Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“Secret Weapon: D-5” – Episode 8
Written by Marc Handler
Transcription by Brandon Williams

–
Gas Skunk: That’s the place!

Dark Scream: I don’t like the looks of it.

Slapper: Ah, quiet, you big baby.

Gas Skunk: Let’s get it!

Doc: Next time I try that experiment, I’m definitely changing the formula! Well at least the disk it all right. I promised Dr. Onishi I’d keep it safe for Koji.

Slapper: You call that safe? We’d really hate to see you blow it up in your next experiment.

Doc: Say, what sort of beasts are you? I don’t think you’re in my field guide.

Slapper: Slapper, terrorize!

Dark Scream: Dark Scream, terrorize!

Gas Skunk: Gas Skunk, terrorize!

Doc: Ah! You’re Predacons, aren’t you?

Gas Skunk: Bingo, now hand over the disk.

Assistant: I told you you can’t use nitro glycerine instead of nitrous oxide, it doesn’t work like that.

Dark Scream: I’m losing my patience!

Assistant: Predacons! They’re even uglier than their photo!

Doc: I don’t know how they found out about it, but they want Dr. Onishi’s disk.

Slapper: Right, and we always get what we want. Hey! What’s with the siren?

Gas Skunk: That sounds like Optimus Prime.

Dark Scream: He wants it too! I guess Megatron was right. That disk holds the key to controlling all the Earth’s energy!

Slapper: You two attack Optimus Prime. Keep him occupied while I get the disk.

Gas Skunk: No, you and Dark Scream attack him and I’ll get the disk.

Dark Scream: I’m the best one to get the disk! You two fight him.

Doc: Get in the truck!

Dark Scream: While you’re arguing, they’re getting away!

Slapper: Tongue Lash Attack!

Gas Skunk: I was just about to get it!

Dark Scream: Well he got it. Now lets all get out of here before Prime gets us!

Gas Skunk: We’ll tell Megatron it was a team effort.

Slapper: Team effort?! I’m the one who nabbed it.

Doc: They seem to be afraid of this fire engine. Must be some new kind of phobia. I’ll look it up in my psycho guide book.

Assistant: Uh, right.

[Transition]

T-AI: Apparently it was a digital disk with no special properties. Standard size, 1.44 MB.

Optimus: Hmmm… Why would the Predacons steal an ordinary disk? They must know something we don’t.

T-AI: That’s likely, since they’re keeping Dr. Onishi captive and it’s his disk.

Optimus: Yes, you’re right. Onishi must’ve told them something about the disk, but what?

T-AI: He gave it to Dr. Yoshimoto just before he was captured.

Optimus: Hmmm…

T-AI: He said it was for his son Koji. That’s all we know.

Optimus: We’d better go on alert. Contact the Autobot Brothers.

T-AI: No problem. Autobot Brothers, we have a situation.

Prowl: Copy that.

Sideburn: Uh, can I talk to Optimus Prime about this?

Optimus: Yes.

Sideburn: I got a date with a cute convertible. Can this wait?

Optimus: No, it can’t.

Sideburn: Haha, just checking.

[Transition]

Megatron: Now that our captive is sleeping soundly, let us have a look at that stolen disk.

Gas Skunk: The picture’s all messed up. Maybe they sabotaged it so we couldn’t unlock its secret power data.

Slapper: I don’t get it. What’s it supposed to be?

Sky-Byte: I think it’s a… train?

Megatron: D-5, you see it!

Sky-Byte: Yes, that’s it exactly. It must be code for some kind of secret weapon like Destructor-5 Gigatons.

Gas Skunk: No, I bet it’s got explosives like Dilithium-5 blast powder!

Dark Scream: No, it’s a robot! The model is Destron-5!

Slapper: No, it’s Danger-5! That designates the danger level!

Megatron: Silence! Whatever it stands for, I want that train. Understand?

Sky-Byte, Slapper and Dark Scream: Right!

Gas Skunk: Absoultely!

Dr. Onishi: …Grandpa…

Megatron: What was that?

Sky-Byte: It sounded like something-pa!

Megatron: Pa? Pa?

Slapper: Must be some kind of secret code.

