool!

Gas Skunk: I don’t understand. How did he get away with it?

Mirage: I had to act like a traitor, because of this.

Ironhide: Well no wonder! They had a bug on you all this time!

Mirage: Not anymore…

[End of clip]

Hot Shot: It’s a good thing Mirage found out about that listening device.

WARS: The Predacons ambush backfired on them.

Hot Shot: As usual.

Optimus: Don’t get complacent, Hot Shot. Sometimes we’ve just got lucky. When we were looking for Skid-Z, they almost took us out.

[“Skid-Z’s Choice”]

X-Brawn: Hey! Watch out, you guys! It’s raining rocks out here!

Sideburn: Weird. I wonder why. Whoa!

Optimus: Good question, Sideburn. I’ll go check it out.

Slapper: That’s not fair! He’s ignoring the laws of gravity! Come on guys, let’s get out of here!

Optimus: Well look who’s here. I should’ve known!

Slapper: Every Predacon for himself!

Optimus: That ambush was well planned. How did they know we were going to be here?

Prowl: Maybe they found out that Skid-Z is infected with the racing bug.

Sideburn: And figured we’d come here to look for him.

Megatron: What a brilliant deduction! Ha, ha, ha!

Optimus: Spread out! We’ll have to catch that rock or it’ll crush us!

Optimus: Skid-Z, mayday! Mayday!

Skid-Z: Skid-Z, transform! The Autobots are in trouble. They need me. I’ve got to help them.

Megatron: In just a few seconds you Auto-fools will be flatened!

Sideburn: My servos are starting to overheat. My hydrolics are red lighting!

Prowl: We need Skid-Z! Where is he?!

X-Brawn: My guess is he’s crossing the finish line right about now!

Optimus: No! Skid-Z has the spark of an Autobot! He’ll be here!

Megatron: In your weakened state, one blast of my dual dragon fire will finish you!

Skid-Z: The only one that’s finished here is you, Megatron!

Optimus: You’re just in time, Skid-Z!

Skid-Z: Take a rest, guys.

Optimus: Welcome back, Skid-Z. As for you, Megatron, you’re welcome to leave, now.

X-Brawn: I couldn’t agree more. Happy trails, Megatron!

Prowl: Take a hike!

Sideburn: Go on, get outta here!

Megatron: I’ll be back!

[End of clip]

T-AI: After losing so many battles, you’d think Megatron would’ve learned his lesson but he’s just as dangerous as ever and seems absolutely determined to destroy the Autobots.

Sideburn: Listen, as long as we have Optimus on our side, Megatron doesn’t stand a chance.

[Commercial]

Koji: We almost got them at the Cave of the Dragons.

Midnight: They fell for that story about the giant robot hook, line and sinker.

Railspike: That was a plan. They got a taste of their own medicine.

Optimus: More importantly, what we found in that cave could turn out to be the key to defeating them once and for all.

[“The Ultmate Robot Warrior”]

Midnight: I’m ready when you are, Optimus.

Optimus: Good, ’cause the show is just about to start. Time for our big entrance. Let’s do it.

Slapper: Hey look, he’s coming out!

Sky-Byte: Astonishing. Absolutely spectacular.

Gas Skunk: This guy’s seriously large.

Sky-Byte: What are you doing, you cowards? Don’t retreat, capture him and bring him back to Megatron! Now get going!

Slapper: You wanna try catching that thing, go ahead. We’re outta here!

Sky-Byte: Optimus, what are you doing here?

Optimus: This giant robot is a protector of this land and I won’t let you take him. Leave now while you still can! Optimus Prime, battle mode! Pulse cannons!

Sky-Byte: You may have tricked us, but you can’t defeat us. Right, Predacons?

Slapper: Gotta go!

Dark Scream: See ya!

Gas Skunk: Bye now!

All: Have a nice day!

Sideburn: Hey, something fell out of its head.

Optimus: It’s an O-Part. What was it doing in that statue?

Railspike: Could that be what they’re after?

Optimus: Hmmm… That’s a good question, Railspike.

[End of clip]

Optimus: If Megatron is searching for the O-Parts, we had better find the rest before he does.

T-AI: Maybe the O-Parts can help us find Dr. Onishi.

Optimus: I hope so, T-AI.

[End]

Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“The Ultimate Robot Warrior” – Episode 12
Written by Richard Epcar
Transcription by Brandon Williams

–

Megatron: Increase the power on the psycho-probe!

Dr. Onishi: The… Cave… of… the Dragon.

Megatron: Look! There it is.

Sky-Byte: What good is the cave to us, Megatron?

Megatron: Dr. Onishi’s mind holds many secrets. He could hold the key to absolute power. Interesting that there are no statues of dragons — wait a minute… There’s some dragon carvings…

Sky-Byte: Perhaps there is something hidden there. Dr. Onishi’s an expert on power. Maybe there is a great secret concealed in that Cave of the Dragon.

Megatron: You might have something there. I don’t care what it takes. Go out there and find that cave!

Sky-Byte: Yes, sir.

[Transition]

Gas Skunk: Those other jerks can go on their cyber-goose chase. I’ll hook this monitor up and watch a little TV. Right.

Sky-Byte: What are you doing, Gas Skunk? Slapper and Dark Scream have already left to look for the cave.

Gas Skunk: Hey, relax! I’ll be there in a minute! I’m just trying to get some television reception on this monitor.

Sky-Byte: You don’t have time for that. Get out there per Megatron’s orders.

Gas Skunk: Who does that guy think he is? I’ll hook this up if I want.

Dorie Dutton: This is Dorie Dutton… In the Cave of the Dragon.

Gas Skunk: Talk about timing!

Dorie Dutton: You’re about to see a thirty-foot statue turn into a fire breathing dragon.

Gas Skunk: That’s incredible. It really did change into a dragon. Must be a new secret weapon the humans have been hiding.

Dorie Dutton: …Brought to you by the FX Wizards in Hollywood!

Gas Skunk: You guys are not going to believe this.

Sky-Byte: Why aren’t you searching for the dragon?

Gas Skunk: I’m trying to tell you what I saw.

Megatron: What are you saying?

Gas Skunk: I was just watching a program and they were talking about the Cave of the Dragon.

Sky-Byte: Did you get the location of the cave?

Gas Skunk: No, but I saw something in the cave that I think you should know about.

Sky-Byte: What’s that?

Gas Skunk: This Cave of the Dragon is some sort of secret base where the humans are holding the most powerful Transformer I’ve ever seen!

Megatron: The humans have a Transformer? Are you sure about this?

Gas Skunk: I saw it with my own opticians. Inside the cave, there was a giant statue that changed into a fire breathing dragon.

Sky-Byte: Where ever it may be, I’ll find it and bring it back to you, Megatron.

Gas Skunk: Hey, I saw it first!

Megatron: The important thing is to find that dragon and convince it to join us. With its assumed power, nothing can stop us!

Sky-Byte: Right!

Megatron: Don’t disappoint me this time.

[Transition]

Slapper: This thing is solid granite. I don’t think it could change into any thing! I’m gonna get a closer look. Slapper, terrorize!

Sky-Byte: Slapper, are you having any luck yet?

Slapper: I’m trying to get this thing to transform, but as you can see, I’m not doing very well. Maybe Gas Skunk was sitting too close to the TV.

Sky-Byte: We have to be certain. Maybe there’s a secret button or something. Look for it.

Slapper: You gotta be kidding! Hey, maybe if I wrap my tongue around its head and twist it off, something will happen. Here goes…

Rapid Run: Hold it, slimeface!

Slapper: Don’t surprise me like that! You made me bite my tongue!

Rapid Run: Wanna tell me what your doing up there? You weren’t thinking of harming that statue now, were you?

Slapper: I was going to do some restoration work. Now get lost! Why don’t you mind your own business?

Rapid Run: Protecting this planet is my business!

Slapper: That’s it! You asked for it!

X-Brawn: X-Brawn, transform!

Prowl: Prowl, transform!

Sideburn: Sideburn, transform!

X-Brawn: Howdy, Rapid Run. What was frog legs trying to do? Change the statue?

Slapper: So you guys know about it too, huh? It’s a powerful statue that can change into a dragon.

Autobot Bros: Huh?

X-Brawn: What did he say?

Slapper: Don’t play dumb with me. You guys know what I’m talking about. So long, tin heads!

Sideburn: What did he say, that the statue could transform somehow?

X-Brawn: Beats me.

Prowl: I don’t know.

[Transition]

T-AI: The Predacons have been looking all over the planet for relic statues. Why would they bother? Usually they’re looking for energy.

Optimus: Or weapons, but we can’t rule out anything at this point. Why would the Predacons be looking for statues?

T-AI: I have no idea.

Koji: Guys, I might know.

T-AI: Whatever information you might have would be helpful.

Koji: I’m not sure, it’s just that my dad used to go to the Cave of the Dragon. There were huge statues around there. Maybe that’s what they’re looking for.

Optimus: Hmmm… You may just be on to something.

Koji: I just hope it helps you.

T-AI: Yes, Koji. I think you may be right about that. Your father’s microchip also made a reference to the Cave of the Dragon. I think there’s a connection. Perhaps your father hid something in that cave that the Predacons are looking for.

Optimus: It is possible they got some information for Dr. Onishi. In any case, I think it warrants investigation. T-AI?

T-AI: I will alert the team, sir. Computer, bring the Autobots online. Autobot Brothers, attention. Report to the Cave of the Dragon.

[Commercial]

Sky-Byte: So, they know about the statue.

Slapper: Oh, they really tried to fake me out and act like they didn’t really know anything about it, but I could tell those bucket brains were lying.

Dark Scream: I’d be willing to bet those Autobots know exactly —

Gas Skunk: I found it! Hey! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! I am a genius, I just found out the location on the computer. Come on, what are you waiting for? Let’s go there and find this thing!

Sky-Byte: …And bring it to you, Megatron.

Megatron: Good idea! Sky-Byte, go with them and let me know when you’ve made contact with the creature.

Sky-Byte: Don’t worry about a thing, Megatron. I have it all under control.

Megatron: I expect to hear some good news when I get back.

Sky-Byte: By the time you return, I will have captured the dragon and converted him into a Predacon, sir.

Megatron: Just make sure you do what you say you will.

Sky-Byte: Sky-Byte gives you his word on it.

[Transition]

Gas Skunk: I don’t see it. It’s here somewhere.

Sky-Byte: What are you three clowns sitting around for? Duty beckons. The Autobots will reach the cave before we do.

Dark Scream: So what do we care if we find the cave or not? We’re not the ones who gave Megatron on our word that we’d bring the dragon back.

Sky-Byte: Oh no…

Gas Skunk: Hey fellas, we got company! Look at that.

Kelly: Woohoo! This is great! I’ve always dreamed of driving in wide open desert roads. I’ve looked forward to this for a long time. No distractions, no interruptions…

Sideburn: Hey there, beautiful!

Kelly: Aaaahh!

Sideburn: What are you doing all the way out here, huh?

Kelly: Oh no, not again. He can’t be out here, can he?

Sideburn: Slow down! Are you playing hard to get?

Kelly: Would you leave me alone?!

Sideburn: Come on, baby. Don’t act like that. It must be fate that brought us together again.

Kelly: Oooohhh… Would someone throw a net over this guy?!

Sideburn: My brothers can look for that dumb old cave. Besides, I think the Sideburn charm is working. It’s just a matter of time and then she’s mine. Hey sweet thing, wait up!

Kelly: Go away!

Dark Scream: Look, one of the Autobots is down there!

Slapper: I bet they’re going to try and recruit that statue robot into becoming one of them.

Sky-Byte: Not if we get there first. I wager he knows the way to the dragon cave! I’ll follow them!

Slapper: Yeah, yeah, knock yourself out.

Kelly: I mean it, leave me alone!

Sideburn: Don’t be that way. Come on! I just want to talk to you. What’s that gonna hurt? Come on, suggie hun! I’m so glad I found you!

Kelly: Are you crazy?!

Sideburn: Oh honey, you take those curves like a pro! I must say, sweetheart, your driving skills have improved a lot!

Kelly: The only reason my driving skills improve is because you’re always chasing me!

Sideburn: Come back, my little desert flower, don’t go so fast. I wanna sing you a love song!

Kelly: Buzz off!

Sky-Byte: Are these two going to the dragon cave or are they just going to drive in circles? Oooff! Next time I believe I’ll take the scenic root.

Kelly: What is this? There’s so much fog in the desert I can’t even see.

Sideburn: Hey honey, where’d you go? I can’t see you anymore. Talk to me, baby. Are ya there?

Kelly: Why’s this always happen to me?!

Sky-Byte: Terrorize!

Sideburn: What are you doing here, Sky-Byte?

Sky-Byte: I am here to find the champion of the Predacons.

Sideburn: You got some screws loose? There’s no such thing! …Huh?

Sky-Byte: Sounds like something large.

Sideburn: That thing’s huge!

Sky-Byte: It’s gigantic! I knew that he would lead me to the ultimate robot warrior. Megatron will be so pleased.

Sideburn: Oh wow, I’d better keep an eye on this thing, whatever it might be. It’s fading!

Sky-Byte: What? He disappeared! I’m so vexed. How could he just vanish like that? The prize has been found. And also, Megatron, this automaton is colossal.

Megatron: Show it! I don’t see anything on the screen but haze.

Sky-Byte: Well it was here a second ago then it disappeared into some flour. But don’t worry, I’ll find it. Gas Skunk, Dark Scream and Slapper are on their way now to help me secure it.

Megatron: Locate that treasure and bring it back to me, Sky-Byte. Don’t let it slip away again.

Sideburn: So that’s what he’s up to.

