Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“The Ultimate Robot Warrior” – Episode 12
Written by Richard Epcar
Transcription by Brandon Williams

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Megatron: Increase the power on the psycho-probe!

Dr. Onishi: The… Cave… of… the Dragon.

Megatron: Look! There it is.

Sky-Byte: What good is the cave to us, Megatron?

Megatron: Dr. Onishi’s mind holds many secrets. He could hold the key to absolute power. Interesting that there are no statues of dragons — wait a minute… There’s some dragon carvings…

Sky-Byte: Perhaps there is something hidden there. Dr. Onishi’s an expert on power. Maybe there is a great secret concealed in that Cave of the Dragon.

Megatron: You might have something there. I don’t care what it takes. Go out there and find that cave!

Sky-Byte: Yes, sir.

[Transition]

Gas Skunk: Those other jerks can go on their cyber-goose chase. I’ll hook this monitor up and watch a little TV. Right.

Sky-Byte: What are you doing, Gas Skunk? Slapper and Dark Scream have already left to look for the cave.

Gas Skunk: Hey, relax! I’ll be there in a minute! I’m just trying to get some television reception on this monitor.

Sky-Byte: You don’t have time for that. Get out there per Megatron’s orders.

Gas Skunk: Who does that guy think he is? I’ll hook this up if I want.

Dorie Dutton: This is Dorie Dutton… In the Cave of the Dragon.

Gas Skunk: Talk about timing!

Dorie Dutton: You’re about to see a thirty-foot statue turn into a fire breathing dragon.

Gas Skunk: That’s incredible. It really did change into a dragon. Must be a new secret weapon the humans have been hiding.

Dorie Dutton: …Brought to you by the FX Wizards in Hollywood!

Gas Skunk: You guys are not going to believe this.

Sky-Byte: Why aren’t you searching for the dragon?

Gas Skunk: I’m trying to tell you what I saw.

Megatron: What are you saying?

Gas Skunk: I was just watching a program and they were talking about the Cave of the Dragon.

Sky-Byte: Did you get the location of the cave?

Gas Skunk: No, but I saw something in the cave that I think you should know about.

Sky-Byte: What’s that?

Gas Skunk: This Cave of the Dragon is some sort of secret base where the humans are holding the most powerful Transformer I’ve ever seen!

Megatron: The humans have a Transformer? Are you sure about this?

Gas Skunk: I saw it with my own opticians. Inside the cave, there was a giant statue that changed into a fire breathing dragon.

Sky-Byte: Where ever it may be, I’ll find it and bring it back to you, Megatron.

Gas Skunk: Hey, I saw it first!

Megatron: The important thing is to find that dragon and convince it to join us. With its assumed power, nothing can stop us!

Sky-Byte: Right!

Megatron: Don’t disappoint me this time.

[Transition]

Slapper: This thing is solid granite. I don’t think it could change into any thing! I’m gonna get a closer look. Slapper, terrorize!

Sky-Byte: Slapper, are you having any luck yet?

Slapper: I’m trying to get this thing to transform, but as you can see, I’m not doing very well. Maybe Gas Skunk was sitting too close to the TV.

Sky-Byte: We have to be certain. Maybe there’s a secret button or something. Look for it.

Slapper: You gotta be kidding! Hey, maybe if I wrap my tongue around its head and twist it off, something will happen. Here goes…

Rapid Run: Hold it, slimeface!

Slapper: Don’t surprise me like that! You made me bite my tongue!

Rapid Run: Wanna tell me what your doing up there? You weren’t thinking of harming that statue now, were you?

Slapper: I was going to do some restoration work. Now get lost! Why don’t you mind your own business?

Rapid Run: Protecting this planet is my business!

Slapper: That’s it! You asked for it!

X-Brawn: X-Brawn, transform!

Prowl: Prowl, transform!

Sideburn: Sideburn, transform!

X-Brawn: Howdy, Rapid Run. What was frog legs trying to do? Change the statue?

Slapper: So you guys know about it too, huh? It’s a powerful statue that can change into a dragon.

Autobot Bros: Huh?

X-Brawn: What did he say?

Slapper: Don’t play dumb with me. You guys know what I’m talking about. So long, tin heads!

Sideburn: What did he say, that the statue could transform somehow?

X-Brawn: Beats me.

Prowl: I don’t know.

[Transition]

T-AI: The Predacons have been looking all over the planet for relic statues. Why would they bother? Usually they’re looking for energy.

Optimus: Or weapons, but we can’t rule out anything at this point. Why would the Predacons be looking for statues?

T-AI: I have no idea.

Koji: Guys, I might know.

