Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“Lessons of the Past” – Episode 26
Transcription by Brandon Williams

–
Optimus: Optimus to Build Team, hold tight. I’m on my way.

Ro-Tor: Hi, Optimus!

Optimus: Sorry, I don’t have time to play right now.

Ro-Tor: Oh yeah?

Movor: Fire!

Optimus: You’re going to have to fill in these potholes.

Rollbar: Attack!

Mega-Octane: End of the road for you, Optimus Prime. Decepticons, combiner mode!

Commandos: Yessir!

Ruination: Ruination awakens!

Optimus: Transform! Now we’ll see what you’re made of.

Scourge: We want those O-Parts, Prime.

Optimus: Back off, Scourge. This is an emergency. Human lives are at stake. Get out of my way.

Scourge: Very touching. Here is my answer. Now!

[End of clip]

Koji: Whoa! Ruination really clobbered you that time.

Optimus: He sure did, Koji. Ruination is a powerful adversary.

T-AI: These guys have been our enemies for so long it’s hard to imagine they were once Autobots.

Optimus: Until their sparks were warped by Megatron.

T-AI: If only we found them sooner.

Koji: We couldn’t have. We didn’t even know they were on Earth until we decoded Dad’s microchip, but by then Megatron had already found their spaceship.

Optimus: They were defenseless protoforms still in their stasis pods.

[“The Decepticons”]

Optimus: Sounds like someone got here before we did.

X-Brawn: Someone’s digging a mighty big hole. Well I’ll be hornswaggled. It’s a spaceship, all right, and it’s from Cybertron.

T-AI (out of clip): But the real surprise came later, when you found out what was inside.

Optimus: There are Transformers in that ship! And it looks like their pods are still intact! We’ve got to get the ship back to headquarters immediately.

Megatron: An excellent idea, Optimus. You and the Autobots are welcome to do whatever you wish with that spacecraft. But the Autobot crew members, our part of the deal, they’re mine now!

X-Brawn: Forget it, Megatron.

Megatron: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Sideburn: The pods!

Megatron: Don’t worry, Autobots. Be assured you’ll be seeing your friends again very soon… At the other end of a laser beam! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

[Clip pauses]

Optimus: Letting Megatron kidnap those protoforms was the greatest blunder I ever made.

T-AI: There was no way you could have stopped them, Optimus. And by the time you caught up to him on that army base, he was already carrying out his plan.

Optimus: The dark day indeed.

[Transition]

[Clip resumes]

Megatron: Our protoforms will scan the most powerful vehicles, and within a few minutes, become the mightiest combat force this planet has ever known! Take the pods to the army base and begin the scanning process. Protoform, scan that vehicle.

Flatbed Truck Driver: Aaahh!

Megatron: And now I shall inject my spark energy into the protoform!

Optimus: Optimus Prime, transform!

Mega-Octane: Mega-Octane, transform!

Megatron: Ha, ha, ha. Too late, Optimus! Say hello to Mega-Octane, the first Decepticon!

Optimus: What? My name is Optimus Prime. I’m the leader of our kind here on Earth. And in their name, allow me to welcome you to your new home.

Mega-Octane: No thanks.

Optimus: What has Megatron done to you?!

Megatron: Ha, ha, ha! You’re wasting your breath, Optimus. He won’t listen to you. He’s a Decepticon now and loyal only to me and very soon, now, the others will join him! Their firepower combined with my leadership will make the Decepticons unstoppable!

Optimus: You fiend! It’s showtime, guys. We’ve got to stop them now, before they all become Decepticons.

Autobot Bros: Right!

Mega-Octane: Think again, Autobots!

Optimus: Get back!

Mega-Octane: I’ll hold them off. Take the pods to the vehicles and begin scanning.

Sky-Byte: Begin scanning!

Slapper: That tank will make a great Decepticon.

Mega-Octane: Your turn, Dork Scream!

Dark Scream: That helicopter’s perfect!

Optimus: Power Stream!

Megatron: A space shuttle Decepticon… Well done. Under my leadership, he will become a mighty warrior!

Mega-Octane: Decepticons, transform!

Optimus: There’s only one pod left!

X-Brawn: They’ve got too much fire power, Optimus. We’d never get to it in time.

Megatron: Ha, ha, ha, ha. So true! And soon the last of your fellow Autobots will answer only to me!

Kelly: I’m getting out of here as fast as I can. I didn’t go to truck driving school for nothing, you know!

Prowl: That tanker is the one they use to re-fuel the space shuttle. It’s loaded with ten thousand gallons of rocket fuel.

Megatron: The energy in that rocket fuel will make him the most powerful Decepticon of them all! Behold… Your mightiest enemy is about to take form!

Sideburn: Optimus, that tanker truck is outta control!

Optimus: I’m on it!

Megatron: Thanks to you I can now begin scanning that tanker! Now witness the genesis of your destruction.

Scourge: Scourge, transform!

Megatron: You are infused with my spark, but also that of Optimus. Are you Decepticon or are you Autobot?

Scourge: I have only one purpose, to serve Megatron. Decepticons, it is time to prepare for combat. Transform!

Commandos: Yessir!

Optimus: Get ready.

Scourge: Decepticons, switch to maximum fire power!

Megatron: Scourge, that’s enough. You’ve just come online. You’re not at full strength. You can finish them off at another time.

Scourge: Understood. Decepticons, follow me!

[End of clip]

Optimus: That’s enough, T-AI. We have a lot to look at.

T-AI: But why?

Optimus: The best way to prepare for what the Decepticons might do in the future is to understand how they think, by examining what they’ve done in the past.

T-AI: You mean like the time they almost wrecked the space bridge?

Optimus: Yes, and almost succeeded in turning us against one another.

[Commercial]

Optimus: This is our most important asset, the global space bridge.

Koji: It’s given the Autobots a big advantage. Like the time the Decepticons ambushed X-Brawn.

T-AI: He barely managed to escape.

Optimus: It was a shrewd plan. Scourge is very clever at luring us into his traps.

Koji: That’s for sure. But his cleverest plan was when he sabotaged the space bridge.

T-AI: When the bridge started to malfunction, none of us could figure out what had gone wrong.

Optimus: And we might not have, had Wedge not have been so persistent.

T-AI: I’ve uploaded that sequence from the archives.

Optimus: Good. Let’s start with the ambush.

T-AI: It’s coming up on the monitor now.

Optimus: All right. Let’s have a look.

[“Four Transformers”]

X-Brawn: Whoa, Nellie! They’re on me like an Insecticon on a power core. I gotta get outta here.

Ro-Tor: He’s getting away!

Scourge: No, he’s not.

X-Brawn: Great, treadhead’s in my way. Thanks! See ya, pard! Boy, darndest thing those Decepticons can’t follow me into the space bridge.

Ro-Tor: He just disappeared. I can’t locate him.

Mega-Octane: Those warp tunnels they use make it impossible to catch him.

Armorhide: Yeah, you’re right. As soon as they’re inside those portals get sealed off.

Rollbar: Well as long as they have that technology, they’ll always defeat us!

Armorhide: There’s gotta be some way we can go in there and blast that space bridge apart. Then they can’t use it against us anymore.

Mega-Octane: We’d be better off if we could figure out how those tunnels work. Then we can use them for our own purposes.

Ro-Tor: Must be nice to just duck into a tunnel to get away, and come out who knows where!

Armorhide: I still say we should blow it up!

Mega-Octane: Hold on. Maybe we can disable it.

Scourge: Perhaps we could…

[Transition]

Grimlock: Now let’s see… According to T-AI’s power flow schematic, the co-ordinates for the new arctic link should be housed in terminal 10. Reprogramming coaxial, engage. Data recorded and synchronized. Installation complete.

Scourge: It’s in there.

Mega-Octane: What is this place?

Scourge: Just what we’ve been looking for.

Rollbar: Well, that’s one way to get in! I, myself, would have used the door.

Scourge: This hard drive will disrupt their tracking system, causing location malfunction. Perfect. Let’s see how their global space bridge works now. Decepticons, move out.

Commandos: Yessir!

[Transition]

T-AI: (Out of clip) Then they made sure we used the space bridge by getting us to respond to a phony attack. (In the clip) Sir, the Decepticons are attacking!

Optimus: Team Bullet Train is closest to that location. Get them rolling.

T-AI: Team Bullet Train, battle protocol! Go to sector bravo 538!

Rapid Run: Roger that!

Railspike: 10-4!

Midnight: On our way.

Scourge: Have a nice trip, boys.

Rapid Run: We should’ve reached those co-ordinates by now. What’s our ETA?

Railspike: Now!

Rapid Run: Look out! Look out! Whoa, get over! Get over!

Railspike: This is not good!

Midnight: Someone should tell these people they’re going the wrong way!

[Transition]

Rapid Run: Oh, good. I’m glad you’re here.

Wedge: Hey Rapid Run. What’s up?

Rapid Run: What’s up? We were. We just fell a hundred feet onto a crying freeway.

Railspike: I’m getting too old for this stuff.

Midnight: It was terribly unsettling.

Optimus: We were just discussing the malfunctions in the global space bridge.

Wedge: Everything in that tunnel was constructed according to plan. It should work perfectly, I don’t understand.

Heavy Load: It doesn’t make sense.

Rapid Run: What doesn’t make sense is that my team and I were almost made into scrap metal thanks to your perfectly constructed tunnel! There’s no excuse for shoddy workmanship.

Wedge: Yeah? Maybe it’s your fault. Maybe you don’t know where you’re going.

Rapid Run: Listen, you little…

Wedge: Why you big pile of junk!

Railspike and Heavy Load: Knock it off!

Railspike: Rapid Run, put a plug in it. This is doing no good.

Wedge: I’m going to teach this big mouth a lesson.

Optimus: Wedge is right. Something’s wrong. It needs to be found and corrected.

Hightower: Yessir, right away.

Mega-Octane: So we messed up their tunnel. Now what?

Scourge: Now we start some trouble. When the Autobots use their tunnel again, we’ve got them.

Mega-Octane: Yessir!

[Transition]

Rollbar: Rollbar, transform! Fire blaster!

Armorhide: Plasma morter!

Ro-Tor: Ro-Tor, transform! Ha, ha!

Movor: Ha, ha!

Rollbar: Ha, haha!

T-AI: Optimus! The Decepticons are attacking the city!

Optimus: T-AI, send the brothers and Team Bullet Train.

T-AI: Roger. Autobot Brothers and Team Bullet Train, code red! Decepticons are attacking the urban centre.

Sideburn: This is Sideburn, message received. I’m taking the global space bridge to preset co-ordinates. Leaving now.

X-Brawn: This is X-Brawn. I copy that.

Prowl: 10-4, base. I read you loud and clear. I’m on my way.

T-AI: Rapid Run, do you copy?

Rapid Run: I hear ya, T-AI. I’m heading for the space bridge on the double.

T-AI: Good. Railspike and Midnight Express are already on their way.

Rapid Run: Roger that. I’ll meet ’em there.

[Transition]

Wedge: Do another scan, Hightower.

Hightower: Everything seems online and operational.

Heavy Load: It all looks good.

Wedge: There’s nothing wrong with the global space bridge. It had to be something those guys did. There’s no reason they should have any problem.

[Transition]

Mega-Octane: Ha, ha, ha. With the Autobots in transit, I’ll give their computer a little tune-up. One they’ll never forget. Ha, ha, ha!

[Commercial]

Sideburn: What the?!

T-AI (out of clip): What made it so frustrating is that everyone was using the space bridge like they always had. But they were ending up all over the place and none of us could figure out why.

X-Brawn: Decepticons, you’re in for it now. Whoa. Whoowee! That could have been the first step of the rest of my life. Something’s really wrong with that bridge of ours.

Prowl: Freeze, Decepti-creeps! Man, that’s cold.

Koji: Oh, man!

Rapid Run: Whoa… Oh no. Rapid Run, transform! Got it! What the?

Railspike: The space bridge malfunctioned again!

Kelly: That… couldn’t be the new subway line, could it?

Railspike: I can’t stop!

Midnight: Oooohhh! Somebody make it stop! My gyro’s spinning. I’m getting motion sickness!

[Transition]

T-AI (out of clip): At that point, Scourge’s plan was working perfectly. And he almost got away with it.

Scourge: Scourge, transform!

Megatron: Megatron, terrorize! Scourge, the Autobots are trapped in their own global space bridge. Are you sure they can’t show up here?

Scourge: They’ll be tied up in that tunnel for a long time. And when they finally get out, they’ll be nowhere near us. We can help ourselves to all the energy here and they can’t do a thing.

Megatron: This is exactly the opportunity I’ve waited for.

Scourge: With this energy, we could really put your plans into motion.

[Transition]

Heavy Load: Wedge, I just received an urgent communicate from T-AI. There is something wrong with the tunnel.

Wedge: Huh? We’ve been all over this tunnel with a fine tooth comb and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with our work.

Heavy Load: You’re right. Construction is absolutely up to code.

Wedge: Wait, the computer! Optimus, I think we’ve figured out what’s wrong. The Decepticons must’ve gotten to the space bridge computer terminals and reprogrammed them. We’re headed there right now.

Optimus: Roger. Good luck.

Mega-Octane: Halt! Decepticons, don’t let them pass.

Commandos: No, sir!

Wedge: Build Team, transform! Nothing’s going to stop us from getting to those terminals.

Mega-Octane: Hmmm?

Optimus: Optimus Prime, transform! Battle mode! Blizzard Blast!

Wedge: Shoulder thrust! And double laser!

Heavy Load: Tractor slam! How does that grab ya?

Hightower: Fire blaster!

Optimus: Time to go home, Decepticons! All right, move in.

Hightower: Looks like this terminal’s been tampered with. Here’s the culprit. That should take care of it. The space bridge will function properly now.

Wedge: We’ve gotta upgrade our secruity or they’ll do it again.

T-AI: Red alert! Come in, Optimus Prime!

Optimus: What is it, T-AI?

T-AI: Megatron and Scourge are raiding the Northern Energy Research facility.

Optimus: So that’s it. The other Decepticons were creating a diversion, so that those two could attack their real target, the Northern facility. We’ve got to stop them.

Heavy Load: Hey, why don’t we take the arctic link tunnel we just built? That way we’ll be able to take them by surprise.

Wedge: Yeah, now that it’s up and running. Great idea, Heavy Load.

Optimus: Autobots, let’s roll out! Destination, Northern Energy Research facility.

[Transition]

Scourge: All right. Let’s go in and take the energy.

Megatron: Huh?

Scourge: What’s that?

Megatron: Autobots!

Optimus: Optimus Prime, transform! Battle mode!

Scourge: They recovered a lot sooner than I thought.

Wedge: That’s right, and I don’t take kindly to you messing up my work. You’re getting a slice of this!

Megatron: Megatron, beast mode! You don’t have a chance, pipsqueak!

Wedge: Hey, where do you think you’re going?

Megatron: You’re the one that’s going! Dragon laser!

Wedge: Guys, it’s time for us to combine!

Sideburn: Oh man, they’re going to transform into Landfill! Whoa!

Rapid Run: Time for a little Landfill boogey!

Wedge: Build Team, Landfill mode! Combine!

Build Team: Quad power combiner mode!

Megatron: Twin dragon breath!

Landfill: Have to do better than that, Megatron, if you want to hit me. Shoulder attack! And a super shoulder attack!

Sideburn: They’re a heck of a wrecking machine.

Megatron: I will destroy you. I’m invincible!

Landfill: I don’t think so!

Scourge: Leave Megatron alone!

Landfill: No problem. Here’s a little something for you. Don’t get up on my account. Single laser!

Megatron: Next time, Autobots! Ha, ha, ha, ha!

[Commercial]

T-AI: The Build Team did a great job. We’re up and running. But I think it’d be a good idea to do a few test runs on the entire system to be sure.

Optimus: Good idea, T-AI. Get everyone rolling.

T-AI: All leagues of portals are now operational. You can begin test runs.

Sideburn: Roger that.

X-Brawn: Everything looks a-okay, T-AI. Pretty as a picture and slicker than saddle sauce.

T-AI: Thanks, guys. League 1-B confirmed operational.

Sideburn: All right!

X-Brawn: Yeehaw!

Railspike: That goes for the Rocky Mountain link. It’s working just fine.

Optimus: Optimus Prime, transform! The global space bridge is ready to go. And so are the Autobots.

[End]

Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“Ultra Magnus: Forced Fusion!” – Episode 25
Written by Matthew V. Lewis
Transcription by Brandon Williams

Optimus: Stop! Magnus, why are you here?

Magnus: Oh, come on, Prime. You haven’t changed one bit since you ran away. Don’t you play dumb with me. You know just why I’m here.

Optimus: Incredible. After all those eons you’re still holding on to that old anger.

Magnus: Well I guess you could say that I’ve come to get rid of that anger.

Optimus: Come on, Magnus. It’s time to put the past behind us. …Huh?

Magnus: I didn’t come all this way for some joyous reunion. I came here to correct a little mistake.

Optimus: I don’t understand. What is it you hope to accomplish?

Magnus: I think you know, but let me jog your memory. When the Autobots were sent to stop Megatron, the Matrix chose you as its inheritor, chose your being to enpower with its energy, chose you to command the Autobots. As Cybertron’s most powerful warrior, I should’ve been given that honour. And so all my work wound up accomplishing nothing. I got nothing. Nothing, for all my sacrifice. But you got the Matrix and I’ve come to reclaim what is rightfully mine.

Optimus: Transform!

Magnus: You’re not going anywhere. Go ahead, spin your wheels!

Optimus: You’re making a mistake!

Magnus: Maybe so. I thought you were a lot faster.

Optimus: I’m not going to fight you, Magnus! No matter what you do.

Magnus: Hey, you’ll fight or face doom. Either way, the Matrix is destined to be mine.

Optimus: Forget it, and I still won’t return fire, no matter how many threats you launch at me!

Magnus: I’m launching much more than threats.

Koji: I just can’t believe it! Optimus is in trouble. Why won’t he fight back?

Sideburn: What’s happening to Optimus, Koji?

Koji: He needs our help right now. We can’t wait another minute.

Prowl: I agree with Koji. Rescue protocol!

T-AI: Don’t linger on the battle field, just get in and get out!

X-Brawn: Don’t worry, T-AI. We’ll be back before you could reboot.

Sideburn: I’m going to hit him so hard he’ll have to open his trunk to find his headlights. See ya later.

Prowl: Let’s go!

T-AI: Remember, your main mission is to return Prime to headquarters as soon as possible!

X-Brawn: Gotcha!

[Transition]

X-Brawn: Any of you fellas have a take on what’s eating Optimus? ‘Cause I got this crazy little hunch that those two hombres know each other from somewhere.

Sideburn: Maybe so, but I’ve never seen him that weak before in my life.

Prowl: Well, that opponent wasn’t exactly a 98 cyber-pound weakling. He had firepower!

Sideburn: Yeah, that guy lit up like a lightning storm. But still, I’m sure Optimus could take him.

Prowl: If any of us could, Prime could.

X-Brawn: He’s the best fighter among us. He’s usually got a good reason for things he does. Maybe he can fill us in when he gets back. Let’s go get him.

[Transition]

Optimus: Magnus, we have to talk!

Magnus: No Prime, I don’t think we do. Buh-bye. Watch your step!

Optimus: Optimus Prime, transform!

Magnus (thinking): As stubborn as ever. He’s only delaying the inevitable. Within mere cycles, I’ll be taking the Matrix back to Cybertron as its rightful owner.

[Transition]

Movor: Extra, Extra! Optimus Prime found crushed at the bottom of a canyon at the hands of a brilliant bot named Ultra Magnus! Does Prime still shine? Read on! Megatron, I’m telling you, this guy Ultra Magnus has that Autobot’s number. He put him out flatter than a pizza crust.

Megatron: Yes, I saw it all. Brilliant, but it begs one question. If Optimus Prime could be defeated so quickly and easily, why haven’t my troops come close?

Scourge: Sir, let me explain. We have come close, but then Movor goes and shoots the wrong target or Armorhide can’t fly that day.

Megatron: I don’t want to hear your excuses!

Scourge: Yessir.

Megatron: I think it’s rather strange that Optimus won’t fight. I wonder if Ultra Magnus means anything to that Autobot. Perhaps he knows something about Prime that we haven’t discovered.
Scourge: Sir, if you allow us to step in, we might be able to —

Mega-Octane: — We could interrogate Optimus Prime and find out exactly what it is he’s hiding!

Megatron: Not yet. Let’s just watch these two fight it out for now. That way Optimus gets destroyed and one of you idiots learns something.

Mega-Octane: Yessir!

Megatron: I don’t suppose either of you know where Sky-Byte is.

Scourge: Well, uhhh…

Mega-Octane: No!

Megatron: I presume he’s not still out there looking for the O-Parts.

[Transition]

Sky-Byte: Cans, light sockets, wires, bug spray, antennas, golf shoes, fish heads, toy cars. Ah, so close and yet, so far. That’s about it, I guess. Fruitless search for the O-Parts, nothing but a foul catalogue of human life. Another day, another dump. (Starts to sing) Where are the O-Parts, where can they be? La, la, la, la… La, la, la… This can’t be good.

Magnus: Haha!

Sky-Byte: Huh?! Who could have possibly defeated Optimus Prime?

Magnus: Give me the Matrix now and I’ll spare you my total wrath.

Sky-Byte: Who is that?!

Magnus: You know, it’s a shame you’ve gotten so soft at your old age. On your feet!

Optimus: We fought side by side. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?

Magnus: No.

Optimus: Magnus, you’re a loyal Autobot and you were honoured after the civil wars!

Magnus: Yeah, I got a medal, but no honour. You know why? Because Vector Sigma passed me over. Stand up and fight!