Sky-Byte: I’ve got to figure out what its weakness is and then get it back to the base. With the ultimate robot warrior on our side, nothing can stop us! And I, Sky-Byte, will be the second highest ruler of the entire universe! Hahaha!

[Transition]

T-AI: There’s an entire film crew making a movie at the Cave of the Dragon. What you saw today was nothing more than movie special effects.

Sideburn: I suppose you’re going to tell me that the huge walking robot wasn’t real, either.

T-AI: It was more special effects. They hoisted up a large statue and fogged the area so you couldn’t see the crane.

Sideburn: Gee, those movie guys are good. I thought it was the real thing!

T-AI: Prowl and X-Brawn are guarding the cave. They’ll alert us when the Predacons show up. What are you doing there, Sideburn? Aren’t you supposed to be with your brothers right now?

Sideburn: Huh?! Ohhh yeah. You see, actually I acted as a decoy and lured the Predacons away from the cave! See! Ha, ha, ha!

T-AI: Oh, is that right? It had nothing to do with that red sportscar?

Optimus: Whatever the reason, the Predacons are already there. Maybe we can take advantage of that movie set.

T-AI: What are you planning to do, sir?

Optimus: I have an idea, but I’m going to need some help. T-AI, get ahold of the bullet trains, the Autobot Brothers and Tow-Line.

T-AI: Yes, sir! All right, Team Bullet Train, Autobot Brothers, Tow-Line, battle protocol! Everyone’s been notified, Optimus. What’s your plan?

[Commercial]

Sky-Byte: They’re late, as usual. What’s taking them so long to get here? I have good mind to go in there myself.

Slapper: Are you sure this is the Cave of the Dragon?

Sky-Byte: Yes, I’m sure.

Slapper: Sky-Byte, why would the humans hide a robot in a place like this?

Sky-Byte: But I’m telling you they’re around here somewhere.

Dark Scream: The guy’s pretty huge, he shouldn’t be too hard to spot.

Sky-Byte: I’m going inside to find the dragon. You three stay out here. Now if you see those annoying Autobots, don’t let them inside, whatever you do, understand?

Preds: Oh sure!

Sky-Byte: Which way? Ah yes, this direction.

Rapid Run: Well, that was close.

Railspike: Yeah, too close. Come on.

Rapid Run: Right behind you.

Sky-Byte: Who put this here? …Huh?! Behold, the dragon! This is a very good sign. I wager this is the exact place where the dragon changes into a robot! Hahahaha!

Gas Skunk: This is boring waiting around for Sky-Tights. Why don’t we get outta here?

Dark Scream: I wanna see that thing transform into a mega-soldier!

Slapper: Yeah, I’d like to see that too. Bet it’s cool. Wonder if the lizard is a relative of Megatron. Hey, what was that?!

Dark Scream: Huh?

Sky-Byte: Oh, isn’t that so sweet? The dragon is sleeping.

Slapper: Where ya going, Sky-Byte? Did you see him? Is he headed this way?

Sky-Byte: Yes, he’ll be right out!

X-Brawn: Those Predacons are right where ya said they’d be. X-Brawn, transform!

Sideburn: Sideburn, transform!

Prowl: Prowl, transform!

Gas Skunk: Well, well, look who just showed up. They must want the dragon too. Come on, we can’t let ’em inside. Gas Skunk, terrorize!

Slapper: That’s right. We can’t let them in the cave. Remember what Sky-Byte said. Slapper, terrorize!

Dark Scream: Dark Scream, terrorize!

X-Brawn: This is a sacred place. We don’t take kindly to desecraters.

Prowl: Unless you wanna mess with us, clear out… Right now!

Gas Skunk: You’re the ones who’ll be cleared out! Left laser!

Dark Scream: Center laser!

Slapper: Right laser!

Rapid Run: I really resent having to be the caboose.

Railspike: Part’s perfect for you. So quiet down and keep walking.

X-Brawn: Iron Knuckle!

Sky-Byte: He’s still in there. I have to convince him that he has to come join the Predacons.

Gas Skunk: There he is!

Slapper: A dragon that spits missiles?

Sky-Byte: Come on, you cowards. We have to grab him someone and bring him back for reprogramming.

Prowl: Wow! I’ve never seen such a powerful dragon! When he gets really angry, he changes into a giant robot statue!

Sideburn: Oh yeah! Don’t make him angry, whatever you do!

X-Brawn: He’s too powerful for us!

Sideburn: He’s unstoppable! We should really get out here while we still have the chance!

Rapid Run: That was terrible. Sounded like they were just reading their lines. They need to give it some “umph!”

Slapper: Hey, Sky-Byte, any suggestions on how we wrap him up?

Sky-Byte: We have to pin him down somehow so he doesn’t move.

Slapper: Okay!

X-Brawn: Hey, you guys, don’t even think about it!

Sideburn: If you anger the beast, he will transform into this huge warrior. You’ll be sorry if you provoke him, believe me.

Sky-Byte: Will you get out of the way? Why’s he only attacking us?!

Gas Skunk: Hey, you’re right. The dragon hasn’t fired once on those good-for-nothing Autobots.

Rapid Run: He’s got a point. It’s a one-sided attack.

Railspike: We’ll have to fire on the Autobots to make it look realistic.

Sideburn: Railspike, what are you doing?!

X-Brawn: Zip it!

Preds: Huh?!

X-Brawn: He’s too much for us! We’re going to have to retreat!

Prowl: We can’t take it!

Gas Skunk: Look at those cowards run away!

Sky-Byte: All right, let’s take him down! Tsunami Blaster!

Slapper: Right laser!

Dark Scream and Gas Skunk: Fire!

Railspike: Rapid Run, if we don’t get outta here, we’ll be exposed.

Rapid Run: Now’s as good a time as any for act two.

Sky-Byte: Good, he’s going inside the cave to change now. All right, let’s get ready. Bleh! What’s with the smoke!

Gas Skunk: That dragon should change his diet.

Tow-Line: All right guys, come on in. Great job, really great. Doesn’t this Hollywood smoke look realistic?

Optimus: All right, Midnight Express. Are you ready for our big entrance?

Midnight: I’m ready to go, Optimus. It’s just that you’re a little too heavy. I hope I don’t get a hyper-hernia.

Slapper: Hey look, he’s coming out!

Sky-Byte: Oh look, it’s more spectacular than I remember!

Gas Skunk: This guy’s seriously large.

Slapper: Whoa…

Gas Skunk: Look at the size of this…

Sky-Byte: What do you think you’re doing? Don’t retreat! Go back and get him and bring him back to Megatron! Go on, I’ll wait for you!

Slapper: You get it. I’ll wait for you!

Gas Skunk: I’m outta here!

Slapper: This was a bad idea. Ooof! No! I promise I won’t do anything bad again! Just don’t hurt me, I promise! Please! Oh, no! Oh, this is gonna hurt! No, no! Gotta get away!

Dark Scream: Look! I can’t get up! Something must be wrong!

Railspike: Now what are we gonna do?

Tow-Line: Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it. Just spray a lot of that smoke out there.

Sky-Byte: Now’s our chance to grab him! Come on!

Tow-Line: Transform!

Slapper: Hey, wait a minute! Something’s happening! Look! He’s getting up!

Sky-Byte: What is Optimus Prime doing here?

Optimus: The giant robot protects this land. I won’t let you take him. Leave now while you still can. Optimus Prime, transform! Battle Mode! Laser cannon!

Sky-Byte: I don’t know what games you used to trick us, but you’ll never defeat the Predacons!

Slapper: Tell me something, how come you’re always the first one to run away?!

Sky-Byte: I lead the retreat!

Optimus: Good job, crew. Now let’s go into the Cave of the Dragon and check it out.

Tow-Line: Hey, this thing is heavy. Can I let it down now? I think I pulled a cable.

Optimus: Sorry, Tow-Line. Lower it down carefully.

Tow-Line: Aaahh… That’s better.

Optimus: Tow-Line, we’re supposed to return that to the movie set!

[Commercial]

Tow-Line: I must say these real statues are a whole lot more impressive than that phony Hollywood one.

Sideburn: These statues don’t move, do they?

X-Brawn: Of course not!

Autobot Bros: Whoa!

X-Brawn: Hey! I stand corrected!

Sideburn: Well, here we go again. Hey, something fell out of its head.

Optimus: I haven’t seen one of these since the Golden Age of Cybertron.

Railspike: Who put it in that statue?

Optimus: Excellent question, and I want to know why. Let’s bring it back to the lab and we’ll check it out. It’s ironic that the Predacons were looking for some mythical beast when what they probably wanted is right here in the palm of my hand.

[End]

Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“Tow-Line Goes Haywire” – Episode 11
Written by Matthew V. Lewis
Transcription by Brandon Williams

–

Sideburn: Wow, the factory prototype for the K7-1 convertible. I didn’t even think they were gonna make one of these until late next summer. It’s so sleek. Just look at the pinstripes along the side. And I heard this car can run, dude. 12 cylinders, 0 to 60 in 3.4 seconds. And it’s painted red. Today has got to be the happiest day of my life! Hey there, beautiful one! Hi there… Uh, yoo-hoo! Over here! Just once I wish they’d say something. I mean, it’s not like my paint job is rusty. Maybe it’s my exhaust. Hey there, I’ve got a little song to sing for you. It goes something like this… (singing) I am blue and you are red and I’ve got chrome and (stops) — Hey! What’s going on?! Predacon attack! I knew this was too good to be true!

Tow-Line: Can’t let you stay here, little man.

Sideburn: But I wasn’t doing anything, I was just parked!

Tow-Line: That’s the problem. It’s a no parking zone.

Sideburn: C’mon dude! Don’t embarrass me like this! Not infront of the cutest car in the whole world! At least let me go back and finish the song.

Tow-Line: Sorry little man, no parking means no parking.

Koji: Hey, Sideburn, what’s going on?

[Transition]

Sideburn: Dude, that was like true love back there. Doesn’t true love mean anything to you?

Tow-Line: For now, little man, it means parking violation in quadrant four.

Prowl: Good morning, Tow-Line. Who’d you catch breaking the parking law? Ah, just another one of those souped up little… Sideburn! It figures.

Sideburn: Oh, uh… Hey there, big brother. Nice to see ya! I was just, uh…

Prowl: Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is for me? I’m a cop, not a babysitter.

Sideburn: You’re embarrassed? I met the love of my life and this freak comes along and strings me up like a pinata!

Prowl: Good work, Tow-Line. If you can catch this flirt, you can definitely catch the Predacons.

Sideburn: You mean this loser is an Autobot?

Tow-Line: I was thinking the same thing about you! Hahahaha!

Sideburn: Ha, ha, ha. Very funny.

[Transition]

Optimus: Sideburn, I understand you’ve finally met Tow-Line, our newest arrival from Cybertron.

Sideburn: This guy ruined my whole day.

Optimus: Be patient. He has a lot to learn about matters on Earth. Tow-Line, welcome aboard.

Tow-Line: It’s a great honour to join the Autobots, Optimus. I look forward to helping the team.

T-AI: Has Optimus fully briefed you on battle protocol?

Tow-Line: Yes, T-AI.

T-AI: Then I’d like to introduce you to Koji Onishi.

Koji: Hey.

Optimus: Koji is vital in the search for his father, Dr. Onishi.

Koji: Yup.

Sideburn: Can someone tell me when we get a new arrival? I feel kind of stupid about this morning.

X-Brawn: Maybe you should pay more attention instead of chasing little red sportscars all day.

Prowl: Tow-Line, the police force need someone with your strength. Illegal parking in the city has become dangerous to both vehicles and pedesterians. Together, we can crack down on those who abuse the law.

Tow-Line: Let’s do it.

[Transition]

Truck Driver: Dispatch, this is truck six. I’m parked downtown on my lunch break. I’ll check in with you in half an hour.

Prowl: This truck’s parked in a passenger loading zone. Tow-Line, take it over to the lot at the fifth precinct.

Tow-Line: Done deal, Prowl.

Truck Driver: Whoa! Hey, what’s going on?

Tow-Line: Sorry friend, but you were parked illegally.

Truck Driver: Hey listen, I wasn’t parking here, I was just taking a break! I was gonna move in a few seconds, honest!

Tow-Line: Sorry, little man. There’s nothing I can do. You knew the law, you broke the law and now the law is towing you away. No parking means no parking!

Prowl: Three parking violators in a row. This could take a while.

Tow-Line: Not if I can help it. Check this out. Wrecker Hook! Tow-Line strings ’em up and moves ’em out! Remember folks, no parking means no parking! Make way, make way! Wide load coming through.

Prowl: Tow-Line, wait! I’ll get the bikes back, kids. This is going to take longer than I thought.

[Transition]

Groom: No, wait! Come back! We need that car for our honeymoon! Come back!

Bride: Our wedding day is ruined! I told you we should have rented a limo!

Prowl: I think you and I had better go over the rules one more time.

[Transition]

Tow-Line: Okay, so I’m not allowed to tow away bicycles, wedding cars, ambulances, broken down buses, funeral escorts, parade floats, campaigning senators or mailmen named Moe. Is that all?

Prowl: Uh, no mailmen period. Oh boy. Let’s check out the harbour area.

Sky-Byte: Apparently, Gas Skunk, there’s a novice in the ranks of the Autobots.

Gas Skunk: Yeah, and he’s towing half the city away.

Sky-Byte: Well, how was his first day out?

Gas Skunk: Not bad at all. First he towed away a couple of kids’ bikes, then he completely messed up a honeymoon. It’s almost as if he’s already working for us.

Sky-Byte: Ha, ha, ha. And perhaps he shall. Come with me to the harbour, Gas Skunk. I have a plan.

[Transition]

Tow-Line: This trailer rig is illegal parked. I’m towing it over to the fifth precinct. You’re coming with me, big fella. No parking means no parking! What’s in this rig, anyway?