Dr. Onishi: Grandpa is here. He’s coming down the track. He was always my favourite.

Driver: What? I’ve lost control! It’s slowing down as if something’s taken over the train!

Midnight: Uh, that would be me. Sorry, but I had to say hello to Grandpa! The D-512 Stanwich Steamer, also known as Grandpa! The first train to ever run these tracks. And today he’s making a special run, so Optimus Prime wanted us all on guard. First time that whistle’s blown in fifty years!

Koji: My father always wanted to see this train restored and back in action. I wish he could be here to see it. It was his absolute favourite.

Doc: Yes, your father and I both love classic trains. That’s why we’re such good friends and that’s why he gave me that disk for you.

Koji: Ugh… I miss my father so much.

Doc: I’m sure he misses you too. He really wanted you to have the disk, but you know what happened to it.

Koji: Yeah, the Predacons took it, but they won’t get away with it.

Doc: I wish we could find them and get your father back, but it’s very difficult.

Koji: We’ll find ’em. I know someone who’s looking for ’em right now!

X-Brawn: Dang if my scanners aren’t turning up a whole lotta nothing.

Sideburn: Hey, I gave up a hot date for this. Those Predacons better show up here.

Prowl: This is a police operation. Your dates are not relevant.

Sideburn: They’re relevant to me, bro! You shoulda seen that classy chassis. Woooohhoooo!

Prowl: You try talking to him, X-Brawn.

X-Brawn: This ain’t no sport car rally, Sideburn. We’re here to kick some serious Predacon tailpipe. Now, keep an eye peeled.

Slapper: Ha, I always like sneaking around the back way.

Dark Scream: Yeah, it took twice as long and got some thorns in my fur.

Gas Skunk: Quit yappin’. If the Autobot Brothers are here, then we’re onto something big.

[Commercial]

Koji: Hey, here it is now! All right!

Doc: Ready?

Koji: Yeah, I was just thinking of my dad.

Doc: I know he’s here in spirit, Koji.

X-Brawn: All right wranglers, head ’em up and move ’em out!

Prowl: Police pursuit mode!

Midnight: I can’t get over it. I never thought I’d see this old timer back on the rails. The TV cameras are waited for you at the station. Grandpa’s big comeback film at 11! …And I’m going to make sure nobody gets in your way.

Railspike: Good thinking, Midnight. I got your back.

Rapid Run: I’m with you too, although I can’t see why anyone would want to nab and old crate like that. It’s so slow it can hardly get out of its own way.

Midnight: Show some respect for your elders! Grandpa used to be the fastest thing on wheels.

Railspike: Anyway, it must be very important if the Predacons are targetting it.

Rapid Run: Maybe, but that smoke’s a menace! It’s clogging up my air filters!

Midnight: He’s blowing his stack because you made him mad. Steam engines are very sensitive.

Kelly: Ah, wind blowing through my hair in the open road ahead.

Sideburn: Whoa, candy apple red! I’m in love! Hey, hey, slow down there, sweetheart!

X-Brawn: Easy there, cowboy.

Prowl: This is against police regulations.

Sideburn: What, can’t you see she’s crazy about me! Yo, I dig that sporty look!

Kelly: Look, who’s ever in there, you are beyond obnoxious! You’re a road hazard!

Sideburn: Hey lady, it’s not you I want… It’s your car!

Kelly: Ha! Gave him the slip! Not too bad! Whhhhoooaaa! That’s it… I know what this is about. I’ve fallen under some ancient vehicle curse, right? Get this cow away from me!

Sideburn: Oh no! I hope she didn’t dent one of those pretty fenders!

Prowl: The car’s fine and so is the human. Now lets go!

Sideburn: …But I…

[Transition]

Sky-Byte: Hahaha! That old rattle trap is a sitting duck!

Doc: Did we just see a… flying shark?!

Koji: It’s Sky-Byte! Koji calling Optimus, please come in! It’s the Predacons!

Optimus: Are they attacking the train?

Koji: Not yet, but they’re closing in. I think that they’re about to make their move.

Optimus: All right, stay calm, Koji. The Autobot Brothers and Team Bullet Train are all on the job.

