Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“Battle Protocol!” – Episode 1
Written by Tom Wyner
Transcription by Brandon Williams

–
“The fire’s about 60% contained, but other structures are in danger. Knock it down quick, guys!”

“Copy that. You heard the man, step on it!”

[Koji’s alarm clock goes off.]

Koji: Oh man, I’m late! I can’t believe it! Oooh! Why does that always happen? Oohh….

[He goes down and turns the TV on.]

Koji: Better hurry, Mom!

Dorie Dutton: This is Dorie Dutton, reporting from the first International Scientific Symposium, a truly groundbreaking event! Scientists from all over the globe, specialists from fields of the environment are meeting here today to share their research and work together for the betterment of all human kind. The first speaker will be Dr. Onishi, the world’s foremost archeologoist and expert in natural resources.

Koji: All right, Dad! He’s about to start, hurry up!

Dr. Onishi: Good morning. I’d like to welcome all of you. We’re here, from around the globe to share in a unique and historical event. Right now, the greatest danger to the planet Earth is the inefficient and improper use of energy.

[People all worried.]

Dorie Dutton: Ladies and gentlemen, we’re under attack by what appears to be some sort of giant metallic hand!

Megatron: Megatron, terrorize! I am Megatron. I am the leader of the Predacons and the future ruler of the galaxy. The Predacons are in need of energy and there is one among you who knows the location of every energy source on Earth. You, Dr. Onishi! In the transmissions we intercepted, you were described as Earth’s foremost expert.

Dr. Onishi: You won’t learn a thing! Not from me.
Koji: I gotta find out if dad’s all right. I’ll call him on the cell phone. Answer it Dad, answer it!

Dr. Onishi: Koji, listen closely! You’ve got to….

Koji: …Dad? My dad’s in danger, somebody’s got to help him…

Optimus Prime: …And somebody will. I’ll do everything I can to help your father. Can you meet me at the entrance to Metro Park in five minutes?

Koji: Wait! I don’t even know who you are!

Optimus Prime: I’ll explain everything later, Koji.

Koji: Hey, how do you know who I am?

Optimus Prime: There’s no time for that now. I’ll see you in five minutes.

Koji: …but…

[Transition]

Fireman: Unit 6 to base… The fire’s under control.

Optimus Prime: Please step away from the truck.

Fireman: I heard a voice, but there’s no one there!

Optimus Prime: It’s an emergency, I’m going to need to borrow your truck for a while. Please step back.

Fireman: Yeah, sure…

Optimus Prime: The truck will be returned to the station as soon as my mission is completed. Thanks for your co-operation.

Fireman: You’re not gonna believe this. That fire engine talked to me!

Another Fireman: I think all of that smoke is making you loopy.

[Transition]

Koji: Where is this guy?

Optimus Prime: Get in! We’ve got to hurry.

Koji: Uh, okay. Hey! Uhhh… What’s going on?!

Optimus Prime: Take it easy, Koji.

Koji: Huh?

Optimus Prime: I suppose I should introduce myself. My name is Optimus Prime. I’m an Autobot from the planet Cybertron.

Koji: A robot from another planet?

Optimus Prime: That’s right. Now we’ve got no time to lose. We’ve got to get to your father as quicky as possible.

Koji: The symposium’s in New York! You can’t drive across the Atlantic Ocean!

Optimus Prime: Anything is possible, Koji. Never forget that.

Some Driver: A kid driving a fire truck?

Optimus Prime: What you are about to see cannot be shared with anyone.

Koji: It’s a dead end! What are you doing?! …Where are we going?

Optimus Prime: This is the Global Space Bridge. It uses Transwarp technology to get us to any place on Earth in a matter of minutes.

Koji: I hope you’re right, ’cause right now it looks like we’re headed straight into the ocean!

Optimus Prime: The space bridge uses an auto-sensor interlink, which opens the portals we need and closes the ones we’ve just passed through. It keeps track of our location anywhere on the planet. Now, let’s go rescue your father.

Megatron: You have no choice, doctor. You will give me the information I want, now.

Dr. Onishi: And if I refuse, what then?

Megatron: No one refuses for long. I am Megatron, the ruler of many worlds! You dare to defy me?!

Dr. Onishi: You monster! I will never betray planet Earth!

Megatron: No? Perhaps a demonstration… Megatron, terrorize! My power is greater than you can imagine, either do what you’re told or suffer the consequences! A taste of my Sonic Pain Wave should convince you!

[Screams of pain.]