Optimus: You were a great Autobot once. What happened to you?

Magnus: I’m not very good at ancient history, Prime. I’ll ask you one more time. Do you want to fight me, or surrender like the coward you are?

[Commercial]

Magnus: Here’s the deal, Prime. You have one cycle to surrender the Matrix or surrender your spark. Think it over, Optimus.

Optimus: Wait!

Magnus: Next time I see you, be prepared to hand over the Matrix.

Optimus: Magnus, where’s your sense of loyalty?!

Magnus: I left it back on Cybertron. Where’s yours? Ha, ha, ha. Ultra Kick!

X-Brawn: Hold on, partner!

Magnus: Come on! Ha, ha, ha. Pathetic.

Sideburn: Hey, I’ve got ten steel knuckle joints with your name all over ’em!

Prowl: Sideburn! Let it go! We’ve gotta get Optimus out now!

Sideburn: Errr, just one hit.

X-Brawn: After an oil bath, partner, you’ll be as good as new.

Prowl: Easy pal. We’re gonna take you to sector K.

Sky-Byte: Now let’s see if I can follow them… Come on. Make it, make it. Bullseye.

Optimus: Good work, I needed your help.

Magnus: I’m not through with you yet, Prime!

Sky-Byte: He’s gone! If anyone can defeat the Autobots, this one can.

Magnus: He can’t run forever.

[Transition]

Sky-Byte: Wait till I tell Megatron. Aaah, let’s see now… Where’s Prime? Ah… The signal is perfect. This time, Prime, there’s no escaping me. I know you’ve been weakened and I know exactly where you’re going. And I can just see the smile on old Megatron’s face when he discovers that I alone have conquered Optimus Prime! Oh, what great rapture! A big fin’s up for me! Who’s the shark now, baby?! Oh no, my sweet signal! No, please don’t leave, no! Come back! Come back please, little dot! Please don’t go away now… That little red dot meant so, so much to my promising career. I’m just chum. Optimus! Optimus Prime! I’ll find you! I’ll find you! I swear! You’re mine! I’ll get you! You’re mine! I’m… much better now.

Movor: That’s weird. Looks to me like that shark actually knows where he’s going for a change.

Magnus: Now where did that loser Autobot go? Let’s see… Aha! I have a hunch that flying Preda-fish knows. Ultra Magnus, transform! It’s a small planet, how far could he go? I’ll find him, and next time I won’t show him any mercy.

[Transition]

Sky-Byte: Ten thousand kilometers of ocean, they’d better be on this island coming up or Megatron will turn me into shark fin soup. Oh please tell me that they’re there! I’m getting images again from my memory banks! Okay. Here goes nothing. No! It’s just an old slideshow of an encounter of the Build Team on one of their ludicrous construction sites. I’m just doomed to failure. I’ll never find him. Muhahahaha! The trace is back! Optimus Prime is right on this island! I’m a genius! Here I come!

Optimus: At least if they find me here there aren’t any people in danger. My defense systems are so low right now.

Sideburn: Don’t worry about it, Prime. You know we got your back.

Optimus: That’s reassuring, Sideburn. Ultra Magnus is an awesome force to be reckoned with and I’ll need to regain all the strength I can before he returns.

Sideburn: Hey Optimus, dude, you’ve gotta try out the oil bath here, man. It’s unbelievable! My joints and struts, like, don’t ever want to leave! It’s really that good.

Optimus: Thanks, Sideburn. Maybe after this quick hydrolics transfusion that oil bath is just what the mechanic ordered.

Sideburn: Uh, Optimus, I still don’t get why you didn’t want to fight back against that new creep from Cybertron. I mean, ordinarily you’d never take that. But this guy kicks you around like a ragdoll and you treat him like… like a brother. I guess if Prowl was doing the same thing to me, I’d do the same thing.

Optimus: Very perceptive. You see, it just so happens Ultra Magnus really is my brother.

Sideburn: What?! Prime, you’re kidding me!
Optimus: We were created at precisely the same time on Cybertron by an Autobot elder named Alpha Trion. We were raised together. I guess we’re not so alike anymore, are we?

Sideburn: But then… If you two were so close then… why on Earth did he even attack you like that? Really, I mean what did you ever do to deserve an attack like that in the first place?

Optimus: The All Spark, Vector Sigma, was to chose the next commander in chief of Cybertron. Although both of us had won fame during the civil wars, I was chosen as leader and so the Matrix was given to me. Ultra Magnus left the planet that same day and I thought I had lost contact with him forever. He’s grown a little bitter over the years.

Sideburn: Bitter? Bitter is not sending you postcards, but this whacko… He knocked you off a cliff!

Optimus: We’ve been pretty competitive for as long as I can remember.

Sideburn: You are, but instead of better test scores, you guys have the Matrix and Blaze Blasters and stuff like that. Hey, sounds like a lot more fun now! Hahaha! Hey Optimus… Is everything okay over there?

Optimus: Something just doesn’t compute.

Sideburn: Can I help?

Optimus: The best thing right now might be a little time alone. I just need to think through all this. Check back in an hour, all right?

Sideburn: You got it, Prime. Just remember, whatever you won on Cybertron, you deserved. Sideburn, transform! Man, I hope my brothers never go mental like Ultra Magnus did.

Sky-Byte: Now to plug the portal so no one can come back. No… More… Autobots!

[Transition]

Sky-Byte: It was a tough job, but I’ve done it. I block caded the Autobot’s access to this entire island. Now there’s no way to come and rescue poor Optimus. This leaves me the simple task of eradicating Prime when he’s weak. Then Megatron will lavish his praise on me! …And I will become his right claw man! …Huh? How bizarre. For a second I thought it was… Eeeegghh!

Megatron: Prepare your arsenals, gentlemen. For today they shall destroy the leader of the Autobots.

Decepticons: Yessir!

Scourge: Optimus, you’re mine!

Mega-Octane: Mine too!

Sky-Byte: No! Who told you to come here?! This can’t be! This was supposed to be my victory, not those Decepticons. I have to do something.

Optimus: The alarm! I’m still too weak to go.

Megatron: Good afternoon, Optimus. We’ve just dropped by the celebrate your demise.

Scourge: Scourge, transform! Decepticons, transform!

Mega-Octane: Now, team!

Commandos: ‘Sir!

Megatron: Prepare for battle, Optimus, because I have the pleasure of telling you it’ll be your last stand on Earth!

Optimus: I just don’t have the energy.

Scourge: Well, well, Prime. Have you got any last words for us?

Mega-Octane: Yeah, something short and sweet. Very short.

Armorhide: Speech! Speech!

Ro-Tor: Maybe the great Optimus Prime has stage fright.

Movor: I don’t know, Ro-Tor. Looks to me like this Autobot’s got a whole lotta regular fright.

Scourge: That’s enough, men. Mega-Octane, you can do the honours.

Mega-Octane: Take aim.

Armorhide and Rollbar: ‘Sir!

Movor and Ro-Tor: ‘Sir!

Mega-Octane: This time, Optimus, you’re toast. Haha.

[Commercial]

Megatron: On my count. One… two…

Magnus: I’m crashing the party!

Ro-Tor: Hey!

Movor: Huh?

Magnus: Ultra Magnus, transform! Aah! He’s mine! Ultra Jet! Outta my way!

Megatron: Dragon Mode!

Magnus: That Autobot is mine!

Megatron: How dare you! Let us destroy him first! Then we’ll deal with you and your concerns.

Magnus: Look, furnas face, I knew him first, so lay off!

Optimus: Ultra Magnus…

Magnus: Don’t move. Just because I’m getting you out of this doesn’t mean we’re brothers.

Scourge: How touching, a family moment.

Mega-Octane: You’re right, I’m touched. Let’s destroy ’em. Combine!

Ruination: Ruination awakens! Now Megatron, where were we?

Megatron: Let’s see… I ordered the immediate destruction of Optimus Prime and now… Twin Dragon Breath!

Ruination: Fire!

Megatron: Ha, ha, ha, ha! When you imagined your last hours, Prime, I doubt you thought of anything as bad as this!

Scourge: You’ve finally met your match, Optimus.

Optimus: I can’t move!

Koji: This is bad, not even Optimus can handle that kind of intense heat. He’s gonna need help.

T-AI: Sideburn, come in! What’s taking the teleportation so long?!

Sideburn: I’m trying to move these rocks, T-AI. They barricaded the exit!

X-Brawn: They blocked the portal?

Sideburn: Yeah, and Optimus is in real trouble, so we’re all gonna have to work together to clear a path.

Megatron: Not even your new found friend can save you now, Optimus.

Scourge: And I’ll make sure he doesn’t try anything cute.

Ruination: I’ll make double sure.

Magnus: Optimus, there may not be much time but I have something to tell you.

Optimus: Magnus, please… help me!

Magnus: I don’t know if I can, Prime. I’ve come to make ammends.

Optimus: You have?

Magnus: Yes, and I’m sorry. I didn’t have to be jealous.

Optimus: That’s very good to hear, brother, but I don’t understand what changed your mind about me.

Magnus: I’ve seen some of the good deeds that you’ve done for the people of this planet. I can no longer be jealous when you clearly deserve your glory. Forgive me, brother and accept my apology.

Optimus: Thank you, Ultra Magnus. I do… Yes.

Magnus: Ha! You’re just as gullible as you always were, Prime. Now that your defenses are minimal, I’ll absorb all of your energy!

Optimus: No! Stop!

Magnus: And once this forced fusion between us is complete, I will be invincible! After I drain your energy, I’ll take the Matrix and return home as the rightful king of Cybertron.

Optimus: You’ll regret this, Ultra Magnus!

Magnus: Ha, I really doubt it.

Omega Prime: Ultimate energy combiner, Omega Prime!

Ruination: What is that?

Scourge: What happened?!

Megatron: I don’t know…

Sky-Byte: Oh my… This is either really good or… completely catastrophic!

X-Brawn: Huh?!

Sideburn: What the?! What happened here?

Prowl: Optimus? Is that you?!

Koji: What’s going on out there, T-AI?

T-AI: I can’t believe it! Look! Magnus merged with Optimus!

Koji: But why… What does he want?!

T-AI: My read-outs show an amazing amount of energy!

Magnus: I feel twice as strong now! I’ll have no trouble securing the Matrix and bringing it back to Cybertron! …Something’s stopping me! I can’t move!

Optimus: Ultra Magnus, you forget that the nature of my energy doesn’t change just because you own it. We must work together now and fight the same enemies.

Magnus: I’ll never fight alongside you, Optimus. Not ever!

Optimus: You’re wrong, Magnus.

Megatron: Don’t just stand there! Get him, Decepticons!

Scourge: Take this! Don’t hold back!

Megatron: Ha, ha, ha! That’s it!

Autobot Brothers: No!

Omega Prime: Is that all you’ve got?

Sky-Byte: Oh no, this doesn’t look good. This may be the catastrophic part!

Omega Prime: You first, Megatron! Omega Kick! You’ve had a taste… Now it’s time for the main course! Omega Arsenal Blast!

Magnus: This has gone far enough, Prime. Omega’s energy belongs only to me!

Optimus: No, Magnus. It belongs to us.

Megatron: Retreat! All Decepticons withdrawl!

Ruination: Ruination, retreat!

Megatron: Next time, Optimus! Next time.

Sky-Byte: Wait for me!

[Commercial]

Optimus: Goodbye, Ultra Magnus. Goodbye, my brother.

[End]

Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“Ultra Magnus” – Episode 24
Written by Tom Wyner
Transcription by Brandon Williams

–

Ultra Magnus: I know Optimus Prime is here. Somewhere on this planet called Earth. And when I find him, I’ll claim what is rightfully mine.

[Transition]

Scourge: Scourge, transform!

Rollbar: Rollbar, transform!

Armorhide: Armorhide, transform!

Ro-Tor: Ro-Tor, transform!

Movor: Movor, transform!

Scourge: We’ll steal as much out of this refinery as we can. Hook up your pumps and start draining those tanks.

Movor and Armorhide: Yessir!

Ro-Tor and Rollbar: Yessir!

Scourge: Mega-Octane, activate pumps.

Mega-Octane: Activating pumps at maximum capacity.

Scourge: Movor, how much longer?

Movor: Well I’ve been draining at 3 millicycles.

Scourge: Speed it up. We want to get this energy loaded and be on our way before the Autobots get here.

X-Brawn: X-Brawn, transform!

Prowl: Prowl, transform!

Sideburn: Sideburn, transform!

X-Brawn: Pack it in, Scourge. That oil is staying right here.

Prowl: Disconnect those hoses and leave this vicinity immediately.

Sideburn: Now, Decepticon!

Scourge: Haha, empty threats won’t stop us, you fools. If you fire those weapons here, the whole place will go up in flames.

X-Brawn: Hold your fire, guys. He’s right. It’s too risky.

Prowl: Okay, but we’ve gotta stop him somehow. How are we going to do that without weapons?

Sideburn: We have no choice, risky or not.

Prowl: Sideburn, what do you think you’re doing?!

Sideburn: Hey it wasn’t me, bro. I was just bluffing. Really! Hey guys, check out that truck. It has the Autobot insignia on it.

Prowl: No Autobot I know of looks like that.

X-Brawn: Whoever he is, he’s about to blow this place sky high!

Prowl: I’ve gotta stop him! You there, hold your fire! Freeze, stay where you are! Who are you? Identify yourself! Didn’t you hear me?! Stop! Stop!

Ultra Magnus: Out of my way.

X-Brawn: Whose side are you on?

Sideburn: You are wearing our insignia. Who are you, anyway?

Ultra Magnus: Transform! It’s rude to ask who somebody is without first introducing yourself.

Prowl: We’re the Autobot Brothers.

Sideburn: We’re dedicated to protecting the Earth against our foes.

X-Brawn: Which is why we were trying to do before you came along and interfered.

Ultra Magnus: Protecting the Earth, you stood there and did nothing. It’s your fault they’re getting away.

Autobot Bros: What?!

Prowl: Yeah, they’re getting away, all right, because of you distracting us. You were about to destroy the refinery and we couldn’t stop them and you at the same time.

Ultra Magnus: You let them escape. Are you cowards or traitors?

Sideburn: Hey, watch your mouth, pal.

Ultra Magnus: Either way, you’re going down.

X-Brawn: C’mon boys, we better tell Optimus about this pronto.

[Transition]

Optimus: An unknown Autobot? And he refused to identify himself?

Sideburn: Well he had an Autobot insignia, there’s no doubt about that. But he sure didn’t act like an Autobot. He almost blew that oil refinery off the map! Then he fired on us.

X-Brawn: And talk about fire power. With those weapons of his, he could probably take out an army.

Prowl: Just because he’s got an insignia doesn’t mean he’s an Autobot. I mean look at what happened. The Decepticons got away because he distracted us, right? And why would an Autobot refuse to tell us who he is?

Optimus: Hmmm… Good question.

[Commercial]

Sky-Byte: Scourge and his Decepticons, ha. That new Autobot scared them away. Those incompetent cowards. Megatron should have sent me on that mission.

Koji: Look, it’s Sky-Byte!

Sky-Byte: Huh? All right, Autobots, you want a fight, you’ll get one! You…
Koji: Hi there. We’ve been looking for you. We know you’re really not that bad a guy, Sky-Byte.

Sky-Byte: Really?

Koji: We were just saying, the way you stood up to the Decepticons, that was the coolest thing!

Sky-Byte: Listen, I don’t know what you kids are trying to pull but it won’t work.

Kids: Oh wow, Sky-Byte’s the greatest!

Sky-Byte: Look, I uh…. I don’t understand!

Kids: Give us your autograph, Sky-Byte!

Sky-Byte: This is embarassing. I’d love to stay and chat, but we celebrities are very busy, you know! Beast mode!

Kids: Bye! See ya, Sky-Byte!

Sky-Byte: This is amazing! I’m very popular. I should get an agent, or a manager. Maybe I should get my Haikus published!

[Transition]

Megatron: Ah, so you’ve returned. Report, Scourge. Was your mission a success?

Scourge: No, Megatron. We were only able to obtain part of the refinery’s energy before being discovered by the Autobots. If we had fought them there the energy would have been destroyed. We took what we had and we’ll go back to get the rest. The Decepticons are ready for our next assignment.

Megatron: I’ll have a new mission for you soon. You are excused for now.

Scourge: As always we are at your command, Megatron.

Megatron: Your report, Sky-Byte.

Sky-Byte: Yes, oh great one. I would’ve brought you more energy from the refinery but I was ambushed by an army of rabid humans and barely managed to escape.

Megatron: Hmmmm…

Sky-Byte: Forgive me!

Megatron: Apologies are unnecessary. I’m sure you made the correct decision.

Sky-Byte: Hmmm?!

Megatron: Your loyalty is beyond question. Therefore I am entrusting you in a mission of vital importance.

Sky-Byte: I will not fail you. Finally a mission worthy of my talents! And when I succeed, Scourge will have to pay me the respect I deserve! Muhahaha!

[Transition]

T-AI: I’m getting a weird transmission, sir.

Optimus: Is it one of our’s?

T-AI: It’s on our frequency, but it’s not an Autobot. I’ll amplify the signal.
Sky-Byte: Gas Skunk, Slapper, report to location —

T-AI: It’s Sky-Byte!

Sky-Byte: Megatron has ordered us to find the remaining O-Parts as soon as possible!

Optimus: The O-Parts…

Sky-Byte: This is a mission of vital importance. Contact me at once.

Optimus: T-AI, what do your meters show? Is he telling the truth?

T-AI: Negative for stress, and the speech pattern is normal. He’s not lying and it looks like he keyed in the wrong frequency by accident.

Optimus: We’d better check it out. Contact the Autobot Brothers.

T-AI: Roger. Coming online now.

Optimus: Tell them to to find Sky-Byte and keep him under surveillance, but make sure they have an escape route. Something’s not right here.

[Transition]

Sky-Byte: Could it be? That finally after hours of unglorious and back breaking labour I’ve actually found a, uh… rubber duck. Oh well.

Mega-Octane: Re-routing Sky-Byte’s transmission to Autobot Headquarters will lead them right to us.

Scourge: Yes, the O-Parts were the perfect touch. Even if they suspect it’s a trap, they won’t be able to resist such tempting bait.

Mega-Octane: But what if something goes wrong and the Autobots get the O-Parts?

Scourge: There are no O-Parts here. Sky-Byte was given false information. Otherwise the Autobots would have known it was a trap.

Mega-Octane: So they’ll expect to find only Sky-Byte and our ambush will take them by surprise.

Scourge: It’s time to teach those impotent bots a lesson they’ll never forget. Especially their leader, Optimus Prime.

[Transition]

T-AI: It might be a trap, but we can’t risk them finding any O-Parts. We don’t know for sure, but it seems that Sky-Byte’s been sent to find them.

X-Brawn: We’ve got his co-ordinates. We’re on our way.

Sideburn: Uh, there’s probably nothing to worry about. That knuckle-brain shark couldn’t find his tail without a road map.

Prowl: Save it, little brother. If Megatron gets his hands on those O-Parts, we could be in big trouble.

Sideburn: You’ll be in trouble if you don’t stop blowing exhaust up my intake duct! ‘Cause let me tell ya, you need an oil change!

Prowl: Speaking of stinkers, how about the nerve of that truck we met this morning? Soon as we find him, I’m going to arrest him and take him in for impersonating an Autobot.

X-Brawn: First we gotta locate Sky-Byte and find out about those O-Parts. Let’s go!

Prowl: We’ve got company!

Sideburn: What do you mean? My censors show this road’s clear for the next ten miles!

Prowl: There’s this real high tech gadget called a rear-view mirror. You might try using it sometime.

X-Brawn: Well what do you know… That truck from the refinery, and it looks like he’s trying to pass us!

Sideburn: Fat chance. There’s no way a truck that big can go faster than we can. Is there?

X-Brawn: From the looks of him, he’s got more horsepower than a stampeding herd and a wild buffalo!

Sideburn: Wow, make that two herds!

Prowl: Watch out!

Sideburn: Hey!

Prowl: Listen, whoever you are, I’d take you in right now. But we’re on a mission, so get out of the way!

Ultra Magnus: Fools, you’re headed straight into an ambush.

Prowl: What?

Ultra Magnus: The Decepticons used Sky-Byte to lure you into a trap. They have no idea where the O-Parts are.

Sideburn: Hey why should we listen to you? We don’t even know who you are.

Ultra Magnus: All you have to know for now is this, like it or not, your mission ends here. Stun Laser!

X-Brawn: Feels like every circuit in my mainframe is overloading! My systems aren’t responding!

Prowl: Feels like he hit us with a million bolts!

Sideburn: Who is this guy?!

[Commercial]

Sideburn: Oh, my achin’ chassis. Where am I?

X-Brawn: This truck’s carrying us around like we’re toys!

Prowl: In the name of the Autobots I demand that you unload us!

Ultra Magnus: Optimus may put up with your whining, but I won’t. It’s time for your afternoon nap! Sweet dreams! Ha, ha, ha, ha! Now to find Optimus Prime.

Prowl: X-Brawn, Sideburn, you all right?

X-Brawn: I’ll know in a minute. Half my systems are fragmented. I’m still rebooting.

Sideburn: I had a wonderful dream about a little red sportscar, real beaut.

Prowl: Stop day dreaming and run a systems check. As soon as we’re operational, we’re outta here!

[Transition]

Sky-Byte: Those O-Parts have got to be down here somewhere!

Scourge: I’ve left a trail for the Autobots that will lead them to Sky-Byte. Before they find him, they’ll have to go through this canyon.

Mega-Octane: The perfect place for an ambush. They won’t stand a chance.

Scourge: If that new Autobot from the refinery shows up, we’ll get him at the same time.

Ultra Magnus: I don’t think so.