Koji: But what do the Predacons want?

Optimus: The train.

Koji: A steam engine?!

Optimus: They seem to believe it’s a secret weapon with special powers.

Midnight: Sky-Byte, if you think that I’m going to let you hurt this train, think again!

Sky-Byte: As if you could actually stop me, Rail Boy!

Railspike: We’re all gonna stop you, Sky-Byte. And then we’re going to turn you into shark fin soup!

Sky-Byte: I’ve gotta get inside that train. I’ll just squeeze in through here. It tried to poison me!

Koji: Waaah!

Rapid Run: Guess Grandpa didn’t need our help after all.

Midnight: Yes, he took care of it all by himself.

Sky-Byte: Is so that how it is? I see. That train does have special powers!

Midnight: That’ll send a message to the Predacons. Don’t mess with Grandpa.

Rapid Run: “Grandpa” can’t even understand you. He doesn’t have a computer system.

Midnight: He still knows what’s going on, right Spike?

Railspike: Yeah, whatever… Anyway, the Predacons sure want that train.

Rapid Run: But why? It’s just an old clunk! They only restored it ’cause some humans have a thing for antiques.

Midnight: If it weren’t for trains like him, we wouldn’t be here. And I think he still has got a lot of steam in his boiler. You see? That means the old boy agrees with me.

Dark Scream: Sky-Byte couldn’t get the train, but I will! Ohhhh! That train’s an animal! He dragged me through that tunnel on purpose! He’s one lean, mean fighting machine. Well I’m back on my feet and I’m ready to take you on. Round 2, let’s go, this time I’ll…. That’s not fair!

Slapper: That old train defeated both of them, which means all the more glory for me, Slapper. Now I’ll show ’em how it’s done.

Midnight: Get your claws off that coal!

Slapper: You messin’ with me, pal?! What are you thinking?!

Midnight: I was thinking toads have big mouths and small brains. Railspike, Rapid Run, take care of Grandpa while I take care of this guy!

Slapper: Grandpa? That’s what Dr. Onishi said! Well, whatever you call him, we’re gonna use his secret powers to rule the world! Right laser, target, fire! Nice shot. Tongue Lash Attack!

Midnight: Shoulder Shot of Fire!

Slapper: Hey! That’s my tongue, you know!

Midnight: Yes, and this is my fist! Come and get it! Rail Blaster!

Rapid Run: Midnight’s got some pretty good moves, huh?

Railspike: Yeah, and I think he’d do anything to protect this old train.

Slapper: You’re crazy, and I know why you’re blowing all your gaskets. Because that train has secret powers, just like we thought, and we’re gonna get ’em!

Midnight: You touch that train and you’re frog fillet!

Gas Skunk: These goofballs I’m working with can sure waste a lot of effort for nothing. Once you have the right weapon, it’s all so easy.

Rapid Run: It’s a pulse field! My fuses are firing like the Fourth of July!

Railspike: I’m shorting out! My systems are overloading, I’ve gotta fall back!

Gas Skunk: Yes! I got the bullet trains! But that rickety old steam engine’s still going strong!

[Commercial]

Megatron: What did you bring me, the train or a bunch of excuses?

Sky-Byte: The others failed completely. I almost got it, but it smoked me out.

Megatron: A locomotive makes a shark look like a baboon?

Sky-Byte: The locomotive thing is just a cover. It’s some kind of advanced robot with major stealth weapons.

Megatron: You better be right about this! If it’s true, then that is exactly what we need to defeat the Autobots.

Sky-Byte: Maybe so, but it’s not going to do us any good if we can’t capture it.

Dark Scream: Sky-Byte’s right. There’s no way to defeat that monster! It knows what we’re going to do before we do. It’s got like extra-sensory programming!

Megatron: A weapon that can read minds?

Gas Skunk: That’s right. It’s diabolical! It seems innocent enough, just a smoke stack and a whistle, but our weapons have no affect on it.

Megatron: None at all?

Gas Skunk: My strongest ion beams couldn’t even disrupt its motherboard. It just kept right on going!

Slapper: I bet the Autobots are protecting it ’cause they’re planning on using it against us.

