Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“Bullet Train to the Rescue” – Episode 3
Written by Steve Kramer
Transcription by Brandon Williams

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Gas Skunk: Now’s my chance. I’m gonna prove to Sky-Byte that I’m ready for this mission. Gas Skunk, terrorize! Hahahahaha, there’s nothing coming down the tracks that I can’t handle.

Sky-Byte: You’re a fool, Gas Skunk. You and the rest of your team are totally useless! It doesn’t take any brains to attack an unmaned freight car!

Gas Skunk: Shouldn’t you be in an aquarium somewhere?

Slapper: Well now, what do we have here? A moving target to practice on. What luck. Robot mode! Right laser! A strike, and right on the headpin!

Sky-Byte: Slapper, why do you waste time attacking these empty vessels? It accomplishes nothing. Instead of committing mindless destruction, you should be searching the planet for more energy to steal. I’ll have to take the initiative and launch the attack myself.

[Transition]

Dorrie Dutton: The Linear RFG, the World’s fastest bullet train, has just arrived at central station. We’re coming to you live to mark this historic occassion, the inaugural run of the World’s fastest transport system. Everything is controlled electronically from this space age command center. Decisions that used to involve human beings are now being carried out in a split second by a massive supercomputer.

Koji: It’s amazing. Optimus Prime, are you watching? It’s the coolest train I’ve ever seen.

Optimus: I hope it’s as safe as they say. There have been some incidents of railroad sabotage lately.

Koji: C’mon, don’t be the voice of doom. You worry too much! I’m sure it’s as safe as riding with you.

Optimus: Thanks for the compliment. Just keep your eyes open for trouble.

Koji: I’m so stoked! I bet the scenery goes by so fast that I won’t be able to follow it with my eyes. You should come with us!

Optimus: Just be careful out there.

Koji: Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. That command center is completely state of the art. It’s a slam dunk.

T-AI: Optimus Prime, the three Autobot Brothers have arrived.

X-Brawn: Okay everybody, we’re here. What was so important [that] we had to be pulled off our regular runs to report to headquarters?

Optimus: Take a look at this. Go ahead, T-AI, roll the images.

T-AI: Please pay attention. In the past week, there have been a series of freight train wrecks around the country. The number exceeds the average for this type of incident.

Prowl: Were people hurt?

T-AI: Fortunately, there were no people on board. We feel these wrecks were caused by the Predacons.

X-Brawn: Why would they even bother?

Sideburn: Yeah, that’s pretty small scale stuff for them.

Optimus: They’re probably looking for large scale energy sources. Today is the inaugural run of the Linear RFG bullet train. It would be a natural target.

Prowl: Oh yeah? Well whatever they’re up to, we’ll be watching ’em!

Optimus: There’s an additional consideration. Koji’s onboard that train.

T-AI: We have to find a way to protect him.

Optimus: Time to go to work. I’m initiating battle protocol. Everyone ready?

Autobot Bros: Yes sir.

Optimus: I’ll follow alongside the train. The rest of you, search the tracks up ahead for signs of what the Predacons might be planning. Let’s move out!

[Transition]

Sideburn: Well, I’m following the tracks but I don’t see anything suspicious. What are we looking for?

Prowl: Beats me. But knowing those Predacons I’m sure it’ll be lethal. Keep your eyes open. Koji’s on that train and may be in grave danger.

Sky-Byte: The humans think their new bullet train is totally safe, but I’m going to give them a surprise. Nothing is safe from me! When I’ve stolen the energy of the most powerful transport, Megatron will finally give me the respect I deserve.

Optimus: So far so good. I’d better get back to headquarters and make sure everything else is under control.

[Transition]

Gas Skunk: When this goes off it’ll really blow their minds! Ha, ha!

Prowl: All right, you two. Hold it right there. What are you up to?

Slapper: We just stopped by to fix some loose track, that’s all. You can never be too careful when it comes to track!