Slapper: This truck’s not going anywhere.

Tow-Line: What’s going on here? I can’t move this thing an inch! What the… Predacons!

Slapper: Get ready, guys!

Gas Skunk: Left laser!

Dark Scream: Center laser!

Slapper: Right laser!

[Commercial]

Sky-Byte: Well, if it isn’t the newest Autobot.

Tow-Line: What are you planning to do to me?

Sky-Byte: Oh, I’m sure we’ll think of something. Slapper!

Slapper: Ready? Watch closely… All your circuits are getting sleepier… sleepier and sleepier… and sleepier. Ow, that really hurt!

Sky-Byte: You fool! You put yourself to sleep!

Slapper: How’d I do that?

Sky-Byte: With that metal object. What is that thing?

Slapper: What, this? I saw this trick on TV last weekend. It’s really easy. First, you get your subject to relax by watching the coin swing.

Sky-Byte: Why on Earth do I put up with you?

Gas Skunk: What were you thinking about, Slapper? To hypnotize a machine, you have to use a machine.

Sky-Byte: Good point, Gas Skunk.

Gas Skunk: Watch. You’re getting sleepy, so sleepy you can’t keep your eyes open. You see? It’s called hypnovision or something.

Sky-Byte: What do you call this?

Slapper and Gas Skunk: A head injury.

Sky-Byte: Dark Scream, get the disk!

Dark Scream: Here it is, Sky-Byte. You’re gonna love this CD, Tow-Line.

Tow-Line: What are you doing in here? This cab is off limits to anyone but the — aahhh!

Sky-Byte: Now all we have to do is wait.

Tow-Line: What’s… happening to me? Hey, I feel great! Infact, I feel stronger than ever. Why I could tow a freight train today, so back to work. But now it’s going to be different, ’cause I know the dark truth about the Autobots.

Slapper: Hey, Sky-Byte, what’ll he do now?

Sky-Byte: What we’ve programmed him to do. Capture the Autobots and bring them back to us. He thinks they’ve done what we’ve done and now he’ll do whatever he can to see that justice is done. Soon the Autobots will be nothing more than a memory and this world will be ours.

Gas Skunk: Can I have the harbour? I love those little boats.

Sky-Byte: Just concentrate on doing your job. Megatron will decide who gets what, unless someone else decides for him.

[Transition]

Kelly: It’s so calm and peaceful out here in the forest. I love it here.

Tow-Line: This the end of the road for you, X-Brawn. Wrecker Hook!

Kelly: Hey, what are you doing?!

Tow-Line: No parking means no parking!

Kelly: What do you mean no parking? Hey! I didn’t see any no parking signs! Look, we’re in the middle of nowhere, you jerk! Bring back my car!

X-Brawn: Tow-Line, am I missing something here? What’d I do?

Tow-Line: X-Brawn, you helped Megatron steal resouces from our costal ecosystems and now you’re going to get the punishment you deserve.

X-Brawn: Why would I do a thing like that?

Tow-Line: To sap the world of all its energy. Don’t play the fool with me, little man.

X-Brawn: Just hold on a minute there, partner. You got a wrench in your cyber-matrix? It was the Predacons that did that!

Tow-Line: It was the Autobots! You can’t trick me any longer, X-Brawn. Now you and your junk metal friends are going to regret your life of crime.

Sky-Byte: If all goes as planned, that fool Tow-Line will bring the Autobots to us. And when he delivers them, they’ll be totally helpless.

Slapper: Hey, this is even better than having a pizza delivered!

Gas Skunk: I wonder if we get the guarantee. I want ’em all here in thirty minutes or less.

Sky-Byte: Those Auto-fools won’t suspect a thing. By the time they catch on it will be too late.

Dark Scream: Maybe we can sell their parts to a junkyard.

X-Brawn: Look-y here, Tow-Line. You’ve pushed me to the limit. If I can’t talk my way outta this one I’ll have to force my way out.

Tow-Line: Uh! Try that again and you’ll regret it.

X-Brawn: I think you need a day or two off, partner. It’ll do you a world of good!

Tow-Line: Ugh! Now I’ve got a migrane circuit-ache! Oh no! You made me forget where to take you, you scrap heap! C’mon, think. Was it to the docks or the power plant? I can’t remember. It was the power plant… I think.

X-Brawn: Not too late to change your mind… Tow-Line? Okay, this has gone far enough… Or not. Whoooaaaa! Transform! Tow-Line, I’ve fallen into some kind of metal box with sides to steep to climb. Gimme a hand, will ya?

Tow-Line: That’s one Autobot down in the name of law and justice. Just thirteen more to go.

[Transition]

Sideburn: That K-71 convertible is just fantastic… But that yellow paint job. Uh, now don’t get me wrong, you’re a beaut, but do you happen to know what happened to the other red one? We just met the other day.

Tow-Line: Wrecker Hook!

Sideburn: Ah, come on, Tow-Line. Stop kiddin’ around. Hey, you’re really gonna tow me, aren’t you? What’s gotten into you?

Tow-Line: You are a criminal!

Sideburn: …Convertible? You’ve gotta go in and have them check your circuits.

Tow-Line: Save it for your cellmates, you felon. I’m towing you for planning to ruin the planet Earth. I know that you tried to steal solar energy from the farmlands and that you tried to sabotage the eco-turbines and use their energy to deplete our oceans.

Sideburn: What? The Predacons did that, not us!

Tow-Line: You’ve never been a good liar, Sideburn. You know it’s all true.

Sideburn: Dude, your memory program is totally fried.

[Transition]

Sideburn: Look, I take back that crack I made about your memory program, okay? Aaahh! Sideburn, transform!

X-Brawn: Not exactly four stars, is it?

Sideburn: X-Brawn! What did he say you did to deserve this?

X-Brawn: That lug-head went bonkers and accused me of things the Predacons have done.

Sideburn: Whoa, me too.

Tow-Line: So many Autobots, so little time!

Sky-Byte: Errrgghh! Blast it! He should’ve been here an hour ago.

Slapper: Hey, maybe the programming on the disk wore off and he turned into a good little Autobot again.

Gas Skunk: Maybe he forgot we’re supposed to meet on the docks and went back to the power plant.

Sky-Byte: Very well. Good find Tow-Line.

Dark Scream: Hey! Why do I have to go?!

Sky-Byte: All right, all of you will go! Just find him!

Slapper: Right!

Sky-Byte: And when we find him, the Autobots will be done for.

[Commercial]

Rapid Run: Let me go, Tow-Line! I’m warning you, pal. You’re gonna regret this. Just what do you think you’re doing?

Tow-Line: I am punishing evil! Nothing to see here, folks. Just a common criminal.

Rapid Run: Listen, buddy. I love going fast more than anyone… But not through the middle of town! At the speed you’re going at, you’re endangering every other vehicle on the road! Besides, if you don’t slow down, you’re never gonna make it around that corner! Whhhoaaaa! Aaaah! Hey, that was a fresh paint job! What is this, Tow-Line, a sight seeing tour gone south, or a demolition derby?

Tow-Line: Neither, Rapid Run. It’s punishment for the attempts you’ve made to steal energy from the people of this city.

Rapid Run: What?! What are you talking about? Tow-Line?

Koji: Huh? Strange… That train that’s being towed looks almost like… It is! It’s Rapid Run and he’s in trouble!

Prowl: Excellent work, Tow-Line. Racking up the parking violations as usual. You know, I really have to have my optics checked. I could’ve sworn that was a bullet train he was towing. Naaaah, couldn’t have been.

Koji: Prowl… Prowl! I just saw Tow-Line towing Rapid Run. There’s gotta be something wrong.

Prowl: So I wasn’t seeing things. What does the truck think he’s doing?! It’s rush hour. I can’t get through. I’ve lost ’em.

Rapid Run: Rapid Run, transform! He got you guys too?

Sideburn: Sure did. What’s going on, dude?

Rapid Run: I don’t have a clue. Optimus said that Tow-Line came here to help us fight the Predacons, but after that wild ride through town and seeing you two here, I don’t know what to think.

X-Brawn: Well, I think all of us are getting a pretty good idea now, big guy. And he ain’t helping!

Rapid Run: It sure looks that way.

[Transition]

Koji: …And then he took off! And not even Prowl could catch up with him.

T-AI: Optimus, I can’t contact X-Brawn, Rapid Run or Sideburn on any frequency. It’s like they dropped off the map. Something’s terribly wrong.

Optimus: I agree, and it looks like Tow-Line’s at least partly responsible. I’ll go get Prowl. T-AI, determine Tow-Line’s location as soon as possible.

T-AI: No problem.

[Transition]

Dark Scream: Hahahahahahaha! Tow-Line must be around here somewhere! Aah?! All right, listen, I just spotted Tow-Line!

Sky-Byte: Keep him in sight. I’m on my way.

Prowl: If we can just find him, we might be able to understand what happened to him.

Optimus: Well whatever it is, I’ve got a pretty strong feeling that the Predacons are behind it.

Prowl: I agree.

T-AI: I found Tow-Line. He’s headed westbound. He’s on Interstate 275.

Optimus: Copy that, T-AI. Prowl, he’s headed our way.

Prowl: Gotcha. I’m all over it. Knowing Tow-Line, he’ll never be able to ignore a car that’s as illegally parked as this.

Tow-Line: Hey, you there! Stopping at an intersection is a major infraction of the parking laws! You’re getting towed, friend. No parking means no parking!

Prowl: Come and get me!

Optimus: Tow-Line, we’re your friends. Please, tell us what’s wrong.

Tow-Line: I won’t tell you anything! You’re the Autobot’s evil mastermind.\

Prowl: Whoa, you’ve really lost it. Transform!

Tow-Line: Transform!

Optimus: Stop him!

Tow-Line: Let go of me!

Prowl: No way. Not until you explain why you’re acting this way.

Sky-Byte: Terrorize!

Slapper: Terrorize!

Dark Scream: Terrorize!

Optimus: Prowl, you think you can handle Tow-Line?

Prowl: Sure. Go take care of our guests.

Optimus: Blaze Blaster!

Sky-Byte: Shark Spike!

Optimus: Strafe Attack!

Tow-Line: Let go of me you dirty, no good…

Optimus: Try to relax, big fella. Your operating system is downloading the wrong information now. Don’t worry, once we’ve done a diagnostic, we’ll… Huh? Well what do we got here?

Tow-Line: Huh? Where am I? What happened?

Prowl: Tow-Line, what’s the last thing you remember?

Tow-Line: Well, I remember being captured by the Predacons and then someone in my cab, nothing after that.

Optimus: Think, Tow-Line. Try to remember where you took Rapid Run and the others.

Tow-Line: Sorry. All I remember is… The power plant

[Transition]

Rapid Run: How are you doing up there?

Sideburn: Just a little bit higher and I’ll be able to reach the top. C’mon, you guys. I’m talking inches here! Whoaaaa! Keep it steady down there, will ya?

Sky-Byte: If I could just find out where that dim-witted tow truck put the Autobots he captured, this plan could be successful yet. But so far I’ve not been able to find them.

Megatron: Sky-Byte, has your plan succeeded?

Sky-Byte: Ah, well, not exactly. You see, everything was going along quite smoothly, but the plan had a teensy little flaw.

Megatron: Here we go…

Optimus: Sideburn, X-Brawn!

Sideburn: We’re down here!

Optimus: Hang on, guys. We’ll get you outta there. Here, Sideburn, let me give you a hand.

Sideburn: Dude, am I glad to see you! We’ve been down here for hours.

X-Brawn: Okay, that’s high enough.

Tow-Line: I can’t tell you how sorry I am for putting you through all this.

Sideburn: Optimus told us what happened to you. It’s not your fault.

Tow-Line: Sure it was. The Predacons knew I was a rookie and how eager I was to do my duty and used it to their advantage, but next time I’ll know better.

Rapid Run: We all will.

Sky-Byte: There they are!

Tow-Line: Now for some payback. Tow-Line, transform!

Sky-Byte: Shark Spike!

Tow-Line: Wrecker Gun!

Megatron: Cutter Beam!

Dark Scream: He’s mine!

Slapper: He’s ours!

Gas Skunk: He’s toast.

Dark Scream: Center laser!

Slapper: Right laser!

Gas Skunk: Left laser!

Rapid Run: Deflector Shield! You’re in the wrong place at the right time, guys. Bye now! Deflector Shield!

Megatron: Mega Sword!

Sky-Byte: Tsunami Blaster!

Optimus: Power Fist!

Sky-Byte: Shark Spike!

Tow-Line: Wrecker Hook! Gotcha. He’s all yours, Optimus. Thanks, Tow-Line.

Sky-Byte: Oh boy.

Optimus: Strafe Attack!

Megatron: You Autobots can’t stop me!

Rapid Run: Guess again, Mega-mouth! Shield power ram! Bye now. Don’t forget to write!

[Commercial]

Tow-Line: I’m real sorry, guys. This was all my fault. How can I ever make it up to you?

Rapid Run: Well, just try to remember that every once and a while, you have to bend the rules a little.

Tow-Line: I was trying to do the right thing, but I guess I was trying a little too hard.

Optimus: Sometimes, doing the right thing means being compassionate and understanding.

Tow-Line: You’re right. Thanks, Optimus.

Prowl: Yeah, that feels great. Keep it comin’!

Koji: How ’bout there?

Prowl: Oh, that’s nice and cool! My windshield was hot enough to bake a microchip! Oh no, not again! What happened to compassion and understanding?

Tow-Line: I feel for you, buddy, but how would it look if I let a police car get away with breaking the law? No parking (Prowl chimes in)… means no parking.