Megatron: Oh really? Then go back and get it!

[Transition]

Doc: Right on schedule. Your father would’ve been proud.

Koji: He’ll ride on this train someday. I know he will.

Optimus: The train has arrived safetly. Good job, everyone.

X-Brawn: We didn’t see much action.

Prowl: Police cars often have a deterrent affect.

Sideburn: Does this mean I can go on my date now?

Midnight: See? Grandpa never ran out of steam. He’s quiet, but he’s got some excellent moves. I keep telling you, you can learn a lot of things from the old timers.

Rapid Run: As long as he’s safe, that’s all that counts.

Koji: Huh?!

Dark Scream (singing): I’ve been working on the railroad, all the live long day!

Dark Scream: So long, suckers!

Koji: Hey, someone help! They’re stealing the train, we’ve gotta stop them!

Rapid Run: Ah! These guys are getting under my casing.

Railspike: All right, Bullet Train Team power-up! Let’s make tracks!

Midnight: If they hurt Grandpa, they’ll regret it. Grandpa, don’t let them take you! I’m back!

Sky-Byte: There. Try a new route!

Midnight: Look out! Someone laid a new track here. It’s steering off from the route!

Sky-Byte: Hahaha! Now that old train’s heading straight into Megatron’s waiting arms! Sheer poetry!

Slapper: You ready yet, yeah?

Gas Skunk: I’m waiting for you!

Slapper: I’m waiting for you!

Both: 1… 2… 3, pull!

Gas Skunk: You’re pulling the lever in the wrong direction, wart brain!

Slapper: You’re pulling in the wrong direction! And who’re you calling a… um… Whoa… It’s coming, let’s get outta here!

Midnight: Grandpa, where’d you go?! You’re on the wrong track now!

Dark Scream (singing): Oh, I’ve been working on the raaaailllrooaaaddd!

[Transition]

Optimus: Those tracks must lead somewhere. What’s there new destination?

T-AI: Activating track map. The track ends at Baker’s Cove, at a tall cliff that jets over the ocean.

Optimus: It’s going to crash into the water. Alert Team Bullet Train at once.

T-AI: No problem.

Megatron: This is perfect. I outsmarted Prime and the train’s falling right into my trap.

Dark Scream (singing): Someone’s in the kitchen with DAAAAARRRKKK Scream!

Midnight: Am I glad I caught up to you! You’ve got to put on the brakes, Grandpa!

Optimus: Listen, everybody. That train is out of control.

X-Brawn: This is worse than a stampede! How are we gonna stop it?!

Optimus: It’s too late. Midnight Express, if you stay with Grandpa, you’re going right over a cliff!

Midnight: I can’t let him go! There must be a way to reach him!

Railspike: It can’t be done, Midnight! Pull back!

Dr. Onishi: That dream again! I know there’s hope whenever I dream of that train.

Optimus: Fire hose, Water Storm! I can’t stop it!

Midnight: Grandpa, no!

X-Brawn: He’s got more gumption than a grizzly.

Megatron: Now come to my waiting claw… Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! …Autobots! They snatched away my prize! But make no mistake, the day of reckoning will come and come soon, argh!

Koji: Midnight saved him!

Doc: A train with a heart.

Optimus: Good work.

Midnight: You understood me all along, didn’t you, Grandpa? Give me a whistle if I’m right.

[Commercial]

Megatron: So that disk meant nothing after all, a complete waste of time! Just a hobby for Onishi because he likes vintage locomotives. Secret weapon my exhaust port! You idiots were defeated by an old steam engine! Get back here! Wait till I get my claws on you!

[Transition]

Rail Racer: He’s a classic, all right, and he’s back on track!

Koji: Wow, Optimus. I think I understand why my father likes these locomotives.

Optimus: And why is that?

Koji: ‘Cause no matter what happens, they just keep on going. It gives you hope that if you keep trying real hard, everything’s going to end up okay.

Optimus: I think you’re right, Koji. That train is a message of hope from your father to you.

Koji: I never got to see that disk my father made, so I’ll make my own disk with this video and I’ll show it to him when he’s finally free.

Optimus: Koji, we’ll have him back. Very soon.

[End]