Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“Tow-Line Goes Haywire” – Episode 11
Written by Matthew V. Lewis
Transcription by Brandon Williams
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Sideburn: Wow, the factory prototype for the K7-1 convertible. I didn’t even think they were gonna make one of these until late next summer. It’s so sleek. Just look at the pinstripes along the side. And I heard this car can run, dude. 12 cylinders, 0 to 60 in 3.4 seconds. And it’s painted red. Today has got to be the happiest day of my life! Hey there, beautiful one! Hi there… Uh, yoo-hoo! Over here! Just once I wish they’d say something. I mean, it’s not like my paint job is rusty. Maybe it’s my exhaust. Hey there, I’ve got a little song to sing for you. It goes something like this… (singing) I am blue and you are red and I’ve got chrome and (stops) — Hey! What’s going on?! Predacon attack! I knew this was too good to be true!
Tow-Line: Can’t let you stay here, little man.
Sideburn: But I wasn’t doing anything, I was just parked!
Tow-Line: That’s the problem. It’s a no parking zone.
Sideburn: C’mon dude! Don’t embarrass me like this! Not infront of the cutest car in the whole world! At least let me go back and finish the song.
Tow-Line: Sorry little man, no parking means no parking.
Koji: Hey, Sideburn, what’s going on?
[Transition]
Sideburn: Dude, that was like true love back there. Doesn’t true love mean anything to you?
Tow-Line: For now, little man, it means parking violation in quadrant four.
Prowl: Good morning, Tow-Line. Who’d you catch breaking the parking law? Ah, just another one of those souped up little… Sideburn! It figures.
Sideburn: Oh, uh… Hey there, big brother. Nice to see ya! I was just, uh…
Prowl: Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is for me? I’m a cop, not a babysitter.
Sideburn: You’re embarrassed? I met the love of my life and this freak comes along and strings me up like a pinata!
Prowl: Good work, Tow-Line. If you can catch this flirt, you can definitely catch the Predacons.
Sideburn: You mean this loser is an Autobot?
Tow-Line: I was thinking the same thing about you! Hahahaha!
Sideburn: Ha, ha, ha. Very funny.
[Transition]
Optimus: Sideburn, I understand you’ve finally met Tow-Line, our newest arrival from Cybertron.
Sideburn: This guy ruined my whole day.
Optimus: Be patient. He has a lot to learn about matters on Earth. Tow-Line, welcome aboard.
Tow-Line: It’s a great honour to join the Autobots, Optimus. I look forward to helping the team.
T-AI: Has Optimus fully briefed you on battle protocol?
Tow-Line: Yes, T-AI.
T-AI: Then I’d like to introduce you to Koji Onishi.
Koji: Hey.
Optimus: Koji is vital in the search for his father, Dr. Onishi.
Koji: Yup.
Sideburn: Can someone tell me when we get a new arrival? I feel kind of stupid about this morning.
X-Brawn: Maybe you should pay more attention instead of chasing little red sportscars all day.
Prowl: Tow-Line, the police force need someone with your strength. Illegal parking in the city has become dangerous to both vehicles and pedesterians. Together, we can crack down on those who abuse the law.
Tow-Line: Let’s do it.
[Transition]
Truck Driver: Dispatch, this is truck six. I’m parked downtown on my lunch break. I’ll check in with you in half an hour.
Prowl: This truck’s parked in a passenger loading zone. Tow-Line, take it over to the lot at the fifth precinct.
Tow-Line: Done deal, Prowl.
Truck Driver: Whoa! Hey, what’s going on?
Tow-Line: Sorry friend, but you were parked illegally.
Truck Driver: Hey listen, I wasn’t parking here, I was just taking a break! I was gonna move in a few seconds, honest!
Tow-Line: Sorry, little man. There’s nothing I can do. You knew the law, you broke the law and now the law is towing you away. No parking means no parking!
Prowl: Three parking violators in a row. This could take a while.