Scourge: Hmmmm?!

Mega-Octane: Who’re you?!

Ultra Magnus: Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m from Cybertron and I’m an Autobot. Ultra Magnus, transform! Your ambush has failed, Decepticons. Now I’m the one you’ll have to fight. You’re facing the most powerful Autobot in the universe.

[Transition]

Optimus: What? This mysterious Autobot hijacked all three of you?

X-Brawn: He hit us with some kind of high energy beam that scrambled our circuits and knocked us out.

Optimus: Did he say anything about who he is or why he’s here?

Prowl: No, but he sure knows who you are. He called you by name.

X-Brawn: He said Sky-Byte’s transmission was a ploy to lead us into an ambush.

Prowl: Maybe he’s just saying that to keep us from finding him.

X-Brawn: We won’t know what’s really going on until we get to Sky-Byte’s location.

Optimus: You three aren’t going anywhere. Return to base.

X-Brawn & Prowl: Huh?

Sideburn: But we haven’t completed the mission yet!

Optimus: Your mission’s aborted. I want T-AI to check your systems for residual damage. I’ll find Sky-Byte. And as for that hijacker, if it’s who I think it is, I’m sure he’ll be there waiting for me. Transform! It must be Ultra Magnus. He’s the only one with that kind of power. I thought he was still on Cybertron. He was almost chosen to command the Autobots, but I was chosen instead. I was given the power of the Matrix. After all these eons, could that be what he’s come for?

[Transition]

Scourge: Plasma Blast!

Ultra Magnus: Arm Laser! The Autobots think you Decepticons are their most dangerous enemies, but you’re nothing more than cowardly weaklings. Your day of reckoning has come.

Scourge: I don’t think so. We may have failed to ambush the Autobots, but you’ve been kind enough to provide us with a new target.

Ultra Magnus: What?

Movor: Chew on this.

Ro-Tor: And have a taste of this while you’re at it!

Armorhide: By the time we’re through with him, the only place he’ll be going is the recycling bin.

Rollbar: They’ll need a metal detector to find all the pieces.

Scourge: You should have remained on Cybertron, Ultra Magnus. I’m afraid your stay on Earth is going to be a very short one. Infact, it ends right now.

Mega-Octane: Your Autobot friends can’t help you now. You’re finished.

Ultra Magnus: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. What makes you think I need anybody’s help? I can handle you weaklings all by myself.

Scourge: Arrogant fool. Destroying you will be a pleasure. Decepticons, battle mode!

Mega-Octane: If you think you can take all of us on at once, you’re wrong. Let’s show him, guys!

Ultra Magnus: Jets on!

Scourge: What’s this? An Autobot that can fly?

Ultra Magnus: The only thing you’ve shown me so far is a fireworks display. Well the show’s over, Decepticons. Welcome to reality.

Mega-Octane: Decepticons, combine!

Ruination: Ruination awakens!

Ultra Magnus: You may be lousy fighters but at least you’re good for a laugh. You ever thought about taking your act on the road?

Ruination: Glad you liked it because it’s the last thing you’ll ever see!

Scourge: Barrage Attack!

Ultra Magnus: Stun Cluster!

Ruination: No!

Optimus: Ultra Magnus! Optimus Prime, transform! Battle Mode!

Ultra Magnus (thinking): So I’ve finally found you.

Optimus: Pulse Cannon! Firing Missiles! Blizzard Storm!

Movor: My flaps are freezing up.

Ro-Tor: So are my altitude controls.

Ultra Magnus: Use your powers while you can, Optimus. You won’t have them for long.

Mega-Octane: Optimus is as strong as ever. What do we do now?

Scourge: We’ll just get rid of both of them at the same time!

Mega-Octane: You saw what Magnus did when we combined. Until we know more about his powers, it would be foolish to take them both on at once.

Scourge: You might be right. Very well, we’re return to the command center and ask Megatron what he knows about this new Autobot. Decepticons, return to base.

Mega-Octane: Transform!

Optimus: Good to see you, Magnus. It’s been a long time. You were handling the Decepticons just fine all by yourself but I thought I’d give you a hand just for old time’s sake. What? Magnus, what’s this all about?

Ultra Magnus: Don’t play the innocent with me, you know exactly what this is about. Otherwise why did you come here instead of sending your Autobots?

Optimus: I’m here because I know we have to talk. To resolve some of the issues from our past. But my main reason for coming is to invite you to join us. To become a permanent member of my Autobot team. What?

Ultra Magnus: Join that group of incompetence and take orders from you? You’re an even bigger fool than I thought.

Optimus: But you’re an Autobot. I don’t understand.

Ultra Magnus: It’s really quite simple. I’m here to correct a mistake. When the Autobots were sent to stop Megatron, the Matrix chose you as its inheritor, chose your being to enpower with its energy, chose you command the Autobots. As Cybertron’s most powerful warrior, I should have been giving that honour. And now, the time has come to claim what is rightfully mine! Either give me the Matrix or I’ll take it from you by force. Even if I have to destroy you in the process.

Optimus: What?

[Commercial]

Sky-Byte: Megatron will be so pleased when I find the O-Parts! They could just be a few inches away! I can’t wait to see the look on Scourge’s face when I walk in with them. The very thought of it inspires me to write a new Haiku! Mission accomplished, his master’s praise resounding, well done worthy shark. Finally! I’ve found them! Oh yes, come to Sky-Byte, you O-Parts! Ha, ha, ha, ha! Oh, just an old bomb that never went off… Until now! That’s gonna leave a mark.

[End]

Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“A Test of Metal” – Episode 23
Written by Richard Epcar
Transcription by Brandon Williams

–

Mega-Octane: All right, listen up. I’ve got the energy. Let’s move out! Ahaha, that was like taking candy from a baby.

[Transition]

T-AI: Optimus! The Decepticons have stolen some energy from the East Power Station and they’re getting away!

Optimus: Do we have any teams in the area?

T-AI: The Build Team is at the location. They’re working on a section of the global space bridge. Should I contact them?

Optimus: No, they have enough to deal with from our last encounter with the Decepticons. Let’s send in Team Bullet Train.

T-AI: No problem. Team Bullet Train, code red! Contact base immediately.

Wedge: Going somewhere?

Rollbar: Heads up! We’ve got company!

Ro-Tor: Autobots!

Wedge: And just what do you think you’re up to? Whatever it is, I’m sure it can’t be good. Too bad for you, but we just happen to be nearby.

Railspike: It’s okay, Wedge. We can take it from here.

Wedge: We don’t need any help. We’ve got everything under control.

Railspike: Railspike, transform!

Rapid Run: Rapid Run, transform!

Midnight: Midnight Express, transform!

Railspike: I’ll ask you nicely. Give us the energy you stole right now!

Mega-Octane: You’re a little mixed up. If I was gonna give it back, I wouldn’t have stolen it! Transform!

Commandos: Transform!

Rapid Run: Maybe by combining our strength we can get them to see the light.

Railspike: Let’s do it!

Trains: Bullet Fusion Mode!

Rail Racer: Triple Threat, combine! Rail Racer!

Mega-Octane: Two can play that game, choo choo chump! Decepticons, combine!

Armorhide and Rollbar: Yessir!

Ro-Tor and Movor: Yessir!

Ruination: Ruination, awaken!

Wedge: Guys, give me a hand.

Heavy Load: We’re with you!

Ruination: There are only three of you and five of us! Fire cannons!

Rail Racer: Move out!

Ruination: Hahaha! Huh?

Rail Racer: Eat this!

Heavy Load: All right! Mission accomplished!

Wedge: Good work, team.

Ruination: You’ll have to do better than that, bot-head!

Wedge: Aaaahh! Right shoulder thrust!

Rail Racer: Nice move, Wedge. Thanks.

Wedge: You’re welcome. We should really fall back now.

Rail Racer: What are you talking about?

Wedge: Let’s all get outta here. Come on, I’ll explain later.

Heavy Load: Hurry up, team!

Ruination: Ah, Autobot cowards! I guess they must be afraid of me.

[Transition]

Mega-Octane: Since they ran away, we’ll take this energy to Megatron. Huh?

Armorhide: That container looks mighty light.

Mega-Octane: It is light. There’s nothing in here! Where’d the energy go?

Movor: Hey, wait a minute! That Build Team must’ve taken it while we were fighting the trains!

Mega-Octane: Grrrr! I’m gonna make them pay for this!

[Transition]

Wedge: So while they were busy fighting with Rail Racer, we put the energy back.

Optimus: Excellent work, Wedge.

Koji: And now with all the different links to the space bridge, the Decepticons can’t get away with anything anymore.

Wedge: Yeah! Speaking of which, I have to get back to tunnel #3 right away and finish up some repairs.

[Transition]

Megatron: I’m very displeased. I was counting on that energy.

Scourge: It was a simple assignment, I don’t know how they could have messed it up.

Mega-Octane: That rotten Build Team pulled a fast one on us.

Rollbar: They all ducked into the tunnel before we could grab the energy back from them.

Ro-Tor: It’s that space bridge!

Mega-Octane: Yeah, we should have destroyed it when we broke into the tunnel that time. But if we did destroy it, they would only build a new one. We have to get rid of that Build Team, permanently.

[Commercial]

Worker: All right, you guys, let’s move it out!

Mega-Octane: We’ll keep hitting these construction sites until those spineless builders show up!

Armorhide: Yessir! Armor Blaster!

Mega-Octane: This is what happens when you mess with us.

Ro-Tor: Let’s see if we can shake ’em up. Come out of hiding, Wedge, or we’ll destroy all construction sites! …Unless you’re too scared!

T-AI: Prowl, emergency! Code red! The Decepticons are attacking work crews at quadrant delta, sector three!

Prowl: Read you loud and clear, base. I’m on my way.

T-AI: X-Brawn, emergency! Code red! The Decepticons are assaulting crews and their equipment at quadrant tango, sector five!

X-Brawn: Right, I’ll go have a look.

T-AI: I wonder what’s going on out there. The Decepticons just seem to be attacking construction sites.

Optimus: I hope this isn’t some sort of revenge on the Build Team.

T-AI: You might be right about that. Huh?! They struck again! This time they’re attacking the construction site near quadrant bravo, sector nine! We’ve got to stop them!

Optimus: Put Sideburn on it.

T-AI: Roger!

Sideburn: Nothing like the beach to put gas in your tank, eh red? But you better be sure you’re wearing lots of wax in this hot sun, you don’t wanna fade.

Kelly: It’s… that crazy car!

T-AI: Sideburn, come in!

Sideburn: Great, this is all I need.

T-AI: Now what do you mean by that crack?! We have an emergency, how many times do I have to call?

Sideburn: All right, I’m coming.

T-AI: Go to the construction site near quadrant bravo, sector nine now!

Sideburn: Don’t have to tell me twice.

Kelly: That guy is definitely weird.

Sideburn: Don’t worry, red. I’ll be back as soon as I deal with the bad guys. Just keep your motor running.

T-AI: Sideburn!

Sideburn: I’m coming!

X-Brawn: X-Brawn, transform! What in the world are you varmints up to now?

Mega-Octane: Where is the Build Team?

X-Brawn: What’s it to ya?

Armorhide: If the Build Team doesn’t show up here right now, we’re gonna blast every construction site and crush every tractor, like this and this and this!

X-Brawn: Now while I’m around. Bronco Blaster!

Armorhide: Take a hike, country boy. Armor Blaster!

Mega-Octane: Hahaha, go play in your space bridge. I’ve got no use for you anyway.

X-Brawn: Wait, where ya going? Come back and fight!

[Transition]

Sideburn: The same thing happened to me, Optimus. Those Decepticons wanted nothing to do with me.

T-AI: But why are they so interested in the Build Team?

Optimus: Maybe it has something to do with the space bridge.

T-AI: Optimus, the Decepticons are attacking another construction site!

Optimus: Mobilize Team Bullet Train.

T-AI: Roger. Computer locating Team Bullet Train. Team Bullet Train, code red! Emergency!

Sideburn: Even if the trains show up there, the Decepticons will walk away and destroy another construction site.

X-Brawn: Optimus, don’t you think you should let Wedge’s team know about this?

Optimus: No, they have work to do and I don’t want this getting in their way.

X-Brawn: Dag varnit.

[Transition]

Mega-Octane: Little Wedge, come out, come out, where ever you are!

T-AI: Investigate Decepticon activity! X-Brawn! Prowl! Sideburn! Proceed to quadrant alpha, sector six.

Prowl: Why won’t Optimus tell the Build Team what’s going on?

X-Brawn: Your guess is as good as mine, but I think they have a right to know.

Sideburn: Maybe he’s trying to protect them but the Decepticons won’t stop this until they show up.

T-AI: Oh no, the Decepticons are destroying another construction site!

Movor: Movor, transform!

Ro-Tor: Ro-Tor, transform!

Heavy Load: I picked up a radio frequency meant for the Autobot Brothers. It was very staticy, but I heard the Decepticons are causing a lot of trouble.

Wedge: Why didn’t the base contact us? We’re available.

Grimlock Whoa, what was that?

Hightower: It sounds like they’re fighting right above us.

Wedge: Yeah, well I’m going up there to check it out. Transform!

Hightower: Wedge, wait!

Railspike: We’ve got to find Mega-Octane and Armorhide.

Wedge: What happened here?

Railspike: What are you doing here, Wedge?

Wedge: What’s going on? Talk to me. What is it?

Railspike: See, ummm…

Rapid Run: Well, uhhh…

Wedge: Huh?

[Commercial]

T-AI: Yes, all the equipment, just like the other ones.

Wedge: Optimus Prime! Why didn’t you tell me about the construction sites? All of the machines are being destroyed, aren’t they?

T-AI: We’re doing everything we can.

Wedge: That’s not enough. The Decepticons are targetting the Build Team. That’s it, isn’t it? And if we don’t show up, all of the construction equipment will be turned into scrap metal, isn’t that right?

Optimus: We’ll handle the Decepticons. I want your team to concentrate on the space bridge. Right now it’s more important.

Wedge: I don’t think so!
T-AI: Optimus is right, Wedge. You can’t just go there on your own and —

Mega-Octane: Hahahaha!

Scourge: Where do you think you’re going?

Autobot Bros: Transform!

Wedge: That’s it! I can’t take this any longer!

Mega-Octane: Hahahaha!

Wedge: I will not ignore my threat. Wedge, transform! Hyah! Optimus Prime, I can’t just sit here while innocent machines are being threatened and do absolutely nothing about it! I wanna go in!

Optimus: I understand how you feel, but you’re just going to have to trust me.

Wedge: I can’t take it anymore. You’ve got to allow me to go there and fight.

T-AI: The Decepticons are now destroying the construction site near quadrant omega, sector ten!

Optimus: I’ll take care of it myself.

Wedge: Let me go out there! I don’t get it. He’s dead wrong this time. This is driving me nuts!

Heavy Load: Relax, my friend. You’re liable to blow a gasket.

Wedge: I can’t relax. I want to face the Decepticons but they’re not allowing me to do what I should do! I’d like to pound those guys for what they’ve done!

Hightower: I have an idea on how we could do it. Interested?

[Transition]

Hightower: I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before. This hard drive will disorientate the tracking system and that’ll cause location malfunction. Piece of cake.

Heavy Load: But I don’t understand what that will do. That’ll just send everybody to the wrong location.

Hightower: Exactly. It won’t allow the other teams to come to the battle.

Grimlock: So that’s your plan? To alter the space bridge so we can face the Decepticons all alone, without any help?

Hightower: That’s it.

Wedge: Yeah! The others can’t stand in our way. If it’s the Build Team they want, it’s the Build Team they’ll get.

Hightower: I can’t stand around and watch them threaten people and destroy property to get back at us. I say we stop it, all right?

Grimlock: Well, when you put it that way, I have to agree with you. We shouldn’t need permission to do what’s right.

Heavy Load: Yeah, let’s do it!

Build Team: Let’s do it!

Wedge: Let’s go get ’em!

[Transition]

Mega-Octane: It seems we missed a few. Twin Laser Cannons! Hmmm?!

Wedge: You wanted me, you got me! Wedge, transform!

Armorhide: It’s him!

Heavy Load: Heavy Load, transform! Mmmm… Aaahh!

Grimlock: Grimlock, transform! Oooohh yeah!

Hightower: Hightower, transform! Mmmm!

Mega-Octane: Glad you’ve finally made it, squirt. I didn’t think you had the courage. Now you’ll pay for messing with the Decepticons!

Wedge: Oh yeah? Well don’t tread on me!

Mega-Octane: Very funny!

Wedge: Shoulder thrust!

Mega-Octane: Nice try, Wedgie.

Heavy Load: Wedge! Had enough? Say uncle!

Ro-Tor: Unnnccclllle!

Wedge: Double laser!

Mega-Octane: Take this.

Heavy Load: Look out!

Armorhide: Laser blaster!

Wedge: Let go of me, you overgrown go-kart! When I get a hold of you, I’m turning you into a skateboard!

Mega-Octane: Hahaha, Wedgie Boy…

Movor: Laser blaster!

Wedge: Leave ’em alone!

Ro-Tor: Ro-Tor attack!

Mega-Octane: Hahaha, too bad no one on your team knows how to fight. It looks like your pathetic teammates are ready for the scrap heap along with the rest of that junk.

Wedge: You guys all right?

Heavy Load: Perhaps we should re-think this entire plan.

Grimlock: They’re coming. Save yourself, Wedge!

Heavy Load: Maybe tampering with the tunnels wasn’t such a good idea.

Wedge: Come on, team. We can’t give up. Are we just going to run away like cowards and let these diesel brain soldiers get away with destroying everything?!

Heavy Load: I think not!

Build Team: Let’s do it!

Heavy Load: Hey team, let’s combine!

Hightower: Ready!

Grimlock: Ready!

Wedge: Combine!

Build Team: Quad-Power Combiner Mode!

Heavy Load: Landfill!

Mega-Octane: Let’s get rid of these pests once and for all. Combine!

Armorhide and Rollbar: Combine!

Ro-Tor and Movor: Combine!

Ruination: Ruination awakens!

T-AI: Optimus Prime! Landfill is fighting Ruination!

Optimus: I told them to stay out of this!

T-AI: I was worried about them when they didn’t report in and then this turned up on the screen.

Optimus: I should’ve realized Wedge was too hot headed. What’s their location?

T-AI: Just a minute. It’s in quardrant zebra, sector four.

Optimus: Get moving, Autobots.

Autobot Bros: Roger!

Optimus: I hope they’re not too late.

Ruination: You’re out of your league. I’m going to smash you into spare parts.

Landfill: You don’t scare me, stick-shift. Someone should put you in your place and I’m just the guy to do it!

Ruination: Twin Lasers! Hahaha!

X-Brawn: Something funny’s going on here.

Prowl: You’re right. Seems to me we should have been there by now.

X-Brawn: Our quadrant’s gotta be around here some place.

Sideburn: Come on, guys, step on it. I’ll take the lead if you don’t mind. Follow me!

X-Brawn: What in tarnation? This isn’t the right place!

Sideburn: How’d we ever get so lost? We’re not even close.

Prowl: You don’t think someone tampered with the… Optimus Prime, emergency! Come in!

Ruination: This even more fun than I thought it would be. Had enough?

Landfill: I will never surrender to you!

Ruination: Then say goodbye. Come out and fight, you coward.

Landfill: What is this place?

Ruination: I’ve got you now, shovelhead.

Optimus: Optimus Prime, transform! Battle mode! Where is everyone?

Ruination: I guess you weren’t as tough as you thought you were, Autobot weakling.

Landfill: Well you’re as stupid as you look.

Ruination: Say goodbye. What the?!

Heavy Load: This entire cavern is filled with oil!

Wedge: You’re right. I’m going to take care of this guy once and for all.

Ruination: You must have a loose circuit. We’re surrounded by oil. This place will explode and we’ll all be destroyed. Let’s call a truce until we’re out of here.

Landfill: Forget it!

Ruination: What are you doing?! Don’t you care about your own safety? You know what’ll happen if you shoot in here.

Landfill: Yeah, I know what’ll happen. I’ll blow you to scrap. Fire laser!

Optimus: What’s going on? Landfill! Build Team! Power Stream, fire! Are you and your crew all right, Wedge?

Wedge: We’re a lot cooler now, huh, Optimus?

Heavy Load: You sure showed ’em, Wedge!

Optimus: Well, I’m certain the Decepticons won’t take you so lightly next time.

Grimlock: Good thing we got out of that one!

[Commercial]

Sideburn: There’s nothing like a hot tub. A nice hot tub of oil, that is.

Prowl: I can finally get the kinks out.

Wedge: I’m sorry about everything, Optimus.

Optimus: Don’t worry about it. Lucky for us, everything turned out fine. Just be happy you have a great team on your side.

Wedge: Right, I won’t forget that.

Sideburn: You really should come in here, Wedge. Aw, come on, jump in. The oil’s fine! It’s really rejuvenating. You’ll feel like you’ve just had a tune-up.

X-Brawn: You don’t know what you’re missing.

Wedge: All right! Get ready for a cannonball depth charge!

[End]

Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“Sky-Byte Saves the Day” – Episode 22
Written by Matthew V. Lewis
Transcription by Brandon Williams

–

Optimus: The ancient cavern ruins… The Cave of the Dragon… The Volcano of Montrose Island.

T-AI: Those are all locations that the Predacons have attacked.

Optimus: It looks as if Megatron has been using the psycho-probe to pry information from Dr. Onishi.

T-AI: Optimus, what are they searching for?

Optimus: I’m not certain, but it must have something to do with the research Dr. Onishi was doing just before they kidnapped him.

T-AI: We’ll need to re-analyze the data stored on Dr. Onishi’s microchip.

Optimus: Perhaps they’re looking for the O-Parts…

T-AI: Oh no! That could be terrible.