T-AI: Whatever information you might have would be helpful.

Koji: I’m not sure, it’s just that my dad used to go to the Cave of the Dragon. There were huge statues around there. Maybe that’s what they’re looking for.

Optimus: Hmmm… You may just be on to something.

Koji: I just hope it helps you.

T-AI: Yes, Koji. I think you may be right about that. Your father’s microchip also made a reference to the Cave of the Dragon. I think there’s a connection. Perhaps your father hid something in that cave that the Predacons are looking for.

Optimus: It is possible they got some information for Dr. Onishi. In any case, I think it warrants investigation. T-AI?

T-AI: I will alert the team, sir. Computer, bring the Autobots online. Autobot Brothers, attention. Report to the Cave of the Dragon.

[Commercial]

Sky-Byte: So, they know about the statue.

Slapper: Oh, they really tried to fake me out and act like they didn’t really know anything about it, but I could tell those bucket brains were lying.

Dark Scream: I’d be willing to bet those Autobots know exactly —

Gas Skunk: I found it! Hey! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! I am a genius, I just found out the location on the computer. Come on, what are you waiting for? Let’s go there and find this thing!

Sky-Byte: …And bring it to you, Megatron.

Megatron: Good idea! Sky-Byte, go with them and let me know when you’ve made contact with the creature.

Sky-Byte: Don’t worry about a thing, Megatron. I have it all under control.

Megatron: I expect to hear some good news when I get back.

Sky-Byte: By the time you return, I will have captured the dragon and converted him into a Predacon, sir.

Megatron: Just make sure you do what you say you will.

Sky-Byte: Sky-Byte gives you his word on it.

[Transition]

Gas Skunk: I don’t see it. It’s here somewhere.

Sky-Byte: What are you three clowns sitting around for? Duty beckons. The Autobots will reach the cave before we do.

Dark Scream: So what do we care if we find the cave or not? We’re not the ones who gave Megatron on our word that we’d bring the dragon back.

Sky-Byte: Oh no…

Gas Skunk: Hey fellas, we got company! Look at that.

Kelly: Woohoo! This is great! I’ve always dreamed of driving in wide open desert roads. I’ve looked forward to this for a long time. No distractions, no interruptions…

Sideburn: Hey there, beautiful!

Kelly: Aaaahh!

Sideburn: What are you doing all the way out here, huh?

Kelly: Oh no, not again. He can’t be out here, can he?

Sideburn: Slow down! Are you playing hard to get?

Kelly: Would you leave me alone?!

Sideburn: Come on, baby. Don’t act like that. It must be fate that brought us together again.

Kelly: Oooohhh… Would someone throw a net over this guy?!

Sideburn: My brothers can look for that dumb old cave. Besides, I think the Sideburn charm is working. It’s just a matter of time and then she’s mine. Hey sweet thing, wait up!

Kelly: Go away!

Dark Scream: Look, one of the Autobots is down there!

Slapper: I bet they’re going to try and recruit that statue robot into becoming one of them.

Sky-Byte: Not if we get there first. I wager he knows the way to the dragon cave! I’ll follow them!

Slapper: Yeah, yeah, knock yourself out.

Kelly: I mean it, leave me alone!

Sideburn: Don’t be that way. Come on! I just want to talk to you. What’s that gonna hurt? Come on, suggie hun! I’m so glad I found you!

Kelly: Are you crazy?!

Sideburn: Oh honey, you take those curves like a pro! I must say, sweetheart, your driving skills have improved a lot!

Kelly: The only reason my driving skills improve is because you’re always chasing me!

Sideburn: Come back, my little desert flower, don’t go so fast. I wanna sing you a love song!

Kelly: Buzz off!

Sky-Byte: Are these two going to the dragon cave or are they just going to drive in circles? Oooff! Next time I believe I’ll take the scenic root.

Kelly: What is this? There’s so much fog in the desert I can’t even see.

Sideburn: Hey honey, where’d you go? I can’t see you anymore. Talk to me, baby. Are ya there?

Kelly: Why’s this always happen to me?!

Sky-Byte: Terrorize!

Sideburn: What are you doing here, Sky-Byte?

Sky-Byte: I am here to find the champion of the Predacons.

Sideburn: You got some screws loose? There’s no such thing! …Huh?

Sky-Byte: Sounds like something large.

Sideburn: That thing’s huge!

Sky-Byte: It’s gigantic! I knew that he would lead me to the ultimate robot warrior. Megatron will be so pleased.

Sideburn: Oh wow, I’d better keep an eye on this thing, whatever it might be. It’s fading!

