Transformers: Armada
“Carnival” – Episode 7
Written by Terry Klassen and Ward Perry
Transcription by Brandon Williams

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Rad (VO): Hi, my name’s Rad and I want to tell you about the Transformers, mechanical beings from another world. There’s the Autobots, the good guys, and the Decepticons. They’re all fighting over a tiny race of robots called the Mini-Cons, who crash landed on Earth thousands of years ago and they’re scattered all over the planet. The Decepticons want to collect them and use them to increase their power, but the Autobots will put a stop to that.

Carlos: Hey! What’s the problem? I don’t get it. How come it’s just lying there sleeping instead of waking up like the others?

Rad: Yeah. You’re right, Carlos. That is weird. I wonder if there’s something we can do to make it respond. Yeah? Well, High Wire says it’s in a light sleep, so the Mini-Con could wake up at any time now.

Carlos: Ohhh…

Rad: Still, it’s been in a coma like this for a couple of days now.

Carlos: Hey! I got an idea! Okay, let’s scare it. That’ll wake it up for sure.

Rad: So how you gonna do that?

Carlos: Ah, good point. Wait! I got another idea. How about we throw a bucket of water on it!

Alexis: Great plan! While we’re at it, how about I throw a bucket of cold water on your head too!

Carlos: Aw, come on, Alexis. I was just pulling his leg.

Alexis: Hey, nothing like ice water for clearing up the cobwebs. So next time you’re woken up from a comfy sleep by some ice water in the face, remember who thought of it first… Now that I’ve gotten your attention, take my advice and leave the poor Mini-Con alone. It’ll wake up when it’s good and ready.

Rad: Heh, heh, heh, heh…

Carlos: What are you laughing at? You were all for the idea a minute ago! Aw, great, now you’re gonna turn on me too?

Alexis: Hey, I’ve got a plan. While you’re waiting around, how about putting a broom to the floor and doing something about this mess. It might end up looking more like a base and less like your ratty bedroom. This centre belongs to the Autobots. Maybe a little cleaning up would be nice. So get to work. C’mon, Grindor. Let’s let them get to it. Have fun cleaning up.

Rad: Always the last word.

[Transition]

Red Alert: That about does it. Okay, you two, how about passing up the Trans-Accelerator?

Hot Shot: Yeah, sure, Red Alert. Right after you tell us what it looks like. Wait, that thing?

Red Alert: Yup, that’s the one. Good guess, Hot Shot.

Optimus: It’s been out of commission for some time. Red Alert, any chance of getting it to work?

Red Alert: I think so. It won’t be up and running anytime in the near future, but if I keep tinkering away at it, it should pay off in the long run.

Rad (VO): You know, it seemed like the Autobots were battling the Decepticons all the time. But obviously not 24/7. So when they had a little downtime, they helped with fixing things up around the base.

Hot Shot: Hey Rad, Carlos, you guys mind passing that part beside you?

Rad: This?

Hot Shot: Yeah.

Carlos: Sure, Hot Shot, no probs. Not even budging!

Rad: Well, glad you said it first.

Hot Shot: What’s a matter with you guys? Can’t you take a little joke? See?

Carlos: Way cool!

Hot Shot: Smooth, huh? Got it off an old spaghetti western I caught on one of those boxes you call a television.

Carlos: Awesome, a bot who knows how to do cowboy stunts!

Optimus: I hate to break up the fun and games, kids, but would you mind lending a hand, Hot Shot?

Hot Shot: Sure.

Optimus: Thanks. Right over here.

Rad: You think there’s anything we can do to help the Autobots?

Carlos: Not likely.

Megatron: Do you mind explaining what you’re doing, Demolishor? Move it!

Demolishor: My apologies. I thought I should bring this Trans-Accelerator to you. I had no intention of getting in your way, Megatron.

Megatron: Stop blabbering! You must be the clumsiest oaf I have ever encountered. I warned you, Demolishor, I have no room for subordinates who get in my way.

Cyclonus: Heh, heh, heh. Clumsy oaf, he says? Hahahaha!

Starscream: Incredible. He’s such a fool, is he not, Grid?

Demolishor: How embarrassing.

Megatron: You’re even more annoying than I imagined. How dare you damage our base at such a crucial time. Remove yourself from my sight. Never get in my way again!

Demolishor: Megatron, let me explain. It was an accident.

Starscream: He’s wasting his time.

Demolishor: Ooohh… I’m ruined!

Alexis: What’s your opinion, Grindor? Do you think this data is really coming from the Mini-Cons? No, huh? Well, I’ll keep trying my luck then.

Carlos: Ah, I’m bored out of my head. Hey Rad, what do you say we get some fresh air, huh?

Rad: What, you mean take Sureshock and High Wire out in public with us? Come on, Alexis would have a cow if we did.

Carlos: Hey, don’t tell me you’re scared of her, dude. Your problem is you take her way too seriously for your own good. Lighten up! Think the science carnival, dude?

Rad: Aha! With the bots.

Carlos: What do you say, are you in or what?

Rad: Oh yeah, I’m so with ya, Carlos.