Optimus: In the wrong hands, it can be. We have to locate the missing O-Parts before the Decepticons do.

T-AI: From now on, the mission to find the O-Parts is the number one base priority.

Optimus: Thank you, T-AI. And continue to track Megatron closely.

Predacons: Hahahahahaha!

Sky-Byte: Sky-Byte, terrorize!

Slapper: Slapper, terrorize!

Dark Scream: Dark Scream, terrorize!

Gas Skunk: Gas Skunk, terrorize!

Dark Scream: This is supposed to be one of the tallest towers in the world.

Gas Skunk: Sure, maybe this world. The towers on Cybertron make this thing look like a toothpick.

Slapper: What if you dropped an Autobot from the top? How big a hole do you think he would make?

Dark Scream: Maybe we should try it out with fearless leader.

Sky-Byte: The CGA tower is truly in a class by itself. Predacons, it’s time to seize the day. Glory will be ours at 3:15 sharp this afternoon.

Slapper: Does anyone want to guess what the finhead is thinking?

Dark Scream: Probably just another diabolical plan to get us destroyed.

Gas Skunk: Yeah, he’s looking extra stupid right now.

Sky-Byte: Laugh. I have a perfect plan. At its grand opening this afternoon, we level the entire tower to the ground. Then all the reporters will want to interview us. The Predacons will become famous at last! Mwahaha! Imagine Megatron’s jealous look when he sees us Predacons on TV!

Slapper: On a scale from one-to-ten, that was stupid.

Dark Scream: An eleven on the stupid meter.

Gas Skunk: Real bad.

Sky-Byte: I’m not asking for your opinion, you babbling boneheads!

Koji: Wow! You can see the whole city from up here.

Jenny: It’s just like we’re on some tall mountain top.

Carl: Hey, look. You can almost see your apartment from up here.

Kelly: This is amazing! Everything’s so clear and peaceful today, and the new tower is beautiful! I’m just happy I finally decided to come to the opening.

Sky-Byte: Okay men… Aim! Savour the moment, gentlemen. We’re about to knock off the tallest building on this planet. And lock… Tsunami Blaster!

Kelly: Hey, I… Oh no. Not again.

Carl: Who’re they?

Koji: They’re Predacons!

Kelly: Preda — Predacons? This isn’t happening.

Sky-Byte: Everyone!

Dark Scream: Center laser!

Slapper: Right laser!

Gas Skunk: Left laser!

T-AI: Optimus, the Predacons! They’ve just attacked the new tower.

Optimus: Assemble the Autobots, T-AI. This is an emergency that calls for the Build Team.

T-AI: Build Team, come in. Emergency protocol. What’s your position? Please come in.

Wedge: I’m so proud of us. I didn’t think we’d complete construction on the south ocean underpass in anything less than a megacycle.

Heavy Load: Yep, that was something else, wasn’t it? I’d say we each deserve an oil bath.

Wedge: You bet. And the best part is we still had half a megacycle left for the western loop and beyond that, too. You guys, Build Team is gonna go down as the fastest crew in history.

Hightower: We did two global routes in one megacycle!

T-AI: This is T-AI. Build Team, please come in.

Grimlock: Not another construction job!

T-AI: Please return. The Predacons have attacked. They’re in quadrant three, sector A.

Wedge: Copy, T-AI. We’ll be there. Anything else we should know?

T-AI: No, not yet. At this point, you know as much as we do. Just keep your equipment ready and get there.

Wedge: Wow, the excitement never ends! First super-highways, now Predacons.

Heavy Load: Double luck day. The Build Team is ready.

Wedge: Roll out!

Build Team: Rollin’ out, knock it down, build it up, oh yeah!

Koji: Why’d they have to ruin a nice day like this?

Kelly: Don’t look down. Just don’t look down…

[Commercial]

Sky-Byte: It’s working!

Wedge: Wedge, transform! Let’s go!

Build Team: Build Team, transform!

Wedge: Hey, you little weasel. You want a piece of this?

Gas Skunk: Aw, how cute. The talking dump truck.

Heavy Load: Hey there. That’s ‘high-capacity vehicle’ to you, my furry friend. Now tell me, after you’re destroyed, are you willing to donate your parts for charitable construction?

Dark Scream: Well…

Slapper: He’s for real.

Gas Skunk: And how.

Sky-Byte: You fools! Watch! Destruct! Destruct! Destruct!

Slapper: Hey, why should Sky-Byte have all the fun? Let’s just wreak havoc. Right laser!

Dark Scream & Gas Skunk: Yeah!

Gas Skunk: Hey… The thing’s still standing!

Slapper: What now?

Sky-Byte: One small push.

Wedge: No! Don’t do it!

Heavy Load: That tower is barely holding on by a thread.

Wedge: Don’t harm the hostages!

Sky-Byte: Err, I hadn’t thought of them as my hostages, exactly, but then again, they could be.

Slapper: Hold on a second. No one ever told me we were taking any hostages.

Sky-Byte: Got a problem with that?

Slapper: Sorry. I was just a little concerned, that’s all.

Wedge: Sky-Byte, we want the hostages released safely. What are your demands?

Sky-Byte: What? Demands? (Thinking) A lifetime’s supply of energon! No! Total world domination! Think, what do you want, think!

Gas Skunk: Don’t just stand there!

Slapper: You can have anything you want in the whole wide world.

Dark Scream: You can everything… But where would you put it?

Wedge: Go ahead and name your price, Sky-Byte.

Sky-Byte: Don’t rush me. Do you know how… long I have waited for this? (Thinking) Don’t stand there, dunderhead, they’re all staring at you. Say something brilliant!

Wedge: The tower! Come on, speak up, Sky-Byte. Decide now.

Gas Skunk: Um, look. This isn’t a trick question, just make up your mind.

Sky-Byte: Uhh, I want to… talk to Optimus Prime!

Slapper: Heh, heh… You’ve got hostages. Why talk to that chump? Waste of time.

Sky-Byte: Maybe I should clarify. Get me Optimus Prime right now!

Wedge: You must be crazy! There’s no time to get him in here.

Sky-Byte: Uh, uh, uh! Get me Optimus. I insist. Get me Prime.

Slapper: Whatever was in that head, it ain’t workin’ anymore, y’know?

Gas Skunk: You got that.

Wedge: His one demand is that he talk to you, Optimus, and we’ll have to comply, fast.

T-AI: Put him on immediately.

Optimus: Better make it quick, Sky-Byte. What do you want from me?

Sky-Byte: I think you know… Don’t you, Optimus?

Optimus: I’m afraid I don’t know, Sky-Byte.

Sky-Byte: No, you know what I’m talking about, Optimus… That, uh… Thing-a-ma-jiggy you monitor at your headquarters.

Slapper: He wants a thing-a-ma-jiggy?

Gas Skunk: Ah…

Dark Scream: Sounds important.

Sky-Byte: My comrades know what I want.

Gas Skunk: Uh, of course… The thingy.

Slapper: Yeah, that whatcha-ma-call-it.

Dark Scream: Flim-flam with the flimmity-jimmit.

Optimus: I’m sorry. It’s a good description, but I can’t think of anything that would fit.

Sky-Byte: Don’t play coy with me, Optimus.

T-AI: Optimus, I just had an idea. What if the Predacons wanted the…

Optimus: They wanted the what, T-AI?

T-AI: You know, the Ooooo….

Optimus: The O-Parts?

Sky-Byte: That’s precisely what I mean. And now, you control what happens to my hostages. The O-Parts or else. Don’t make me fill in the blanks.

Optimus: I’ll bring all we have.

Gas Skunk: Hey, do we know what an O-Part is?

Slapper: Nope!

Optimus: I can’t let him harm innocent citizens. Sky-Byte, don’t hurt your hostages and I’ll bring you the O-Parts.

Sky-Byte: That sounds superb. Now get here and don’t worry about these people. And that, my fellow Predacons, is what sheer genius is all about. Mwaahahahaha! Oh…

Wedge: No!

Kelly: Why does this happen to me?

Scourge: Sir, as we speak, Optimus is bringing the O-Parts to Sky-Byte. He’s currently busy guarding the tower with the other Predacons.

Megatron: That’s marvelous. Remind me to commend Sky-Byte for a great bluff. It actually worked this time.

Scourge: Might I have the honour of seizing the O-Parts and bringing them back to you?

Megatron: Yes, whatever it takes.

Scourge: Yessir!

Sky-Byte: Don’t come near me! These are my hostages. I’m protecting them. I want my prize!

Wedge: I’m just trying to help, you stupid fish!

Sky-Byte: Well, then stay back. Gas Skunk, Dark Scream, Slapper! Anytime you want to help will be fine.

Gas Skunk: Would time for you be right after lunch?

Sky-Byte: Right now, mister!

Slapper: Push it right.

Wedge: Sky-Byte, do the right thing. Let’s get the people out.

Sky-Byte: My hostages, never!

Gas Skunk: This is not good. It’s gonna fall and squish us.

Heavy Load: Sky-Byte! Let us help!

Sky-Byte: Don’t come any closer. Do you hear me?

Wedge: Just do as he says! Everybody stand back.

Hightower: But Wedge!

Wedge: It’s crazy to me too, but he won’t let you come near us.

Optimus: Optimus to Build Team, hold tight. I’m on my way.

Ro-Tor: Hi, Optimus!

Optimus: Sorry, I don’t have time to play right now.

Ro-Tor: Oh yeah?

Movor: Fire!

Optimus: You’re going to have to fill in these potholes.

Rollbar: Attack!

Armorhide: Haha!

Mega-Octane: End of the road for you, Optimus Prime. Decepticons, combiner mode!

Commandos: Yessir!

Ruination: Ruination awakes!

Optimus: Transform! Now we’ll see what you’re made of.

Ruination: It’s hopeless for you, Prime. Give us the ransom now.

Optimus: No. I’ll only give the O-Parts to Sky-Byte.

Ruination: You’re giving them to me, Prime.

Scourge: Or to me.

Optimus: Back off, both of you. I promised Sky-Byte and I’m going to deliver.

Scourge: Very touching. Here is my answer. Now! Hahaha. Now, I want to take the O-Parts directly back to Megatron.

Optimus: You don’t understand, Scourge. Lives depend on this.

[Commercial]

Sky-Byte: Stand back!

Slapper: Oh, my arms! This thing weighs a Cybertronic tonne.

Gas Skunk: It feels like it weighs more because there’s still some foundation left. Unless someone cuts it out, we’re gonna be Predacon pancakes.

Sky-Byte: I’ll get it! Just wait one second. Shark Spike!

Wedge: No! Wait a minute! That was such a bad idea.

Sky-Byte: Everybody up on three. One… two… three!

Dorie Dutton: Good news at last. For reasons no one can explain, the Predacons are actually helping to keep the tower up.

Koji: Sky-Byte is our hero?

Carl: I don’t believe it.

Jenny: Huh? Let’s go, Sky-Byte! I believe in you! You’re doing a great job! Don’t give up!

Hostages: Keep it up, Sky-Byte! You can do it!

Slapper: Hey, wait — why would they like us?

Sky-Byte (thinking): They’re cheering… For me. I’ve never been cheered for in my entire life. I wish Megatron would cheer for me once. (Out loud) Come on, men. Save the hostages. Don’t let them fall!

Slapper: I’m never doing another plan on his again.

Sky-Byte: Keep your hands up, team. Together we can keep the hostages safe from certain doom!

Heavy Load: Okay guys, you’ve got a pothole about five meters to your left. Careful… Great job, keep it up.

Wedge: Okay.

Heavy Load: Good. A little to your left, Wedge. That’s it… That’s it…

Jenny: Oh no! They’re losing control again.

Kelly: And things were going so well.

Preds and Build Team: Whoaaa! Whoaaa…

Optimus: If you come between me and the safety of those humans, Scourge, I’ll take you apart servo by servo.

Scourge: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! I can’t let that flounder get all the credit.

Optimus: I warned you, Decepticons. Blaze Blaster!

Mega-Octane: I swear I’m gonna make you regret this, Prime!

Scourge: Lucky move, Optimus. Now face me!

Optimus: All right! Transform! I’ve gotta make up for lost time.

Scourge: I’ll make sure he pays for that.

Gas Skunk: I can’t feel my arms here! And I know I’m gonna get crushed like a tin can. I got no help…

Sky-Byte: Oh, my back is starting to itch and I can’t reach around to scratch it!

Wedge: Hey Sky-Byte, do you need a little help up there?

Sky-Byte: From you? What could you possibly do to help, junior?

Wedge: Well… I could use my treads for one thing.

Sky-Byte: All right. Try them out.

Wedge: Okay. Here goes nothing. There!

Sky-Byte: Higher!

Wedge: Where? Up here?

Sky-Byte: No, a bit to the left.

Wedge: Here?

Sky-Byte: Yes, yes. That’s it. That’s it. Right there. Yes. Ahhh… (Thinking) That Autobot is so kind with the scratching of my back. How can he possibly be?

Wedge: Just imagine, for a second, if you had no hostages to take care of, you could scratch your back all you wanted to.

Sky-Byte (still thinking): That would be so nice.

Wedge: And Sky-Byte, imagine all your hostages. Cheering because you set them free and saved their lives.

Hostages: That’s it, Sky-Byte! Pull that up!

Sky-Byte: Look at that. They’re cheering for us! We’ve got to support them.

Slapper: Fine, but I can’t hold up much longer.

Gas Skunk: Right, me neither. My spine’s like an accordion.

Sky-Byte: Great. Then why don’t we take a little vote? Everyone in favour of freeing these innocent hostages, raise your hand. I didn’t mean to let go! Over here… Careful… Careful…

Gas Skunk: The tower’s more important.

Dark Scream: Yeah, we’ve gotta find a way to set it down now.

Optimus: Almost there.

Slapper: We got a rumble on our hands.

Scourge: Scourge, transform! Fine, now it’s time for payback, Prime.

Optimus: We’ll see about that. Battle mode! I told you, Scourge, I’m busy!

Gas Skunk: You may not have noticed, but we have a building thing happening here.

Slapper: Yeah, can the battle thing wait?

Sky-Byte: This is not the time. We’re tied up right now, Scourge.

Wedge: Do something quick, Optimus. Scourge won’t wait.

Scourge: The O-Parts or the tower.

Optimus: You don’t make the rules here, Scourge.

Wedge: Build Team, do anything you can. Stop Scourge’s attack.

Heavy Load: Count on us, Wedge.

Wedge: Do it!

Scourge: How many seconds will this tower stand?

Heavy Load: Incoming! Block and shield!

Hightower: I’m all over it.

Grimlock: Double shield!

Wedge: Sweet! Nice aim, Hightower.

Gas Skunk: We can’t keep… holding this tower with crossfire. It’s too hard to dodge the missiles.

Dorie Dutton: Sky-Byte and his crew are now helping to protect the tower. This is amazing. In an alliance never seen before, today they’ve teamed up with the Autobots!

Koji: Hey! All right, Sky-Byte! Wait to go!

Various witnesses: Hey! Sky-Byte!

Sky-Byte: Now, more than ever before, my dear hostages need me.

Heavy Load: We’ve been hit!

Wedge: Hang on! Save the tower!

Optimus: Big mistake, tanker breath.

Scourge: I will do what it takes until I leave with the O-Parts.

Optimus: You’ll be here to leave here with all of your parts. You’re going down with a bang and a whimper.

Scourge: You win this time, Prime. But I’ll be back.

Sky-Byte: I’m losing my grip!

Hightower: Okay, team. We need to think of a remedy and quick. Looks like the guys under the tower have just about run out of steam.

Grimlock: If we had Wedge here, we’d be all right. We could combine into Landfill and then secure that tower.

Heavy Load: We might just be able to get him.

Wedge: Guys! We’re gonna have to clear some land to put this tower down. Are you with me?

Heavy Load: You betcha! But check with Sky-Byte.

Wedge: Sky-Byte, I’m going to have to leave you guys to combine forces with my team. We’ll clear the area and make a foundation for this tower in no time flat.

Sky-Byte: Whatever you say, junior.

Wedge: Excellent.

Slapper: Hey! Whatever you do, do it fast!

Wedge: Build Team!

Landfill: Landfill! It’s time to dance.

Dorie Dutton: One of the Autobots seems to be going haywire. It’s been crushing abandoned buildings without justification for five minutes.

Koji: Oh no. Landfill looks upset.

Kelly: Ooooh! Should’ve gone skiing, or hiking, or boating, or shopping or anything but this!

Sky-Byte: Save my prized hostages!

Dark Scream: The hostages are mashing my motherboard.

Optimus: Sky-Byte, the foundation’s ready.

Sky-Byte: Thanks, Optimus. We’re on our way. Don’t let go!

Dark Scream: My back! My back!

Landfill: Okay, guys. Time to put down the tower and free the hostages.

Optimus: Everybody, get ready. One… two… three!

Slapper: Ugh! I won’t be able to transform again for three weeks! I need a chiropractor.

Sky-Byte: I’m kaput.

Gas Skunk: You can scratch yourself now, Sky-Byte.

Sky-Byte: Huh? You’re right!

[Commercial]

Koji: Oh yeah!

Carl & Jenny: Hahaha!

Koji: Optimus, that was awesome!

Optimus: Koji… Don’t tell me you were in the tower too.

Koji: Yeah! We got to watch the whole thing. I was really impressed by the way you guys handled Scourge’s attack. But one thing… Sky-Byte and the Predacons were going to destroy the building. Why did they decide to help the hostages after capturing them?

Optimus: Who knows… But I’m glad they did.

Gas Skunk: Ah, now this is the life.

Slapper: Yeah! It’s a good life when you don’t have to carry around a two million ton tower.

Dark Scream: Man, that was an unnecessary day. Why on Earth did we go through all that? Oh yeah!

Morons: The O-Parts!

Sky-Byte: I wonder… What are the O-Parts, anyway?

[End]

Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“Landfill” – Episode 21
Written by Richard Epcar
Transcription by Brandon Williams

–
X-Brawn: They’re on me like an Insecticon on a power core. I gotta get outta here.

Ro-Tor: He’s getting away!

Scourge: No, he’s not.

X-Brawn: Great, treadhead’s in my way. Just a little farther… Thanks! See ya, pard! Phew… Talk about your close shades. Boy, darn good thing those Decepticons can’t follow me into the space bridge.

Ro-Tor: He just disappeared. I can’t locate him.

Mega-Octane: Those warp tunnels they use make it impossible to catch him.

Armorhide: Another second and I’d be picking him out of my treads.

Rollbar: Well as long as they have that technology, they’ll always defeat us!

Armorhide: There’s gotta be some way we can go in there and blast that space bridge apart. Then they can’t use it against us anymore.

Mega-Octane: We’d be better off if we could figure out how the tunnels work. Then we can use them for our own purposes.

Ro-Tor: Must be nice to just duck into a tunnel to get away, and come out who knows where!

Armorhide: I still say we should blow it up!

Mega-Octane: Hold on. Maybe we can disable it.

Scourge: Perhaps we could…

Wedge: All right, Heavy Load. We’ve got room for a few more shovelsful.

Hightower: Hey, Wedge, listen up. What do you want me to do with this large beam? Do you think we need it?

Wedge: Yeah, we do. But don’t get ahead of yourself, Hightower. We’re still digging.

Grimlock: Heavy Load, I need you over here.

Heavy Load: Keep your shovel on.

T-AI: Optimus, the Build Team is calling and needs to talk to you.

Optimus: Put them on screen.

Wedge: Hey Optimus, it’s all done. It took awhile, but we finally finished building the arctic link to the global space bridge.

Optimus: Good job, Build Team. You completed that section in record time.

Heavy Load: Thanks a lot, Optimus. Of course, we give a lot of the credit to Wedge. As a foreman, he’s aces.

Optimus: That’s good to hear. What’s your project status?

Wedge: You don’t have to worry. We’re way ahead of schedule.

Heavy Load: Wedge, how about the blue bridge to the south group?

Wedge: All work and no play makes Heavy Load a dull machine. I say we should go check out the battlezone and get some practice in. Come on, Hightower.

Hightower: Right behind you. Grimlock: Hold on, young Wedge. What about installing the new arctic link data into the computer network?

Wedge: I’m bored by that geeky stuff. You handle it, okay Grimster?

Grimlock: No sweat. I’ll take care of it.

Wedge: Come on, Heavy Load. It’s time for a little battle practice. Let’s do it!

Heavy Load: Oh, great.

Grimlock: This won’t take long. Then I can meet up with the guys at the battlezone.

Ro-Tor: This is Ro-Tor. I’ve spotted Grimlock and I’m on his tail.

Scourge: See if he leads into the terminal.

Ro-Tor: Yes, sir.

Grimlock: Grimlock, transform! Oh yeah!

Grimlock: Now let’s see… The co-ordinates for the new arctic link should be housed in terminal 10. Reprogramming coaxial, engage. Data recorded and synchronized. Installation complete.

Scourge: It’s in there.

Mega-Octane: What is this place?

Scourge: Just what we’ve been looking for.

Armorhide: I’ll tell you what we should do. We should go in there and blast that place into tiny little pieces.

Rollbar: I’ve got a great idea. Why don’t we just hack into their system? We can find out where their tunnels lead.

Armorhide: Hacking, schmacking. I say we go in there and blow the whole place to oblivion. Then we don’t have to care where the tunnels lead. Am I right?

Rollbar: Half-track mind. Well, that’s one way to get in! I, myself, would have used the door.

Armorhide: Now Scourge has the right idea. See what I mean? We gotta break down some walls, blow up some buildings, destroy these computers…

Scourge: Why don’t you clamp your voice boxes?

Armorhide: Uh, yeah… Sorry, sir.