Gas Skunk: Safety first. There’s nothing going on here that would concern you.

Prowl: Well, I don’t know, lots of things concern me. Like sabotage! Prowl, transform!

Sideburn: Sideburn, transform!

Gas Skunk: Here’s a little present from me… Left laser!

Slapper: …And just to balance it out… Right laser!

Optimus: Sideburn, report.

Sideburn: We found a couple of Predacons messing around with the tracks. We’ll give you an update in a few minutes.

Optimus: Roger.

Worker #1: What happened? Our data screen just blanked out!

Optimus: I’m sorry to intrude, gentleman, but we have an emergency situation on our hands.

Worker #2: Who’s that robot?

Worker #3: It’s Optimus Prime, the leader of the Autobots.

Optimus: It appears the Predacons are attempting to destroy the Linear RFG. There isn’t much time, you have to stop the train immediately!

Worker #4: There’s a problem, Optimus. Our entire control system’s gone down. We can’t even communicate with the train, much less stop it.

Worker #2: Is there anything you can do to help us resolve this situation?

Optimus: We’re dealing with the problem now. I’ll have to get back to you.

[Transition]

Dark Scream: I’ve wrecked their control system! There’s no way they’ll be able to contact that train now!

Optimus: Emergency alert. T-AI, activate the member select program.

T-AI: We need Team Bullet Train for this operation. Access database. Each one is on assignment. I’ll have to contact them individually. Let’s see… Railspike, Rapid Run and Midnight Express. There’s no time to bring them to headquarters, they’ll have to go right to the field. Command center to Railspike. This is an emergency. Report to Optimus Prime.

Railspike: On my way. Gentlemen, there’s an emergency and I have to leave at once. You’ll need a replacement engine. I’ll be in touch. Hyper Rail!

Worker #5: I don’t believe this!

T-AI: Rapid Run, we have an urgent mission. Report for field duty.

Rapid Run: Uh oh. This is gonna be trouble. I’m on a commuter line. You ever seen a mob of angry commuters?

Kelly: This is just what I needed, a nice peaceful train ride. I don’t have to fight that freeway traffic. Yeah… And the best part of it is… I can eat my breakfast on the way in!

T-AI: Rapid Run, this is an emergency.

Rapid Run: I hear ya loud and clear. I just have to drop 50,000 pounds and I’ll be on my way. There, that’s better. I am now available and reporting for duty!

Kelly: How am I supposed to get to work? My boss is never going to believe this story!

T-AI: Midnight Express, report to Optimus Prime. The Predacons are planning an attack. We need you now. What is your ETA?

Midnight Express: That all depends. If the tracks are clear, I can be there in eight hours. If I use the global space bridge, I can be there in thirty seconds!

[Transition]

Optimus: Good to see you, Team Bullet Train.

Rapid Run: I don’t know what was so urgent that we had to drop everything. It doesn’t look like there isn’t any action going on yet.

Railspike: It’s not our business to question orders. If T-AI says it’s an emergency, I take her at her word. Besides, Prime will fill us in as soon as we’re assembled.

Rapid Run: I’m just sayin’ I left a load of angry passengers back there in the tunnel.

Midnight Express: Well, gentlemen… What’s the problem?

Rapid Run: Are you all right, buddy? It sounds like you just ran the hundred mile dash with a clogged air filter.

Midnight Express: Don’t worry about me, I’m topped off and ready to go!

Rapid Run: You could have fooled me. I thought you were runnin’ on fuel!

Railspike: All right, boys. Let’s pay attention to business. Prime, what’s our assignment?

Optimus: The train running next to us on the elevated track is the Linear RFG, the fastest in the world.

Rapid Run: That’s what I hear. I wanna try a little one-on-one sometime [and] see if it’s true.

Optimus: Hopefully it’ll still be around so you can find out. The Predacons are up to something. We’ve already stopped one attempt to sabotage the tracks and they’ll probably try again.

Rapid Run: Why don’t they cancel the trip until the danger’s passed?