Carlos & Rad: All right!

Alexis: These aren’t Mini-Cons either, huh? No sense buying a lottery ticket today.

Carlos: Coming through! Out of the way, man!

Rad: Wait up, would you, Carlos? (VO) That day, the Cosmo Scope research centre was having its annual carnival. I knew I was supposed to be there, but stupid me, I’d completely forgotten about it.

Carlos: So, what do you want to do first? Knock it off. Low profile, I keep telling ya.

Rad: Yeah, you can’t transform into ‘bot mode out in public. Wait, settle down… Are you crazy?

Kid: Look, robots!

Various kids: Robots? Where? Where are they? Hey! Come on, you guys!

Dad #1: Gee, I didn’t know they were doing robotics development here at the observatory.

Dad #2: Yeah, but these models are probably just using a pre-programmed chip. Heh, pretty low-tech junk.

Carlos: Ahhh, low-tech… Oh yeah, right…

Rad: Well, it looks like we can stop worrying and have ourselves a good time.

Carlos: Still, it would’ve been a whole lot of fun to surprise someone with our buddies, you know.

Rad: Get back! …Here.

Rad & Carlos: Aw no!

Rad: High Wire!

Carlos: Sureshock!

Rad: Now why’d you guys have to get into the act? Ahh! Get back here, you two!

Carlos: Aw man, now what are we supposed to do?

Kid: Another one!

Carlos: Ha, ha, ha.

Rad: Bet you’d love one of these babies.

Little Girl: Look at the robots. They’re adorable.

Mom: Oh wow, they almost look real.

Rad: Look at those clowns. They’re stealing the show.

Carlos: Mmmhmm. What’s that, guys? You’re thinking about getting into show business or something?

Rad: Maybe you like it because it’s new to you. But as far as I’m concerned, the Transformers are way more interesting.

Fred: What’s a hot dog without a good healthy dose of ketchup? It’s them. Billy. Billy… Billy, Billy… Billy, Billy… Billy, Billy…

Billy: What’s your problem now, Fred? Aw, let go. Get your grimey hands off me, would ya? My mom just washed this shirt.

Fred: Look. Check out the ‘bots with Rad and Carlos.

Billy: They’re probably just some new models fresh out of the laboratory. You know, titillate the kiddies with some new toys. Aw, this stinks.

Fred: I doubt it. Dad would’ve said something if they were gonna have ‘bots here.

Billy: Spit it out. What are you trying to get at? I don’t see nothing.

Fred: Let’s scope it out, Billy.

Billy: Sure, whatever.

Rad: You know, we’d better get Sparkplug and the others back before anyone starts asking too many questions.

Carlos: What, already? C’mon, we have lots of time. See? You heard Sureshock. He wants to stay.

Rad: Come on. Hurry up and transform back into vehicle mode.

Fred: Did you see what I just saw?

Billy: Yeah. I saw it. I definitely saw it. I think I definitely saw it.

Fred: They must be the mutant aliens from space I’ve had so many dreams about!

Billy: Reality check in aisle one.

[Commercial]

Kid #1: Come on. Don’t go.

Kid #2: We were wondering if we could play with them some more.

Carlos: I can totally relate with you little dudes, but that’s all the time we have for today. We gotta get these ‘bots home.

Kid #2: Gimme a break. That ‘I can relate’ stuff doesn’t cut it.

Rad: Carlos is telling the truth. We do have to get them back to the lab so they can all have a little nap.

Carlos: Hey, you wanna play some more, dude? I told you a million times, we’re going home.

Billy: Hello boys. I see you’ve got yourselves some pretty decent looking hardware.

Fred: That bike and that skateboard are robots too, aren’t they? We saw them back there.

Rad: Saw what? Back where?

Billy: Don’t give me that. You know exactly what we’re talking about.

Fred: The alien ‘bot came from a galaxy far, far away to invade our planet.

Billy: Fred, you’re such a loser.

Fred: Billy, follow your gut instinct.

Billy: Why don’t we just fast forward to the part where we capture them?

Fred: Hey, they’re getting away. What do we do?

Billy: I’ll give you one guess.

Fred: Okay, to the hot dog stand!

Billy: We’re going after them. C’mon, you goof.

Fred: Aw well, I tried. Wait up, Billy! I need something to eat first, remember? My blood sugar! Come back here! Carlos! Rad!

Billy: What are you screaming at them for? Forget about Carlos and Rad, it’s the ‘bots we’re after, doofus.

Fred: Aw, sure. I knew that. I gotcha, I gotcha! You won’t destroy the world on my watch.

Carlos: Uh oh. You’ve bumbled this one.

Rad: Is that an invitation to point a finger? Hot Shot. Man, are we glad to see you.

Alexis: Do you have any idea what kind of trouble you’re in? I know exactly what the two of you have been up to. Let’s just say a little birdy told me.

Rad: Ow, busted. I thought we’d gotten away with it.

Alexis: Yeah, you would think that. Now get these guys back to the base on the double, okay?

Carlos: What, should I click my heels together three times? You got all the ideas, you do it.

Billy: Heh. A bot in the hands is worth two in the book.