Scourge: This hard drive will disrupt their tracking system, causing location malfunction. Perfect. Let’s see how their global space bridge works now. Decepticons, move out.

Commandos: Yessir!

[Commercial]

Movor: Movor, transform! Laser blast!

T-AI: Sir, the Decepticons are attacking sector B538. They’re destroying the buildings near the train station.

Optimus: T-AI, which of our teams is closest to that location?

T-AI: On it, Optimus Prime. The Nearest is Team Bullet Train. They’re prepped and ready to go. Dispatching now. Team Bullet Train, report to sector B538 immediately.

Rapid Run: Roger that!

Railspike: 10-4!

Midnight: On our way.

Scourge: Have a nice trip, boys.

Rapid Run: This doesn’t seem right. Are you sure we’re going the right way?

Railspike: Now!

Rapid Run: Look out! Look out! Whoa, get over! Get over!

Railspike: This is not good!

Midnight: Someone should tell these people they’re going the wrong way!

Railspike: Railspike, transform!

Rapid Run: Rapid Run, transform!

Midnight: Midnight Express, transform!

Rapid Run: Hey, what’s going on here? This is not the right sector. Oh, good. I’m glad you’re here.

Wedge: Hey Rapid Run. What’s up?

Rapid Run: What’s up? We were. We just fell a hundred feet onto a crying freeway.

Railspike: I’m getting too old for this stuff.

Midnight: It was terribly unsettling.

Optimus: We were just discussing the malfunctions in the global space bridge.

Wedge: Everything in that tunnel was constructed according to plan. It should work perfectly. I don’t understand.

Heavy Load: It doesn’t make sense.

Rapid Run: What doesn’t make sense is that my team and I were almost made into scrap metal thanks to your perfectly constructed tunnel! There’s no excuse for shoddy workmanship.

Wedge: Yeah? Maybe it’s your fault. Maybe you don’t know where you’re going.

Rapid Run: Listen, you little…

Wedge: Why you big pile of junk!

Railspike and Heavy Load: Knock it off!

Railspike: Rapid Run, put a plug in it. This is doing no good.

Heavy Load: You two are supposed to be on the same team.

Wedge: I’m going to teach this big mouth a lesson.

Optimus: Wedge is right. Something’s wrong. It needs to be found and corrected.

Hightower: Yessir, right away.

Mega-Octane: So we messed up their tunnel. Now what?

Scourge: Now we start some trouble. When the Autobots use their tunnel again, we’ve got them.

Mega-Octane: Yessir!

Rollbar: Rollbar, transform! Fire blaster!

Armorhide: Plasma morter! Transform!

Ro-Tor: Ro-Tor, transform! Ha, ha!

Movor: Ha, ha!

Rollbar: Ha, haha!

T-AI: Optimus! The Decepticons are attacking the city!

Optimus: T-AI, send the brothers and Team Bullet Train.

T-AI: Roger. Autobot Brothers and Team Bullet Train, code red! Decepticons are attacking the urban centre.

Sideburn: This is Sideburn, message received. I’m taking the global space bridge to preset co-ordinates. Leaving now.

X-Brawn: This is X-Brawn. I copy that.

Prowl: 10-4, base. I read you loud and clear. I’m on my way.

T-AI: Team Bullet Train, take off for location right now!

Rapid Run: All right, team. No slip-ups this time. Smooth take off.

Midnight: I’ve got a bad feeling about this one!

Hightower: Everything seems online and operational.

Heavy Load: It all looks good.

Wedge: There’s nothing wrong with the global space bridge. It had to be something those guys did.

[Transition]

Mega-Octane: With the Autobots in transit, I’ll give their computer a little tune-up. One they’ll never forget. Ha, ha, ha!

[Commercial]

Sideburn: Surprise! Huh? Hey… What’s up with all this water? This is not funny. There’s something seriously wrong with that thing!

X-Brawn: Decepticons, you’re in for it now. Whoa. Whoowee! That could have been the first step of the rest of my life. Something’s really wrong with that bridge of ours.

Prowl: Freeze, Decepti-creeps! Man, that’s cold.

Construction Worker: Uhhh… Pardon me, officer, but we’re trying to pour some fresh concrete right now.

Prowl: Sorry… But get me outta here!

Koji: Hey, batter, batter!

Koji’s friend: Pitcher’s got a rubber arm!

Koji: Knock it out of the park! Come on, do it! Come on! Oh, man!

Rapid Run: Whoa… Oh no. Rapid Run, transform! Got it!

Koji: Oh no! He caught it and that was the last out of the inning. And what is Rapid Run doing on the field, anyway?

Rapid Run: What the?

Kelly: No blue sportscars chasing me here in the mall! That’s ridiculous! A train?! Why do these things always happen to me? Ahhh!

Railspike: My brakes can’t grab!

Kelly: That… couldn’t be the new subway line, could it?

Railspike: I can’t stop.

Midnight: Oooohhh! Somebody make it stop! It’s like a maze that goes in circles. A sort of never-ending loop. This isn’t funny. I’m getting motion sickness. My gyro’s spinning.

[Commercial]

Scourge: Scourge, transform!

Megatron: Megatron, terrorize! Scourge, the Autobots are trapped in their own global space bridge. Are you sure they can’t show up here?

Scourge: They’ll be tied up in that tunnel for a long time. And when they finally get out, they’ll be nowhere near us. We can help ourselves to all the energy here and they can’t do a thing.

Megatron: This is exactly the opportunity I’ve waited for.

Scourge: With this energy, we could really put your plans into motion.

Megatron: Heh, heh, heh, heh…

T-AI: All of our operatives have been sent to the wrong destination. Places completely different from what I’ve programmed.

Optimus: This doesn’t make sense. Didn’t Build Team run a diagnostic on that tunnel?

T-AI: There’s nothing wrong with the construction of the tunnels. Perhaps there’s something wrong with the computers. Ugh! It looks like someone’s been tampering with the main computer link!

Optimus: Where’s the read-out coming from?

T-AI: From the main terminal building.

Heavy Load: Wedge, I just received an urgent communicate from T-AI. There is something wrong with the tunnel.

Wedge: Huh? We’ve been all over this tunnel with a fine tooth comb and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with our work.

Heavy Load: You’re right. Construction is absolutely up to code.

Wedge: Wait, the computer!

Heavy Load: Optimus, we’re heading to the terminal building to repair the damage.

Optimus: Roger, Heavy Load. Good luck.

Mega-Octane: Halt! Decepticons, don’t let them pass.

Commandos: No, sir!

Wedge: Autobots, transform! Nothing’s going to stop us from getting inside that terminal.

Mega-Octane: Hmmm?

Optimus: Optimus Prime, transform! Battle mode! Blizzard Blast!

Railspike: Whoa! Not again! My brakes aren’t working on this hill!

Sideburn: Hang on to your goggles, kids. This sand is too soft for my tires. Aaaaahhh!

X-Brawn: This is too much… Where am I?! Somebody?! Anybody?!

Wedge: Shoulder thrust! And double laser!

Heavy Load: Tractor slam! How does that grab ya?

Hightower: Fire blaster!

Optimus: Time to go home, Decepticons! All right, move in.

Hightower: Looks like this terminal’s been tampered with. Here’s the culprit. That should take care of it. The tunnel should function properly now.

Wedge: Those slaggin’ Decepticons changed our computer data! I’m sorry. I had no idea.

Optimus: We were all fooled. Now we have to get our team back.

T-AI: Optimus Prime! Red alert! Come in, Optimus Prime!

Optimus: What is it, T-AI?

T-AI: Big trouble. Decepticons are raiding the Northern Energy Research facility.

Optimus: So that was their plan. Our tunnel was a diversion, so they could steal the power from our North facility. Those other attacks were a ruse to get our energy.

Heavy Load: Hey, why don’t we take the arctic link tunnel we just built? That way we’ll be able to take them by surprise.

Wedge: Yeah, now that it’s up and running. Great idea, Heavy Load.

Optimus: Autobots, let’s roll out! Destination, the North Energy Research facility.

Sideburn: You wouldn’t believe the places they sent me! I can’t wait to get my hands on ’em!

X-Brawn: I’m just glad you guys found me. Thought I was gonna be stuck in that desert forever.

Wedge: Listen, everyone. I’m sorry about what’s been happening with the tunnel, but it was tampered with and we found out the problem. This time it will take us to the correct destination.

Scourge: All right. Let’s go in and take the energy.

Megatron: Huh?

Scourge: What’s that?

Megatron: Autobots!

Rapid Run: You were expecting the abominable snowman?

Railspike: You should know by now not to count us out.

Sideburn: Well this time I came out the right location.

X-Brawn: Not a moment too soon.

Megatron: They figured it out!

Optimus: Optimus Prime, transform! Battle protocol!

Wedge: Wedge, transform! Hwah!

Heavy Load: Heavy Load, transform! Mhhhmmhhmm…

Hightower: Hightower, transform!

Grimlock: Grimlock, transform! Oh, yeah!

Rapid Run: Team Bullet Train ready.

X-Brawn: Autobot Brothers ready.

Scourge: They recovered a lot sooner than I thought.

Wedge: That’s right, and I don’t take kindly to you messing up my work. You’re getting a slice of this!

Megatron: Ha! Megatron, beast mode! Pipsqueak…

Optimus: Hold it, Megatron! It’s easy when you get the hang of it.

Megatron: Ha, ha, ha! Dragon lasers!

Sideburn: Man, if I knew it was gonna be like this, I’d have brought my skates!

X-Brawn: Here ya go.

Prowl: Whoa!

Megatron: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Scourge: What do you want me to do?

Megatron: I’m all right. Just destroy those meddlesome Autobots.

Rapid Run: We’ll take care of this. Bullet Trains, combine into Rail Racer.

Midnight and Railspike: Right!

Wedge: Hold on a minute!

Rapid Run: Why? What’s the matter, Wedge?

Wedge: I want you to let us take care of this. The space bridge is our responsibility and when they messed with it, they messed with us.

Heavy Load: Right, it’s payback time.

Wedge: Besides, we’re better equipped for the ice than they are. Sideburn: What do you say, Optimus?

Optimus: It’s a matter of honour for Build Team. They’ll handle it.

Sideburn: I hope so.

Sideburn: I hope so.

Wedge: Guys, it’s time for us to combine!

Sideburn: Oh man, they’re going to transform into Landfill! Whoa!

Rapid Run: Oh yeah! This is gonna be good!

Wedge: Transform!

Sideburn: Cool. They’re really putting on quite a show.

Prowl: Look at that traction.

Megatron: Twin dragon breath!

Landfill: Have to do better than that, Megatron, if you want to hit me. Shoulder attack! And a super shoulder attack!

Optimus: I’d say they have the situation under control.

Sideburn: They’re a heck of a wrecking machine.

Megatron: I will destroy you. You can’t win.

Scourge: Leave Megatron alone!

Landfill: No problem. Here’s a little something for you. Don’t get up on my account. Single laser!

Megatron: Next time, Autobots! Ha, ha, ha, ha!

[Commercial]

Midnight: You’ve settled the score on all accounts.

Wedge: I just hope I was able to make it up to you for all your trouble.

Sideburn: Mmmhmmm.

Wedge: But I still feel bad about all you’ve gone through.

Rapid Run: Well, don’t. I was out of line before. It wasn’t your fault, it was sabotage. Build Team is the best. You guys should be proud.

Wedge: Thank you. And I’m sorry about losing my temper back there.

Rapid Run: Me too. Let’s forget it.

Optimus: The important thing is that we worked together to stop the Decepticons. It just took a little teamwork.

Sideburn: This technology is unbelievable. You know, when it’s working properly, there’s really nothing better.

Rapid Run: You can say that again. Now let’s go home.

[End]

Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“Wedge’s Short Fuse” – Episode 20
Written by Richard Epcar
Transcription by Brandon Williams

–

T-AI: Emergency! Emergency!

Optimus: What’s going on, T-AI?

T-AI: It’s the Predacons, sir. They’re raiding the diamond mine. The diamond mine is located here, in Antarctica.

Optimus: T-AI, go ahead and activate the member select program.

T-AI: Roger, Optimus. Copy that. Member selector. Computer puts the Autobot Brothers closest the the location. Attention, Autobot Brothers, red alert. Repeat, this is an emergency. Respond at once. A diamond mind in Antarctica is being robbed by the Predacons.

Sideburn: Stay calm. I’m already on it, cutie pie.

T-AI: Roger that, Sideburn… And don’t ever call me “cutie pie” again!

Sideburn: I won’t. Sorry!

X-Brawn: T-AI, this is X-Brawn. We’re on our way.

Prowl: There’s an entrance to the space bridge ahead of us. We’ll be there in no time.

Autobot Bros: Let’s do it!

X-Brawn: What in tarnation’s going on here?

Prowl: This is not good. Be careful, stay back!

Sideburn: What kind of crazy tunnel is this? Huh?!

X-Brawn: What in the …

Wedge: Hey, what do you guys think you’re doing? This part of the tunnel is still under construction.

Heavy Load: Yeah, didn’t you get the memo?

X-Brawn: Hey, you guys are the…

Wedge: Wedge, transform! Hyah!

Heavy Load: Heavy Load, transform! Mmmhmm, yeah!

Hightower: Hightower, transform! Hmph!

Grimlock: Grimlock, transform! Oh yeah! Ah!

Wedge: Together, they call us, the Build Team!

Heavy Load: Let by the incomparable boy genius Wedge!

Hightower: Nobody constructs a tunnel like this guy!

Grimlock: Will you two knock it off? You’re embarrassing the kid.

Prowl: Yes, well, we almost forgot. The Predacons are raiding the diamond mine. We’ve got to get there somehow!

Sideburn: Hey guys, would you be able to construct a tunnel to Antartica?

Grimlock: What, are you kidding?

Wedge: We can do that, team. Am I right?

Heavy Load: Well, you know, we are the best tunnel builders in the universe. If we can’t do it, it can’t be done!

Wedge: We’ll build the tunnel for you, under one condition.

[Transition]

Optimus: All right, Wedge, I’m listening. What exactly do you want for building this southern passage?

Wedge: Sir, I want you to let us fight. We want to prove ourselves in battle.

Optimus: That’s your condition?

Wedge: Yup, that’s it. Listen, we just want to get out of those tunnels once in a while and kick some bot! Just give us a chance. We know we can do it.

Optimus: Maybe so, but you and your team have more important things to do.

Wedge: We’ll still build the Arctic link, but we wanna fight the bad guys once in a while, too. Let us show you our stuff.

Optimus: I understand how you feel, but I need your contributions as builders much more than I do as fighters. I already have plenty of those. Besides, you are too young and inexperienced to lead in combat. The real thing is different than the simulator.

Wedge: With all due respect, I know the difference. We’re excellent fighters, give us a chance.

T-AI: Huh? We’ve got to get going. The Predacons are making off with all of the diamonds in the mine. We have to stop them right away.

Optimus: Well, all right. You want it, you got it. Wedge, you and your team take care of this.

Wedge: All right! Thanks, Optimus. You won’t be sorry for this.

T-AI: What are you waiting for? Get going now!

Build Team: No!

Wedge: T-AI, we can’t just go like that. We’re fighters. What about the send off? The cool things you do for the other guys!

T-AI: Oh, that stuff. You know, for first timers, you’re very demanding. Time’s running out. Should we take it from the top, Optimus?

Optimus: All right… T-AI, activate the member select program.

T-AI: Roger! Copy that, Optimus. Member selector! Computer has pulled up the Build Team. Attention, Build Team, red alert! Emergency, a diamond mine in Antartica is being robbed by the Predacons. Heavy Load, Hightower, Grimlock and Wedge, report to the field immediately!

Wedge: Oh man, that sounded so cool, didn’t it?!

Heavy Load: Wowee! This is just like I imaged it!

Wedge: Build Team, ready?

Hightower: Lead us into battle!

Autobot Bros: Huh?!

Hightower: I just know you’re going to be a great warrior, Wedge!

Grimlock: Aw, come on, Hightower. He hasn’t even started yet. I know you’re a crane, but don’t raise his hopes too high.

Hightower: And just because you’re the shovel, don’t mean you have to dig yourself into a hole!

T-AI: Errrgghh!

Grimlock: What in the name of Cybertron are you talking about?!

T-AI: Build Team! Knock it off and leave on your assignment!

Wedge: Right, T-AI. Sorry. All right team, follow me!

Build Team: We’re with you, Wedge!

Wedge: Build Team, move out!

Build Team: All right!

Grimlock: Our first battle, I can’t wait!

Heavy Load: Hahaha, yeah!

Wedge: Hustle up!

Prowl: They’ve already finished this section.

Sideburn: They’re fast. They seem motivated, you gotta give ’em that.

X-Brawn: I just hope they can finish it in time.

Wedge: The faster we build, the sooner we can fight.

Grimlock: We’re gonna kick bot!

Heavy Load: You said a shovelful!

Wedge: Those Predacons are going down!

[Commercial]

Gas Skunk: Wow, we racked up a whole mess of these things, huh?

Dark Scream: That’s right, but the real reason we’re doing this is to lure the Autobots here.

Slapper: Yeah, well, I wish they’d hurry up and get here already. I’m freezing here.

Sky-Byte: We just have to wait them out, although it is taking them longer than usual to arrive. But I figured a way to net us some points with Megatron. Once they’re here, I have a deliciously devious plan to capture them. First, I’ll take them prisoner with my net.

Mini Autobot Bros: Aaaaahhhh!

Sky-Byte: Then, by using my anchor arm, I’ll trigger an avalanche to bury them eternity. They’ll be out of the way for good and never bother us again! Sometimes I’m such a genius. I even amaze myself! It’s the perfect plan.

Dark Scream: I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t think his plan’s so great.

Sky-Byte: Keep your negative comments to yourself.

Dark Scream: Man, he’s got good hearing.

Sky-Byte: I promised Megatron that we’d capture the Autobots and I’m not gonna look like a fool! If we fail this time, he’ll never trust us again.

Slapper: You know what, it might be too late. He’s more interested in the Decepticons these days.

Dark Scream: You’re right. He’s been so mean to us lately.

Gas Skunk: Hey fellas, if the Autobots don’t show up, do you think we can keep some of these beautiful diamonds? I don’t wanna sound sentimental, but it is my birthstone.

Grimlock: All right, we’re through!

Heavy Load: You did it! You got us to Antartica!

Wedge: Good work! We finally get to fight against the Predacons on the field of battle.

Slapper: Hey, you trucks, this way! The diamonds are over here!

Wedge: Who are they?

Slapper: Come on and give us a hand, will ya? We’re sure glad to see you guys.

Gas Skunk: Yeah, thanks a lot. We didn’t know how we were gonna get ’em outta here.

Grimlock: Oh, our pleasure! Here you go.

Heavy Load: Where are we gonna put all these diamonds?

Grimlock: We’ll figure it out.

Dark Scream: How thoughtful of Sky-Byte to send transport trucks for all this loot. It’s a lot to carry.

Slapper: Yeah, what a shock. He can actually be nice.

Grimlock: Hey Heavy Load!

Heavy Load: Yeah.

Grimlock: Another batch coming up!

Heavy Load: Go ahead and dump ’em in!

Grimlock: Thanks.

Heavy Load: You’re welcome!

Slapper: Isn’t it nice how polite they are when they work together?

Gas Skunk: It sure is!

Sky-Byte: Huh?! Listen, you gearheads, what are you doing standing around?

Slapper: Sky-Byte, thanks for sending these transport trucks to help us carry all the diamonds!

Sky-Byte: Those aren’t transport trucks, they’re Autobots!

Preds: What?! They’re Autobots?!

Wedge: Wedge, transform! Hyah!

Heavy Load: Heavy Load, transform! Mmmhmm, yeah!

Hightower: Hightower, transform! Hmph!

Grimlock: Grimlock, transform! Oh yeah! Ah!

Wedge: Together, they call us, the Build Team!

Sky-Byte: What? Who are they? What do they want?!

Slapper: They told you they were the Build Team! Weren’t you listening?

Sky-Byte: I heard what they said, dimwit! Why are they here?!

Heavy Load: Wedge, if I’m not mistaken, that dancing shark having a nervous breakdown on the iceberg is Sky-Byte! He’s Megatron’s second in command!

Sky-Byte: You are correct! I am Sky-Byte, the second in command of the Predacons!

Wedge: Man, that guy’s got some good hearing, doesn’t he?

Heavy Load: He should be your target!

Wedge: Wedge, transform! Sky-Byte, you’re going down!

Sky-Byte: Oh really?!

Wedge: Blade attack!

Sky-Byte: Listen fool, you’re out of your league! You’ll be sorry we tangled! Sky-Byte, terrorize!

Wedge: Let go of me, fish breath!

Sky-Byte: Hahahaha!

Heavy Load: Sky-Byte, who don’t know who you’re messing with!

Slapper: Hold it!

Heavy Load: Oh yeah? I’ve got jaws of my own!

Grimlock: Shovel scissors!

Sky-Byte: Stop moving or I’ll crush you into pieces!

Heavy Load: Oh no!

Wedge: Listen, don’t worry about me. Just get this guy, will ya?!

Sky-Byte: Hahaha! Look at them! I’ve got their leader and they’re paralyzed with fear! Predacons, rip them apart and show them no mercy!

Slapper: No so fast! You’ve got to get by us first and that’s not going to be easy! Slapper, terrorize!

Gas Skunk: Gas Skunk, terrorize!

Dark Scream: Dark Scream, terrorize!

Slapper: Tongue Lash Attack!

Gas Skunk: Tail Blade Slash!

Dark Scream: Dark Sword Strike!

Slapper: Right laser!

Gas Skunk: Left laser!

Dark Scream: Center laser!

Sky-Byte: Haha, you’ve got them on the ropes, boys. Keep it up!