Prowl: I know, I know, but I really needed that shower. I had Slapper’s tongue slime all over my windows! And besides, it’s 93 degrees today! If I don’t cool off, my chips are going to melt. As a police officer, I demand to be put down at once…

[End]

Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“Skid-Z’s Choice” – Episode 10
Written by Tom Wyner
Transcription by Brandon Williams

–

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, what you’re witnessing here today is a truly history event in the annals of racing! Never before has an unknown driver had a chance of winning the Europa 400! Amazing! His car looks just like the one driven by the legendary Auggie Cahnay, one of the greatest drivers of all time! Look at him go! That car must be using jet fuel! Wow, what a race!

Prowl: Number 16, pull over! No unregistered vehicles are allowed to compete! Halt, evading arrest is a felony! Come back here!

X-Brawn: Prowl’s gonna have to use his afterburners to catch that hombre.

Kelly: This hat was expensive, but so what? I’m on vacation! A girl’s gotta live a little, right? This trip to Europe is just what I needed. Huh? My new hat! Thanks a lot, you just turned my hat into roadkill.

Male Spectator: Those two are incredibly fast but I’ve never seen them before. Whose team are they on?

Female Spectator: I don’t know.

Prowl: I can’t believe I let that law breaker get away from me. I’ve never been more embarrassed. Until now.

Announcer: And now number 16 has taken the lead!

Optimus: Do you think that’s Skid-Z?

Railspike: Could be. He just arrived from Cybertron and we don’t know what kind of vehicle he scanned.

Optimus: Only Autobots can go that fast. It’s Skid-Z, all right.

Railspike: Racing against human drivers, why would he do such a thing?

Koji: Hmmm…

T-AI: What is it, Koji? What’s up?

Koji: The driver of the original car was fatally injured.

T-AI: You mean Auggie Cahnay?

Koji: He used to say that he spent so much time in that car that it had taken on his personality. Almost like it had a life of its own. If he was right, maybe Skid-Z is haunted.

Midnight Express: Oh, you mean he may actually be possessed by Auggie Cahnay’s spirit?!

Koji: It sounds weird, but that’s the only thing that makes sense.

Midnight Express: If you’re correct then there’s no telling what he’ll do next. We’ve got to find him.

[Transition]

Skid-Z: I can’t believe I did it again! Skid-Z, transform! Whenever I hear a race starting I feel like I have to enter it. It started after I scanned that car in the automotive museum. That car must’ve belonged to the race driver in the photo. A race car like that would be the perfect disguise mode for me! And besides, it would be a shame to let a fine machine like that go to waste. Time to scan this baby! Yeah, this car’s configuration fits me to a “T” and my speed will be a big plus when it comes to helping the Autobots. Somehow, something must’ve gone wrong with that scan. But what? When a race starts, it feels like someone else takes control. It’s happening again, I can’t control myself! I’ve got to win! Skid-Z, vehicle mode! Oh no! Now I’m racing against children! This has gotta stop! I’m outta control! The Autobots are supposed to defend the Earth against the Predacons, our hostile cousins. How can I do that if I’m obsessed with running races night and day?!

Announcer: Runners, on your marks. Get set…

Skid-Z: This has gotta stop right now! I’ve gotta control myself!

Announcer: Ready! Set! Go!

Skid-Z: No use, I just can’t stop. Everytime I hear a race starting I’ve got to be in it! I win! Sorry tortoise. Great. Some victory. I came to Earth to help Optimus, but if I can’t control myself, I’m useless!

Sky-Byte: A bot with your power and speed? Why that’s nonsense!

Skid-Z: You must be the Predacon Sky-Byte.

Sky-Byte: Correct! My leader Megatron would find your abilities quite useful indeed. Why don’t you join those who appreciate your talents and wreak the rewards you deserve. Come over to our side, Skid-Z, and when we take control of this planet, you will have power beyond your wildest dreams.

Skid-Z: Forget it, Sky-Byte. I’m an Autobot. I’m here to protect the Earth against gearheads like you.

Sky-Byte: I thought that we could reach an understanding but I was wrong. How unfortunate. Unfortunate for you, that is, because now I’ll have to destroy you! Tsunami Blaster! Amazing, he dodged the Tsunami Blaster, no one can do that.

Announcer: Runners on your mark, get set…

Skid-Z: Later. There’s a race starting right now, gotta go.

Sky-Byte: Wait! Come back here! You can’t get away!

Skid-Z: Watch me!

Sky-Byte: I’ll smash you!

Skid-Z: In your dreams, Flea-Byte!

Sky-Byte: That does it. No more unleaded energon for me.

Announcer: Get set…

Skid-Z: Coming through! Sorry guys!

Runner: Now I’ve seen everything!

[Transition]

T-AI: Download is complete. Looks like you were right, Optimus. Skid-Z’s scanner log shows that his systems are contaminated with Cahnay’s psychotrophic energy.

Optimus: He must’ve forgotten to purge the vehicle with his high-frequency wave pulse before he scanned it.

T-AI: The longer this goes on, the worse it’ll get. We’ve gotta get him back to headquarters for decontamination.

Optimus: Yes, T-AI. But how?

Sideburn: Listen guys, we gotta think of something fast. It’s too dangerous letting him race around like that.

Prowl: Sideburn’s right.

X-Brawn: So what do we do?

Prowl: Apprehending him won’t be easy. Not even the bullet trains are as fast as he is on the open road.

Midnight Express: In order to catch up with him, we’ll have to figure out where he is going so we can get there first, right?

Rapid Run: We’ve gotta find him soon. If he keeps running at full speed like that he’ll burn out his circuits for sure.

Midnight Express: Since it’s Cahnay’s personality that’s affecting him, we should figure out where Cahnay would go.

Railspike: That would take an awful lot of research and there isn’t time for that.

Koji: I’ve already done it, Railspike, and I think I’ve found out exactly where Skid-Z is headed.

T-AI: Wow, how’d you do it, Koji? That’s amazing.

Koji: Not really. Not if you’ve followed Auggie’s career like I have. He won every major race in the world except for one. Look.

T-AI: Great Race?

Koji: That’s right. Take a look, guys!

Optimus: I see. So winning this race would’ve been important to a fierce competitor like Cahnay.

Koji: You got it. It’s called the International Grand Prix and it’s got all the greatest drivers and the fastest, toughest vehicles there are from SUVs, to dune buggies, to Formula-1 race cars.

Prowl: Now wait just a minute. Are you saying any kind of vehicle can enter?

Koji: Absolutely. That’s what makes it so exciting.

Midnight Express: And do you really think Skid-Z is going to be there?

Koji: Yep.

Optimus: It makes sense. That’s what Augie Cahnay would do.

Hot Shot: We’ll have to find him before the race starts. If we don’t, none of us are fast enough to catch up to him.

Sideburn: Hey, if I were in that race, I’d show you some real speed!

T-AI: Not a bad idea, Sideburn. We could choose all our fastest Autobots and enter them in the race.

[Bullet Trains disapprove.]

Koji: Any vehicles on wheels can enter.

Optimus: Hmmm… Very well then. We’re all going to be in that race, Team Bullet Train included.

T-AI: You think they’ll allow that?! No one’s ever heard of a race train!

Koji: Sure T-AI, they’ve got wheels, don’t they?

Announcer: The final countdown has begun. Drivers, please complete any final adjustments to your vehicles. The race will begin in precisely two minutes.

Sideburn: What’s the word? Has anybody spotted Skid-Z yet?

Optimus: Negative. But don’t worry, he’ll show up.

X-Brawn: Optimus is right. With Cahnay’s psychotrophic energy hot wiring his hard drive, I don’t think he’ll have much of a choice.

Hot Shot: What are we going to do if he shows up after the race starts? Should we try to stop him?

Optimus: No, Hot Shot. Trying to stop him in the middle of the rather would endanger the human drivers. Once the race is over, we’ll let him know what the problem is and take him back to headquarters.

Prowl: Where’s Sideburn? He was here a minute ago.

X-Brawn: Knowing him, there’s probably some little red sportscar getting an earful right now.

[Transition]

Sky-Byte (thinking): My plan is foolproof. Now Megatron will truly appreciate my brilliance.

Sky-Byte (flashback): Yes, oh great one. I’m certain that all the Autobots will be there looking for Skid-Z.

Megatron (flashback): Then this is the perfect opportunity to get rid of all the Autobots at the same time!

Sky-Byte (flashback): Exactly. Trust me, your magnificence, the Autobots will never reach the finish line.

Megatron (flashback): Good. Now go, Sky-Byte and do not fail me.

Sky-Byte: By the time this race is over, there will be nothing left of the Autobots but tiny pieces of scrap metal.

Sideburn: Hi there, cutie. Nice paintjob.

Sky-Byte: Huh?! Oh, thank you. How nice of you to notice!

Sideburn: I bet you get noticed all the time. I’ve been thinking that you look kind of familiar. Have we met before?

Sky-Byte: Hummina, hummina, hummina! Just who do you think you’re talking to? Do you think I’d fall for an old line like that? Not this car, now go away!

Sideburn: Whoa, the uppity type. Sorry, didn’t mean to offend you. Just trying to have a little friendly conversation. See ya.

Sky-Byte: Good, he’s gone. Phew, that was a close one.

Prowl: So there you are! Where’d you go, Sideburn?

Sideburn: Let’s just say I ran into an old friend.

X-Brawn: Most likely a red sportscar.

Sideburn: Well, sort of. But it turned out this one wasn’t my type. Imagine that!

Announcer: Drivers, the race will begin in twenty seconds. Good luck to all of you.

Sky-Byte: Out of the way! The Autobots are in for a big surprise!

X-Brawn: Hey, the red sportscar that just flew by was Sky-Byte!

Prowl: Way to go, Sideburn! How’d you know?

Sideburn: I’ve talked to a lot of red sportscars, but he was the first one to talk back!

Sky-Byte: I’ll get you for this! When this race is done, you’ll be too!

Prowl: Whoa, who’s that coming up behind us?!

X-Brawn: He’s coming up awful fast. Must be Skid-Z.

Optimus: Skid-Z, slow down! We need to talk!

Sideburn: He’s not responding.

Optimus: That’s because it’s not Skid-Z. It’s Megatron!

X-Brawn: What’s that gearhead up to now?

Megatron: My blinding ray will stop them cold.

Optimus: Hold up, Hot Shot! Don’t look at the light!

Hot Shot: Thanks for the warning, Optimus.

Ironhide: We’ll need a minute to re-calibrate our optic sensors. We’ll catch up to ya later.

Optimus: Be careful. If Megatron and Sky-Byte are here, then the other Predacons are probably here too.

Hot Shot: Don’t worry about it, Optimus, we can handle ’em. What about Skid-Z? Any sign of him yet?

Optimus: No. Keep your sensors on maximum. He’ll show up sooner or later.

X-Brawn: Watch out, Hot Shot. Looks like Megatrons headed your way.

Hot Shot: Hot Shot, transform!

Megatron: What?

WARS and REV: Transform!

Crosswise: Transform!

Megatron: I’m going to hit you fools with everything I’ve got.

Hot Shot: You can’t hit what you can’t see! Stealth Attack!

Megatron: Enough of your ridiculous games. Now I’ll show you what real power is all about. Ultra Traction Drive!

Hot Shot: His Ultra Traction Drive just gave me an ultra-headache.

Megatron: What’s this? Another Autobot? You’ll suffer the same fate as the others! Ultra Traction Drive!

Sky-Byte: Megatron, it’s me!

Megatron: That voice sounded somewhat familiar… How odd.

Prowl: Just look at that view. Those mountains are beautiful.

Sideburn: They’re also the toughest part of the race. That terrain up there is pretty rugged.

X-Brawn: Nothing better than rough and tumble crunching up a rocky mountain road!

Prowl: The snow’s pretty deep up there. It’ll be hard to stay on that road.

X-Brawn: Stay on it? What for? We’ll make our own! Yeehaw!

Prowl: That’s easy for you to say, you’ve got four wheel drive!

Sideburn: Oh, lighten up, Prowl. He’s an SUV, it’s only natural.

Optimus: Just be careful up there, X-Brawn.

Slapper: Get ready, guys. They’re almost here.

Dark Scream: Those stupid Autobots don’t have a prayer.

Gas Skunk: Got that right.

Slapper: Slapper, terrorize! Yeah!

Dark Scream: Dark Scream, terrorize!

Gas Skunk: Gas Skunk, terrorize!

Railspike: Watch out! It’s a rock slide!

Midnight Express: What are we going to do? We’re blocked in on all sides!

Rapid Run: Optimus, we’re too big to squeeze through these rocks. Go on without us.

Optimus: We’ll come back to get you just as soon as we find Skid-Z.

Railspike: Be careful, will ya? There might be more rock slides up ahead.

X-Brawn: Hey! Watch out, you guys! It’s raining rocks out here!

Sideburn: Weird. I wonder why. Whoa!

Optimus: Good question, Sideburn. I’ll go check it out.

Slapper: That’s not fair! He’s ignoring the laws of gravity! Come on guys, let’s get out of here!

Optimus: Well look who’s here. I shoulda known!

Slapper: Every Predacon for himself!

Optimus: That ambush was well planned. How did they know we were going to be here?

Prowl: Maybe they found out that Skid-Z is infected with the racing bug.

Sideburn: And figured we’d come here to look for him.

Optimus: That makes sense, but it looks like everybody came to the party except the guest of honour. Where’s Skid-Z?

X-Brawn: Heads up. Looks like Megatron’s back!

Skid-Z: Coming through!

Optimus: That’s not Megatron! Haha, it’s Skid-Z! Get ready, guys!

Sideburn: Skid-Z, slow down!

Skid-Z: Gotta win, gotta win, gotta win, gotta win!

Sideburn: Well, at least we know where he is… or where he was.