Tow-Line: Not if I can help it. Check this out. Wrecker Hook! Tow-Line strings ’em up and moves ’em out! Remember folks, no parking means no parking! Make way, make way! Wide load coming through.
Prowl: Tow-Line, wait! I’ll get the bikes back, kids. This is going to take longer than I thought.
[Transition]
Groom: No, wait! Come back! We need that car for our honeymoon! Come back!
Bride: Our wedding day is ruined! I told you we should have rented a limo!
Prowl: I think you and I had better go over the rules one more time.
[Transition]
Tow-Line: Okay, so I’m not allowed to tow away bicycles, wedding cars, ambulances, broken down buses, funeral escorts, parade floats, campaigning senators or mailmen named Moe. Is that all?
Prowl: Uh, no mailmen period. Oh boy. Let’s check out the harbour area.
Sky-Byte: Apparently, Gas Skunk, there’s a novice in the ranks of the Autobots.
Gas Skunk: Yeah, and he’s towing half the city away.
Sky-Byte: Well, how was his first day out?
Gas Skunk: Not bad at all. First he towed away a couple of kids’ bikes, then he completely messed up a honeymoon. It’s almost as if he’s already working for us.
Sky-Byte: Ha, ha, ha. And perhaps he shall. Come with me to the harbour, Gas Skunk. I have a plan.
[Transition]
Tow-Line: This trailer rig is illegal parked. I’m towing it over to the fifth precinct. You’re coming with me, big fella. No parking means no parking! What’s in this rig, anyway?
Slapper: This truck’s not going anywhere.
Tow-Line: What’s going on here? I can’t move this thing an inch! What the… Predacons!
Slapper: Get ready, guys!
Gas Skunk: Left laser!
Dark Scream: Center laser!
Slapper: Right laser!
[Commercial]
Sky-Byte: Well, if it isn’t the newest Autobot.
Tow-Line: What are you planning to do to me?
Sky-Byte: Oh, I’m sure we’ll think of something. Slapper!
Slapper: Ready? Watch closely… All your circuits are getting sleepier… sleepier and sleepier… and sleepier. Ow, that really hurt!
Sky-Byte: You fool! You put yourself to sleep!
Slapper: How’d I do that?
Sky-Byte: With that metal object. What is that thing?
Slapper: What, this? I saw this trick on TV last weekend. It’s really easy. First, you get your subject to relax by watching the coin swing.
Sky-Byte: Why on Earth do I put up with you?
Gas Skunk: What were you thinking about, Slapper? To hypnotize a machine, you have to use a machine.
Sky-Byte: Good point, Gas Skunk.
Gas Skunk: Watch. You’re getting sleepy, so sleepy you can’t keep your eyes open. You see? It’s called hypnovision or something.
Sky-Byte: What do you call this?
Slapper and Gas Skunk: A head injury.
Sky-Byte: Dark Scream, get the disk!
Dark Scream: Here it is, Sky-Byte. You’re gonna love this CD, Tow-Line.
Tow-Line: What are you doing in here? This cab is off limits to anyone but the — aahhh!
Sky-Byte: Now all we have to do is wait.
Tow-Line: What’s… happening to me? Hey, I feel great! Infact, I feel stronger than ever. Why I could tow a freight train today, so back to work. But now it’s going to be different, ’cause I know the dark truth about the Autobots.
Slapper: Hey, Sky-Byte, what’ll he do now?
Sky-Byte: What we’ve programmed him to do. Capture the Autobots and bring them back to us. He thinks they’ve done what we’ve done and now he’ll do whatever he can to see that justice is done. Soon the Autobots will be nothing more than a memory and this world will be ours.
Gas Skunk: Can I have the harbour? I love those little boats.
Sky-Byte: Just concentrate on doing your job. Megatron will decide who gets what, unless someone else decides for him.
[Transition]
Kelly: It’s so calm and peaceful out here in the forest. I love it here.