Heavy Load: Leave Wedge alone!

Wedge: Get outta here! Save yourselves! Forget about me!

[Commercial]

Sky-Byte: Your nobility is nauseating, Autobot. Time to say goodbye!

Heavy Load: Listen to me, you’ve got to stop this. He’s just a kid!

Sky-Byte: Then allow me to teach him the penalities of war.

Heavy Load: Look, I’ll tell you our secret in return for his safety!

Sky-Byte: What?! What?

Heavy Load: You see, we’re the builders of the global space bridge and I have the map right here. Let Wedge go and I’ll give you the disk!

Sky-Byte: A disk? Why that’s an excellent idea. All right, stop! Let them go. That’s enough! Now with the map in our hands, the game is over and Megatron will be so pleased.

Mini-Megatron: Great job, Sky-Byte! I’m sorry I ever doubted you. Who needs Scourge and the Decepticons when I have you.

Mini-Sky-Byte: Thank you, Megatron.

Sky-Byte: All right, bring the schematics to me!

Heavy Load: Okay, I’m coming.

Grimlock: Wait! Heavy Load, you’ll be committing treason against the Autobots! Don’t do it.

Heavy Load: I have to do it to save Wedge’s life.

Hightower: Hey, be careful, will ya? That guy’s really dangerous.

Grimlock: I think he’s flipped a switch!

Sky-Byte: That’s good. Now just place that disk on top of the rock infront of you.

Heavy Load: If I leave the disk here, how do I know you’re going to let him go?

Sky-Byte: I guess you’ll have to trust me! Now, use your tongue to retrieve it, Slapper.

Slapper: The ice will stick to my tongue!

Sky-Byte: Just do what I tell you and get the disk!

Slapper: All right, I’ll get it. Just lighten up a little. Here goes!

Optimus: Blizzard Blast, fire! Optimus Prime, transform!

Heavy Load: Boy, we are glad to see you!

Optimus: Heavy Load, you can’t just hand over that disk to them! That map is our lifeline.

Heavy Load: I had no choice, Optimus.

Sky-Byte: Don’t stick your siren where it doesn’t belong. Rest assured, Optimus, you’re not going to spoil my success!

Wedge: Wedge, transform! Take this, fin face!

Heavy Load: You’re amazing!

Wedge: Come on, you guys! We gotta get that disk back now!

Heavy Load: What?

Grimlock: What’s the matter with you guys? We gotta get that disk before the Predacons grab it. It’s right over there.

Wedge: Follow me, guys. Let’s stick together.

Hightower and Grimlock: Right!

Heavy Load: Uh, Wedge! Wait a minute! You don’t have to get it! Here, peggy, peggy! Here, boy!

Sky-Byte: That map was our edge over them. We have to analyze it. Now go and get it back for me.

Preds: Yeah!

Ro-Tor: Hmmm… How many Transformers does it take to capture a flightless bird? I’ll just zero in… That’s it! They must want that disk.

Sky-Byte: Treacherous Decepticons!

Ro-Tor: Check this out. You might find it interesting.

Scourge: This is a map of the global space bridge. I’m sure Megatron would love to see this. Sky-Byte, your efforts are appreciated.

Sky-Byte: Scourge, that map belongs to me. Hand it over right now.

Scourge: Ha, ha, ha, ha! This disk is mine now!

Sky-Byte: That’s Predacon property!

Scourge: In that case, it’s only fitting the Decepticons take it from you.

Sky-Byte: I told you! If you don’t hand that disk over immediately, we’ll take it over by force.

Preds: That’s right!

Scourge: You want to fight?

Mega-Octane: All right, you guys. Zero in on your targets.

Armorhide: Scourge, let me fire. Come on, man. I’m all geared up for battle. If I don’t do something soon, those gears are gonna rust. Come on, just one shot!

Dark Scream: Hey, that’s not fair! He brought an entire army.

Slapper: Maybe we should re-think this.

Gas Skunk: Yeah, well, it’s been fun, but we’ve gotta go now. Ta-ta, guys.

Dark Scream: Buh-bye.

Sky-Byte: Where do you think you’re going? Where’s your pride in being part of Team Sky-Byte?

Slapper: That kid must’ve really kicked his head hard. I don’t remember signing up for his crew.

Dark Scream: I didn’t.

Gas Skunk: I think I was sick that day.

Sky-Byte: Would you get over there and stop stalling!

Scourge: They want to play, we’ll play. Fire!

Sky-Byte: Stop it! You three are embarrassing me! Attack!

Slapper: Right laser!

Gas Skunk: Left laser!

Dark Scream: Center laser!

Heavy Load: They’re too busy fighting amongst themselves, they forgot about us!

Optimus: They both want credit for retrieving the map.

Hightower: So what are we going to do now, Wedge, just stand here all day and watch these goofballs fight eachother?

Wedge: We’re gonna go and get that map back! I don’t care what it takes! Come on, let’s go!

Optimus: Hold on, Wedge.

Wedge: What is it, Prime? Our secret’s on the line.

Optimus: A good commander remains calm in combat. Analyze the situation cooly before responding. And Heavy Load, I understand your leader was in danger, but do you think you did the right thing surrendering the map?

Heavy Load: Well, I have a confession. The map I gave them is bogus.

Optimus: Really? Are you sure?

Heavy Load: Oh yeah, and if they decide to follow that map, they’re going to be in big trouble. It’s a map of the sewers!

Optimus: Good thinking!

Grimlock: Oh no!

Heavy Load: What?

Grimlock: He’s going to take them on by himself!

Wedge: Right, that’s enough! Now give it back!

Heavy Load: No, don’t!

Optimus: He’s got a lot to learn about keeping his cool under pressure.

Wedge: Give me back that disk! Sky-Byte, give me that map! I’m not letting go until you give it back.

Sky-Byte: Look around and you’ll notice that I’m a little busy right now, so buzz off!

Wedge: That’s it, now I’m really mad!

Ro-Tor: Get out of here, kid!

Armorhide: Scram, pencil neck!

Gas Skunk: Get outta here! Let me help ya.

Scourge: The disk!

Sky-Byte: Splendid. You’re right back where you belong. As long as I have it, I might as well check it out. Oh, look! There’s an entrance nearby. How convenient. This is just too perfect. I’ll use their system to travel to Megatron and report the news. How ironic.

Gas Skunk: I can’t wait to take a ride in the tunnel!

Sky-Byte: Silence! There it is… Everyone, follow me!

Dark Scream: I guess we showed Scourge who’s boss after all.

Slapper: Yeah, we’ll have the last laugh.

Gas Skunk: Right. Those guys are such losers. C’mon, let’s go.

Scourge: They found the entrance. Decepticons, we can’t let them get away! I don’t want them reporting into Megatron.

Decepticons: Yessir!

Wedge: Noooo!

Heavy Load: Now hold on! Let them go, it’s all right.

Wedge: You don’t understand, Heavy Load. Because of me they have the map. If I don’t get it back, I’ll never forgive myself.

Heavy Load: Don’t worry, I have the real map. It’s right here, see? They have a fake.

Wedge: Are you kidding me?

[Transition]

Slapper: I can’t wait to get there!

Sky-Byte: What’s this? This smells funny. This can’t be right, can it?

Scourge: This is awful… That can’t be the real map.

Sky-Byte: Wait a minute, was this whole thing a setup?

[Transition]

Optimus: Optimus Prime, transform! Battle Mode! Let’s give our friends a chilly reception. Blizzard Storm, fire!

Decepticons: Huh?!

Predacons: Huh?

All: Aaaaahhh!

[Commercial]

Optimus: Well, you got your battle today, just like you asked for. You guys still have a lot to learn about combat, but if you don’t actually do it, you won’t get the experience you need. So just forget about what happened today. Right now, we depend on you for construction, but with teamwork, you’ll be super warriors in no time.

Wedge: Woohoo!

Heavy Load: We’ll get to fight again! That’s great!

Hightower and Grimlock: We’ll be even better next time!

Wedge: We really did it!

Optimus: With a little experience, this team may distinguish itself as a fine combat unit. Wedge reminds me a lot of those diamonds. He’s a little rough now, but with some work, a little discipline, a little training, with a little polish, he could shine and become a valuable fighting Autobot one day.

[End]

Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“The Fish Test” – Episode 19
Written by Matthew V. Lewis
Transcription by Brandon Williams

–

Slapper: Sky-Byte, you’ve been at the computer all day.

Sky-Byte: Don’t bother me now, Slapper. I’m taking the online fish personality test.

Slapper: Fish personality? ‘Cuse me, but isn’t that a contradiction in terms?

Sky-Byte: What? You don’t know anything, frog boy. This test will help me identify my inner fish. There it is.

Slapper: …Jellyfish?

Sky-Byte: This test is saying that I’m a jellyfish?!

Slapper: Wild toads eat those! Infact, they’re delicious with soy sauce.

Sky-Byte: And wild sharks feast on brainless toads!

Gas Skunk: Hey, Sky-Byte, Megatron wants to see you now!

Scourge: Megatron, my master, I have a plan that will deliver the Earth into your hands.

Megatron: Don’t tell me about it, just do it fast. I’m tired of waiting.

Sky-Byte: Ah, so good to be summoned, Megatron. I have a new plan to gather energon.

Megatron: Forget about your plan. I want you to help Scourge and his Decepticons. And pay attention, maybe you can learn something from a battle-hardened commander like Scourge.

Scourge: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Sky-Byte: Argghh… But I’ve been in battles too!

Megatron: Hmmmmm… The only battles you’ve contributed to have been losing battles. Now follow my orders!

Scourge: Stay at the base. And don’t get in my way, or else.

[Transition]

Sky-Byte: Dark Scream, have you figured out what Scourge is up to?

Dark Scream: Yes, the usual. He’s going to raid the Earth’s power plants and syphon off the energy for Megatron. Everything’s all planned out.

Sky-Byte: That’s his brilliant master plan? Well, I’ve got plans of my own, big ones. He’s got Decepticons, I’ve got Predacons, robots in disguise! Tell Gas Skunk and Slapper we’ve got work to do.

Dark Scream: Mmmmhmm!

[Transition]

Scourge: Scourge, transform!

Mega-Octane: Mega-Octane, transform!

Armorhide: Armorhide, transform!

Rollbar: Rollbar, transform!

Scourge: Autobots!

Slapper: Take that, you evil Decepticons! We’re the good guys!

Gas Skunk: Yeah. I’m a po-lice Auto-bot. You’re under a-rrest for bad behav-ior.

Dark Scream: Yeah, we’re gonna put you cowfolks in the corral… or some other junk.

Gas Skunk: Hey, where’s Sky-Byte? He’s supposed to be in on this.

Sky-Byte: Here I am! Rail Racer, fighter for justice!

Slapper: Hello! Rail Racer isn’t quite that flamboyant, you know! You’re never gonna make it as an actor!

Gas Skunk: Well, he could always work in cartoons.

Armorhide: Armor Blast!

Sky-Byte: Aahhh! Oh, ah, ah, ah! Oh, ah, ah, ah!

Slapper: Rail Racer isn’t that flammable, either.

Dark Scream: Sky-Byte’s always been hot headed. You could call it a firey personality.

Gas Skunk: He is complexed.

Sky-Byte: Quit analyzing and do something! Aaahh!

Scourge: Something’s going on here. I’m going to find out what.

[Transition]

T-AI: Sideburn, what are you doing with my computer? You’re supposed to be on patrol.

Sideburn: Chill out, T-AI. I’m just taking this online fish personality test. It’s very cool. Everyone’s doing it.

T-AI: You’re a sportscar, not a fish. That doesn’t make any sense at all.

Sideburn: This is just way too deep for you, T-AI. In a cosmic sense, we’re all fish inside. Whoa! “Your true nature is the bonito.” Wow, that’s cool… I think. So are the bonitos, like, really popular with the lady-fish, huh?

T-AI: Bonitos are very thick headed. They waste their time hanging around headquarters instead of going on patrol, just like certain Autobots I can name, you know? What?

Optimus: T-AI, what’s the report? Not good. Decepticon Commandos are attacking the central power base. We need a rapid response. Call our best team.

T-AI: No problem.

Sideburn: Hey Optimus, your best team is standing right here! I gotcha covered.

T-AI: X-Brawn, Prowl, we need rapid deployment.

[Transition]

Slapper: Isn’t it kind of wimpy to hide behind a wall like this? We’re already in disguise.

Sky-Byte: It’s not wimpy, it’s cunning. We’ve got to make sure that no one knows we’re here.

Sideburn: Sideburn, transform!

Prowl: Prowl, transform!

X-Brawn: X-Brawn, transform!

Sky-Byte: See, I told you they’d show up and they’re just in time…

Slapper: In time for what?

Sky-Byte: In time for them to fight the Decepticons, get it?

Sideburn: Turbo Backfire!

X-Brawn: Bronco Blast!

Prowl: Fusion Flame!

Sky-Byte: No, you’re supposed to shoot the Decepticons!

Sideburn: I’m not being picky today.

Sky-Byte: We’re not the ones who attacked the base!

Slapper: Is this part of the plan, running away like little rabbits?

Sky-Byte: It’s a strategic maneuver, now split up! Scourge, the Autobots are starting a counter-attack!

Scourge: What?

X-Brawn: Ya-hoo! Let’s round ’em up!

Sky-Byte: Yes, now they’ll destroy eachother! I just have to get out of the way. No, I can’t go over this way. Can’t go over here… Slapper, somebody, I need assistance!

Sideburn: Oh, “Attack of the Clowns.” Seen in already.

Scourge: Decepticons, battle mode.

Sky-Byte: Now we’re finally getting somewhere.

Scourge: Barrage!

Optimus: Optimus Prime, transform! Battle mode! Power Stream, blast ’em!

Scourge: Laser Assault!

Prowl: Combustion Missile!

Optimus: This ends now! All right, who’s next?

Scourge: Retreat!

Commandos: Yessir!

[Commercial]

Megatron: Scourge told you to wait here, but you didn’t listen. Do you know how much power we could have gotten from that plant if you hadn’t interfered? I ought to lock you up for ten gigacycles!

Sky-Byte: Megatron, I was just trying to help. I found out the Autobots were coming, so I rushed over there. I risked my life, through myself into the line of fire, just to warn Scourge. And now he accuses me of interfering!

Megatron: I do not like whiners, commander.

[Transition]

Sky-Byte: It’s not fair! Me, a whiner! Why I never whine!

Dark Scream: Sky-Byte, I’ve got some new information! Scourge is going to hit the Bayshore power plant. There’s enough energy there to keep the base powered up for a year.

Sky-Byte: Great. If he succeeds, Megatron will put him in charge permanently and I’ll be sweeping floors. I’ve got to stop Scourge, but Megatron’s watching my every move. The shark cage is all around me…

Slapper: Why don’t we tell the Autobots where Scourge is going? We’ll send ’em an invitation.

Sky-Byte: Yes, you hit the jackpot! Bingo!

Slapper: Geez, I was only joking. When I’m serious, you hate my ideas.

Sky-Byte: Ah, utter perfection. I can get those Autobots to do anything I want. Just watch as I wrap them around my fin. Hahahahahaha!

[Transition]

Sideburn: Hey, slow down a little bit! That paint job is awesome! I love the glossy finish. Sideburn, transform! Hey pal, anyone who comes between me and a sporty roadster is in deep trouble.

Sky-Byte: Just cool down. I have some information you’ll thank me for.

Sideburn: I will thank you? Salt water clogging your brain again?

Sky-Byte: Normally, I’d make you eat those words but today is your lucky day. I’m going to give you a little inside tip.

Sideburn: Oh, right! Here’s a tip for you!

Sky-Byte: I told you I don’t want to fight. I’ve got some information about the Decepticons.

Sideburn: Yeah, like I’m going to believe anything you have to say.

Slapper: Uhhh, about having the Autobots wrapped around his little fin…

Gas Skunk: Yeah, I guess I wouldn’t put it quite like that.

Dark Scream: This is bad!

Sky-Byte: Just listen for a minute, you belligerent battle bot!

Slapper: He needs to work on his people skills.

Sideburn: Don’t ever come between me and a red sportscar!

[Transition]

Slapper: Uh, you almost had him talked into it, Sky-Byte. You just picked the wrong Autobot. That one’s a little too hot headed.

Sky-Byte: You’re right. He was too stupid to fall for my trick.

Slapper: Yeaaah, so uh, why don’t you try the four-wheel drive guy?

Sky-Byte: Hmmm… Yes, the off-road country bot. A little slick talk and I’ll pull the wool over his optics easy!

Slapper: Who could doubt you?

Kelly: Some jerk’s always handing me a line, but here in the mountains I can get away from all the crazies!

Sky-Byte: Arggh! You’re not going anywhere, Autobot!

Kelly: Okay, I’m closing my eyes and thinking there’s something out there other than big ugly animal monsters. There, that’s better. When I open my eyes, I’ll be back to normal reality.

X-Brawn: Well you had to go and upset the little lady. Where I come from that’s considered bad manners. X-Brawn, transform! T-AI, I just got bushwhacked by four Predacons.

T-AI: Understood. I’ll send a team to back you up. No problem.

Sky-Byte: Just hold on. I’m trying to be friendly here. Don’t you get it?

Slapper: Maybe if we all put our hands up, he’ll get the idea. Come on, now!

Sky-Byte: Right. See, why didn’t come to fight.

X-Brawn: Hey, what is this, April Fools?

Slapper: Here, wave a white flag. They like that.

Sky-Byte: Yoo-hoo!

X-Brawn: C’mon, boys. What’s the catch?

Sky-Byte: No catch. Scourge is planning to raid the Bayshore power plant. We just thought you’d like to know.

X-Brawn: Right, and then you’re going to invite me to a barbecue.

Sky-Byte: We could do that, but first I’m sure you’ll want to stop Scourge from stealing that power.

X-Brawn: All right, let’s talk tuna. Why would you talk to me about this?

Sky-Byte: No special reason. We just want to be helpful, that’s all.

Sideburn: Sideburn, transform! You don’t take a hint very well, do you? Well let me spell it out for you with my laser writer!

Sky-Byte: Hey, I got a white flag here! See, I’m waving it!

Slapper: Yeah, show them the universal greeting dance. Go on, do it! White flag up. Red up. White down. Hold it there. Now red down. Uh, no, hold it! Yeah, haha!

Sky-Byte: Another stunt like that and you’ll be toad stew!

Slapper: It won’t happen again!

Sideburn: I think these guys escaped from the space circus.

X-Brawn: Sky-Byte brought a tip. He says Scourge is going to attack the Bayshore power plant.

Prowl: That’s the biggest power plant in the whole country.

Sideburn: Yeah, and why would they want us to know about it? …Unless it’s some sort of Predacon trap!

Sky-Byte: Why are you so suspicious? That really hurts my feelings deeply. I’m quite sensitive, you know.

Sideburn: You’re about as sensitive as a pile of rocks, Sky-Byte.

Sky-Byte: You, sir, need a personality adjustment.

Sideburn: As a matter of fact, I checked my personality. I took the online fish test. It said that I’m a bonito, which is a pretty tough fish.

Slapper: Ooh, Sky-Byte took that test. It said he was a jellyfish, the spineless kind.

Autobot Brothers: Hahahaha!

Sideburn: That’s rich, Sky-Byte. Intergalactic spokesman for canned shark jelly!

Autobot Brothers: Hahaha!

Sky-Byte: Slapper, was it really necessary to tell them that?

Slapper: Sorry, it won’t happen again.

Sky-Byte: Why don’t you go to the power plant and see if I’m right?

Sideburn: Why would we? You know, I even don’t know if you’re the real Sky-Byte. Let’s see… Okay, if you’re really telling the truth, let’s see you do a headstand.

Sky-Byte: What?!

Slapper: I don’t think so. Sharks don’t really do tricks, you know. Maybe we better forget the whole thing.

Sky-Byte: Step aside. All right, terrorize!

Sideburn: Single finstand. Go!

Sky-Byte: This takes finnese! All right, that enough?

Sideburn: Capital ‘C.’

Sky-Byte: Can I stop now?

Sideburn: Ball on nose.

Sky-Byte: What?

Sideburn: Here boy!

Sky-Byte: Arf! Arf!

Slapper: Hey, if things don’t work out he can always get a job at the marine park.

Sky-Byte: All right, now check on the power plant.

Sideburn: Hmmmm…

[Commercial]

Sideburn: I don’t believe old fish face for a minute. This is a totally wasted trip. I was messing with his head!

X-Brawn: Don’t worry. If that hombre’s planning for an ambush, we’ll be ready for it.

Prowl: Right, we’re just going to check the power plant for safety; by the book.

Sideburn: Has everyone but me gone totally mental?

Dark Scream: Hey, look! It actually worked! They’re heading for the plant!

Gas Skunk: Excellent.

Slapper: Even if we lose, it was worth it to let Sky-Byte bark like a seal.

Gas Skunk: You need a life.

Koji: Whoa, look who’s here! Hey guys, what’s up?

Sideburn: Koji, did Optimus send you here?

Koji: No, I’m here on a special field trip with my class from school.

Prowl: Actually, that’s lucky for us. We got a tip that there could be trouble here from the Decepticons. Have you seen anything?

Koji: Nuh-uh.

X-Brawn: Relax! It’s probably a false alarm, but we’ll stick around just incase.

Koji: I better catch up to my class.

Prowl: All right. Secruity protcols are in place.

Sky-Byte: Yes! And won’t Scourge be surprised when he finds out who’s waiting for him! Hahahaha!

Sideburn: This is great for my solar chargers.

Koji: We haven’t seen any Decepticons. Do you think they’re really coming?

Sideburn: Fat chance. If Sky-Byte says it, it’s bogus.

Dark Scream: Sky-Byte!