Prowl: We’ve got another problem. Here comes Sky-Byte.

Sky-Byte: In this narrow ravine there’s nowhere to run. I call this track the mouse trap.

Megatron: Aha!

Sky-Byte: Megatron?! It’s me! Sky-Byte! Don’t shoot!

Megatron: I can’t hear you, Autobot, but if you’re begging for mercy, request denied! Hahaha!

Sky-Byte: Waaaaaiiit! Ooof. The rocky path is sometimes unavoidable…

Megatron: Now for the rest of the Autobots.

Optimus: Spread out! We’ll have to catch that rock or it’ll crush us!

Megatron: Megatron, beast mode! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Sooner or later your strength will run out and you’ll be squashed like tin cans!

Sideburn: Optimus, he’s right. We can’t hold this rock up much longer!

Megatron: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! You’re finished, Autobots!

Optimus: Skid-Z, mayday! Mayday!

Skid-Z: Skid-Z, transform! The Autobots are in trouble. They need me. I’ve got to help them. But if I take the time to help them, I might not win the race! And I’ve got to win, I’ve got to! What am I saying, I’m an Autobot! I’ve got to fight this feeling. I’ve got to go back and help Optimus and the others. No, the only thing that matters is crossing the finish line first! I’ve got to help the Autobots! I feel like there’s a tug-o-war going on inside my head! Ahh, it’s driving me crazy!

Megatron: In just a few seconds you Auto-fools will be flatened!

Sideburn: My servos are about to overheat and my hydrolics are red lighting!

Prowl: We need Skid-Z! Where is he?!

X-Brawn: My guess is he’s crossing the finish line right about now!

Optimus: No! Skid-Z has the spark of an Autobot! He’ll be here!

Megatron: In your weakened state, one blast of my dual dragon fire will finish you!

Skid-Z: The only one that’s finished here is you, Megatron!

Optimus: You’re just in time, Skid-Z!

Skid-Z: Take a rest, guys.

Optimus: I knew you’d make it, Skid-Z. Welcome back.

Prowl: We understand, kid. It must’ve been tough fighting that stuff you’ve got in your system.

Skid-Z: I wanted to win! …But I realized the fight of getting back my Autobot identity was the greatest victory of all!

Optimus: And I was counting on that.

Megatron: Enough! All you’ve won is a one way ticket to oblivion!

Skid-Z: Now it’s my turn! Transform! Watch out, Megatron, you might sprain your necks!

Megatron: Keep still, you fool!

Skid-Z: C’mon, Maggot-tron! Try to keep up, will ya? Spin Drive!

Optimus: You know, I’ve had just about enough of Megatron as I can take for one day.

X-Brawn: I couldn’t agree more. Happy trails, Megatron!

Prowl: Take a hike!

Sideburn: Go on, get outta here!

Megatron: Megatron, mega-bat mode! We shall meet again, Autobots. This is far from over.

Sky-Byte: Wait, Megatron. Take me with you!

Koji: Look, there they are! Skid-Z is leading!

Announcer: They’re approaching the finish line, ladies and gentlemen, and the winner is… Skid-Z!

Optimus: You did it, Skid-Z! You won the International Grand Prix! Congratulations!

Skid-Z: I don’t think Auggie Cahnay is going to be a problem anymore! I’m finally back to normal again! Another race is about to start!

Koji: Uh oh. There isn’t any other race. Skid-Z heard my watch alarm go off.

Skid-Z: Wait for me!

Optimus: Oh well. He’ll be back. Sooner or later.

Skid-Z: I know there’s a race around here somewhere…

[End]

Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“Mirage’s Betrayal” – Episode 9
Written by Richard Epcar
Transcription by Brandon Williams

–
Hot Shot: All right team, let’s get the plutonium back. WARS, REV, Crosswise, you’re on!

WARS: Hand it over right now!

Crosswise: Well boys, looks to me like we’re gonna have to take it from them.

REV: Easy as changin’ a tire.

Sky-Byte: Sky-Byte, terrorize!

Hot Shot: Mirage, go!

Mirage: I’m on it! Fire lasers!

Hot Shot: Your lasers aren’t phasing him. Ironhide, move in!

WARS: Got it!

Dark Scream: Why you!

Hot Shot: Where do you think you’re going?!

Slapper: Right laser!

REV: Return fire!

Gas Skunk: All right, now you really made me mad!

Crosswise: Take this, scum!

Sky-Byte: Tsunami Blaster!

Dark Scream: Hahaha!

Mirage: What? …Wait a minute, there are two Dark Screams. Something’s wrong with the simulator. Abort the exercise.

Ironhide: Mirage, what are you doing? You can’t stop in the middle!

Mirage: There’s obviously a glitch. Computer, disengage training program.

REV: Hey Mirage, what’s the deal? Why’d you stop our training?

Mirage: The computer was giving us an unrealistic scenario. We should reprogram and start again.

Hot Shot: Our training is to develop teamwork. We have many possible scenarios and we have to deal with them as if they were real.

Mirage: You want to play “let’s pretend,” be my guest.

REV: Hey Hot Shot, while we’re waiting for the computer to restart, why don’t we go over all of our hand signals?

Mirage: Man, that stuff really bores me.

Ironhide: Where do you think you’re going? We have to work on hand signals, Mirage!

Mirage: I programmed them into my memory banks a long time ago.

REV: Oh yeah, smart guy, then tell me what this hand signal means here!

Mirage: Oh, that’s a real tough one. It means caution, enemies nearby. Happy now?

Ironhide: You know, he is right.

Mirage: It also means you look ridiculous.

[Transition]

Gas Skunk: I just have to connect these two wires and I’m done. And there it is!

Slapper: What is that thing?

Gas Skunk: This is an ultra small tracker/transmitter. I am such a genius!

Dark Scream: Hey genius, what’s so wonderful about that?

Gas Skunk: What, are you kidding me, pally? This device not only tracks, it also bugs.

Slapper: That’s pretty cool, huh?

Gas Skunk: If we get this on one of the Autobots, not only can we can hear their conversations, we can also find out where their base is.

Slapper: If we were to find out where that base was hidden, Megatron would like us more than that annoying Sky-Byte!

Dark Scream: That would be great! Maybe you are a genius after all.

[Transition]

Dorie Dutton: I’m at the International Exhibition Centre, where the world’s largest diamond ruby is on display. The scientists who have examined the ruby have said that because of its pure optical qualities the ruby could be used for a very strong and accurate laser. This ruby will be here on display for the next two weeks.

Koji: This sounds like just the kind of thing the Predacons would like to get their hands on. This could be dangerous. Oh wow! I’ve gotta go tell Optimus Prime about this right away!

Megatron: Excellent. Sky-Byte, get that ruby for me! It’s the last component we need to create our super weapon, the Mega Laser.

Sky-Byte: Yes, I will steal the ruby this evening Megatron and then we will have the most powerful laser in the universe. Nobody could stop us, not even the Autobots. And the Earth will be ours.

Megatron: That is correct. Just make sure you don’t screw everything up this time!

Sky-Byte: You needn’t to worry, Megatron. That ruby is as good as ours. I have everything under control this time and I will not allow for any mistakes.

Megatron: You had better not.

[Transition]

Optimus: Thanks for checking in, Koji. I was concerned about the ruby myself, so I’ve asked the Spychangers to keep an eye on it.

Koji: That’s great! Glad to hear that, Optimus.

Gas Skunk: That was easy!

Slapper: Too easy!

Hot Shot: Hold it right there! You think we’d just let you walk out of here with that ruby?

Gas Skunk: I hear him but I don’t see him. Where is he?

Slapper: And who is he?

Dark Scream: Show yourself to us!

Hot Shot: Hot Shot, transform! Since you’ve seemed to forgotten who we are, let’s reintroduce ourselves. Hand over the ruby.

Gas Skunk: These guys just appeared out of nowhere and there’s twice as many of them!

Slapper: Yeah, I think we should split now.

Dark Scream: I’m already gone!

Gas Skunk: Take this.

Hot Shot: They’re getting away with the ruby!

WARS: We’re on ’em!

Crosswise: We’ve got ’em now!

WARS: Oh no, the ruby went over the side!

Crosswise: Don’t sweat it. Tractor Beam!

Slapper: I’ll take that! I got it!

Hot Shot: We’ll try to recover the ruby. Mirage, stay on the roof. If they try to make a break for it, blast them.

Mirage: Gotcha.

Hot Shot: All right. Everyone else, follow me.

All: You got it, sir!

Gas Skunk: I’ll blind ’em!

REV: He used his acid breath as a smoke screen!

Hot Shot: They escaped from us, but Mirage will be able to get them from the roof.

Slapper: All those guys and we still got away with it!

Mirage: If I miss and hit that chemical plant, the whole block will explode.

WARS: Mirage, what’s wrong with you? Why didn’t you shoot?!

[Commercial]

WARS: You had a clear shot up there and you let them all get away!

Ironhide: Yeah, what happened? We were all counting on you to stop ’em, Mirage!

Mirage: Would you guys get off my back? I did the best I could so just back off!

Ironhide: But you’re one of our best marksmen. If anyone could have stopped them, you could’ve.

WARS: Yeah, I would’ve blasted them to bits from up there.

Slapper: The reception on this thing is great!

Gas Skunk: Don’t you feel bad for poor Mirage? They’re all mad at him for not firing at us. What happened? He had a clean shot.

Slapper: Quiet down now, I wanna hear this.

Dark Scream: Here comes Sky-Byte.

Sky-Byte: Where is the ruby?

Gas Skunk: It’s right over there.

WARS: Listen Mirage…

Ironhide: Don’t get upset, if we’re going to work together we need to cover for each other, don’t we?

Sky-Byte: And what is that you’re listening to?

Mirage: If your idea of teamwork is second guessing everything I do, then I guess I can’t work with you guys anymore.

WARS: What are you saying?

Mirage: So long.

Ironhide: You can’t just walk out!

WARS: What’s wrong with you?

Dark Scream: Do you think Mirage will go back or not?

Gas Skunk: Yeah, do you think he’ll turn his back on his friends?

Slapper: I bet they’ll convince him to come back, any takers?

[Transition]

T-AI: I don’t understand. Mirage actually told you that he wasn’t working with us any longer?

REV: That’s right, T-AI. We had ourselves a little argument.

Koji: Hey, wait a minute. Whatever happened to the ruby?

Hot Shot: That was my fault, Optimus. The Predacons got away with the jewel.

Optimus: Do you have any idea where they might have taken it?

Hot Shot: I’m sorry, Optimus. We don’t have a clue.

Optimus: We need to find out. T-AI, bring Mirage up on the screen.

T-AI: Yessir.

Mirage: What do you want?

Hot Shot: Mirage, what’s going on? We need you to come back to the base immediately. We have to work this out.

Mirage: I have nothing to say to you.

WARS: Apparently that guy’s got some loose bolts.

Hot Shot: He disobeyed a direct order. There’s no room on the team for someone like that.

Ironhide: You’re not considering the idea of getting rid of Mirage, are ya?

REV: We’re a team and he’s not a team player. Maybe Hot Shot’s right.

Ironhide: Let me talk to him. I know if I can meet with Mirage I can talk sense into him.

Crosswise: Be our guest. You guys go way back, so give it a shot.

WARS: Ironhide, you’re wasting your time.

[Transition]

Ironhide: Wait up Mirage. I’m so glad I found you!

Mirage: What do you want?

Ironhide: I just wanna talk. I wanna understand what exactly happened on the roof last night. Tell me why you didn’t shoot at them. You must have a good reason for not firing.

Mirage: My reasons are none of your business.

Ironhide: Wait, I see. You didn’t wanna fire because you didn’t wanna hit those chemical tanks. Was that it?

Mirage: Look, do me a favour and leave me alone. I didn’t ask you to come here. Go back with the rest of the Spychangers.

Ironhide: Hold on there. You’re one of us. I think if you went back and told them the truth about what happened here they’d all understand. I admit the rest of the group came down hard on ya, they thought you let ’em down, but you didn’t help any by giving us the silent treatment. If you just come back with me now and explain what happened, they’ll forget the whole thing.

Mirage: I don’t really care what they think. Why don’t you go stick your gears in somebody else’s business?

Ironhide: Look Mirage, we’re good friends and I’m trying to help. You’re in trouble here!

Mirage: Don’t do me any favours. There were five of you down there and you let those three Predacons get away. Not only are you guys disorganized but you’re also sloppy!

Ironhide: You can’t talk about us like that!

Dark Scream: Oooh, I bet that hurt!

Gas Skunk: This just keeps getting better.

Ironhide: Errr, Mirage, it’s just I don’t want them to kick you out. If you don’t come back with me now they’re gonna discharge you from the group.

Mirage: I don’t care!

Ironhide: What’s happened to you, Mirage? I thought I knew you. You thought that you were dedicated. I thought that you cared.

Mirage: Yeah, well you thought wrong. I don’t care about them and I don’t care about you.

Ironhide: I can’t believe you’re saying this. You and me are history!

Mirage: You’re right. Actually, I think I’d be better off with the Predacons, at least they would appreciate me.

Ironhide: Now you’re talkin’ treason, boy!

Mirage: Too bad. I’m the best marksman you’ve got. I’m sure the Predacons could make me a deal than you guys. Once they find out I’ve defected they’ll be happy to have me.

Dark Scream: You crying?

Gas Skunk: He’s very sensitive.

Slapper: Yeah but isn’t he kind of getting carried away?

Sky-Byte: If he keeps this up he’s going to short out his motherboard and warp his mainframe. Blah!

Mirage: Well, been nice knowing you. Guess I won’t be seeing you anymore, at least not on the same side.

Ironhide: Mirage, come back! Please don’t, friend! Please don’t do this!

Dark Scream: It is sad.