Sky-Byte: What? He disappeared! I’m so vexed. How could he just vanish like that? The prize has been found. And also, Megatron, this automaton is colossal.

Megatron: Show it! I don’t see anything on the screen but haze.

Sky-Byte: Well it was here a second ago then it disappeared into some flour. But don’t worry, I’ll find it. Gas Skunk, Dark Scream and Slapper are on their way now to help me secure it.

Megatron: Locate that treasure and bring it back to me, Sky-Byte. Don’t let it slip away again.

Sideburn: So that’s what he’s up to.

Sky-Byte: I’ve got to figure out what its weakness is and then get it back to the base. With the ultimate robot warrior on our side, nothing can stop us! And I, Sky-Byte, will be the second highest ruler of the entire universe! Hahaha!

[Transition]

T-AI: There’s an entire film crew making a movie at the Cave of the Dragon. What you saw today was nothing more than movie special effects.

Sideburn: I suppose you’re going to tell me that the huge walking robot wasn’t real, either.

T-AI: It was more special effects. They hoisted up a large statue and fogged the area so you couldn’t see the crane.

Sideburn: Gee, those movie guys are good. I thought it was the real thing!

T-AI: Prowl and X-Brawn are guarding the cave. They’ll alert us when the Predacons show up. What are you doing there, Sideburn? Aren’t you supposed to be with your brothers right now?

Sideburn: Huh?! Ohhh yeah. You see, actually I acted as a decoy and lured the Predacons away from the cave! See! Ha, ha, ha!

T-AI: Oh, is that right? It had nothing to do with that red sportscar?

Optimus: Whatever the reason, the Predacons are already there. Maybe we can take advantage of that movie set.

T-AI: What are you planning to do, sir?

Optimus: I have an idea, but I’m going to need some help. T-AI, get ahold of the bullet trains, the Autobot Brothers and Tow-Line.

T-AI: Yes, sir! All right, Team Bullet Train, Autobot Brothers, Tow-Line, battle protocol! Everyone’s been notified, Optimus. What’s your plan?

[Commercial]

Sky-Byte: They’re late, as usual. What’s taking them so long to get here? I have good mind to go in there myself.

Slapper: Are you sure this is the Cave of the Dragon?

Sky-Byte: Yes, I’m sure.

Slapper: Sky-Byte, why would the humans hide a robot in a place like this?

Sky-Byte: But I’m telling you they’re around here somewhere.

Dark Scream: The guy’s pretty huge, he shouldn’t be too hard to spot.

Sky-Byte: I’m going inside to find the dragon. You three stay out here. Now if you see those annoying Autobots, don’t let them inside, whatever you do, understand?

Preds: Oh sure!

Sky-Byte: Which way? Ah yes, this direction.

Rapid Run: Well, that was close.

Railspike: Yeah, too close. Come on.

Rapid Run: Right behind you.

Sky-Byte: Who put this here? …Huh?! Behold, the dragon! This is a very good sign. I wager this is the exact place where the dragon changes into a robot! Hahahaha!

Gas Skunk: This is boring waiting around for Sky-Tights. Why don’t we get outta here?

Dark Scream: I wanna see that thing transform into a mega-soldier!

Slapper: Yeah, I’d like to see that too. Bet it’s cool. Wonder if the lizard is a relative of Megatron. Hey, what was that?!

Dark Scream: Huh?

Sky-Byte: Oh, isn’t that so sweet? The dragon is sleeping.

Slapper: Where ya going, Sky-Byte? Did you see him? Is he headed this way?

Sky-Byte: Yes, he’ll be right out!

X-Brawn: Those Predacons are right where ya said they’d be. X-Brawn, transform!

Sideburn: Sideburn, transform!

Prowl: Prowl, transform!

Gas Skunk: Well, well, look who just showed up. They must want the dragon too. Come on, we can’t let ’em inside. Gas Skunk, terrorize!

Slapper: That’s right. We can’t let them in the cave. Remember what Sky-Byte said. Slapper, terrorize!

Dark Scream: Dark Scream, terrorize!

X-Brawn: This is a sacred place. We don’t take kindly to desecraters.

Prowl: Unless you wanna mess with us, clear out… Right now!

Gas Skunk: You’re the ones who’ll be cleared out! Left laser!

Dark Scream: Center laser!

Slapper: Right laser!

Rapid Run: I really resent having to be the caboose.

Railspike: Part’s perfect for you. So quiet down and keep walking.

X-Brawn: Iron Knuckle!

Sky-Byte: He’s still in there. I have to convince him that he has to come join the Predacons.

Gas Skunk: There he is!

Slapper: A dragon that spits missiles?