Sky-Byte: Ah, are the Decepticons on their way to fall into our trap?

Dark Scream: Actually, no. They just showed up at a different power plant.

Sky-Byte: What?! You mean I did all those tricks for the Autobots for nothing! Ergghh! I can’t believe– Aaaahhh!

T-AI: Decepticons are attacking the power plant!

Sideburn: No they’re not.

T-AI: Not the one you’re at. They’re attacking the Crestline one on Bear Mountain. It’s completely unprotected.

X-Brawn: Slag! We’ve been hoodwinged!

Sideburn: Ergh, now I see! Sky-Byte gave us the wrong info on purpose so they could attack Crestline!

[Transition]

Scourge: Barrage Attack!

Mega-Octane: Ground zero, eradicate!

Railspike: Okay, gents, let’s form up.

Rapid Run: Rapid Run, transform!

Railspike: Railspike, transform!

Midnight: Midnight Express, transform!

Railspike: We gotta stop these guys fast.

Rapid Run: We all know the best way to do that.

Midnight: All right, then let’s do it.

Trains: Bullet Fusion Mode!

Rail Racer: …Combine into Rail Racer! Bullet Charge, Fight Strike!

Scourge: Sword of Fury!

Rail Racer: Pulse Laser! And to finish you off!

Scourge: Retreat!

Sideburn: Where are the Decepticons? I’m ready to take ’em on!

Rail Racer: You’re a little late there. We just sent them all on their way.

X-Brawn: Looks like we missed the party. Old Sky-Byte threw us clean off the trail.

Prowl: That’s completely unacceptable. We need an appropriate response.

Sideburn: That shark’s gonna regret it, and soon!

[Transition]

Sky-Byte: Alas, so the predictions have proven true. I have always thought of myself as one who strikes fear into the hearts of many, a shark with an iron will, but it turns out that I’m a jellyfish. The online personality test was right. I don’t deserve to have fins.

Gas Skunk: Hey Sky-Byte! We’ve been thinking, why don’t we hit a power plant ourselves?

Slapper: Just like Scourge, only we’ll do it better.

Sky-Byte: Great idea, I’m glad I thought of it!

Slapper: He thought of it? Where did that come from?

Gas Skunk: Fantasy Land?

Dark Scream: Yeah, I revoke his poetic license.

Sky-Byte: Yes, I am a shark! I’ll show the world I’m not a jellyfish!

[Transition]

Sky-Byte: Tsunami Blaster! Megatron, what ever are you doing at this power plant?!

Megatron: I came here with Scourge to steal the energy without alerting the Autobots. But you have ruined that plan, fool! Bungler! Coward! Jellyfish!

Gas Skunk: I love when he humiliates people. It’s inspiriational.

Slapper: Yeah, he’s got a real flair for it. That’s why he’s the boss.

Megatron: This was a stealth mission, but you don’t know the meaning of the word. Your need to prove your worth cost us dearly. I oughta let the Autobots take you apart for sport.

Sky-Byte: Ah, but you wouldn’t wanna do that. I promise I’ll follow orders from now on!

Slapper: You know, it’s interesting to see his wimpy side. He’s almost likeable.

Gas Skunk: But not quite.

[Transition]

T-AI: Optimus, the Predacons are attacking the power plant at Rocky Point!

Optimus: Send the Autobot Brothers at once.

T-AI: No problem.

Sideburn: Sideburn, transform!

Sky-Byte: Huh?!

Sideburn: You… You sent us to the wrong power plant on purpose!

Sky-Byte: No… wait… It was an honest mistake! You just misunderstood what I was saying!

Sideburn: Jellyfish!

Sky-Byte: I wish everyone would stop calling me that. I’m not an invertebrate, I have cartilage!

Sideburn: Dance!

Sky-Byte: Ouch! I’m a poet, not a dancer! Megatron, help me!

Megatron: Oh, how predcitable.

Optimus: Transform!

Prowl: Just in time, Optimus!

Optimus: Optimus Prime, battle mode!

Scourge: I’ll take him!

Optimus: I don’t think so.

Scourge: Barrage Attack!

Optimus: I’ll show you a real barrage!

Megatron: Don’t let him best you.

Optimus: You were saying… Blizzard Storm, fire! Roto-tire attack!

Scourge: Let’s go!

Sky-Byte: All right, I’m crawling. Is that good enough? I told you it was a misunderstanding. We had a little communication problem. Now let me go!

Sideburn: Only if you do some more shark tricks.

Sky-Byte: No, I refuse!

Sideburn: Okay, fine!

Sky-Byte: All right, by the Pit, I’ll do it!

Sideburn: Well that’s not bad, but I liked your seal better. It was so cute!

Sky-Byte: That’s it! I’ll fight all of you if I have to!

X-Brawn: That’s fine with us.

Sky-Byte: I, uhh… Oh, you’re all here. Even Optimus! Well my friends will back me up, you’ll see!

X-Brawn: Your friends left you high and dry. That ain’t healthy for a flounder.

Sky-Byte: I’m not a flounder. I’m not a trained seal. I’m not a jellyfish. I’m a shark, I tell you, a shark!

Prowl: Sky-Byte, you’re nothing but a lousy bottom feeder! Now get lost!

Sky-Byte: Ah, nevermind. Forget it. I oughta…

Sideburn: And don’t come back! Leave these power plants alone if you know what’s good for you.

[Commercial]

Megatron: You have brought dishonour to all of us. Your punishment will be to clean out the energon smelters. Be gone from my chambers.

Sky-Byte: I tried to punch up my action chart this morning, but the screen froze. Now let’s see if I can get through. “Today’s action advice: Don’t betray anyone and don’t get tricky. You will never pull it off, jellyfish are too icky. If you try it, you’ll end up barking like a seal and groveling at people’s feet.” You could have told me this this morning and saved me the humiliation. But nooo, you had to freeze up, just when I needed you! Why am I listening to a computer, anyway?! Aaaahh! Oooohhh! Aaaahh!

Slapper: Looks like an electric eel now.

Dark Scream: Hmmmm… Wonder what their personalities are like.

[End]

Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“The Test” – Episode 18
Written by Tom Wyner
Transcription by Brandon Williams

–

Sky-Byte: Shark Missile Attack! Terrorize! Megatron has finally given my a mission worthy of my abilities. When I’m through here, this drilling plant will be totally destroyed. And the people of Earth will learn that the Predacons will no longer be denied the energy that is rightfully ours. Tsunami Blaster!

[Transition]

T-AI: Oh no! Optimus, Sky-Byte’s destroying that drilling platform! We’re gonna have to stop him. Who should I send?

Optimus: There’s no time. That facility isn’t far from here. I’ll go. Optimus Prime, transform!

[Transition]

Sky-Byte: A celebratory Haiku!

“Sky-Byte’s delightful flames, Rose on butterfly wings, Black orange burning.”

Ah, I’m such a romantic. Agh! Who did that?! Scourge, how dare you?! Scourge, what’s the matter with you? Megatron has ordered me to come here.

Scourge: Scourge, transform! Barrage Attack!

Sky-Byte: Scourge, you traitor! Whose side are you on?!

Optimus: Optimus, transform!

Sky-Byte: Huh? Optimus Prime!

Optimus: I will not allow you to destroy this structure, Sky-Byte!

Sky-Byte: My enemies have found me, they surround me and confound me, and within thou missiles hound me, as they hit the ground around me, but with one astounding bound, I shall escape! Bye!

Optimus: Scourge, you’re an Autobot with an Autobot spark. Look deep within yourself and you’ll find it. Use its power to reject your dedication to Megatron’s cause! You can do this, Scourge. I know you can. Scourge, wait! Come back! Megatron’s influence must be weakening. Why else would he attack Sky-Byte?

[Transition]

Megatron: I gave you a direct order, Sky-Byte. That drilling platform was supposed to have been totally destroyed. What’s your excuse this time?

Sky-Byte: I was betrayed, Megatron. I told you not to trust those Decepticons and I was right. I was prevented from carrying out your orders by that traitor Scourge, who viciously attacked me! Then Optimus showed up and the two of them attacked me at the same time. Scourge says he’s on our side, but his actions prove otherwise.

Megatron: Nonsense! His loyalty to me is unquestioned. Now then, what do you have to report worth listening to? Sky-Byte: What are you saying? That Scourge was attacking on your orders when —

Megatron: Silence! This is discussion is over.

Sky-Byte: There’s something fishy here and it’s not me.

[Transition]

Optimus: Right now Scourge thinks of himself as a Decepticon. But when he scanned that truck, he scanned me as well. So there’s a battle going on inside him between Megatron’s evil and my dedication to goodness and justice.

Sideburn: That Scourge is bad news and nothing but. He leads the Decepticons. Does Optimus really think he’s going to change all of sudden?

Prowl: Nah, he’s just saying there’s still hope for him. Optimus knows how dangerous the guy is.

Optimus: Yes I do, but I also believe he’s rediscovering his true identity as an Autobot.

Prowl: What?!

Sideburn: Huh?! X-Brawn: Just because he’s got part of you inside him, it doesn’t change what he’s done. What makes you think he —

Optimus: I think he stopped Sky-Byte from destoying that platform because, at least for that moment, the part of him that knew it was wrong was in control.

Sideburn: Maybe that’s exactly what he wants you to think.

Prowl: What’s that noise?

T-AI: Someone’s sending a transmission, but I can barely make it out because the signal’s on such a narrow bandwidth.

Optimus: That means the sender is probably trying to keep this transmission a secret.

T-AI: Right, because the narrower the bandwidth, the harder it is to eavesdrop.

Mega-Octane: Optimus Prime, Mega-Octane calling Optimus Prime. I request a meeting tomorrow morning, one-on-one. I’ll be flying the white flag. I want to talk, not fight. Downloading visual. Over and out.

T-AI: Looks like they’re sending a topographical map. Uploading visual display.

Optimus: So, he wants to meet in Sekoya National Park.

Sideburn: Are you thinking what I think you’re thinking?

X-Brawn: It’s a setup, Optimus. It’s gotta be.

Optimus: I think the Decepticons are confused and that this is a cry for help. I’ve gotta go.

Autobot Bros: Huh?!

X-Brawn: All right, but if you’re going, we’re going too.

Optimus: No! I’m going alone!

Sideburn: No way!

Optimus: If we’re willing to make the first move, we can at least meet them half way.

[Commercial]

Optimus: I’m sure this was the location. There’s no sign of him. If he doesn’t show up soon, I…

Mega-Octane: Mega-Octane, transform!

Optimus: You said you wanted to talk to me. I’m listening.

Mega-Octane: We Decepticons have been at war within ourselves, fighting against the evil Megatron planted within us. But now we’ve won that fight. Megatron is no longer our master.

Optimus: I see. Go on.

Mega-Octane: We want to join you and help protect the Earth against the Predacon menace. We want to join you. We want to be apart of the Autobot team as we were meant to be.

Optimus: Your actions prove otherwise. You’ve fought us at every turn. Why should I believe you?

Mega-Octane: We know now that what we did was wrong and we apologize. We’ll do whatever we have to do to prove our sincerity, to show you that we’ve regained our true Autobot identities.

Optimus: Does Scourge feel the same way?

Mega-Octane: Of course.

Optimus: Then why isn’t he here? He’s your leader. Why send you?

Mega-Octane: Unlike the rest of us, he takes his orders directly from Megatron. If he weren’t there Megatron would become suspicious.

Optimus: I understand. When the right time comes you’ll all leave together.

Sky-Byte: I knew it. The Decepticons are traitors.

[Transition]

Mega-Octane: Everything is working perfectly, Megatron. Optimus Prime is convinced that we want to join the Autobots. Shall we proceed with the next stage of the plan?

Megatron: Mmmhmm…

Mega-Octane: Very well. We’ll setup the next meeting and play them for the suckers they are. Sooner or later they’ll trust us enough to tell us everything we want to know.

Megatron: Correct, which means they’ll also tell you the secret location of their headquarters, which you shall then obliterate.

Scourge: Lying, pretence and betrayal… This is no plan for a warrior.

Mega-Octane: Once their monitoring devices have been destroyed, we’ll be able to steal energy from virtually anywhere on Earth, giving us the power to destroy them!

[Transition]

X-Brawn: Megatron is behind this, sure as shoot! No matter what that Decepticon told you.

Optimus: I don’t think they are Decepticons anymore. I think their sparks have rejected Megatron’s evil influence and they’re Autobots like us.

X-Brawn: Maybe, but if you ask me, this whole thing smells like a steaming hog tromp on a hot day.

Prowl: They might not have changed at all. Until we know for sure, we can’t let our guard down.

Sideburn: I agree. There’s no way to know whether they’re working for Megatron or not.

Optimus: Look, we’ll stay alert and if they make a move against us, we’ll handle it. Meanwhile, I say we give ’em a chance.

Sideburn: Well all right then, on one condition.

Prowl: One condition? What do you mean?

Optimus: What do you have in mind, Sideburn?

Sideburn: Well, the only way to know what their real motives are is to do some motivational research. We’ll give ’em a test.

Optimus: A test?

X-Brawn: C’mon, Sideburn. We’re not mind readers. What are you talking about?

Sideburn: I’ve got a plan. It’s absolutely foolproof.

[Transition]

X-Brawn: You really think these guys are gonna show up?

Sideburn: Don’t worry, they’ll be here.

Prowl: Who knows, maybe being on our side really is what they want.

Sideburn: First let’s find out if they they can pass the test. Ah, here they come now. They’re right on time.

Prowl: They don’t look very friendly to me.

X-Brawn: Calm down, little brother. Let’s see what they’ve got to say.

Mega-Octane: Optimus Prime said that we could join the Autobots if we could prove that we were being truthful. What would you have us do?

Sideburn: Not much. You can start by cleaning up this forest.

Scourge: What?!

Mega-Octane: We’re warriors! We specialize in combat. We know nothing about meanial tasks like cleaning.

Sideburn: Look, you want to convince us that you’re Autobots, right? Well our primary mission is to protect the Earth in any way we can and cleaning up the environment is one of the most important.

Scourge: Spread out and clean the forest.

Commandos: Yessir!

Rollbar: This is fun. I’m not gonna miss one leaf.

Ro-Tor: Yeah, I could do this all day long!

Movor: I just love being outdoors.

Armorhide: Especially in this beautiful forest.

Mega-Octane: When we’re through this place will be as clean as a whistle.

Movor: Yeah!

Ro-Tor: Absolutely.

Rollbar: We’re happy to help out!

X-Brawn: Well, it sure sounds like they’re enjoying themselves.

Prowl: Yeah, the question is, for how long?

Sideburn: Hey, wait a second!

Prowl: What’s wrong?

X-Brawn: Sideburn, where ya going? You can’t leave now!

Prowl: Oh no. Look!

X-Brawn: No wonder Sideburn took off like that.

Prowl: Talk about bad timing. This could ruin everything.

Sideburn: Hey there, little red sportscar! Wait for me! Scourge: Errghh… That rude, arrogant little —

Mega-Octane: Calm down. Don’t forget why we’re here.

Scourge: We shouldn’t be here in the first place.

Mega-Octane: We’re Autobots now, act like one.

Armorhide: If you don’t cool it, you’ll blow the whole mission. Movor: I knew he temper would be trouble. Someone else should take command until he learns to control —

Scourge: Someone like you? Movor: No, ‘course not! I was —

Rollbar: Shh! They might hear you!

Sideburn: It’s great meeting another nature lover. Beautiful forest, huh?

Optimus: I think it’s time we showed all our new friends that we’re all on the same team. So let’s help them clean up around here. Including you, Sideburn.

Sideburn: Me? You’re kidding, right?

Sky-Byte: Astonishing, they’re cleaning the forest. Now I know they’re traitors.

Sideburn: If this is all an act, they’re pretty good actors.

Prowl: No kidding. I’d say Optimus is already convinced they’re for real.

X-Brawn: I think his connection with Scourge is clouding his judgement. We gotta find a way to make him see that they’re phonies.

Sideburn: Not to worry boys. By the time I’m through with them, they won’t be able to hide anything from anyone.

[Commercial]

Scourge: Keep moving, keep moving. No speeding. Obey the traffic laws! Move along, please!

Rollbar: You there, slow down! Hey!

Scourge: Ro-Tor, stop that driver.

Ro-Tor: That’s far enough, human!

Scourge: You mustn’t ignore the traffic laws. You might get hurt.

Driver: Aaahhhh!

[Transition]

Ro-Tor: Here’s another one. Take it away, Movor.

Movor: All right Ro-Tor, I’ve got it.

Mega-Octane: I’m so glad we get to rebuild what we destroyed before!

Armorhide: Hey, yeah right. Save it, pal. The Autobots are too far away to hear you.

X-Brawn: Man, these guys are tough. They’re still going strong.

Sideburn: I sure didn’t expect them to last this long.

Prowl: Maybe your plan wasn’t so foolproof after all.

[Transition]

X-Brawn: Gotta hand it to them. They’ve been working their tails off. Maybe Optimus is right all along.

Prowl: What?

X-Brawn: Well, they’ve been at it all day, completed every job we gave ’em, right?

Prowl: Yeah, which is exactly what Megatron would’ve told them to do inorder to convince us that they’re on our side. Isn’t that right, Sideburn?

Sideburn: I’ve never seen a bunch of bots work so hard!

Prowl: Well all I know is that when something seems too good to be true, it usually is.

Optimus: What do you think of them now, guys?

Sideburn: Uhhhh…

Optimus: I think they’ve passed the test, don’t you?

X-Brawn: They didn’t complain… And did more in one day than we could do in a week.

Sideburn: If it’s all right with Optimus, it’s all right with me. We’re going back on patrol.

[Transition]

Armorhide: Cleaning up this canal wasn’t easy, but we did it!

Ro-Tor: It’s sure hard work, but helping to beautify the city makes it all worth while.

Rollbar: Can the act, will you guys? The Autobots can’t hear us down here.

Movor: Quiet Rollbar, they could be monitoring us right now!

Scourge: Let ’em.

Mega-Octane: We’re all tired, Scourge. A little fresh oil will fix you up. Here.

Scourge: Keep your oil. I’ve had it up to here with this ridiculous plan. I knew I should have never agreed to it, and now I’m through playing the fool. It’s time to attack.

Mega-Octane: No, Scourge! I’m sure we’ve convinced them by now. If you don’t control yourself, you’ll ruin everything.

Optimus: You’ve proven yourselves to be Autobots. You’re welcome to join us.

Scourge: What?

Mega-Octane: Serving the Autobot cause will be an honour and a priviledge. Thank you, Optimus.

Optimus: No thanks necessary. Come on, I’ll take you to our headquarters.

Mega-Octane: Your secret base?

Optimus: That’s right. The global space bridge is the only way to get there.

Mega-Octane: You see, it worked.

Scourge: Yes, Optimus Prime is an even bigger fool than I thought.

Sky-Byte: This is my chance to show Megatron that I am his most loyal and valuable follower. I will destroy those traitors and the leader of the Autobots in one fell swoop. Sky-Byte, terrorize! Well now, what do we have here? Decepticons consorting with the enemy? Oh dear, what a shame. Megatron would be so disappointed that I had to destroy you!

Scourge: This is perfect.

Mega-Octane: If we blow that pestiliant Predacon Sky-Byte away, Optimus and the Autobots will believe anything we tell them.

Scourge: Good thinking. Let’s do it.

Sky-Byte: Say goodbye, you traitors!

Mega-Octane: Transform…

Commandos: Combine into Ruination!

Ruination: Now we show you that the Predacons are as much our enemy as they are yours, Optimus.

Scourge: Especially that grubbling, obnoxious Sky-Byte. Barrage Attack!

Sky-Byte: I’ll deal with you later!

Scourge: Come back here, you coward!

Optimus: Hmmmm?

Kelly: I didn’t think the mechanic could ever fix my car after the beating it took from those robots, but now it’s running as good as new!

Optimus: No, Scourge! Wait! I’ve got to stop him. Flying Fist!

Kelly: Why do I only have half a car?! Where did the rest of it go? Well at least this way I’ll only have to buy half as much gas! Ha, ha, ha!

Scourge: Optimus, why did you get in my way?

Ruination: Without your interference, we would have eliminated a dangerous enemy.

Optimus: Along with the driver of that car! Are you willing to risk a human life for the sake of destroying a Predacon?!

Scourge: Of what consequence is the life of one human when compared to an enemy’s destruction?

Optimus: What did you say?

Ruination: I apologize for Scourge. He didn’t mean it in the way it sounded. He’s so eager the exterminate the Predacons that he gets carried away.

Scourge: Enough! This farce is over!

Optimus: Farce? If he means what I think he means…

Ruination: No! We had him eating out of our oil pans and now everything is ruined!

Scourge: Don’t worry. Once we’ve ripped Optimus to pieces, we’ll download the location of their base from his databanks.

Optimus: Don’t do this, Scourge.

Scourge: You’re a fool, Optimus. It was your own need to believe in us that allowed us to lie to you what we really are. The compassion spawned by your Autobot spark makes you vulnerable and weak. And that weakness will now be your undoing.

Optimus: On the contrary, Scourge. Compassion is the Autobots’ greatest strength. Perhaps I did allow my hope to cloud my judgement, but that mistake is about to be corrected!

T-AI: Calling all Autobots! Calling Autobots! This is a battle protocol! Return to the canal, ASAP. Turns out the Decepticons are still evil after all! Optimus is taking on all six of them!

X-Brawn: What’d I tell ya?! I knew it was too good to be true!

Prowl: The Decepticons are armed to the teeth. If we don’t get there soon, he’s in big trouble!

Sideburn: Right! Pedals the the metal, guys!

Optimus: Battle Mode! Let’s see if you can fight as well as you lie!

Scourge: What?! Barrage Attack!

Ruination: Rapid Fire!