Gas Skunk: I haven’t been able to track their headquarters yet.

Sky-Byte: How could you possibly think of that at a time like this?

[Transition]

Megatron: So Sky-Byte, have you made any progress on the Mega-Laser yet?

Sky-Byte: Yes, we are very close to completing it.

Dark Scream: We have some interesting news for you, chief. The Autobots are fighting and Mirage might defect.

Megatron: How do you know this?

Gas Skunk: We put a transmitter on him and we’re able to hear everything.

Slapper: It sounds like he wants to join us and it wouldn’t be bad to have someone like him. He’s sharp.

Megatron: Good thinking. He could prove useful.

Sky-Byte: If Mirage really does defect, he could tell us everything we want to know about the Autobots and their headquarters. We could learn the weaknesses about each Autobot, so we could destroy them.

Megatron: Yes, stay on top of this and report back to me.

Sky-Byte: Of course, Megatron. I’ll keep listening to Mirage on the receiver and approach him to join us when I feel the timing is absolutely right. With the Autobots out of the way and the Mega-Laser completed, there will be no stopping us.

Megatron: Good work. Now you’re using your processor, Sky-Byte.

Sky-Byte: Thank you.

Gas Skunk: I can’t believe the way that guy always takes credit for everything.

Slapper: It’s not right.

Dark Scream: What a show-off.

Sky-Byte: Did you say something?

Slapper: This guy hears every little thing!

Gas Service: Welcome. How many I help you?

Mirage: Fill it up with regular.

Gas Service: Regular? Right away.

Mirage: No, wait. Put Premium in.

Gas Service: Premium? Of course, right away.

Kelly: Hey, could you hurry it up? I really don’t have all day, you know!

Gas Service: Thank you and have a nice day.

Mirage: Sorry for the wait.

Kelly: What’s that? I hope that guy was really short! I need a vacation.

Slapper: Owwww! Hey, that hurt! Come back here!

Mirage: Well, Slapper. Where are your other two pals? Ah, Gas Skunk and Dark Scream. You guys always travel together, don’t you?

Dark Scream: That’s right.

Mirage: It must be nice to have partners you can really count on. I wouldn’t know what that’s like.

Slapper: Oh, now that’s really a shame.

Mirage: Well, I’ll see you guys around. Don’t let Sky-Byte get to you.

Gas Skunk: Do you hear that? He really cares about us. Hey, why don’t you join us? We could use a good bot like you.

Slapper: That’s right, a real hot shot sharpshooter on our side. What do you say?

Mirage: Well, I must admit. It is something I’ve thought about… But I don’t know. Listen, I appreciate you guys wanting me to join you but I think I’ll take a pass. I’m kinda burnt out on being part of a team.

Dark Scream: It would’ve been fun working with you.

Mirage: Well, I don’t really have anything against Optimus Prime, but man would I like to teach those self-righteous Spychangers a lesson. Those guys make me sick. What do you think? Can you guys help me?

All: Uh huh, yeah.

[Transition]

Sky-Byte: You said you wanted to teach the Spychangers a lesson. This is just the device to do it with. We call this the Mega-Laser Cannon.

Mirage: So that’s what you wanted the ruby for! Maybe we can test it on the Spychangers.

Sky-Byte: Here. That’s the remote detonator. The laser is highly sophisticated and powerful. Just press the switch and it can blow up a city block!

Mirage: Nice toy. I’ll invite those backstabbers here and then boom!

[Transition]

T-AI: Optimus, Mirage is on view screen.

Ironhide: You’re kidding me! What’s he want?

Mirage: I see you guys are sitting on your cans as usual while I found the Mega-Laser Cannon. That’s what they wanted the ruby for. It’s the new secret weapon of the Predacons, located at the twelfth quadron, area “D.” I’d hurry if I were you, they want to start using it on cities. So long. Here. You really should hang on to that. The Spychangers are on their way.

Sky-Byte: My instincts were right about you.

Mirage: Once they arrive I’ll gather them into one place and as soon as I step out of the way, you push the switch and blast ’em.

[Transition]

Optimus: Hot Shot, what seems to be bothering you?

Hot Shot: It’s just that Mirage has been acting a little strange lately. I don’t know if we can trust him right now. On two occassions he’s disobeyed orders and been insubordinate. I’d hate to think he’s gone over to the other side, but it’s a possibility.

Optimus: Yes, but remember, he is an Autobot and he became a member of the elite Spychangers. What do you think, Ironhide?

Ironhide: I wish I could give you a straight answer, but he’s not acting like himself. Not a bit.

REV: Listen, even if it’s a trap, we still got to check it out, don’t we? If there’s danger we can handle it, but if Mirage is right about that Mega-Laser, we have to destroy it.

Ironhide: Yeah REV, you’re right!

Optimus: All right Autobots, move out… but be careful.

[Transition]

Mirage: Here they come.

Sky-Byte: Here they are, all according to plan, just as Mirage said they would be.

Mirage: About time you showed up. I was getting tired waiting for you.

Hot Shot: Nevermind that. Where are the Predacons?

Slapper: What does he think he’s doing out there, showing off his muscles?

Mirage: I don’t know where they are. They took off.

Ironhide (thinking): What? He’s giving me the signal for caution, enemies nearby. Now wait a minute, he was giving me that same signal on the roof top but I didn’t pay attention.

Mirage: Yeah, they must’ve split or something.

Hot Shot (thinking): They’re hiding by the laser cannon and there’s four of them.

Gas Skunk: Why does he keep moving like that? That’s weird. You think he’s just nervous or something?

Mirage: So let’s go get the ruby now that no one’s here. It’s right over this way.

Ironhide (thinking): I see what’s going on. He’s giving us a countdown.

Hot Shot (thinking): 3…

REV (thinking): 2…

Ironhide (thinking): 1…

Mirage: Fire!

Sky-Byte: Double crosser!

Slapper: Why’d he do that?

Sky-Byte: Because he was only pretending to be a traitor to the Spychangers, you fool!

Gas Skunk: I don’t understand. How’d he get away with it?

Mirage: With good teamwork.

Ironhide: Well no wonder! They had a bug on you all this time!

Megatron: Here’s something you didn’t count on, Mirage. A second detonator! Adios.

Mirage: Look out! Careful, Megatron has the other detonator!

REV: Listen, Crosswise, you have any ideas on how we can stop that laser?

Crosswise: T-AI, we’re going to try the sphere formation. You with us?

T-AI: Roger. Global space bridge is now engaging.

Megatron: How’d they do that? Oh that’s just great. I’ve released all of that energy and it’s trapped with nowhere to go.

Mirage: Well, we managed to contain the laser energy.

Hot Shot: It’s time to give our friend a little hypothermic nuclear cocktail. Let’s do it!

REV: REV, go!

WARS: WARS, go!

Crosswise: Crosswise, go!

Ironhide: Ironhide, go!

Mirage: Mirage, go!

Sky-Byte: Now what are they doing?

Gas Skunk: Don’t know, but it looks impressive.

Slapper: Whatever it is it can’t be good.

Megatron: They’re destroying my new laser!

Crosswise: Keep going, guys! We’re building up nuclear thermo-energy with our turbo power! Keep it going until we have enough to throw at Megatron!

Hot Shot: That should do it. Let’s give ’em a warm reception.

Megatron: That was a lot of power. It could cause my Megastar to crash. There’s no choice, I’ve got to get out of here. You fools, you failed me again!

Sky-Byte: No, it’s those rotten Autobots!

Ironhide: I did trust you. You were just acting awful strange.

Mirage: Well Ironhide, I knew I was being monitored and I thought it was important to put on a good show for the Predacons.

Ironhide: I understand everything now and I’m sorry I hit you. Listen, I want you to hit me back so we’re even.

Mirage: You want me to hit you… All right, get ready! Ha, ha, ha. I can’t hit you. You’re my friend!

Ironhide: Oh well that’s a relief!

Mirage: I’m glad we were able to get that ruby back.

REV: Yeah, me to. And if it hadn’t been for you Mirage and your quick thinking, who knows what kind of global damage those Predacons would have done with it.

Ironhide: And using their own transmitter to trick ’em was a stroke of genius. I tell ya, Mirage, I’d fight by your side any time.

Mirage: Thanks, old buddy. I appreciate that.

Hot Shot: Attention, mission completed. Returning to base with the ruby.

Optimus: That’s very good news, Hot Shot. How’s Mirage doing?

Hot Shot: He’s doing fine, Optimus. I’m just glad he’s on our side.

Mirage: I won’t hit you, Ironhide. But I’ll whip you in a race back to base! Ha, ha, ha!

[End]

Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“Secret Weapon: D-5” – Episode 8
Written by Marc Handler
Transcription by Brandon Williams

–
Gas Skunk: That’s the place!

Dark Scream: I don’t like the looks of it.

Slapper: Ah, quiet, you big baby.

Gas Skunk: Let’s get it!

Doc: Next time I try that experiment, I’m definitely changing the formula! Well at least the disk it all right. I promised Dr. Onishi I’d keep it safe for Koji.

Slapper: You call that safe? We’d really hate to see you blow it up in your next experiment.

Doc: Say, what sort of beasts are you? I don’t think you’re in my field guide.

Slapper: Slapper, terrorize!

Dark Scream: Dark Scream, terrorize!

Gas Skunk: Gas Skunk, terrorize!

Doc: Ah! You’re Predacons, aren’t you?

Gas Skunk: Bingo, now hand over the disk.

Assistant: I told you you can’t use nitro glycerine instead of nitrous oxide, it doesn’t work like that.

Dark Scream: I’m losing my patience!

Assistant: Predacons! They’re even uglier than their photo!

Doc: I don’t know how they found out about it, but they want Dr. Onishi’s disk.

Slapper: Right, and we always get what we want. Hey! What’s with the siren?

Gas Skunk: That sounds like Optimus Prime.

Dark Scream: He wants it too! I guess Megatron was right. That disk holds the key to controlling all the Earth’s energy!

Slapper: You two attack Optimus Prime. Keep him occupied while I get the disk.

Gas Skunk: No, you and Dark Scream attack him and I’ll get the disk.

Dark Scream: I’m the best one to get the disk! You two fight him.

Doc: Get in the truck!

Dark Scream: While you’re arguing, they’re getting away!

Slapper: Tongue Lash Attack!

Gas Skunk: I was just about to get it!

Dark Scream: Well he got it. Now lets all get out of here before Prime gets us!

Gas Skunk: We’ll tell Megatron it was a team effort.

Slapper: Team effort?! I’m the one who nabbed it.

Doc: They seem to be afraid of this fire engine. Must be some new kind of phobia. I’ll look it up in my psycho guide book.

Assistant: Uh, right.

[Transition]

T-AI: Apparently it was a digital disk with no special properties. Standard size, 1.44 MB.

Optimus: Hmmm… Why would the Predacons steal an ordinary disk? They must know something we don’t.

T-AI: That’s likely, since they’re keeping Dr. Onishi captive and it’s his disk.

Optimus: Yes, you’re right. Onishi must’ve told them something about the disk, but what?

T-AI: He gave it to Dr. Yoshimoto just before he was captured.

Optimus: Hmmm…

T-AI: He said it was for his son Koji. That’s all we know.

Optimus: We’d better go on alert. Contact the Autobot Brothers.

T-AI: No problem. Autobot Brothers, we have a situation.

Prowl: Copy that.

Sideburn: Uh, can I talk to Optimus Prime about this?

Optimus: Yes.

Sideburn: I got a date with a cute convertible. Can this wait?

Optimus: No, it can’t.

Sideburn: Haha, just checking.

[Transition]

Megatron: Now that our captive is sleeping soundly, let us have a look at that stolen disk.

Gas Skunk: The picture’s all messed up. Maybe they sabotaged it so we couldn’t unlock its secret power data.

Slapper: I don’t get it. What’s it supposed to be?

Sky-Byte: I think it’s a… train?

Megatron: D-5, you see it!

Sky-Byte: Yes, that’s it exactly. It must be code for some kind of secret weapon like Destructor-5 Gigatons.

Gas Skunk: No, I bet it’s got explosives like Dilithium-5 blast powder!

Dark Scream: No, it’s a robot! The model is Destron-5!

Slapper: No, it’s Danger-5! That designates the danger level!

Megatron: Silence! Whatever it stands for, I want that train. Understand?

Sky-Byte, Slapper and Dark Scream: Right!

Gas Skunk: Absoultely!

Dr. Onishi: …Grandpa…

Megatron: What was that?

Sky-Byte: It sounded like something-pa!

Megatron: Pa? Pa?

Slapper: Must be some kind of secret code.

Dr. Onishi: Grandpa is here. He’s coming down the track. He was always my favourite.

Driver: What? I’ve lost control! It’s slowing down as if something’s taken over the train!

Midnight: Uh, that would be me. Sorry, but I had to say hello to Grandpa! The D-512 Stanwich Steamer, also known as Grandpa! The first train to ever run these tracks. And today he’s making a special run, so Optimus Prime wanted us all on guard. First time that whistle’s blown in fifty years!

Koji: My father always wanted to see this train restored and back in action. I wish he could be here to see it. It was his absolute favourite.

Doc: Yes, your father and I both love classic trains. That’s why we’re such good friends and that’s why he gave me that disk for you.

Koji: Ugh… I miss my father so much.

Doc: I’m sure he misses you too. He really wanted you to have the disk, but you know what happened to it.

Koji: Yeah, the Predacons took it, but they won’t get away with it.

Doc: I wish we could find them and get your father back, but it’s very difficult.

Koji: We’ll find ’em. I know someone who’s looking for ’em right now!

X-Brawn: Dang if my scanners aren’t turning up a whole lotta nothing.

Sideburn: Hey, I gave up a hot date for this. Those Predacons better show up here.