Tow-Line: This the end of the road for you, X-Brawn. Wrecker Hook!
Kelly: Hey, what are you doing?!
Tow-Line: No parking means no parking!
Kelly: What do you mean no parking? Hey! I didn’t see any no parking signs! Look, we’re in the middle of nowhere, you jerk! Bring back my car!
X-Brawn: Tow-Line, am I missing something here? What’d I do?
Tow-Line: X-Brawn, you helped Megatron steal resouces from our costal ecosystems and now you’re going to get the punishment you deserve.
X-Brawn: Why would I do a thing like that?
Tow-Line: To sap the world of all its energy. Don’t play the fool with me, little man.
X-Brawn: Just hold on a minute there, partner. You got a wrench in your cyber-matrix? It was the Predacons that did that!
Tow-Line: It was the Autobots! You can’t trick me any longer, X-Brawn. Now you and your junk metal friends are going to regret your life of crime.
Sky-Byte: If all goes as planned, that fool Tow-Line will bring the Autobots to us. And when he delivers them, they’ll be totally helpless.
Slapper: Hey, this is even better than having a pizza delivered!
Gas Skunk: I wonder if we get the guarantee. I want ’em all here in thirty minutes or less.
Sky-Byte: Those Auto-fools won’t suspect a thing. By the time they catch on it will be too late.
Dark Scream: Maybe we can sell their parts to a junkyard.
X-Brawn: Look-y here, Tow-Line. You’ve pushed me to the limit. If I can’t talk my way outta this one I’ll have to force my way out.
Tow-Line: Uh! Try that again and you’ll regret it.
X-Brawn: I think you need a day or two off, partner. It’ll do you a world of good!
Tow-Line: Ugh! Now I’ve got a migrane circuit-ache! Oh no! You made me forget where to take you, you scrap heap! C’mon, think. Was it to the docks or the power plant? I can’t remember. It was the power plant… I think.
X-Brawn: Not too late to change your mind… Tow-Line? Okay, this has gone far enough… Or not. Whoooaaaa! Transform! Tow-Line, I’ve fallen into some kind of metal box with sides to steep to climb. Gimme a hand, will ya?
Tow-Line: That’s one Autobot down in the name of law and justice. Just thirteen more to go.
[Transition]
Sideburn: That K-71 convertible is just fantastic… But that yellow paint job. Uh, now don’t get me wrong, you’re a beaut, but do you happen to know what happened to the other red one? We just met the other day.
Tow-Line: Wrecker Hook!
Sideburn: Ah, come on, Tow-Line. Stop kiddin’ around. Hey, you’re really gonna tow me, aren’t you? What’s gotten into you?
Tow-Line: You are a criminal!
Sideburn: …Convertible? You’ve gotta go in and have them check your circuits.
Tow-Line: Save it for your cellmates, you felon. I’m towing you for planning to ruin the planet Earth. I know that you tried to steal solar energy from the farmlands and that you tried to sabotage the eco-turbines and use their energy to deplete our oceans.
Sideburn: What? The Predacons did that, not us!
Tow-Line: You’ve never been a good liar, Sideburn. You know it’s all true.
Sideburn: Dude, your memory program is totally fried.
[Transition]
Sideburn: Look, I take back that crack I made about your memory program, okay? Aaahh! Sideburn, transform!
X-Brawn: Not exactly four stars, is it?
Sideburn: X-Brawn! What did he say you did to deserve this?
X-Brawn: That lug-head went bonkers and accused me of things the Predacons have done.
Sideburn: Whoa, me too.
Tow-Line: So many Autobots, so little time!
Sky-Byte: Errrgghh! Blast it! He should’ve been here an hour ago.
Slapper: Hey, maybe the programming on the disk wore off and he turned into a good little Autobot again.
Gas Skunk: Maybe he forgot we’re supposed to meet on the docks and went back to the power plant.
Sky-Byte: Very well. Good find Tow-Line.