Megatron: This is merely a small sample of the punishment I can inflict.

Koji: Huh? What the?

Optimus Prime: This will be dangerous, Koji. You need to wait here until I get back.

Megatron: You little humans think that a puny fire engine is going to stop me?!

Optimus Prime: Optimus Prime, transform!

Megatron: Well, look who’s here. Optimus Prime, as I live and breathe.

Optimus Prime: Leave now, Megatron. This planet is under the protection of the Autobots!

Megatron: After the Predacons are through with it, there won’t be anything to protect!

Optimus Prime: I’m warning you, Megatron!

Megatron: On the contrary, you should heed my warning! Megatron, terrorize!

Koji: They both changed their forms! Autobots are just like the Predacons.

Optimus Prime: It’s true. We are two different races of robots from a planet many light years from Earth.

Koji: Then you’re on their side, you lied to me!

Optimus Prime: No. Listen, Koji. We Autobots live to protect others. Predacons exist only to conquer and destroy.

Koji: How am I supposed to know who to trust?

Optimus Prime: That’s a decision you’ll have to make for yourself.

Megatron: Cutter Beam!

Optimus Prime: Take cover!

Megatron: Hahaha! Poor Optimus. Did you really think you had a chance of defeating me?

Optimus Prime: As a matter of fact, I never doubted that for a second, Megatron. Blaze Blaster! Now go, Megatron, while you still can!

Megatron: Terrorize! You are hopelessly outmatched. Come forth, Predacons, and destroy Optimus Prime!

Optimus Prime: Bring it on!

Slapper: Slapper, terrorize!

Gas Skunk: Gas Skunk, terrorize!

Dark Scream: Dark Scream, terrorize!

Optimus Prime: What do you know, somebody must have forgotten to lock the gate at the petting zoo.

Megatron: How true, laugh while you can, Optimus!

Slapper: I knew we’d get rid of you someday, Optimus, and today is the day!

Gas Skunk: Say goodbye, Autobot, because we’re gonna blast you to bits!

Dark Scream: But first we’re going to fry your circuits!

Slapper: Right Laser!

Dark Scream: Center Laser!

Gas Skunk: Left Laser!

Optimus Prime: Pretty good… But not good enough. What’s Megatron up to?

Koji: Dad!

Optimus Prime: That’s as far as you go, Megatron.

Slapper: You’re the one who’s not going anywhere! You’re history, Autobot!

Koji: Dad! Dad!

Optimus Prime: Koji, wait, stay back! It’s too dangerous!

Gas Skunk: Get the point, Optimus!

Dark Scream: AAAAAAAHHHH!

Slapper: Now I’m gonna finish you!

Gas Skunk: Not if I get to him first!

Dark Scream: No, he’s mine!

[The Predacons start to argue.]

Optimus Prime: I think I might need a little help on this one. T-AI, battle protocol!

T-AI: Battle protocol, activating now!

Optimus Prime: I need backup in alpha quadrant, sector 3, ASAP!

T-AI: Copy that, the Autobot Brothers are in that quadrant. Prowl is online. Now for his younger brother, Sideburn. He’s the fastest. Now I’m scanning for X-Brawn, he’s the oldest and the strongest. Listen up, guys. This is a battle protocol. I repeat, this is a battle protocol!

Kelly: If I keep going at this rate, I think I can get to New York in time for breakfast!

X-Brawn: My apologies, ma’am. You’re gonna have to take a cab.

Kelly: Me? Why?

X-Brawn: Just an emergency. Sorry! All right! Time to put the pedal to the metal and burn some serious rubber!

Sideburn: Hey… That’s a pretty slick little chassis you got there.

Woman in Red Car: Hehehe, oh my!

Prowl: Quit foolin’ around, Sideburn. You got T-AI’s alert, same as I did! We’ve got a battle protocol to respond to, so step on it!

Sideburn: All right, I’m going, I’m going. But just look at that paintjob, will ya? Ain’t she a beaut?

Prowl: Don’t make me get out my tow-bar…

T-AI: Get ready to enter Global Space Bridge warp bubble in seven seconds.

All 3 Autobot Bros: Gotcha!

Sideburn: Wouldn’t you know it, the car of my dreams! We were just getting to know eachother and I had to leave her in the dust!

X-Brawn: Leave who in the dust? You lost a spark plug, Sideburn? What are you jawin’ about?

Sideburn: The hottest little red sportscar I’ve ever seen, dude.