Railspike: It’s too late for that. The command system’s been sabotaged. They can’t control the train.

Rapid Run: That means we have to find a way to stop it and right now.

Optimus: If you need help from the passengers, contact Dr. Onishi’s boy Koji. He’s on board.

All Trains: Roger!

Optimus: I’m going to meet up with the rest of the team. Activate space bridge.

[Transition]

Sideburn: That’s it! Now I’m getting ticked!

Optimus: Looks like I got here just in time. Optimus Prime, transform!

Prowl: What’s the word, Prime? Is the train all right?

Optimus: Railspike and the others are looking after it. We’d better concentrate on the situation right here.

Sky-Byte: Sky-Byte, terrorize! You’re too late, Optimus Prime. There’s nothing you can do to save that train.

Midnight Express: All right, what is our plan?

Railspike: We don’t want to alert the passengers [that] there’s a problem.

Rapid Run: We could just talk to the drivers to see what’s up. Let’s contact Koji.

Koji: What a great ride this is! Hey, what are all those trains doing out there? Where did they come from?

Railspike: Koji, can you hear me?

Koji: Huh?

Railspike: Nice to meet you. We’re Team Bullet Train, Optimus Prime sent us.

Koji: What?! You mean you’re Autobots?!

Rapid Run: We’re not out here playing bumper cars. We need an important favour from you.

Railspike: We need to slow the train down. Can you ask the driver to engage the manual override?

Koji: Sure.

Worker (running out): I don’t believe this!

Koji: Wonder what his problem is.

Driver #1: What in the world is going on? I thought we had a failsafe system. The brakes aren’t responding!

Driver #2: And the speed’s increasing! We’re out of control!

Koji: Listen you guys, we’re in trouble here. The brakes aren’t working and the train’s speeding up. What do we do?

Railspike: Stay calm, Koji. We’re here and we can help. Everything’s gonna be all right.

Koji: Okay, whatever you say.

Railspike: Let’s go to work, fellas. Don’t make me out to be a liar.

Rapid Run: The first thing we should do is get infront of it somehow!

Railspike: That won’t be easy. It’s running at over 150 MPH.

Midnight Express: Where does it have to get to so fast?

Rapid Run: Who cares about that? As long as it gets there in one piece!

Railspike: That’s the challenge, all right. Anybody got an idea how we can pull it off?

Midnight Express: How about coating the entire track with glue! That would slow it up.

Rapid Run: Dude, I’m gonna pretend you didn’t say that.

Sideburn: Turbo Backfire!

Prowl: Combustion Missiles!

Optimus: Compression Pistol!

Sky-Byte: Imbeciles! I knew I couldn’t depend on them. See how you like my Tsunami Blaster!

Optimus: Hang on Prowl, I’ll be right there! X-Brawn, Sideburn, get to the other side of the bridge and try to head off that train!

X-Brawn and Sideburn: On our way!

X-Brawn: X-Brawn, transform!

Sideburn: Sideburn, transform!

Optimus: Are you okay, Prowl? We’ve gotta get moving!

Sky-Byte: That’s it, that’s it. Race along, little speed demon. Race along to your doom. Nothing can save you now. Megatron will finally see what a good leader I am.

Railspike: Link up and use our brakes to stop the RFG.

Rapid Run: Roger!

Midnight Express: All I can say is be careful. If we overuse our brakes and they give out…

Railspike: …We’ll all be on the fast track to disaster. Here we go, initiate single file link-up!

Koji: All right!

Rapid Run: On my mark seperate and jump for it! Go! Good job, everyone got their head gaskets on straight?

Railspike: We’re in position. Whenever you’re ready.

Rapid Run: Do it!

Railspike: Begin braking chain!

X-Brawn: Yeehaw! X-Brawn, transform!

Sideburn: Sideburn, transform!

Optimus: Move in. Let’s go!

Sky-Byte: You’re too late to stop us. Everything is in place! Lower the bridge.