Dark Scream: Hey! Why do I have to go?!
Sky-Byte: All right, all of you will go! Just find him!
Slapper: Right!
Sky-Byte: And when we find him, the Autobots will be done for.
[Commercial]
Rapid Run: Let me go, Tow-Line! I’m warning you, pal. You’re gonna regret this. Just what do you think you’re doing?
Tow-Line: I am punishing evil! Nothing to see here, folks. Just a common criminal.
Rapid Run: Listen, buddy. I love going fast more than anyone… But not through the middle of town! At the speed you’re going at, you’re endangering every other vehicle on the road! Besides, if you don’t slow down, you’re never gonna make it around that corner! Whhhoaaaa! Aaaah! Hey, that was a fresh paint job! What is this, Tow-Line, a sight seeing tour gone south, or a demolition derby?
Tow-Line: Neither, Rapid Run. It’s punishment for the attempts you’ve made to steal energy from the people of this city.
Rapid Run: What?! What are you talking about? Tow-Line?
Koji: Huh? Strange… That train that’s being towed looks almost like… It is! It’s Rapid Run and he’s in trouble!
Prowl: Excellent work, Tow-Line. Racking up the parking violations as usual. You know, I really have to have my optics checked. I could’ve sworn that was a bullet train he was towing. Naaaah, couldn’t have been.
Koji: Prowl… Prowl! I just saw Tow-Line towing Rapid Run. There’s gotta be something wrong.
Prowl: So I wasn’t seeing things. What does the truck think he’s doing?! It’s rush hour. I can’t get through. I’ve lost ’em.
Rapid Run: Rapid Run, transform! He got you guys too?
Sideburn: Sure did. What’s going on, dude?
Rapid Run: I don’t have a clue. Optimus said that Tow-Line came here to help us fight the Predacons, but after that wild ride through town and seeing you two here, I don’t know what to think.
X-Brawn: Well, I think all of us are getting a pretty good idea now, big guy. And he ain’t helping!
Rapid Run: It sure looks that way.
[Transition]
Koji: …And then he took off! And not even Prowl could catch up with him.
T-AI: Optimus, I can’t contact X-Brawn, Rapid Run or Sideburn on any frequency. It’s like they dropped off the map. Something’s terribly wrong.
Optimus: I agree, and it looks like Tow-Line’s at least partly responsible. I’ll go get Prowl. T-AI, determine Tow-Line’s location as soon as possible.
T-AI: No problem.
[Transition]
Dark Scream: Hahahahahahaha! Tow-Line must be around here somewhere! Aah?! All right, listen, I just spotted Tow-Line!
Sky-Byte: Keep him in sight. I’m on my way.
Prowl: If we can just find him, we might be able to understand what happened to him.
Optimus: Well whatever it is, I’ve got a pretty strong feeling that the Predacons are behind it.
Prowl: I agree.
T-AI: I found Tow-Line. He’s headed westbound. He’s on Interstate 275.
Optimus: Copy that, T-AI. Prowl, he’s headed our way.
Prowl: Gotcha. I’m all over it. Knowing Tow-Line, he’ll never be able to ignore a car that’s as illegally parked as this.
Tow-Line: Hey, you there! Stopping at an intersection is a major infraction of the parking laws! You’re getting towed, friend. No parking means no parking!
Prowl: Come and get me!
Optimus: Tow-Line, we’re your friends. Please, tell us what’s wrong.
Tow-Line: I won’t tell you anything! You’re the Autobot’s evil mastermind.\
Prowl: Whoa, you’ve really lost it. Transform!
Tow-Line: Transform!
Optimus: Stop him!
Tow-Line: Let go of me!
Prowl: No way. Not until you explain why you’re acting this way.
Sky-Byte: Terrorize!
Slapper: Terrorize!
Dark Scream: Terrorize!
Optimus: Prowl, you think you can handle Tow-Line?
Prowl: Sure. Go take care of our guests.
Optimus: Blaze Blaster!