X-Brawn: Hahaha! I swear, Sideburn, if you were as good at fighting as you are at flitin’, the Predacons wouldn’t have a chance! Now get a move on, Prime needs us.

Sideburn: All right, all right, I’m coming!

Koji: Dad! AHH! Hey!

X-Brawn: You all right, kid? I’ll take that as a “yes.” Now find a place to hide and stay out of the way, okay?

Koji: Uh, okay… See ya.

X-Brawn: X-Brawn, transform! Yeehaw!

Sideburn: Sideburn, transform! Let’s dance!

Prowl: Prowl, transform!

X-Brawn: Howdy Prime. We too late for the party?

Sideburn: We decided to drop in anyway. We didn’t get our invitations, maybe they were lost in the mail.

Prowl: We heard some of the guests were kind of rude, that right, Optimus?

Optimus Prime: Yep, I asked them to leave, but they just keep hangin’ around.

X-Brawn: Not for long. You can count on it.

Optimus Prime: Keep ’em busy. I’m going after Megatron.

Sideburn: I’ve forgotten how ugly the Predacons are!

Three Preds: What?!

Prowl: I’m going to pursue and apprehend Gas Skunk!

Sideburn: Slapper’s yours. I’ll take Dark Scream!

Optimus Prime: Let’s rock.

Megatron: You’ve got something I need, doctor. It’s time for us to leave, Dr. Onishi.

Optimus Prime: Hold it right there. Get away from him, Megatron!

Megatron: Hurricane Shockwave! Hahahaha!

Slapper: C’mon, X-Brawn. Take your best shot!

X-Brawn: You must be a mind-reader, friend, ’cause that’s exactly what I’m planning to do. But there’s a little errand I have to run first. You hang tight, I’ll be right back!

Slapper: Hey, wait! What am I supposed to do till you come back?

X-Brawn: Measure your tongue or something! Time to get rollin’. On second thought, I should have taken the elevator!

Slapper: 42 feet, 3 inches. That’s impressive!

X-Brawn: X-Brawn, transform!

Slapper: Hey! That’s not fair! You tricked me!

Gas Skunk: Let’s see how you do against my Skunk Tail Attack!

Prowl: No way you’re getting through my Barrier Shield. Have a little Fusion Flame!

Gas Skunk: Amazing how a nice day can turn into such a bummer.

Sideburn: Congratulations, Dark Scream! You’ve just won the prize for most obnoxious lifeform!

Dark Scream: Flattery will get you nowhere, Autobot! Beast Mode! AHHHH!

Sideburn: Oh no! A scratch! That does it, Dark Scream, now you’re really gonna get it! I just washed and waxed this morning!

Dark Scream: Oh no!

Megatron: Hahahahahaha! You seem a little rusty, Optimus!

Optimus Prime: Can’t let him win! Got to help Koji’s father!

Koji: Huh?

Optimus Prime: No! Koji, stay back!

Koji: Megatron! You’re just a big punk! A bully! You know what, you’re a loser!

Megatron: You insolent brat!

Optimus Prime: Good job, Koji. You distracted him just long enough. Set for Megatron. Target signature… Flying Fist! You’ll find it packs quite a punch!

Koji: All right!

Megatron: Don’t be a fool, Prime. We can share this planet’s riches.

Optimus Prime: Not a chance, Megatron. I won’t let you plunder this planet and leave it a lifeless baron rock, as you have with countless other worlds. I’m gonna take you down!

Megatron: You’ve already lost this battle, you just don’t know it! Megatron, Jet Mode!

Optimus Prime: A wise decision, Megatron.

Megatron: Oh yes, Optimus, but I’m not going alone! Hahahaha!

Koji: Dad! Let him go, you monster!

Megatron: Soon all his knowledge will be mine! Hahahaha!

Koji: ….Dad!… No…

Gas Skunk: Megatron’s gone, what do we do now?

Slapper: We got what we came for, let’s get out of here!

Dark Scream: Incoming!

Koji: Dad’s glasses.

Optimus: Koji, I’m sorry, my friend. I promised I would save your father and I will. I’ll never give up. Never.

Koji: But Optimus, how are you going to defeat the Predacons? They’re so powerful.

Optimus: Our power is greater than theirs because it comes from a place of goodness, not greed. We’ll get your father back, believe me.

Koji: I do believe.

Optimus: Good. What you’ve seen is evidence of our commitment to protect this planet and its people. And one day, with your help, we’ll defeat the Predacons once and for all.

[End]