Dark Scream: Right.

Sky-Byte: Goodbye Optimus Prime. Enjoy the show!

Optimus: What?

Sideburn: Get back!

Sky-Byte: Here it comes. Very good, so far my plan is working perfectly.

Rapid Run: We can stop this thing, it’s just going to take some time.

Railspike: We copy.

Rapid Run: We’ve just run out of time! The bridge’s been blown!

Sky-Byte: You pathetic fools, you’ll go off the edge with the rest of them.

Rapid Run: I don’t think we’re slowing down enough!

Optimus: I’ve got to do something. They’ll never stop it in time. Optimus Prime, battle mode!

Railspike: Come on Midnight Express, dig in!

Midnight Express: I’m trying. I’m locked and loaded!

Rapid Run: This isn’t working! I’m telling you, we’re running out of track quick!

Optimus: I’m ready.

Sky-Byte: Those meddlers! They’ve ruined everything.

Optimus: Good job, Bullet Trains!

Rapid Run: Thanks a lot, Prime. Hey, can we back this thing up? We’re way to close to that bridge.

Sky-Byte: Wait a minute. We’re not through with you!

Sideburn: Optical laser strike!

Optimus: Looks like you boys lost your footing. Now get out of here so none of the humans get hurt.

Rapid Run: Bullet train’s back online and ready to roll!

ME and Railspike: Let’s move!

Koji: Bye Team Bullet Train! Thanks a lot!

Sky-Byte: So, you think you’ve won, do you? We haven’t even begun to fight!

Megatron: You’re right. You haven’t begun to fight. What are you incompetents doing here without orders from me?

Sky-Byte: It wasn’t my fault!

Megatron: It’s never your fault. Let me show you how it’s done. Megatron, terrorize! Cutter Beam!

Optimus: Don’t you even bother to say hello anymore?

Rapid Run: We were gonna come back and help you clean up the mess, but now it looks like somebody’s trying to mess around.

Railspike: Railspike, transform!

Rapid Run: Rapid Run, transform!

Midnight Express: Midnight Express, transform!

Megatron: You’re finished!

Rapid Run: Compression Injector!

Railspike: Powerstroke Missiles!

Midnight Express: Diesel Destructo Gun!

Megatron: Dragon Mode! Dual Comprehension Dragon Fire!

Railspike: We need some extra push.

Rapid Run: You know what that means! Time for a little cold fusion!

Railspike: All right, everybody ready?

All: Let’s do it! Bullet Fusion Mode!

Rail Racer: Triple Power! Rail Racer!

Sideburn: Wow, how come we can’t do that?

Prowl: I dunno… I think they’re double jointed.

Sideburn: Maybe they could teach us how to do it.

X-Brawn: I was never a good student.

Sideburn: Come to think of it, I wouldn’t wanna fuse with you guys anyway.

Megatron: Twin Dragon Breath!

Rail Racer: Super Turbo Punch! Fusion Laser Rifle! Scatter Blast!

Sky-Byte: Megatron, wait for me!

Optimus: Thanks a lot, Rail Racer.

Rail Racer: Sure. We just can’t stand lifeforms that blow up railroad tracks. We all take that very personally.

Railspike: Glad this all worked out for the best. We should get back to work.

Rapid Run: I was in the middle of a commuter haul. They didn’t seem to happy about the interruption. Maybe I can make up for the lost time.

Railspike: Remember though, safety first.

Midnight Express: I was about to haul a private wedding party. My word, I hope they haven’t taken their vows yet.

Rapid Run: See ya later, guys. Call us if ya need us.

Optimus: That’s one tough team. They really came through.

Lady on Train Intercom: Ladies and gentlemen, we appreciate your patience during our short delay. Due to the timely and dynamic assistance of the Autobots, the Linear RFG will now complete its inaugural run.

Optimus: I’m glad we could help. We’ll always be there to protect the Earth and its inhabitants. No matter what the threat.

[End]