Fred: Don’t try anything funny.

Kid #2: Keep your hands off him!

Kid #1: You can’t hurt our robot friend, you get it?

Fred: Hey, what’s with them?

Kid #1: Leave him alone. He’s never done anything to you guys.

Billy: Run along now, kiddies, and let the big boys handle this one.

Fred: Better run out of the way while you can, otherwise something terrible might happen to you… Like maybe… This robot will destroy the Earth!

Kid #1: You’ve been watching too much TV. Besides, everyone knows the red robots are always the good guys.

Fred: Okay, okay! So maybe it wasn’t a good example.

Billy: Now be good little rugrats and run along, ’cause if you don’t…

Fred: Huh? …Wha? Billy. Billy, Billy, Billy… Billy.

Billy: You’re interrupting my moment of glory.

Fred: Robot.

Billy: Oh yeah, thanks for reminding me.

Fred: Not him. The giant metalhead.

Billy: The giant metalhead? Like I’m stupid enough to fall for that one. Don’t be an idiot, all right? Giant metalhead…

Hot Shot: Excuse me, not interrupting anything, am I?

Billy: No! Please! I’m allergic to chromium!

Fred: I told you there was a whopper!

Billy: Stay away, take Fred instead.

Hot Shot: It’d break my CPU to lose Jolt. Friends like him are hard to come by.

Billy: Oooh, he’s coming for me. Hey, what’s gotten into this ‘bot?

Fred: Knock it off. You’re freaking me out, tin can! Put us down! Don’t look now, but I think we have lift off!

Billy: Oh great!

Fred: Please, please, please put us down! I’m afraid of heights!

Billy: Jump on the balloon. On the count of three.

Fred: Three!

Billy: Geronimo!

Rad: No, don’t do it!

Fred: So how do we get down from here?

Rad: Yo, Hot Shot, help them down from there.

Hot Shot: I’m on it, but it’s gonna take a few minutes, since I can’t use ammo anywhere around here. Heh, heh. I’ve found my weapon. Hey, uh, kid. How about letting me use that thing for a bit? Ya mind?

Kid #3: Mommy! Mommy! I saw a giant robot! And he throws this cannon around his fingers just like on TV! Honestly!

Mom: Yes, dear, that’s wonderful. Now come here and let me wipe your nose.

Hot Shot: Transform! Jolt, over here!

Man: My therapist was right! $70 an hour does work out to mere pennies a day.

Billy: Maybe you should be the idea guy.

Kid #1: Hey, that was cool.

Kid #2: No, not just cool. It was cool, it was hot.

Hot Shot: Hey thanks, kids. My friend Jolt here would like to thank all of you, too.

Billy: I don’t believe this.

Rad: Well, ya should. But remember, you can’t let anyone know what happened here today. And that means anyone.

Billy & Fred: Uh, huh!

Carlos: ‘Cause who’s to say what’ll happen if you decide to blab.

Fred: Like say, for instance…

Alexis: Uh, let’s just say you don’t want to mess with that big guy’s temper.

Hot Shot: Ha, ha, ha…

Billy: We promise.

Fred: We won’t tell a soul about what happened here today.

Hot Shot: All right, you kids…

Billy & Fred: At your service!

Hot Shot: This Transformer’s punching out for the day. Stand back, kids. Don’t want anyone to get hurt. Remember, all ‘bots were not created equal. Later!

Man: I know what I saw. This big yellow robot transformed into a car and this little teeny helicopter was whirling straight overhead!

Friend: Look, I know you think you saw these robots, but I’m sure you believe they were infront of you. But maybe this is a good time to open up a deal with one of the underlying issues — Which reminds me, could I get your therapist’s number? I’ve been meaning to deal with some of these childhood issues for some time now.

Billy: I still can’t believe this whole thing wasn’t a dream, Fred.

Fred: Well believe me, it happened. Take a look. That was the cannon that the giant one used to save us.

Rad (VO): And so, for us at least, the carnival came to its unhappy ending.

Alexis: You get it? You will never, ever disobey me again! And if you do, you can be sure I am not coming out to save your sorry butts. Oh, and one more thing I forgot to mention. You guys better start cleaning.

Carlos: Yeah, yeah, we heard it before. This is an official base and not our own hangout.

Alexis: Then lose the attitude and get a move on.

Carlos: What’s her problem? I wish she’d let up once and a while.

Rad: Like I told ya, she’s the type of person who always needs to get in the last word. I can’t believe how far the Autobots have gotten with the repairs. Boy, those guys are incredible.

Carlos: Hey man, this is freaky!

Rad: What’d you do to make it light up like that, Carlos?

Carlos: Forget what I did, and check this out. Hey, what do you make of this, dude?

Rad: What’s happening?

Carlos: I don’t know.

Rad: It’s the Mini-Con that’s been lying dormant.

Carlos: Hey…

Rad & Carlos: Now what’s going on?

Rad (VO): It was definitely the same Mini-Con that had been sitting here asleep. But at the same time, it was hard for us to realise what had just happened before our eyes. Boy, sometimes I wish I had a normal life.

[End]