Sideburn: Uh oh, Optimus is getting mangled!

Prowl: Looks like we got here just in time. Let’s help him.

X-Brawn: Hold on. Look!

Sideburn: What’s that?!

X-Brawn: That’s the heat generated by Optimus’ Cyber-Matrix!

Prowl: He’s at penultimate power!

Optimus: You chose to play a most dangerous game, but not the game ends. You lose! Pulse Cannon! Gyro Strike!

Sideburn: I’ve never seen Optimus at full power before. He’s incredible!

X-Brawn: Looks like we can sit this one out.

Scourge: Enough. Scourge, transform!

Ruination: Until next time, Optimus.

Optimus: Fight, you cowards! After what’s happened here, I may never be able to trust them.

[Commercial]

Sky-Byte: …But Megatron, I caught them in the act! They were talking to Optimus as if they were old friends and then they viciously acted me! They’re traitors, I tell you!

Megatron: You brainless fool! As usual, you’ve ruined everything!

Sky-Byte: Oh. Being brainless is not painless.

Optimus: I owe you all an apology. You tried to warn me and I let you down. I let my hope and optimism about the Decepticons override my better judgement.

X-Brawn: Hey, come on! Those guys played their parts perfectly. Heck, even Sideburn was convinced they were on the up and up. And nobody’s blaming you, Optimus. Right guys?

Sideburn: ‘Course not. It was my fault. It was my idea to test them, and that gave them to perfect opportunity to get us to trust them.

Prowl: Just because we made a mistake doesn’t mean we should stop hoping that they’ll change. We’re with you, big guy.

Optimus: I… uhh…

X-Brawn: Will wonders never cease?! Optimus is speechless. Guess there’s a first time for everything.

Optimus: Thanks, guys. Thanks a lot.

Sideburn: Hey, he’s talking again. I knew it was too good to be true!

[The Autobot Brothers laugh.]

[End]

Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“Attack from Outer Space” – Episode 17
Written by Matthew V. Lewis
Transcription by Brandon Williams

–

Optimus: At this point, everything has to work perfectly, or they could postpone the launch.

Kennedy: 10… 9… 8… 7… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… Lift off. We have lift off. Houston, you’re in control.

Houston: Roger, Kennedy. Thank you.

Koji: That is sweet! What am I going to have to do before they let me become an astronaut?

Optimus: You’ll have to work really hard, Koji.

Koji: Work? Oh man… Like starting today?

Optimus: Starting whenever you want to be an astronaut.

Houston: All clear. Rocket booster seperation.

[Transition]

Ro-Tor: Heh, hey! Sweet. This is a textbook perfect battle maneuver.

Armorhide: They think Movor is their space shuttle.

Mega-Octane: Now Movor only has to locate the Autobot base and we can attack and destroy it. Child’s play.

Movor: Hooooo-hoooo! Ah, now this is the life. It’s like a zero gravity tanning salon up here. No more final countdown till booster tanks. That thing almost gave me a hernia! That’s one big cloud. It’d be great cover if I was launching an attack.

Scourge: Movor, quit daydreaming and get ready to attack. Get us the co-ordinates to the Autobot base.

Movor: Yes, sir. Co-ordinates for one Autobot base coming right up. Why don’t we just start simple and track an Autobot or two? Where are any stinking Autobots… Ha! Looks like this one’s bringing back some cargo back to base.

Tow-Line: You were infront of the same fire hydrant last week, little man. No parking! Wow. Unbelievable. All these violations are going to make this a hectic afternoon. Let’s go, little man.

Movor: C’mon! Why are you so careful with those stupid cars? Quit towing things and go back to base, you mindless drone. Could you possibly be more in touch with your inner-Autobot? Bingo. Look no further than Prowl. Prowl’s perfect. Do-gooder. Maybe you’ll be kind enough to lead me back to the Autobot base.

Cop #1: I can’t catch him. I need back up.

Cop #2: He just hit the on-ramp. He’s headed for quadrant three!

Prowl: They’re coming this way and they’re going to need my help! All available units, full pursuit in effect. Suspect is in a purple sedan, heading eastbound on the harbour freeway. This is unit #3. Hang in there, guys. I’m on the case.

Movor: Where’s this guy going?

Cop #1: Pull over to the right immediately! Cease and desist! You are under arrest!

Prowl: This is unit #3 in hot pursuit!

Movor: What? Crafty little cop is hiding from me. Are they on to us already? It looks like they called in decoys!

[Transition]

Megatron: So tell me, Scourge… What novel information does Movor have vis-a-vis the global positioning of the enemy liar?

Mega-Octane: Sir…

Megatron: Where are the Autobots hiding?!

Mega-Octane: Sir, we have not yet heard from Movor. Come in, Movor. Respond. Have you located the Autobot headquarters yet?

Megatron: …Yes… No! What?!

Movor: Here’s a little game for you guys. Pin the laser on the Autobot. Which one is Prowl, huh?

Armorhide: I think I see him in the top-right corner, Movor.

Ro-Tor: No! I think he’s in the bottom left.

Rollbar: Come on… I see him! He’s right in the middle, one of those two.

Mega-Octane: Fools! Even if you find Prowl, he’s caught up in a car chase!

Scourge: Movor, identify any Autobot headed back to base.

Movor: Hey, this ain’t easy! Not with the optics I scanned in from the shuttle.

Scourge: Find one now, before I scan you into sheet metal.

Movor: “Find one now, Movor.” “Where are the Autobots, Movor?” Impatient freak, I don’t see him doing anything. What is that?

Gas Skunk: Look, I told you before, we’re doing the cheekbone. The cheekbone is not the nose. It doesn’t curve, so stop pulling so hard.

Sky-Byte: No, tell them they have to go a little bit to the right.

Dark Scream: Okay now! You’ve gotta start turning to the right!

Gas Skunk: All right, it curves. Just a little bit at the end, it’s not like this is supposed to be the Mona Lisa, it’s just supposed to be a rendezvous point.

Slapper: You’re preaching to the choir. As far as I’m concerned, we could have lit a flare for him. But Sky-Byte wants a monument.

Sky-Byte: Hahahaha! Can’t you just see the look in Megatron’s eyes as he flies into the rendezvous point?!

Dark Scream: Somehow when the Decepticons said “try drawing Megatron’s face in the ground,” I thought they were kidding.

Gas Skunk: You think Megatron would want this done before or after we defeat the Autobots?

Slapper: My money’s on after.

Movor: Ha! They actually did it. That is so lame!

[Transition]

T-AI: None of the frequencies the space agency gave us for the shuttle are working. Not even the emergency one. Optimus, any ideas?

Optimus: There might be a blind spot in the orbit, T-AI. Try patching in it again through a satellite.

T-AI: Still nothing. How did we get X-Brawn?!

Optimus: Is this the image data we’re receiving from the shuttle now?

T-AI: I think so, Optimus, but I’m going back to re-check all of the — We’ve lost the signal again!

X-Brawn (singing): I knew a gal named Gertie McGal, who was always happy to see me! Woohoo!

T-AI: X-Brawn, come in. Is everything all right up there?

X-Brawn: Oh, everything’s more than all right out here, darling. It’s beautiful. How’s ’bout you folks?

T-AI: We’re fine if you are.

X-Brawn: All righty then, we’re both fine. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some serious off-roading to do. Yeehaw!

Movor: You know, I might need a new set of optics, but that was not the Autobot I was locked on. I’m going to find their headquarters no matter what I have to do.

X-Brawn (singing): O’er the land of the free and the home of the — [stops] Wha? Uh hi, fellas. Nifty art project ya got there. All of a sudden, today got a little less beautiful.

[Commercial]

Sky-Byte: You seem to have driven right to your own demise!

Gas Skunk: I don’t normally say this sort of thing, but this is absolutely perfect.

Slapper: When I’m catching flies by your memorial, I may put a flower down sometime.

Dark Scream: We’re going to take you off-road, all right… For good!

Movor: Don’t do it, guys. I’ve seen this kind of thing in westerns. Guy who’s trapped always wins in the end.

X-Brawn: X-Brawn, transform! Now, how many pieces do you want to be broken in to?

Sky-Byte: You’re vastly outnumbered. Sure you don’t want to run?

X-Brawn: Not a chance, shark-butt.

Sky-Byte: Well have it your way then.

Slapper: Tongue Lash!

Gas Skunk: Blade Slash!

Dark Scream: Center laser!

Sky-Byte: Get him while he’s down.

Slapper: X-Brawn! Come out, come out, wherever you are! Hey, where’d he go?

Gas Skunk: Man, I can’t see a thing.

Dark Scream: Me neither.

X-Brawn: I’ll have to let them go for now. I gotta get back to base and report this.

Sky-Byte: Well, what? Any sign of him?

Slapper: Nothing!

Sky-Byte: Ergh, come out! Insolent Autobot, face your doom.

[Transition]

Movor: I tried to warn them, but would they listen? Noooo. Now I’ve got to find someone to lead me around the world again before we find a base. And if that doesn’t work, I quit. I’m gonna move to the moon or something.

T-AI: There’s got to be a reason we can’t contact the space shuttle.

Optimus: Strange. Why would the shuttle be tracking X-Brawn?

X-Brawn: Man, I think I might have been having battery palpitations there for a while.

Prowl: X-Brawn, what happened to you?!

X-Brawn: What happened? A couple of rodents and a tuna fish with teeth! That’s what.

Prowl: You were ambushed by the Predacons? Why didn’t you call on us?

X-Brawn: If I had time and a payphone, I might have. But something kept jamming my signal. T-AI: I don’t believe it, Optimus. The shuttle that we’ve been trying to reach for a while is just a —

Optimus: A what, T-AI? What’s the matter with the shuttle?

T-AI: I’m afraid that ship’s a total fake. Because the real shuttle and its crew are hostages. That’s what the agency just said.

Prowl: Who would want to launch a fake shuttle up into space?

X-Brawn: Optimus, are you thinking what I am?

Optimus: Decepticons. It’s Movor. I’m sure of it.

T-AI: So it was no mistake that X-Brawn appeared on our monitor when we tried to patch into the space shuttle’s network.

Optimus: Because Movor must have been tracking X-Brawn.

X-Brawn: L’il ol’ me? Why would those guys care where I went?

Prowl: Come to think of it, they might have been tracking me.

X-Brawn: Get the feeling that this was Movor as well?

Prowl: Errrr… I’m such a slacker! I turned the sensors off for a chase!

T-AI: Speaking of slackers, where could Sideburn be?

Optimus: Hold on, T-AI.

T-AI: But Optimus, what about Movor?

Optimus: I don’t think Movor’s going to attack.

T-AI: You’re right. They seem to be using the shuttle to track all of the Autobot’s paths.

Optimus: True, but they haven’t meant to ambush any of us yet. The Decepticons just might be after something greater. They may be using Movor’s ability to trace one of our paths back to here. In that case…

T-AI: Of course. They’d know where our base was.

Autobots: Huh?! What?

[Transition]

Mega-Octane: Is that flying piece of tin still daydreaming?

Movor: I hear ya loud and clear, Mega-Octane. I may be in orbit, but I’m not deaf.

Mega-Octane: Wonderful… Listen, Movor, have you made progress of any kind in finding the Autobot base?

Movor: I woulda, if it hadn’t been for a bunch of furballs ditch-digging in the desert. I’m tracking Romeo-on-wheels now.

Megatron: Hmmm, good. Let’s follow Sideburn.

Movor: You got it, chief.

Sideburn: Aw, come on, beautiful. Slow down just a little bit. You know I can’t resist a shiny new sport model like you. Hey, I know a great little drive-in theatre. It’s romantic and it’s very, very classy.

Kelly: Please tell me it’s not that blue sportscar again. Oh, it is. It totally is!

Movor: Hey, Blue Boy, no tailgating. Just pass on by and lead us to the base. Any time, loverboy, any time. Sideburn: No, wait a minute. Some of the movies out there are really pretty good. I saw this TV special on one of them about this big ship that started to sink —

Kelly: That would only be good if you were on board!

Sideburn: Ouch! That hurt! Okay, that really hurt! I’m deeply wounded. I’m in pain! Look in the rear view mirror and you see pain, pain! Right here.

Slapper: Hey, I don’t believe our luck today. Here’s another one.

Gas Skunk: You know, we don’t need to be so nice.

Dark Scream: He’s gonna come right past us.

Sky-Byte: Just don’t stand there gawking. Prepare for battle.

Mega-Octane: Sky-Byte, you’re not about to interfere with our strategic planning this time.

Sky-Byte: Planning? What sort of strategy did you intend, a wedding or a cotillion?

Mega-Octane: Listen steel-head, if Megatron wanted a laugh, all he’d need is that pathetic sand painting you made!

Sky-Byte: Uhhh — he — he didn’t like it?

Sideburn: And there’s this movie where dinosaurs go around eating people, and even cars!

Kelly: It’s a shame they missed you!

Sky-Byte: Ugh, there they are. I have a chance to redeem myself to Megatron with this.

Movor: Don’t do it…

Sky-Byte: Sky-Byte, terrorize!

Gas Skunk: That had to hurt.

Slapper: Hey, did you see that? It came right out of the sky!

Dark Scream: Divine punishment!

Slapper and Gas Skunk: Uh huh, uh huh.

Slapper: Aaah! We forgot about the Autobot! He’s getting away!

Movor: They never listen.

Sideburn: Hey, you know what, there’s another movie we could see about, like, aliens that come down and, like, take over other people’s minds.

Kelly: They’ve already succeeded, you’re living proof of that.

Sideburn: Well, I’m running out of types of movies here. I guess we could go see a documentary or something…

Movor: I found the base!

Scourge: Where?

Movor: Sector 12.

Scourge: Excellent. Get ready to annihilate the Autobots from this planet forever.

Commandos: Sir, yes, sir!

Megatron: Wonderful. By nightfall, my enemy will be vanquished.

[Transition]

Scourge: My fellow Decepticons, behold your true destiny. The only obstacle that seperates you from total world domination. Let’s move!

Sideburn: I do have a sensitive side. I can cry at movies. Especially during car crashes. And all of my doors dent surprisingly easily. You know, maybe we could go see one of those movies about actually really falling in love… if it doesn’t go on too long.

Kelly: Thank you, but I’d rather eat a mouthful of thumbtacks.

Ro-Tor: Was that supposed to be it?

Armorhide: Found an old cola bottle and a comb.

Mega-Octane: Good work, Movor. We’ve just destroyed a graveyard.

Movor: Uh, sorry about that. Small miscalculation. Try the bay in sector 14.

Rollbar: So we’re looking for an ultra-secret yacht club?

Mega-Octane: You better be right! Let’s move out!

Commandos: Yeah!

Movor: Sideburn, you’re not stopping? Uh ohhhh!

Mega-Octane: That was ten empty summer homes!

Movor: Sorry, try the power plant.

Mega-Octane: That was just a normal power plant, Movor!

Movor: Okay, it’s the airport! No, the shipyard! Uhhh…

Mega-Octane: Quit pulling my crankshaft and tell me where the real Autobots are!

Movor: See, the thing is — I don’t really know!

Kelly: Please, go away!

Sideburn: I love you, red car! Stop in the name of true love! Or at least slow down a little. Whoa. Where’d she go? That car had sweet handling. She just ditched me going twice the speed limit on a hairpin turn! I am so in love!

Kelly: Hey, somebody get me out of here! Oh well, at least I lost that stupid blue car.

[Commercial]

Tow-Line: Behind every turn Sideburn takes the Decepticons have been making trouble.

X-Brawn: And man, looks like that kid’s been taking a whole lot of turns.

Optimus: T-AI, we’ll need to make radio contact with Sideburn.

T-AI: But we can’t bring him here.

Optimus: No. Send him to the pier. The Decepticons will follow.

T-AI: What about Sideburn?

Optimus: Once Sideburn lures the Decepticons to the pier, we’ll show up to ensure that Megatron never comes around to look for our base again.

T-AI: No problem.

Sideburn: Whoa, the whole gang’s back there at home. What’s going on, guys?

Optimus: Sideburn, we need you to go to Pier 7B now. Wait there for further instruction.

Sideburn: That’s kind of a problem, guys. I was… looking for – a – missing person. T-AI: A missing person, huh?! I know who you’re looking for and it’s that —

X-Brawn: Sideburn, that cute red car you’ve been chasing’s down on Pier 7B. We all fixed up a date for you.

Sideburn: Aw, that’s awesome! You guys are the greatest! I’ll be there in less than two minutes, I promise!

X-Brawn: Well, I guess that worked.

Optimus: Good work, X-Brawn. Autobots, let’s roll out to the pier for a little date of our own.

[Transition]

Movor: Wow, looks like he’s headed some place pretty important. Scourge, come in!

Scourge: This better be good.

Movor: It is. Loverboy’s making the B-Line to the pier. He must be headed back to base!

Scourge: If you’re wrong, you’ll pay for it.

Movor: The kid’s headed somewhere important.

Scourge: Let’s move out.

Commandos: Yessir!

Sideburn: Well, here I am. Pier 7B. I don’t see that red car anywhere. She’s got to be inside. I can’t exactly drive on in there, so it’s time for me to get a little creative. Sideburn, transform! This makes me much better looking.

Scourge: Going somewhere special, Autobot?

Sideburn: …I hope that’s not my date.

Scourge: So this is the secret Autobot base.

Sideburn: Oh no. I came here to date a cute red car, not these five ugly Decepticon freakshows.

Scourge: Answer the question. Is this the Autobot base, or not?

Sideburn: What?!

Mega-Octane: Don’t play dumb, Sideburn. What is that?

Sideburn: A lighthouse?

Optimus: Optimus Prime, transform!

X-Brawn: X-Brawn, transform!

Prowl: Prowl, transform!

Sideburn: X-Brawn, you lied to me, man! I’ll never find that red car now, lughead!

X-Brawn: Hey, Sideburn, just a little joke. We needed some way to get you here because them Decepticons have been following you around all day.

Sideburn: They want the red car?!

X-Brawn: No, they wanted our base. They’d thought you’d start flirting long enough to show ’em where it was.

Sideburn: You still tricked me. That red car and me, we really had an understanding today.

X-Brawn: Uh Sideburn… We gotta fight now, so drop it!

Sideburn: Gotcha.

Scourge: Looks like we might be close to the base after all.

Armorhide: It’s good enough for me. Let’s combine and take care of them right now.

Mega-Octane: That’s good tactics.

Rollbar: Hold on. We can’t do that. We’re a man down.

Ro-Tor: Or a man up! We’re missing Movor.

Scourge: Forget it. We don’t need to look for that base if we can turn the Autobots into scrap metal right here.

Optimus: That’ll be the day. Optimus Prime, battle mode! Let’s go, Scourge.

Movor: This is exciting. I had front row tickets to a heavy metal concert but this is way better. I’ll just sit back and watch the action.

Scourge: Look around, Autobots. Enjoy the view. Because you won’t be around to see it anymore.

Optimus: Drop the rhetoric. It still doesn’t make you right.

Trains: Team Bullet Train, attack!

Midnight: Right on time as usual.

Railspike: Railspike, transform!

Rapid Run: Rapid Run, transform!

Midnight: Midnight Express, transform!

Rapid Run: Hi there! Don’t start fighting all at once, guys.

Railspike: There’s no way you can beat all of us.

Scourge: Good point. We don’t need to destroy the Autobot base if the Autobot’s leader is out of the picture. Optimus Prime, you’re mine. Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Movor: One-on-one with Optimus? That’s gonna leave a mark. The good guy always beats the bad guy, if he doesn’t get help from his gang.

Scourge: You’ll never make it, Prime!

Optimus: You’ll never know, Scourge.

Movor: Okay. He definitely needs me. Targetting… Targetting locked. Argon laser, fire!

Mega-Octane: You metal maggot! You just zapped your own chief!

Movor: Look, I’m sorry. Just tell Scourge not to move next time. He threw me off.

Midnight: Lasers from space? Look, that’s hardly sporty!

Scourge: Oh, I hate this guy… I really hate this guy. Fight’s not over yet, Prime.

Movor: This time I got Prime for sure. Prepare to meet your manufacturer. Ready, aim…

Scourge: Sword of Fury!

Movor: Fire.

Scourge: Goodbye, Optimus.

Movor: Oh! No, no, no! That didn’t happen! It wasn’t me, I swear!

Scourge: Movor, you’d better hope you never set wheels on this planet again.

Armorhide: I’d say it’s time to pack it in.

Mega-Octane: A good commander knows when to cut his losses, and I’d say he’s a big one.

Scourge: I swear I’m gonna turn that looney-bin shuttle into metal confetti.

Movor: I don’t think I’m real popular right now. I never found the base, I blew up the wrong stuff… And I shot Scourge twice. Aaahhh! Oh no! Ah, I’ve hit the atmosphere too hard! Too hot! My nose is melting! I’m turning into Rudolph here! I forgot to pick up my sunscreen!

[Commercial]

Optimus: So you see, we had to continue using you as the decoy.

Sideburn: But what about the red car promise? That was cruel and unusual.

Optimus: Perhaps, but you would have never gone to the pier otherwise. And besides, your pursuit of that red car kept the Decepticons away from our true base.

Tow-Line: Right, little man. Our secret base is still safe ’cause you have a thing for red sportscars. Before, I’ve towed you away for this sort of thing but today, you get the thumbs up!

Sideburn: If that’s the case, then I suppose it’s okay if I talk some more of those beautiful cars now!

X-Brawn: Oh no, you don’t! / Prowl: Absolutely not!

Prowl: We’re going to keep a careful eye on you. If you act this reckless one more time…

Sideburn: Aw man, I knew it sounded too good to be true!

Movor: Ooooh! Oh! Hot! Hot! Oooohh! Oh… That’s better.

[End]