Prowl: This is a police operation. Your dates are not relevant.

Sideburn: They’re relevant to me, bro! You shoulda seen that classy chassis. Woooohhoooo!

Prowl: You try talking to him, X-Brawn.

X-Brawn: This ain’t no sport car rally, Sideburn. We’re here to kick some serious Predacon tailpipe. Now, keep an eye peeled.

Slapper: Ha, I always like sneaking around the back way.

Dark Scream: Yeah, it took twice as long and got some thorns in my fur.

Gas Skunk: Quit yappin’. If the Autobot Brothers are here, then we’re onto something big.

[Commercial]

Koji: Hey, here it is now! All right!

Doc: Ready?

Koji: Yeah, I was just thinking of my dad.

Doc: I know he’s here in spirit, Koji.

X-Brawn: All right wranglers, head ’em up and move ’em out!

Prowl: Police pursuit mode!

Midnight: I can’t get over it. I never thought I’d see this old timer back on the rails. The TV cameras are waited for you at the station. Grandpa’s big comeback film at 11! …And I’m going to make sure nobody gets in your way.

Railspike: Good thinking, Midnight. I got your back.

Rapid Run: I’m with you too, although I can’t see why anyone would want to nab and old crate like that. It’s so slow it can hardly get out of its own way.

Midnight: Show some respect for your elders! Grandpa used to be the fastest thing on wheels.

Railspike: Anyway, it must be very important if the Predacons are targetting it.

Rapid Run: Maybe, but that smoke’s a menace! It’s clogging up my air filters!

Midnight: He’s blowing his stack because you made him mad. Steam engines are very sensitive.

Kelly: Ah, wind blowing through my hair in the open road ahead.

Sideburn: Whoa, candy apple red! I’m in love! Hey, hey, slow down there, sweetheart!

X-Brawn: Easy there, cowboy.

Prowl: This is against police regulations.

Sideburn: What, can’t you see she’s crazy about me! Yo, I dig that sporty look!

Kelly: Look, who’s ever in there, you are beyond obnoxious! You’re a road hazard!

Sideburn: Hey lady, it’s not you I want… It’s your car!

Kelly: Ha! Gave him the slip! Not too bad! Whhhhoooaaa! That’s it… I know what this is about. I’ve fallen under some ancient vehicle curse, right? Get this cow away from me!

Sideburn: Oh no! I hope she didn’t dent one of those pretty fenders!

Prowl: The car’s fine and so is the human. Now lets go!

Sideburn: …But I…

[Transition]

Sky-Byte: Hahaha! That old rattle trap is a sitting duck!

Doc: Did we just see a… flying shark?!

Koji: It’s Sky-Byte! Koji calling Optimus, please come in! It’s the Predacons!

Optimus: Are they attacking the train?

Koji: Not yet, but they’re closing in. I think that they’re about to make their move.

Optimus: All right, stay calm, Koji. The Autobot Brothers and Team Bullet Train are all on the job.

Koji: But what do the Predacons want?

Optimus: The train.

Koji: A steam engine?!

Optimus: They seem to believe it’s a secret weapon with special powers.

Midnight: Sky-Byte, if you think that I’m going to let you hurt this train, think again!

Sky-Byte: As if you could actually stop me, Rail Boy!

Railspike: We’re all gonna stop you, Sky-Byte. And then we’re going to turn you into shark fin soup!

Sky-Byte: I’ve gotta get inside that train. I’ll just squeeze in through here. It tried to poison me!

Koji: Waaah!

Rapid Run: Guess Grandpa didn’t need our help after all.

Midnight: Yes, he took care of it all by himself.

Sky-Byte: Is so that how it is? I see. That train does have special powers!

Midnight: That’ll send a message to the Predacons. Don’t mess with Grandpa.

Rapid Run: “Grandpa” can’t even understand you. He doesn’t have a computer system.

Midnight: He still knows what’s going on, right Spike?

Railspike: Yeah, whatever… Anyway, the Predacons sure want that train.

Rapid Run: But why? It’s just an old clunk! They only restored it ’cause some humans have a thing for antiques.

Midnight: If it weren’t for trains like him, we wouldn’t be here. And I think he still has got a lot of steam in his boiler. You see? That means the old boy agrees with me.

Dark Scream: Sky-Byte couldn’t get the train, but I will! Ohhhh! That train’s an animal! He dragged me through that tunnel on purpose! He’s one lean, mean fighting machine. Well I’m back on my feet and I’m ready to take you on. Round 2, let’s go, this time I’ll…. That’s not fair!

Slapper: That old train defeated both of them, which means all the more glory for me, Slapper. Now I’ll show ’em how it’s done.

Midnight: Get your claws off that coal!

Slapper: You messin’ with me, pal?! What are you thinking?!

Midnight: I was thinking toads have big mouths and small brains. Railspike, Rapid Run, take care of Grandpa while I take care of this guy!

Slapper: Grandpa? That’s what Dr. Onishi said! Well, whatever you call him, we’re gonna use his secret powers to rule the world! Right laser, target, fire! Nice shot. Tongue Lash Attack!

Midnight: Shoulder Shot of Fire!

Slapper: Hey! That’s my tongue, you know!

Midnight: Yes, and this is my fist! Come and get it! Rail Blaster!

Rapid Run: Midnight’s got some pretty good moves, huh?

Railspike: Yeah, and I think he’d do anything to protect this old train.

Slapper: You’re crazy, and I know why you’re blowing all your gaskets. Because that train has secret powers, just like we thought, and we’re gonna get ’em!

Midnight: You touch that train and you’re frog fillet!

Gas Skunk: These goofballs I’m working with can sure waste a lot of effort for nothing. Once you have the right weapon, it’s all so easy.

Rapid Run: It’s a pulse field! My fuses are firing like the Fourth of July!

Railspike: I’m shorting out! My systems are overloading, I’ve gotta fall back!

Gas Skunk: Yes! I got the bullet trains! But that rickety old steam engine’s still going strong!

[Commercial]

Megatron: What did you bring me, the train or a bunch of excuses?

Sky-Byte: The others failed completely. I almost got it, but it smoked me out.

Megatron: A locomotive makes a shark look like a baboon?

Sky-Byte: The locomotive thing is just a cover. It’s some kind of advanced robot with major stealth weapons.

Megatron: You better be right about this! If it’s true, then that is exactly what we need to defeat the Autobots.

Sky-Byte: Maybe so, but it’s not going to do us any good if we can’t capture it.

Dark Scream: Sky-Byte’s right. There’s no way to defeat that monster! It knows what we’re going to do before we do. It’s got like extra-sensory programming!

Megatron: A weapon that can read minds?

Gas Skunk: That’s right. It’s diabolical! It seems innocent enough, just a smoke stack and a whistle, but our weapons have no affect on it.

Megatron: None at all?

Gas Skunk: My strongest ion beams couldn’t even disrupt its motherboard. It just kept right on going!

Slapper: I bet the Autobots are protecting it ’cause they’re planning on using it against us.

Megatron: Oh really? Then go back and get it!

[Transition]

Doc: Right on schedule. Your father would’ve been proud.

Koji: He’ll ride on this train someday. I know he will.

Optimus: The train has arrived safetly. Good job, everyone.

X-Brawn: We didn’t see much action.

Prowl: Police cars often have a deterrent affect.

Sideburn: Does this mean I can go on my date now?

Midnight: See? Grandpa never ran out of steam. He’s quiet, but he’s got some excellent moves. I keep telling you, you can learn a lot of things from the old timers.

Rapid Run: As long as he’s safe, that’s all that counts.

Koji: Huh?!

Dark Scream (singing): I’ve been working on the railroad, all the live long day!

Dark Scream: So long, suckers!

Koji: Hey, someone help! They’re stealing the train, we’ve gotta stop them!

Rapid Run: Ah! These guys are getting under my casing.

Railspike: All right, Bullet Train Team power-up! Let’s make tracks!

Midnight: If they hurt Grandpa, they’ll regret it. Grandpa, don’t let them take you! I’m back!

Sky-Byte: There. Try a new route!

Midnight: Look out! Someone laid a new track here. It’s steering off from the route!

Sky-Byte: Hahaha! Now that old train’s heading straight into Megatron’s waiting arms! Sheer poetry!

Slapper: You ready yet, yeah?

Gas Skunk: I’m waiting for you!

Slapper: I’m waiting for you!

Both: 1… 2… 3, pull!

Gas Skunk: You’re pulling the lever in the wrong direction, wart brain!

Slapper: You’re pulling in the wrong direction! And who’re you calling a… um… Whoa… It’s coming, let’s get outta here!

Midnight: Grandpa, where’d you go?! You’re on the wrong track now!

Dark Scream (singing): Oh, I’ve been working on the raaaailllrooaaaddd!

[Transition]

Optimus: Those tracks must lead somewhere. What’s there new destination?

T-AI: Activating track map. The track ends at Baker’s Cove, at a tall cliff that jets over the ocean.

Optimus: It’s going to crash into the water. Alert Team Bullet Train at once.

T-AI: No problem.

Megatron: This is perfect. I outsmarted Prime and the train’s falling right into my trap.

Dark Scream (singing): Someone’s in the kitchen with DAAAAARRRKKK Scream!

Midnight: Am I glad I caught up to you! You’ve got to put on the brakes, Grandpa!

Optimus: Listen, everybody. That train is out of control.

X-Brawn: This is worse than a stampede! How are we gonna stop it?!

Optimus: It’s too late. Midnight Express, if you stay with Grandpa, you’re going right over a cliff!

Midnight: I can’t let him go! There must be a way to reach him!

Railspike: It can’t be done, Midnight! Pull back!

Dr. Onishi: That dream again! I know there’s hope whenever I dream of that train.

Optimus: Fire hose, Water Storm! I can’t stop it!

Midnight: Grandpa, no!

X-Brawn: He’s got more gumption than a grizzly.

Megatron: Now come to my waiting claw… Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! …Autobots! They snatched away my prize! But make no mistake, the day of reckoning will come and come soon, argh!

Koji: Midnight saved him!

Doc: A train with a heart.

Optimus: Good work.

Midnight: You understood me all along, didn’t you, Grandpa? Give me a whistle if I’m right.

[Commercial]

Megatron: So that disk meant nothing after all, a complete waste of time! Just a hobby for Onishi because he likes vintage locomotives. Secret weapon my exhaust port! You idiots were defeated by an old steam engine! Get back here! Wait till I get my claws on you!

[Transition]

Rail Racer: He’s a classic, all right, and he’s back on track!

Koji: Wow, Optimus. I think I understand why my father likes these locomotives.

Optimus: And why is that?

Koji: ‘Cause no matter what happens, they just keep on going. It gives you hope that if you keep trying real hard, everything’s going to end up okay.

Optimus: I think you’re right, Koji. That train is a message of hope from your father to you.

Koji: I never got to see that disk my father made, so I’ll make my own disk with this video and I’ll show it to him when he’s finally free.

Optimus: Koji, we’ll have him back. Very soon.

[End]

Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“Sideburn’s Obsession” – Episode 7
Written by Richard Epcar
Transcription by Brandon Williams

–
Guy: Oh wow! What’s that?

Sideburn: Oh baby, you’re looking fine! You know I can’t resist a red sportscar! What curves! Honey, you are really put together! Wanna go cruisin’?! Playing hard to get, eh? Hey, wait up!

Prowl: We get a call about two cars about two cars speeding on the interstate, and who does it turn out to be? None other than Sideburn! He’ll never learn. I can’t let these other police cars get messed up in this. Attention all units, return to the station. I will continue pursuit. He can’t break the law on my watch! I’m gonna throw the book at him this time! I should’ve known it was a red sportscar. He’s drawn to them like a moth to a flame! Wait a minute, there is something suspicious about that car. Hey Sideburn, pull it over. I’m not kidding. Pull it over right now! What am I gonna do with this guy?! If he wasn’t my brother I’d run him in, lock him up and throw away the key.

Sideburn: Hey baby, what’s the rush? Let me buy ya a quart of oil. I don’t mean to criticise, but what are we doing here? I know some great roads we could cruise! Now that’s more like it. Oh man, what a downer.

Sky-Byte: You are so predictable, Sideburn. Now you’re our prisoner, smooth talker.

Sideburn: Does this mean our date is off?

Megatron: Sky-Byte, I will leave this up to you.

Sky-Byte: Don’t you worry. I’ll handle it.

Sideburn: Well he does know how to make a great exit, I’ll give him that.

Sky-Byte: I knew that if Megatron converted into a little red sportscar, you’d follow him here just like a little puppy dog.

Dark Scream: All the Predacons know that you have a thing for red sportscars!

Slapper: It looks like your passion was your downfall. You are such a loser!

Sky-Byte: You, Sideburn, were the easiest target of all the Autobots, so I abducted you first. It was so simple to trap you and make you our hostage, I’m actually embarassed to be you. Now we can lure the rest of your team here and destroy them.

Sideburn: Sideburn, transform!

Dark Scream: Predacons, terrorize!

Slapper: Terrorize!

Gas Skunk: Terrorize!

Sideburn: Hey, get off!

Gas Skunk: You’re pathetic.

Sky-Byte: You’re not going anywhere.

Sideburn: I can’t move!

Sky-Byte: Cancel all your appointments. You’re going to be a little tied up.

Slapper: They’re energon chains.

Gas Skunk: No matter what you do, you can’t get free. Even if I kick you like this!

Sky-Byte: Don’t mind him. He’s a little angry about all the times your friends have foiled our schemes. Slapper, make sure you let all his friends know that he is missing.

Slapper: Yeah!

[Transition]

Photographer: Say ‘cheese,’ kids!

Kids: Cheese!

T-AI: Megatron has been spotted in quadrant 5, Prime. We need you.