Sky-Byte: Come on, you cowards. We have to grab him someone and bring him back for reprogramming.

Prowl: Wow! I’ve never seen such a powerful dragon! When he gets really angry, he changes into a giant robot statue!

Sideburn: Oh yeah! Don’t make him angry, whatever you do!

X-Brawn: He’s too powerful for us!

Sideburn: He’s unstoppable! We should really get out here while we still have the chance!

Rapid Run: That was terrible. Sounded like they were just reading their lines. They need to give it some “umph!”

Slapper: Hey, Sky-Byte, any suggestions on how we wrap him up?

Sky-Byte: We have to pin him down somehow so he doesn’t move.

Slapper: Okay!

X-Brawn: Hey, you guys, don’t even think about it!

Sideburn: If you anger the beast, he will transform into this huge warrior. You’ll be sorry if you provoke him, believe me.

Sky-Byte: Will you get out of the way? Why’s he only attacking us?!

Gas Skunk: Hey, you’re right. The dragon hasn’t fired once on those good-for-nothing Autobots.

Rapid Run: He’s got a point. It’s a one-sided attack.

Railspike: We’ll have to fire on the Autobots to make it look realistic.

Sideburn: Railspike, what are you doing?!

X-Brawn: Zip it!

Preds: Huh?!

X-Brawn: He’s too much for us! We’re going to have to retreat!

Prowl: We can’t take it!

Gas Skunk: Look at those cowards run away!

Sky-Byte: All right, let’s take him down! Tsunami Blaster!

Slapper: Right laser!

Dark Scream and Gas Skunk: Fire!

Railspike: Rapid Run, if we don’t get outta here, we’ll be exposed.

Rapid Run: Now’s as good a time as any for act two.

Sky-Byte: Good, he’s going inside the cave to change now. All right, let’s get ready. Bleh! What’s with the smoke!

Gas Skunk: That dragon should change his diet.

Tow-Line: All right guys, come on in. Great job, really great. Doesn’t this Hollywood smoke look realistic?

Optimus: All right, Midnight Express. Are you ready for our big entrance?

Midnight: I’m ready to go, Optimus. It’s just that you’re a little too heavy. I hope I don’t get a hyper-hernia.

Slapper: Hey look, he’s coming out!

Sky-Byte: Oh look, it’s more spectacular than I remember!

Gas Skunk: This guy’s seriously large.

Slapper: Whoa…

Gas Skunk: Look at the size of this…

Sky-Byte: What do you think you’re doing? Don’t retreat! Go back and get him and bring him back to Megatron! Go on, I’ll wait for you!

Slapper: You get it. I’ll wait for you!

Gas Skunk: I’m outta here!

Slapper: This was a bad idea. Ooof! No! I promise I won’t do anything bad again! Just don’t hurt me, I promise! Please! Oh, no! Oh, this is gonna hurt! No, no! Gotta get away!

Dark Scream: Look! I can’t get up! Something must be wrong!

Railspike: Now what are we gonna do?

Tow-Line: Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it. Just spray a lot of that smoke out there.

Sky-Byte: Now’s our chance to grab him! Come on!

Tow-Line: Transform!

Slapper: Hey, wait a minute! Something’s happening! Look! He’s getting up!

Sky-Byte: What is Optimus Prime doing here?

Optimus: The giant robot protects this land. I won’t let you take him. Leave now while you still can. Optimus Prime, transform! Battle Mode! Laser cannon!

Sky-Byte: I don’t know what games you used to trick us, but you’ll never defeat the Predacons!

Slapper: Tell me something, how come you’re always the first one to run away?!

Sky-Byte: I lead the retreat!

Optimus: Good job, crew. Now let’s go into the Cave of the Dragon and check it out.

Tow-Line: Hey, this thing is heavy. Can I let it down now? I think I pulled a cable.

Optimus: Sorry, Tow-Line. Lower it down carefully.

Tow-Line: Aaahh… That’s better.

Optimus: Tow-Line, we’re supposed to return that to the movie set!

[Commercial]

Tow-Line: I must say these real statues are a whole lot more impressive than that phony Hollywood one.

Sideburn: These statues don’t move, do they?

X-Brawn: Of course not!

Autobot Bros: Whoa!

X-Brawn: Hey! I stand corrected!

Sideburn: Well, here we go again. Hey, something fell out of its head.

Optimus: I haven’t seen one of these since the Golden Age of Cybertron.

Railspike: Who put it in that statue?

Optimus: Excellent question, and I want to know why. Let’s bring it back to the lab and we’ll check it out. It’s ironic that the Predacons were looking for some mythical beast when what they probably wanted is right here in the palm of my hand.

[End]