Sky-Byte: Shark Spike!
Optimus: Strafe Attack!
Tow-Line: Let go of me you dirty, no good…
Optimus: Try to relax, big fella. Your operating system is downloading the wrong information now. Don’t worry, once we’ve done a diagnostic, we’ll… Huh? Well what do we got here?
Tow-Line: Huh? Where am I? What happened?
Prowl: Tow-Line, what’s the last thing you remember?
Tow-Line: Well, I remember being captured by the Predacons and then someone in my cab, nothing after that.
Optimus: Think, Tow-Line. Try to remember where you took Rapid Run and the others.
Tow-Line: Sorry. All I remember is… The power plant
[Transition]
Rapid Run: How are you doing up there?
Sideburn: Just a little bit higher and I’ll be able to reach the top. C’mon, you guys. I’m talking inches here! Whoaaaa! Keep it steady down there, will ya?
Sky-Byte: If I could just find out where that dim-witted tow truck put the Autobots he captured, this plan could be successful yet. But so far I’ve not been able to find them.
Megatron: Sky-Byte, has your plan succeeded?
Sky-Byte: Ah, well, not exactly. You see, everything was going along quite smoothly, but the plan had a teensy little flaw.
Megatron: Here we go…
Optimus: Sideburn, X-Brawn!
Sideburn: We’re down here!
Optimus: Hang on, guys. We’ll get you outta there. Here, Sideburn, let me give you a hand.
Sideburn: Dude, am I glad to see you! We’ve been down here for hours.
X-Brawn: Okay, that’s high enough.
Tow-Line: I can’t tell you how sorry I am for putting you through all this.
Sideburn: Optimus told us what happened to you. It’s not your fault.
Tow-Line: Sure it was. The Predacons knew I was a rookie and how eager I was to do my duty and used it to their advantage, but next time I’ll know better.
Rapid Run: We all will.
Sky-Byte: There they are!
Tow-Line: Now for some payback. Tow-Line, transform!
Sky-Byte: Shark Spike!
Tow-Line: Wrecker Gun!
Megatron: Cutter Beam!
Dark Scream: He’s mine!
Slapper: He’s ours!
Gas Skunk: He’s toast.
Dark Scream: Center laser!
Slapper: Right laser!
Gas Skunk: Left laser!
Rapid Run: Deflector Shield! You’re in the wrong place at the right time, guys. Bye now! Deflector Shield!
Megatron: Mega Sword!
Sky-Byte: Tsunami Blaster!
Optimus: Power Fist!
Sky-Byte: Shark Spike!
Tow-Line: Wrecker Hook! Gotcha. He’s all yours, Optimus. Thanks, Tow-Line.
Sky-Byte: Oh boy.
Optimus: Strafe Attack!
Megatron: You Autobots can’t stop me!
Rapid Run: Guess again, Mega-mouth! Shield power ram! Bye now. Don’t forget to write!
[Commercial]
Tow-Line: I’m real sorry, guys. This was all my fault. How can I ever make it up to you?
Rapid Run: Well, just try to remember that every once and a while, you have to bend the rules a little.
Tow-Line: I was trying to do the right thing, but I guess I was trying a little too hard.
Optimus: Sometimes, doing the right thing means being compassionate and understanding.
Tow-Line: You’re right. Thanks, Optimus.
Prowl: Yeah, that feels great. Keep it comin’!
Koji: How ’bout there?
Prowl: Oh, that’s nice and cool! My windshield was hot enough to bake a microchip! Oh no, not again! What happened to compassion and understanding?
Tow-Line: I feel for you, buddy, but how would it look if I let a police car get away with breaking the law? No parking (Prowl chimes in)… means no parking.
Prowl: I know, I know, but I really needed that shower. I had Slapper’s tongue slime all over my windows! And besides, it’s 93 degrees today! If I don’t cool off, my chips are going to melt. As a police officer, I demand to be put down at once…
[End]