Optimus: All right, I’m on my way. In the mean time, I want you to round up the rest of the crew and have them meet me.

T-AI: I’ll take care of everything. Leave it to me, sir. Bringing Autobot Brothers online. Activating battle protocol. Sideburn, come in. Emergency!

Prowl: I hope you had more luck than I did. I’ve been looking for him all night. He’s vanished into thin air.

T-AI: Prowl, report to quadrant 5 right away. I’ll have Sideburn meet you there when I contact him.

Prowl: Roger, T-AI. I copy that. I’m on my way and I’ll check in later.

T-AI: X-Brawn, report. You’re needed right away.

X-Brawn: Roger, T-AI.

Kelly: You know, I’m beginning to think that car has a mind of its own! Hey!

X-Brawn: Later!

[Transition]

Prowl: This is ridiculous. He’s completely disappeared! T-AI, where is Sideburn?

T-AI: I don’t know, Prowl. He hasn’t responded.

Prowl: This is too much, even for him. I know he’s irresponsible sometimes, but even he wouldn’t ignore an emergency call.

Slapper: Heh. Right laser!

Optimus: Optimus Prime, transform!

Prowl: Prowl, transform!

X-Brawn: X-Brawn, transform!

Optimus: Not a wise move, Slapper!

Slapper: Too bad, tin head. I got a message for ya! And I’d do what it says! Hahaha!

Prowl: All right, freeze, dirt bag!

Optimus: Prowl! Wait.

Prowl: Sideburn!

Sky-Byte: Optimus Prime, recognize this pitiful Autobot as one of your team? Pay very close attention to what I’m about to tell you if you ever want to see him again. Come alone and meet me on the location on the map. Otherwise…

Prowl: Sideburn was chasing a red sportscar last night. I tried to tail them but they lost me.

Optimus: Apparently it was just a trap set by the Predacons.

Prowl: I let him slip right through my fingers.

X-Brawn: You won’t be alone, we’re going with you, Prime.

Optimus: No. They’re holding Sideburn at the dismantling plant. I have no choice but to do what they say.

X-Brawn: No way. You’ll be walking right into a trap.

Optimus: Probably, but I’ll go and check it out. You two return to the base. I’ll fill you in when I know what’s going on.

X-Brawn: I just don’t like it, Optimus.

Prowl: I don’t like it either. Are you sure you don’t want us to surround the place? I mean, we could create a perimeter.

Optimus: No, I’m the one they want. I’ll go. You two do as I say and that’s an order!

X-Brawn: Sometimes you’re as stubborn as a packbot!

Prowl: C’mon, Optimus. You shouldn’t go in without backup.

Optimus: Look, right now the most important thing to me is Sideburn’s safety and I’m the only one who can save him. But I promise you, if I get my hands on Megatron, I’m gonna make him pay.

Koji’s Friend: This machine makes scrap metal out of cars.

Koji: Wow, it’s humungous. How come they let you in the plant?

Friend: Dad helps to design and build all this stuff. It’s pretty cool, isn’t it? Hey Dad, start it up.

Koji’s Friend’s Dad: All right, here goes.

Koji: Amazing!

Friend: A car doesn’t stand a chance in there.

Sky-Byte: Sky-Byte, terrorize! I’m taking over this plant and I suggest you leave.

Koji: Hey… It’s Sideburn. I’ve gotta get him away from here somehow!

Gas Skunk: That’ll be you next, tin brain.

Sideburn: You act tough when I’m all tied up. Take these chains off and we’ll see how tough you are.

Dark Scream: You’re all talk, freak!

Sideburn: I’m a freak? I’m not afraid of any of you Preds, I’ll take you all on!

Dark Scream: Why you little–!

Sky-Byte: Dark Scream, don’t let him bait you. Prepare the energon chains at once.

Dark Scream: You lucked out this time, you hunk of junk, but when I’m done taking care of this, you and your whole team are going down! Let’s see how you run your mouth when we capture your leader… Oh man, this is going to be sweet! I hope you like the sound of ripping, shredding metal, Sideburn. Hahaha!

Sky-Byte: Hahaha!

[Transition]

X-Brawn: I don’t know about you, little brother, but I’m stuck. I’m not much good at this waiting business.

Prowl: Yeah, I’d much rather be pursuing or apprehending.

T-AI: Is something the matter, gentlemen?

X-Brawn: Hey, I’ve got it! T-AI, send out the Spychangers. They’ve got all that great camoflague and stuff. They can help us. Get ’em on the horn, little lady!

T-AI: I can’t dispatch the Spychangers. They’re on assignment. You’ll have to wait till they come back from their mission.

Prowl: T-AI, this is an emergency.

X-Brawn: Sideburn’s been kidnapped and Optimus is in danger.

Prowl: You’ve got to do something!

T-AI: Why didn’t you say so in the first place?

X-Brawn: Now will you help us?

T-AI: I will call the Spychangers. Three Spychangers online. Activating battle protocol. Hot Shot and REV, recall. Priority one.

Hot Shot: I’m on top of it!

REV: I am revved up and ready to go!

T-AI: Crosswise, Autobots need assistance.

Crosswise: Roger, I’m up for a little action.

Prowl: This is frustrating. There’s gotta be something we can do.

T-AI: Optimus should be reporting in any minute now.

Prowl: I hope he’s got some good ideas. Sitting around here isn’t going to help Sideburn.

X-Brawn: I think you and I oughta check out that dismantling plant. Maybe we can make ourselves useful, if you catch my drift.

Prowl: We’ll be spotted, won’t we?

X-Brawn: Not if we’re wearing some nifty disguises.

Prowl: Disguises, are you serious? You mean like undercover? How’s this, big brother? Can you guess who I am?

X-Brawn: We’re gonna have to come up with something better than that. We have to blend in. Try vehicle mode.

Prowl: Right.

[Transition (Car Robots style)]

Prowl: How’s this?! They’ll never know it’s me!

X-Brawn: That is the dumbest disguise I have ever seen!

Prowl: Listen, I’m a patrol car. That’s what I am. And I’m very proud of my uniform.

X-Brawn: Look, we don’t have time for that right now. We have to go in disguise. Listen, I’ve got an idea how we can get close without being seen. It’ll take some good ol’ Autobot ingenuity! Let’s go!

[Transition]

Prowl: This is ridiculous. I can’t drive around like this. Look at me, I look like a buffoon!

X-Brawn: Clamp your vocalizer and follow me.

Sky-Byte: You should’ve seen the look on your face when the red sportscar changed into Megatron.

Slapper: Yeah, what’s up with that? Why do you like red sportscars so much anyway?

Sideburn: Are you that interested? Do you really want to know why I’m obsessed with red sportscars?

Slapper: Yeah!

Sideburn: All right then. It all started when I just came online. I was just a classic sportscar myself when I spotted my first red sportscar. We were madly in love, but one tragic night, she had an accident. Our love wasn’t meant to be. But I could never forget her. I think of her often. And even now, when I see a red sportscar, something inside compels me to follow. I just can’t help it. Kind of a sad story, isn’t it?

Slapper: That was beautiful.

Sideburn: And when I was very young, I was just a tricycle.

Slapper: You were a teeny, tiny, itty-bitty tricycle?

Sideburn: My first love was a red tricycle. We’d go riding together every day, but then her family moved and I never saw her again.

Slapper: Gee, that’s the saddest story I’ve ever heard!

Sky-Byte: Knock it off, Slapper! This Autobot is from Cybertron, he wasn’t a sportscar or a tricycle! You are so gullible.

Slapper: You mean you made all of that stuff up?

Sideburn: Yeah, you wanna buy some swampland? Optimus Prime!

Sky-Byte: Did you come alone?

Optimus: Yes, I held up my part of the bargain. Now keep your promise and let Sideburn go!

Sky-Byte: Sure thing, just come a little closer.

Sideburn: Don’t do it, it’s a trap! They’re going to capture you and turn you over to Megatron!

Optimus: Optimus Prime, transforrr– ah!

Sky-Byte: Aw, what’s the matter?

Gas Skunk: Can’t move?!

Sky-Byte: You really shouldn’t struggle so much. You’re just gonna stress your linkage. Come and get him.

Megatron: Excellent, Sky-Byte.

Sky-Byte: Yes, I have to admit, it’s nothing short of genius!

Slapper: Hey, what are we, Vehicon Drones?

Koji: They’ve got Optimus too.

X-Brawn: All right, we’re here. Stay low and just try and blend in. Let’s ease our way toward Optimus and Sideburn.

Prowl: 10-4, but I still feel dumb in this get up.

X-Brawn: Aww, quit your belly achin’. Come on. Hold up a second.

Megatron: Ha, ha, ha…

X-Brawn: Uh oh! Big boss himself just showed up.

Prowl: I see that. I’ve got a bad feeling about this.

Sky-Byte: Here he is, Megatron.

Megatron: Nice work, Sky-Byte. As for you, Optimus, I’ve been waiting a long time for this moment. Cutter Beam!

Sky-Byte: Hahaha! That looked really painful!

Optimus: The deal was that if I came here alone you’d let Sideburn go free!

Sky-Byte: You should know better than to trust me.

Sideburn: Hang on, Optimus. I know we can get through this. They’re not strong enough to defeat the Autobots.

Gas Skunk: Hey pipsqueak, keep your trap shut.

Prowl: This is awful. I can’t take much more of this. We’ve got to do something.

X-Brawn: Check out the building. See if we can surprise him.

Prowl: Wait a minute, who’s that behind the crate? Hey, it’s Koji.

X-Brawn: Koji? What in tarnation is he doing here?

Prowl: Koji… Koji… Come in.

Koji: Prowl, thank goodness it’s you. They’ve got Optimus Prime and Sideburn.

Prowl: I know. I’m with X-Brawn. We’re at the plant right now.

Koji: I don’t see anything except for a couple of junky cars.

Prowl: That’s us.

Koji: Huh?!

Prowl: Listen, I need you to start the scrap metal machine when I tell you to.

Koji: No problem.

X-Brawn: What are you cooking up now?

Prowl: I’m going to have the electro-magnet drop me on the conveyor belt.

X-Brawn: No, you’ll be turned into scrap metal!

Prowl: Don’t worry, bro. I have a plan. It just might work. Besides, we’ve gotta do something to get Sideburn and Optimus outta here. Wish me luck. All right, Koji, now! Hit the button!

Koji: All right!

Sky-Byte: What’s that? Who started the machine?

Slapper: That’s the ugliest car I’ve ever seen.

Gas Skunk: That should be smashed into scrap metal.

X-Brawn: Prowl, get outta there!

Prowl: Prowl, transform! Double Barrell Blaster!

Sideburn: Yeah!

X-Brawn: Move in now, Spychangers!

REV: Don’t have to tell me twice!

Hot Shot: Game over, Preda-creeps.

Mirage: Don’t look now, but you’re surrounded.

Crosswise: You mess with one Autobot, you mess with us all!

Sky-Byte: Where’d they come from?

Sideburn: I know it’s not right to seek revenge, think we should just turn the other fender, maybe cut ’em a break?

Optimus: Let’s teach these creeps a lesson they’ll never forget!

Sideburn: Works for me! Oh boys, we wanna have a little chat with you!

Prowl: Jet Boosters!

Optimus: You’re going down, Megatron! Blaze Blaster!

Megatron: Megatron, dragon mode! Twin Dragon Breath!

Sideburn: It’s payback time, fish breath! Have a blast!

Crosswise: Cross-Blaster!

Mirage: Mirage Morter!

REV: I’m locked on ya now, Gas Skunk!

Hot Shot: Eat photon.

Optimus: Give it up, Megatron!

Megatron: Here’s my answer to you!

Sideburn: Hey pal, you just made a big mistake! X-Brawn, how about giving me a ride up to where Megatron is, all right?

X-Brawn: X-Brawn, transform! Hang on, little brother, we’re going off-road!

Sideburn: Woohoo!

Megatron: Now what?

Sideburn: Fire! Take that, you big ugly reptile!

Optimus: Optimus Prime, battle mode! Blizzard Storm!

Megatron: Mega-Beast form!

Dark Scream: We’re outta here!

Megatron: This whole idea was nothing more than a disaster. Sky-Byte, this cyber-brain scheme was your idea, wasn’t it?

Sky-Byte: Actually Megatron, it was Gas Skunk and Dark Scream’s idea. Not mine!

Dark Scream: What?!

Sky-Byte: I wouldn’t lie, sire!

Megatron: Off to the pit! They will be punished severely for their failure.

[Transition]

Optimus: Good work, Autobots.

Sideburn: I could’ve made it outta there by myself, but it was nice to have some help. I hope you can find it in your spark plugs to forgive me.

X-Brawn: Well, you gave us a jolt. That was pretty irresponsible, little brother, but I think we’re all happy you’re back. Just don’t do that again.

Sideburn: No way!

Optimus: Thankfully we all made it of there in one piece. Let’s be more careful in the future.

Prowl: I’m just glad I’m out of that disguise.

Optimus: And I’m just happy that Sideburn learned a lesson from everything that’s happened.

X-Brawn: Oh, I’m sure he did, right bro?

Sideburn: Yeah, I did. Don’t worry about it. From now on, it’s the straight and narrow for me. Uh oh. Baby, where are you going so fast? Slow down and talk to me!

Prowl: Hey Sideburn, get back here! What about your promise?

Sideburn: Oh, I’m sorry guys. When I see a red metallic sheet I just can’t help myself. Hey doll, come back here!

X-Brawn: Oh, I give up. We’re gonna have to put binders on his headlights.

Sideburn: Come on, honey. You and I got chemistry. Can you feel it? What’s your VIN number? Hey, wait up! Look at the tires on that car! Come back, sweetie! I think I love you!

[End]